Through our actions alone, we cannot gain salvation. Through our actions alone, nothing can be done. Nothing can be saved. Only through faith, we can save not only ourselves, but others as well.
Eleven years ago, on the day he turned five years old, Kuroko Tetsuya was brought to a park far away from his house by his mother.
"Tetsuya, Mama needs to run an errand. Stay here like a good boy, and I'll come pick you up later."
On that day, his mother was being oddly nice to him, so he figured that she would come back with a huge surprise. Not once in his life had his mother done something special for his birthday. Not once, had she shown the normal amount of motherly love to the boy. Excitedly, he sat there swinging his legs, almost trembling with excitement. Would it be a present? Would it be amazing food?
On that day, he sat there alone, as a five year old, for hours, from early afternoon to the crack of dawn the next day, when a police officer found him. He was then taken to a orphanage where he never saw his mother ever again.
..
He had saw that sight behind his eyelids hundreds, maybe thousands of times. The sight of being utterly alone. Every time he closed his eyes, it would come back to haunt him. Every time he slept, darkness would crawl out from corners and shackles of loneliness would claw at his feet. At the orphanage in which he still lives, others come and go, getting adopted and taken away by loving adults. He's barely seen, so all these years, it was ingrained in his mind that his friends would only come and go, that no one would ever pick him up, that his mother would never come back. Honestly, when he met the people at Seirin, the first thing he thought was to get away from everyone, so it would hurt less when they were gone. He had learned from Teikou, after all. Happiness has not once been permanent to him, and people have not once stayed with him. Not Aomine, not Akashi, not Murasakibara, not Midorima, not Kise. So why would Kagami, Hyuuga, Kiyoshi, Izuki, Mitobe, Koganei, Tsuchida, Furihata, Kawahara, and Fukuda stay, if no one else did? There was no reason to believe, there was no reason to care.
In no time, they'll all be gone.
"...roko? Kuroko?" A deep voice interrupted his thoughts. "Are you okay? You've been sleeping for quite a while."
He blinked. In front of him was Kagami, whose face was a little too close, and cheeks a little too red. "I'm fine. Long day."
"Okay. Well, practice is over. Coach decided to let you sleep. Let's go home."
They stopped at Maji Burger along the way, and although the orphanage was closer to the school than Kagami's home, Kuroko always walked Kagami all the way to his house first, lying about the direction he actually lived in. He didn't want anyone to worry, and didn't particularly want to explain anything to anyone, either. It felt like he wouldn't be able to tell them the whole story without tearing up, anyway. Nobody knew about it, except, of course, the people working at the orphanage.
"Taiga-chan, I love you. I love you so much."
He had heard those words many times. His mother would not stop saying them, no matter what harsh words he threw at her. After all, he believed that she would be there forever, so it was okay. He didn't need to tell her how much he loved and appreciated her just yet. There's tomorrow, the day after, the day after that. He was eight years old, approaching a rebellious age. As a late elementary schooler, it was no longer cool to kiss your mother goodbye, or to tell her that you loved her. He took that all for granted, and one day, she was gone. The last words that Kagami had said to her were something that he regrets.
"Okaa-san, I hate you!"
He would have apologized when she got home from work, but she never did. He was never able to get over that guilt. The guilt of not telling her how he truly felt in fear that it wasn't considered "cool". Something like that was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But somehow, he couldn't forgive himself.
..
Kagami Taiga was a truly foolish person. He knew that. He had terrible grades, and couldn't read others' emotions very well. Not only that, but even eight years later, he still hated himself. Everyone knows that no matter how much time passed, Kagami is still hurting. They're careful to keep up a light-hearted mood around him. To avoid mentioning mothers. To avoid mentioning car crashes. They were practically walking on eggshells around him, and he hated that. He hated the people that treated him like a glass doll. He hated himself, who allowed him to suffer like this. However, being the open person he was, wearing his emotions on his sleeves, he talks about his hurt a lot.
It was the healthy thing to do. To talk, to grieve, to cry. It made the weight, somehow lighter on his shoulders.
It was something that Kuroko should have done.
Kuroko received a call from Kagami at around 3 AM on a Sunday.
"Kuroko... Can I come over to your house?" His quavering voice sent a shiver down the bluenette's spine. "It's... It's her death anniversary. These memories, these thoughts, help me get them out, please. Please. I'm sorry for calling you this late... or early, but please. I'll take responsibility if it comes down to that. Kuroko felt conflicted, not being able to decide whether he should prioritize his secret or to help Kagami. Kagami could probably go to someone else's house if he needs to- it doesn't have to be Kuroko's, but that unsteady voice swayed his heart and mind, as it would sway anyone's.
"I understand."
Thus, Kagami came to the orphanage, evidently very, very confused. Is this where Kuroko really lived? This was closer to the school than his house. Why were there so many kids? Did Kuroko have this many siblings?
"Kuroko, what is this place?"
The shadow saw this coming. Anyone would be confused. He meant to keep it a secret, but it was already too late. Shit, I should have just let Kagami run off somewhere else! Shit, shit, shit.
"I live here."
"So, it's your home?"
Kuroko had to think about this one. Was it his home? He definitely didn't think of it as a 'homely' place to return to. He didn't look forward to going 'home' everyday. So, it wasn't his home. His house, maybe, but no, not a home.
"...Not exactly." It went silent, and Kagami didn't try to pry any more. When the bluenette invited him inside, Kagami accidentally tripped on the doorstep, causing a "boom" sound when his big, muscular body landed on the floor.
The soft voice of an old woman came shortly after that, awoken by the power forward's fall, irritation clearly evident by the tone of her voice.
"What are you doing, boy? Why are you here? I don't recall you living here, ever, now do I?"
"He is my friend. He... Is going through certain circumstances that make where he's living currently difficult to be in at the moment. Please allow him to stay here for now." Kuroko chimed in, trying to explain the situation in a way that would least further ignite the landlady's irritability with his usual sense of equanimity.
When the landlady saw Kagami's tear-streaked face, it surprised her very much to see such a seemingly strong, powerful man show so much raw emotion.
"Yes, yes. I understand. Tetsuya, you may get a futon for this young man. Try not to cause a ruckus again, or you will wake the younger ones, okay?"
"Um," Kagami knew Kuroko wouldn't tell him, so he decided to ask someone who had no reason to lie. "Sorry, but what is this place?"
"My, my, Tetsuya had you come here without knowing what kind of place this is? I'll have to reprimand him later." She exclaimed, obviously no longer tired. "This is a orphanage for kids without parents or relatives to take care of them. Tetsuya moved in here eleven years ago. A lot of the kids here get adopted within a few years, yet Tetsuya here has been here for eleven years and nothi-"
"Oba-sama," Kuroko interrupted with a monotonous voice, "Don't you think that's enough?"
"I'm sorry. But I would never tell anyone, not even your friends, about your m-"
"Oba-sama!" Kagami had never heard Kuroko raise his voice prior to now, and was slightly startled. "Are you stupid, or what?"
Kuroko, at that point, was truly frightening to the red head. He showed a genuinely pained expression with an irritated tone.
"Whatever, it's fine, I guess. Kagami, shall I take you to my room?" Kuroko was back to his normal, stony-eyed self. "Don't worry about what happened just now. You may stay as long as you would like. It doesn't really matter. We don't have school come morning, and we can walk to school together, if need be the day after. There's quite a tall middle-schooler who's around your height that recently moved in, you if you don't have enough clothes, you can borrow his. I'm sure he'll understand."
When they got to the comfort of the phantom's room, Kagami relaxed. "Hah... Let's stay up all night and watch movies!" He said as he was stretching, but then looked at Kuroko in a more serious manner. "But, what was that all about? I'm can't just not worry about it. Why are you staying in an orphanage, and what the hell happened eleven years ago? Why did I not know about this before?"
"Number one: That was nothing. It was just Oba-sama being her usual, talkative self. Number two: I'm staying here, because I have no other place to return to. You really are Bakagami, this is an orphanage. Number three: No comment. Number four: There was no reason to tell you."
"What the hell's with the 'no comment' bullshit? I've told all of Seirin all my worries, so it's only fair for you to tell me your's."
Kuroko closed his eyes and sighed. "Isn't that way too meticulous of you? I'm not like you. I can't wear my emotions on my sleeves like that. I'm not an amazing person. Just because you've spilled all your secrets doesn't mean I need to, as well. What kind of logic is that? Unlike your situation, mine isn't horrible and crippling to my life. I can carry on as a normal, functioning being, without sadness ruling my life."
"What the fuck are you trying to imply? I'm just trying to help you. Don't attack me. I'm not being meticulous, whatever that means. I'm not saying that you're below me, or whatever. I just want you to let it out. You know what, fuck you! I don't have to help someone like you. I just thought you were kind of pitiable, is all! You just had to react like that. Next time, don't expect me to come running to your side, whether it be in basketball or in normal, everyday life. I hate you."
Pain flashed across Kuroko's face, and for a moment, Kagami even felt guilty, before the bluenette returned to his emotionless self, only this time, a little less emotion was evident in his words. "I understand. I won't show my face in front of you from now on. Good thing I can misdirect attention, huh? Don't worry. I won't make you go back to your house. You can stay here for the time being, and sleep in my bed. I'll go find somewhere to stay. Just tell Oba-sama that I had something important to tend to, and she won't pry into my affairs any further. Last time something like this happened with Aomine-kun, so she's most likely not going to do anything, in fear of making things worse. Have a nice rest of your day." Damn it, he thought, my voice shook a little that last part. I hope it didn't give away how I really feel. Not that Kagami-kun cares anymore, though.
With that, Kuroko was gone, and didn't appear that entire day, or even the next morning. When Kagami asked around at school, he heard that Kuroko was, in fact, there that day. That means that he really wasn't going to show his face in front of Kagami, not even once.
This carried on for two weeks, before Kagami got truly worried, and ended up back at Kuroko's orphanage, and rung the doorbell. The person who answered the door was the landlady.
"Uhh, hello. I, uh, I'm Kagami Taiga, Kuroko's, er... Tetsuya-san's friend. I was wondering... Erm... Is he... here?"
"Tetsuya? He's not here, but I'm sure he'll be back by dark. He always is. Would you like to come in and wait, Taiga-kun?"
"Erm, uh, I, uh, no. I don't need to. But... What happened to him eleven years ago. You see, that kid won't really tell me anything. Honestly it drives me insane. I want to know more about him. I want to help him. But all he does is shut people out. He even lied to me about where he lived all that time until that night I first came."
"I'm not sure if I should tell you, but you seem like a nice enough boy with good intentions, and not the type that came before that tried to spread all over the media that that boy didn't have parents, and was some kind of recluse." She stated sadly, " Well, you see... Eleven years ago, he was living with his father and mother. They were quite nasty people that never showed him love. They even went as far as to pretend that he didn't even exist. One day, when his father was at work, his mother dropped him off somewhere, telling him that she would pick him up in a few minutes, and left him there for hours and hours, and it was already the next day when the police found him, partly because of his lack of presence. He used to be quite a happy, boisterous boy that liked to have fun, but as the people around him kept getting picked up by people to be adopted, he once again, had to endure the suffering of not being chosen, and left behind. All this time, it's been him that's been staying here, and not even being a candidate for an adoptive parent's love. The people that he was friends with eleven years ago all have what you might call 'forever homes'. And by law, he has to move out at age eighteen. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to feel 'unwanted'. So, please, Taiga-kun, treat him well, will you? He might push you away, but you need to keep him close no matter what. That child has gone through an unbelievable amount of pain paired with his lack of presence, as well, not a single person really seeing him."
With that long story, Kagami finally understood. He understood that he didn't understand a thing. All this time, Kuroko has been insidiously pushing people away in order to avoid hurting himself and others, but still hurting himself in the long run.
"Oba-sama, I am terribly sorry. I must go. Where do you think Kuroko might be right now? Where is he often hanging out at?"
"Erm, first check Maji Burger, but if I remember correctly, that child quite enjoys going to Ueno Park. He probably went by train. He left not too long ago, if you sprint, you can probably catch him." Only looking up to see that Kagami was already no longer in sight, she chuckled jealously, in a way. "Ah, youth!"
It didn't take long to find Kuroko sitting on a bench, gazing weakly at the lake, admiring the boats.
"Uh... Kuroko," Calling out to the transient boy, he already knew what he wanted to say, the only problem was actually saying those beautiful words. "I... I'm sorry. This is horrible timing, but I didn't mean what I said back then. I'm really sorry. Truly. I still want to be your friend. I'm just insanely worried about you. I'm telling you, I want to help you." Damn, this isn't what I want to say! "I... I think I've always, always, loved you. Ever since I first properly saw you, and you told me that you were a shadow... I think it was since then. It... Well, It... Made my heart skip a beat." Agh, fuck, I sound like a girl. "So... Won't- Won't you go out with me?" Kagami said, blushing profusely, hands shaking, palms sweating.
Suddenly, a voice came from behind them, a voice that Kagami would recognize from anywhere. He spun around as fast as a top to see the one and only Aomine Daiki, holding two drinks- presumably one for both himself and Kuroko.
"You want to go out with him? Don't make me laugh. Do you have any idea what kind of pain he's been going through, all because of you?"
"I don't. But I'm really, really sorry. That kind of thing will... Probably... Never happen again. I just lost my temper," Kagami stated shamefully. "But, Kuroko! Carefully consider me! I'm not going to give you any time, like those stupid shoujo manga side characters. If it takes you that much time to consider, you should just reject me."
"Kagami-kun... I actually loved you too. I might still." He worded carefully, "But do you know how deep words can cut? It hurt."
"I know. I heard everything from the Oba-sama who owns the institute. I'm also sorry I pried without your permission. But I believe in you! I believe that you're strong, and I believe that you can do this! You know, that night I blew up all over you, I was insanely worried about you. I worried if you would make it back safely, it being so dark outside, and I was worried that I made the same mistakes as eight years ago. But believing in you is my salvation. I will save you. I swear to god, I will save you. Saving you will save me. So this might be selfish, but please allow me to save you."
Kuroko paused for a moment, and then followed by responding happily. "Kagami-kun, I would love to go out with you. Truth is, I also have loved you for quite a while." Pausing again, he added, "Aomine-kun. I'm sorry. I have someone I love."
"Don't worry about it, Tetsu," he replied, tearing up, "I just want you to be happy." He then turned around, leaving Kagami and Kuroko all to themselves.
With many apologies followed by many long kisses, they two made up, as both friends, and a newly emerged couple.
Although it will surely be a long, hard journey to true happiness, and fully faded scars, the two of them trekked to the horizon of happiness, holding hands the entire way.
This way, they will be happy.
This way, they will have truly forgiven themselves.
This way, they can start over.
Sola Fide.
Fin.