Corinne was sitting at her dinner table, happily chomping away on her grilled cheese sandwich. She had just beaten Kingdom Hearts 2 and was wondering whether she thought the scene where Sora reunites with Rikku was gay or cute. Either way, she wished they'd just come out with the third already and not force us to wait through two other games. One was Roxas centric and she'd rather die than sit through another game playing as Roxas and the other had nothing to do with Sora other than some kids get Keyblades. Come on, Disney, really?
But this soon became the least of her worries. All of a sudden, her yummy sandwich was gone. And not just that... her entire house was gone. Since she had been sitting on a chair that was now gone, she fell on her butt and stared at the world around her. Being a Zelda fan, Corinne realized right away that this place looked a lot like Hyrule. She froze for a minute.
Oh, hell no... Oh hell yes! Corinne had somehow inexplicably been teleported to Hyrule and was now forced to go through the never-ending quest to save Link's girlfriend (AN: Haha! You'll never know how she got here!)!
Suddenly, a noise came from behind her. She quickly turned and reached to draw her sword. "Wait, what the..." Corinne looked in a confused state at the sword in her hand. "How did I get a sword?" But that valid question would have to wait! For out of the woods came none other than Zelda herself!
"Oh, thank goodness you're here, Corinne!" Zelda exclaimed as she ran to Corinne and hugged her. "There's no time! We need your help!"
"Woah, Zelda," Corinne said as she pulled out of the hug. "How do you know who I am? And why do you need my help?"
"Why, there's not a child in all of Hyrule who hasn't heard of the great Corinne, the real princess of Hyrule!"
"Wait," Corinne said, refusing to believe this was happening. However, her questioning of Zelda was cut short. Through the woods came none other than Link!
"Zelda, I'm going to ignore what you've said." Link stated as Navi flew to Corinne's side.
"Hey, listen!" Navi said as she flew circles around Corinne.
"Oh, dear God in Heaven, not this..." Corinne slapped her hand on her forehead. Navi was oblivious to this and equally disinterested in what Zelda and Link had begun talking about.
""But Link," Zelda protested, "why won't you believe me?"
"For two reasons!" Link said as he raised two fingers into the air.
"Link?!" Corinne shouted, now noticing some odd features of the "ten" year old boy. "When did you become 17?! You're only 17 in Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link! That and fanfiction... Oh My GOD!! I'm not in a-"
The young Hylian ignored Corinne's confusion and lowered his fingers to Zelda's face. "Firstly, if I found out I spent all of these lives saving a princess who wasn't really a princess, believe me, I'd lose it. And secondly, I know Mary-Sue - I mean Corinne - can't be the princess. She is the most powerful sage in all of Hyrule and she has won my heart with her sword skills, sageness, and her ravishingly good looks!"
"Oh, crap! I am in a fanfiction! I need to get out of here!" Corinne tried to move, but Navi stopped her.
"Hey!" Navi shouted as Corinne tried to run again. "You need to listen to me! I can't talk to you while you're running!"
"Why not?!"
"Because talking while moving makes me nauseous. So anyways, then I told Link that only Kokiri kids can have fairies and ditched the sucker! But now he found me, so-"
All of a sudden, a booming sound came through the woods and suddenly, Ganondorf burst out of the trees with a mighty laugh!
"Come on!" Corinne groaned. "I just wanna eat my sandwich!"
"I can't let you leave yet, powerful Corinne!" Ganondorf shouted while moving towards her. "Unlike these two morons, I know who you really are... You hold the fourth Tri-Force of Adequacy!"
"Adequacy?!" She was really ticked right now. "Not only do you make some lame fourth Tri-Force, but it's firkin Adequacy?!"
Out of the lake nearby, Princess Ruto sprang to the surface and shouted, "WAIT! Corinne, he's evil! You must give the Ocarina to Link instead of him!"
"Ocarina?" Navi asked. Corinne tried to run, but was thwarted again when Navi turned around and saw her leaving.
"Yes, Corinne has been entrusted with an Ocarina more powerful than the Ocarina of Time! It is the Ocarina of Heart!"
Corinne glared at Ruto. "Now you're just stealing things from Captain Planet!"
Suddenly the Moon started closing in on Hyrule. It grew a wicked smile and said, "You fools! She possesses none of your powers! However, she does have the Hyperbole Mask! Use it or I'll destroy the Earth in three days. Ohh! I'm scary!!"
"Ok, you know what?" Corinne shouted. Everyone turned to stare at her, eager to hear what the Princess-Mary-Sue-Tri-Force-Bearer-Ocarina-of-Heart-Player-Hyperbole-Mask-Wearer had to say. "All of you are insane! You've been stuck in the world of fanfiction for too long!"
"Fanfiction?" Malon said as she began replanting the Great Deku Tree.
"Forget fanfiction!" The Great Deku Tree shouted. "We have homework to do! We are in high school, after all."
Corinne looked at all of them as they shook their heads in agreement. "Don't you mean, Link has a princess to save?"
Everyone stared at Link. "I... I remember something like that.. but how can I focus on a princess when you're my world, Corinne?"
"I am obviously dealing with the wrong people." Corinne turned around. "Look, fangirls, writers, I have nothing against fanfiction. What I am against is this. The mistreatment of beloved characters and the abuse of free writing rights. If you're going to write a fanfiction story, know this. ZELDA, not you, ZELDA is the princess. And as for getting with Link, he's obviously got it bad for Zelda or he wouldn't put up with this crap. The only way he'd choose a different girl was if Zelda died and, for some bizarre reason, wasn't reincarnated. And even then, he'd probably go for Malon or Princess Ruto first!"
Link smiled at Zelda and the two held hands.
"And what's more-"
"Hey, listen!" It was at this time ad place that Corinne grabbed Navi, tied her to a stone and dropped her off a cliff into a river of molten lava.
"As I was saying, There is also no fourth Tri-Force. If there was, it wouldn't be called the TRI-Force!! Ganondorf, Zelda and Link are the only ones who own a Tri-Force. They're special. Get over it!"
Ganondorf smiled and held his head high. Link and Zelda were too busy looking deeply into each others eyes to hear what Corinne was saying.
"Thirdly, there is no other Ocarina or Mask that only you can use unless the game says so. You can't just say, 'oh, I'm gonna make an item stronger than the Ocarina of Time and only I can use it and blah-blah-blah!' If you want to make a weapon stronger than the Ocarina of Time, all I ask is you put some thought into it and make it something better than the Ocarina of Heart. Also, let it be useable by characters from the game. It's no fun hogging all the glory."
"I disagree!" Ganondorf interrupted.
"Of course you do, Gany. Of course you do... Now all that's left are the two big ones. First, Link never went to high school, people! One or two of those stories is alright, but there are like 7,000 of them! We get it, there's drama in high school! Make drama in Hyrule!
"And, of course, the big one. *Ahem* YOU can NOT randomly travel to Hyrule! I'm sick to death of every author transporting themselves or a friend or a second-cousin's college roommate into Hyrule and if I see another, I-am-a-new-character-but-I-am-totally-the-author-in-disguise, I'm going to puke on Link and then kill myself!"
Everyone had gathered together to form a large group huge with room for one more. All were smiling at Corinne. They were finally set free. Corinne turned and walked to the Great Deku Tree and completed the hug. Suddenly, she began to glow. Everyone backed away and saw her rise into the air. Then, the Tri-Force pieces rose into the air.
"Corinne, I am the essence of the Tri-Force," a voice said.
"Yeah, I kind of figured," Corinne said sheepishly.
"I will grant you one wish because you have set us all free," the voice continued. "Name it and it is yours."
"To be honest," Corinne said after a pause. "I just want to go home and eat my sandwich."
"It shall be done."
With a flash of light, Corinne and the Tri-Force pieces were gone. Corinne was sitting at her dinner table again, with her grilled cheese sandwich waiting for her, still warm even after her trip to Hyrule. She sat down and took a delicious bite.
"Mmm... Cheddar..." Corinne savored her bite, when she realized something.
"Damn it!" she shouted! Her brother, Neil, came down the stairs and asked, "What's wrong Corinne?"
"I could have asked for Kingdom Hearts 3!" Corinne sobbed.
"You also could have had a V8!" Her youngest brother, Kyle, shouted from their TV room.
Meanwhile, in Hyrule...
"We'll never forget you, Corinne!" Malon shouted to the sky. Everyone waved goodbye, except for the moon, because he has nothing to wave.
"I'll always think of you whenever I see a sandwich!" Princess Ruto cried. All was still as they thought about their new freedom. However, the silence was interrupted by a sudden realization.
"F***!" Link screamed. "We have to find the damn Tri-Force again!"
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