Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: A plot bunny ate my brain. All it said was Seme!Dan. And for that to happen there was the teeny tiny problem of finding an uke for him. Which led to the rediscovery of Horio as a character for me.

All Bark No Bite

Dan didn't even have to glance at the screen of his cell phone to know who was calling him. He'd set custom ring tones for several of the people in his phone book, and had managed to memorize most of them as well. This was one of those he remembered, bringing the phone to his ear with one hand even as he added another line to his sketch with the other.

"Hello, Dan here desu! I haven't heard from you for a while, Horio-kun!"

He listened for a moment, holding the phone with his shoulder as his hand reached down to hold the paper more steadily. "You want to play a match? Sounds great desu! Any special reason or are you just bored?"

There was another moment of nigh-silence in his room as he again listened to whatever was being said at the other end of the phone line. "That's good for you! But I must warn you, I've been practising a lot too desu!"

Finishing the sketch, he again held the phone with one hand while the other raised the drawing up for closer inspection. "Hm? Loser buys ice cream? You're on desu! Where do you want to meet? Street courts?"

Bouncing off his bed, he set the sketch pad and drawing equipment on his desk while saying into the phone, "Fine desu! I'll see you in a moment, then desu!"

Closing the phone, he went to get his tennis bag from the corner, checking to see he had some money with him before heading out. It wouldn't do to be overly confident, after all. That had led better players than him to lose.

Despite his general kindness he could, however, allow himself a very brief, very private moment of wondering about how exactly his two months of tennis experience could beat Horio's two years of the same so easily.

Dan was, as was his habit, right on time – it wouldn't have been polite to be late, after all. To his slight surprise he found Horio already waiting for him. The other two Seigaku first-years weren't anywhere to be seen; apparently Horio had wanted to face him without his usual companions. Odd. If he actually managed to win – though the chances for that were low, Dan had to admit – you'd think he'd want witnesses.

"Good afternoon, Horio-kun!" he greeted brightly. "Are you ready to play?"

"Of course, Dan-kun." Horio grinned in his usual slightly goofy way that Dan supposed was intended as a smirk. "Be prepared to bow down before my skills!"

Dan laughed a bit, not as much at Horio's claim as his self-confidence. He sometimes envied the other boy, really. Even though he had gained some confidence of his own lately, he'd never been as sure of his tennis skills as Horio seemed to be of his own. He probably would never be, either, though he wouldn't be mean enough to think it was because he actually had a streak of realism in him, like most data players tended to have.

"Sounds fun desu. Please amaze me with the results of your practice, Horio-kun desu!"

There weren't many people at the courts, luckily, and most of those who were present were playing doubles. The two first-years thus managed to find one a bit out of the way that was currently unoccupied. After deciding on a serve, they both walked to their own end of the court.

Dan could have been more surprised at his rather effortless victory.

Now, Horio had definitely gotten better, he had to admit that, and he made it quite clear to the other boy, too. However, he would still have had to get a whole lot better to reach Dan's level. Sad though this was, it was true, as evidenced by their final score of six games to love in Dan's favour.

They were just putting their racquets away, Horio grumbling something about "more practice" and "two and a half years", as Dan heard a somewhat familiar voice from the side of the court.

"What's this?" asked someone with an amused tone. "Horio's getting beat by other schools' regulars? That's not wise, Horio-chan, that's not wise at all!"

"Ah, Momoshiro-san!" Dan smiled brightly at the spiky-haired boy. "You heard about it?"

"Yeah!" Momo grinned at them both. "I ran into Sengoku the other day and he told me. Congratulations! A newbie making regulars is great, it's definitely great!"

Somewhat surprisingly, Horio didn't answer at Momo's comment on himself. Instead, he stared at Dan. "…Wait a minute. You're a regular?"

"Um, yeah desu." Dan grinned in slight embarrassment, adjusting his headband. His mother had fixed it so it didn't fall in front of his eyes all the time anymore. "I guess I forgot to mention it, I just got accepted recently and all desu… I'm sorry desu!" He bowed quickly in apology. "Of course you don't have to buy that ice cream, I should have told you!" Not that being a regular actually had much to do with skill, of course – just look at Hyoutei, where many non-regulars beat other teams' regulars frequently. But it was something of an indicator nevertheless, so to neglect to mention it…

"No can do!" Horio's expression was a mix of stubbornness and hurt pride. "A man never goes back on his word, especially if he's been the one to challenge the other in the first place!" He shouldered his own tennis bag, turning around to march off, obviously expecting Dan to follow.

"Ice cream?" Momo's eyes brightened, showing his obvious interest. "What's this challenge about? Horio buys you ice cream if you beat him?" It was obvious he was planning to try his luck as well. Or skill, as it may have been.

Dan chuckled. "I'm afraid it was only a one-time offer made for me personally desu," he said cheerfully. "Aren't senpai supposed to buy their own ice cream, anyway? Leeching off kouhai is bad manners desu!" With a wink at the older boy, he hurried off to follow Horio.

He could have sworn he heard Momo muttering something about "mean kids" under his breath.

"This is kind of depressing," Horio sighed, staring down at his nigh-empty bowl of ice cream. "I have plenty of tennis experience, yet someone like you just picks it up and wins!"

"I'm sorry about that, Horio-kun desu," Dan murmured, slightly amused at Horio's forlorn expression. "I can lose the next time if that makes you feel better desu!"

Horio half-glared at him, licking a spoonful of the remains of his ice cream. "It wouldn't count if you lost on purpose," he pointed out, frowning as though Dan had just dealt him a horrible insult.

"Of course desu. I'm sorry for even suggesting it desu." Dan managed a slight bow despite currently sitting at a table. "I didn't mean to wound your pride desu!"

Horio continued the nigh-glare for a moment, then sighed again. "…Of course, you could sometimes do it and not tell me," he then muttered barely audibly. Dan just grinned, licking his own spoon. He knew Horio didn't really mean it, of course – not seriously enough not to be offended if Dan didn't lose in the future, anyway.

"Ne, how's your team doing nowadays?" Dan asked then cheerfully. "Now that you're the National champions and all desu!"

"Well, the victory certainly hasn't made the senpai-tachi any more lenient," Horio said with a badly disguised groan. "If anything, everyone seems even more fired up than anything. It's getting annoying, really. It's like they're preparing for some tournament that's two times harder than even the Nationals!"

"That or they want you younger students to get in proper shape for next year's tournaments desu," Dan pointed out. "If you all work hard, you'll be in extremely good shape come spring desu! If you slack off now, you'll be dropped out in the early tournaments next year desu!"

"Maybe." Horio managed to get another full spoon, eating it before glancing suspiciously at Dan. "…You know, the senpai would kill me if they knew I was telling all this to a data player."

Dan laughed. "I promise I won't write this down anywhere," he said cheerfully. Of course he wouldn't. It was just common sense that Seigaku would want to ensure their success the following year as well. "Anything else interesting going on at Seigaku?"

"Well… I'm not sure, really." Horio frowned. "Kachirou's been practising really hard lately, and he's actually getting better. I heard one of the regulars saying they're going to make him try doubles with Arai-senpai. Other than that… not much, if you don't count the senpai behaving oddly."

"Oh?" Dan raised his eyebrows, grasping on this little piece of information even as his brain filed away the bit about Kachirou to be handled later. "What do you mean, oddly?"

"Well, oddly. Weirdly. Whatever." Horio made a squiggly figure in the air with his spoon. "It's just… you know? The Golden Pair, Eiji-senpai seems even more bouncy than usually and hugs Oishi-senpai all the time, and Oishi-senpai smiles a lot more… And Momo-chan-senpai doesn't fight as much with Kaidou-senpai as he used to, either." He glanced at Dan's bowl, blinking. "Oh, you're done, too? Guess we could go for a walk, then – if you want to talk more, of course."

"That sounds fun desu." Dan smiled, waiting patiently until they were out of the ice cream shop before turning to Horio again. "So, your senpai are being weird?"

"Yeah." Horio sighed. "You know, just the other day I saw Inui-senpai sitting in a park with that closed-eyes guy from Rikkai. Isn't he an enemy and everything? And Fuji-senpai smiles at Tezuka-buchou a lot, and it's not that usual creepy smile of his, but it still gives me the creeps… I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"You're making perfect sense desu." Dan grinned now. This was very interesting data indeed. "I think I know what's wrong with your senpai desu."

"You do?" Horio blinked. "So what is it?"

"Easy desu." Dan stuck out a tongue. "They're obviously in love desu!"

Now, Horio stared at him with a rather dumbfound expression. "In… love?" he echoed slowly.

"Yeah desu!" Dan smiled brightly. "That or at least crushing on each other desu. I guess they're relaxing now that the tournament is over and paying attention to such things more desu. It happens everywhere; you should see Akutsu-senpai and Kawamura-san sometimes desu!" He pouted briefly at the thought, but he probably couldn't complain, really. Kawamura-san had seen Akutsu first, after all – and besides, Akutsu probably wouldn't have wanted someone as small and scrawny as he was, anyway.

"Kawamura-senpai?" Horio blinked. "You mean… he and… Akutsu… That Akutsu? The one who beats everyone he sees?"

"Aw, he's not that bad desu." Dan clasped his hands behind his head. "And yup! Of course, Akutsu-senpai would never admit it or anything, but I followed them once and saw them kissing desu!" It wasn't stalking, of course, just gathering data. That and checking out the competition, naturally. Too bad it seemed the contest had already been decided.

"That's… that's… weird. Definitely weird." Horio seemed rather pale, Dan noted, slightly worried. He wasn't getting ill or anything, was he?

"Um, Horio-kun? Are you feeling all right?" he asked, concerned. "Do you need to sit down?" There was a small park just around the corner; there'd surely be benches or at least room to sit, there.

"Maybe," muttered Horio, his voice sounding rather faint. Frowning, Dan took a gentle hold on the other boy's arm, leading him towards the park. Once there, he found an empty bench in a nice, secluded corner, getting them both seated.

A moment later, colour started to return onto Horio's face. "Why's everyone dating but me?" he muttered, now sounding more put out than nauseous, which Dan counted as a good sign. Then Horio seemed to remember just who – or, rather, what kind of a player – he was talking to, as he raised his hands in a denying gesture. "No, please don't give me exact statistics about everyone's dating status! I don't need any more shocks, thanks."

Dan chuckled. "Oh, honestly desu. You seem easy to startle desu. Senpai are people too, and people tend to date desu." He winked. "What, you don't have two years of dating experience, Horio-kun?"

"But – if you're right, they're all dating guys, too! Isn't that abnormal or something?"

Dan frowned. This didn't sound good. Sure, such a concentration of homosexuality was indeed somewhat unusual, but… "What do you mean?"

"Well… not that I've ever thought about it or anything, but… isn't kissing another boy supposed to be yucky?"

Dan blinked in surprise. "Now why'd you think that?" he asked. "I guess I can understand that if you only like girls, but… why do you say 'supposed?'"

"Well, it's not like I've ever tried it or anything, right?" There was a slight flush on Horio's cheeks, now. Well, better that than the former paleness, in any case. "But, well, I heard it's no fun at all… and, well, kissing is supposed to be fun."

Dan snickered a bit. "Well, it's obvious you don't have those two years of experience desu," he teased. "It all depends on what you like, Horio-kun desu. Me, I've never wanted to kiss a girl, and I guess it would be icky to me desu. Some guys don't like kissing other guys, so they wouldn't like that desu. Why do you think other people's tastes would apply to you?"

"Huh?" Horio flushed even more at Dan's comment on his own preferences. Honestly, like he'd never seen anyone gay before. Did he keep his eyes closed around his own team? "But… it's not like I can just go and try it or anything, is it?"

Dan sighed. Honestly, it was too bad Horio's experience on this subject seemed more on par with his tennis skills than his information about the game. "Oh, for desu's sake desu," he muttered before leaning closer, one hand rising to Horio's cheek to turn the other's head towards him.

It was unfamiliar, naturally, but definitely not bad. Horio was completely unresponsive at first – shock, presumably – but then seemed to relax a bit. As Dan drew away a moment later, the expression on the other's face wasn't one of disgust, at least. Well, that was good.

"Um… that was…" Horio blinked. He was obviously lacking words, here.

"Good? Bad? Disgusting? Something you'd do again, or something you wouldn't? Something that's going to make you kill me? Do tell desu." Dan grinned, a tad nervous about Horio's final reaction. After all, it wasn't like his own experience with kissing was that great, either – this one would bring the grand total to about, well, one.

"Um." Horio blinked again. "It… wasn't bad." Well, that was good. "In fact, it was almost… good, I guess. Definitely not yucky." Even better, that. "But… why'd you do that?"

"Why?" It was Dan's turn to blink. "Because you were being ridiculous about the whole guy thing, of course, and because, well, you can't indeed just go to anyone and try whether you'd like it desu. And, besides, I was curious, too desu." He grinned in embarrassment. "See, just knowing I'd rather kiss a guy than a girl doesn't mean I know what it'd actually be like desu."

"…Oh." Horio looked away for a moment, seemingly thinking about something, before returning his gaze to Dan. "But that didn't really clear the guy thing, you know."

"It didn't?" Dan's eyes widened. "But, Horio-kun, you said it wasn't bad!"

"Well, yeah." Horio shrugged. "But that still doesn't mean I'd like kissing any guy. It only means I like kissing you, Dan-kun." He flushed, now, at this confession of a kind.

"Of course not desu! You can't like everyone the same after all desu. But at least now you know just because someone is a guy doesn't mean you can't like kissing them, right?" At least Dan was going to believe that instead of paying any attention to the fact he was often enough mistaken for a girl. Horio knew very well he was male so it had better count.

"You know, Dan-kun, I'm not actually sure." Horio grinned a bit, looking somewhat uneasy for some reason Dan wasn't sure he knew. "Maybe… ah… if you…" Now, where was the usual self-confidence, now? "If you kissed me again, maybe I could get working on that two years of experience I don't have yet? Or was I so great you are still too frozen in awe to move?" …Oh, yeah, right here.

Dan chuckled a bit. "Your mouth sure is big, Horio-kun desu," he said, not unkindly. "I'd better close it for you, I guess desu." He then proceeded to doing just that. Horio was, after all, all talk and no action in most things. Apparently it was up to Dan to take the lead here, too, just like in their match.

Unlike Horio had feared, Dan didn't have exact dating statistics, nor did he believe any of the other data players had anything of the kind. Nevertheless, had such statistics been kept somewhere, Dan would have been quite happy to update the figures as he finally headed towards home.

The next time they met, he'd buy the ice creams.