Need
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!
Chapter 1
She got in her bedroom with a smile – and I knew that only I could say that it was fake - on her face. She put her books on the bed and went to the closet to change her clothes like she always did.
She laid down on our bed and just took off that fake smile of her face. As she stopped pretending she was happy, I saw and felt all the misery inside her. She started to sob – she couldn't shed tears: there was no water for tears inside of us; just poison.
The two last words repeated in my mind.
"Just poison." I told to myself, laughing at the blasphemy I just had told. There was more inside of her; inside of my Alice.
Alice was definitely an uncommon kind of vampire – mainly if you consider the kind of vampire I was used to. She had more than just poison and a killing want inside of her heart. She had happiness, confidence, misery, mystery, distrust, nervous, love and much more. She had feelings that I only felt inside of her.
I looked at her again. That pixie face that was always happy was now sad.
I hit the branch I was over: I knew that I was the cause of all that sadness.
The next days, I went to the same branch to watch my Alice – that was the most close I should be from her without hurting her more than I did.
"Hi, Jasper." I heard Edward's voice saying to me. I looked to my side.
"Hi, Edward."
"Watching Alice again?"
"You noticed me, didn't you?" I asked, avoiding his question.
"Yes."
"I was wondering why she didn't see me yet. Do you know why?"
"Alice has been having some problems with her visions."
"Is everything all right with her?" I looked at her; besides the misery, she looked good.
"Yes. It's nothings to worry about."
"If she isn't a 100% all right, there is something to worry about."
"She is as good as she could without you. She just haven't seeing you. She has been trying a lot, but after the first couples of weeks you're not in the visions."
"Why?"
"Carlisle thinks that this is a filter that she created. It's not conscious, but it's the way she found to avoid more pain." Those words hit and hurt me like an Emmett's punch would.
"I hurt her." I said, looking at her. My Alice seemed too fragile because of the pain; she looked just like a crystal glass: you wouldn't need much more than a touch with a little more strength to watch it break. "More than she deserved. Much more."
I looked at her again. Now she was reading a book – that was getting really normal to her. "How has she been?"
"She had been denying her suffer and pain. I guess it's easier. It's like a mask that protects you."
"Denying?"
"Yes. Alice always has something to do; she never has enough time to think about you. She over-care about what we dress and she always chose it for us. She is over-buying clothes and other things. She started learning lots of languages, including the ones she hates – she almost speaks more languages than I right now. At night she always comes to talk to me or listen to my music while she reads a book. She designed lots of clothes. She got interested in art like magic; she is always in a museum or helping Esme at the weekends. She doesn't go out with us anymore and she only leaves to go to school and the museums and to hunt."
"Sometimes we make mistakes, Jasper." Edward said, answering some thoughts in my head. "It's something normal. It is part of us: we might be vampires now, but there's a part of us that stills human."
"She didn't deserve all this pain just because of my weakness."
"You should go and talk to her. Although she denies it to herself, all she wants is you back."
"I don't want to disappoint her again. When Alice saw that I was almost killing that girl, she got in panic. The feelings because of what I almost did, they were destructing her. It's better to stay away."
"Alice might let her emotions take care of her and kind of go crazy because of this, but she can get over it if she's with you. Jasper, don't you see that you could have killed that girl and everyone in this city and Alice would still love you? She doesn't love the vegetarian vampire that you are. She loves the way you are and what's inside of you. She loves the human and the vampire. And she really understands that this is difficult to you, but she'll always be there for you like you've been for her. And you can fail as many times as you need, you'll still being her Jasper. And I'm not so sure if she can take this for much more."
"You should stop reading her mind. I mean, I expected this from her; never you."
"I had two months to listen to her screaming thoughts about you." He laughed because of something that I didn't know – probably someone's thought or a memory. "I have to go. I hope we'll see you soon."
"I wouldn't be so sure of it."
"She misses you, Jasper." He made a pause. "We all do."
I spent next day morning on my hotel room, listening Edward's words repeating again and again in my mind.
Alice has been having some problems with her visions.
She is as good as she could without you.
She just haven't seeing you.
It's not conscious, but it's the way she found to avoid more pain.
She had been denying her suffer and pain.
Sometimes we make mistakes, Jasper. It is part of us: we might be vampires now, but there's a part of us that stills human.
Alice always has something to do; she never has enough time to think about you.
It's like a mask that protects you.
She doesn't go out with us anymore.
She only leaves to go to school and the museums and to hunt.
She has been trying a lot, but after the first couple of weeks you're not in the visions
She doesn't love the vegetarian vampire that you are.
I had two months to listen to her screaming thoughts about you.
She loves the way you are and what's inside of you.
Although she denies it to herself, all she wants is you back.
She loves the human and the vampire.
She misses you, Jasper. We all do.
And I'm not so sure if she can take this for much more.
As the last phrase repeated in my head, her fake laughs echoed and her sad and deep eyes and her fragile face full of misery flashed in my mind. It took me less than a second to realize that I knew what was going with her. She was dying. Little parts of her were dying every day with the pain.
And Edward was right: Alice wouldn't take that for much more. They would need just a few more days so she would get crazy with all the emotions.
She needed me back. I needed her also.
I looked myself in the mirror and saw Alice's expression in my face – I was dying too.
I looked my black eyes in the mirror and Alice's words about them came to my mind.
That was one of our first nights together after she found me.
I was laid down on the bed and she was sat next to me, looking at me and analyzing every part of me like a kid would do with a new toy.
"That's funny." She said after a while.
"What?"
"Your eyes." She said, laying down and resting her head on my chest. I moved a little, keeping distance from her, but she came closer. I smiled – she was really difficult to keep distance from and for some reason I liked that.
"What do you mean?"
"Most of time, when people have dark eyes like you do right now they are usually like deep pools."
"Deep pools?" I asked, laughing.
"Yes. Deep pools full of darkness and misery and those kinds of things. But yours… it's like they could smile; like they could be happy. Actually, they are happy all the time."
"They have a good reason to be."She smiled and, if she could, she would have blush.
I went to the door, trying to convince myself that it was the right thing to do; that I couldn't sit and just watch my Alice dying as I was dying too.
At the end, what was the point of keeping distance to not hurt her if she got more hurt when I left?
I waited in her room until she came back from school.
I heard her soft and calm steps downstairs and my heart – that never beats – started to beat fast and my breathe – that I kept just for habit – started to get faster. It was like there was more than just the poison in my veins. Adrenaline was the name of that.
"I hope you enjoy your evening." I heard Edward telling her.
"Like always." She said with a fake happiness in her voice – although I couldn't see her yet, I could bet that the fake smile was on her face.
She opened the door slowly and got in the room. She put her bag on the bed and went to the closet to change her clothes – she was so concentrated in her routine that she didn't even notice me.
She came back to lie down on our bed.
I got closer to the bed – she was too occupied crying to listen to my moves.
"Alice."
"Jasper?" She asked, opening her eyes. There was only surprise in her voice, but I knew that there was more than just this in her heart.
Her eyes were glued to mine, scanning everything in that.
"Hi, Alice."
"Jazz…" She started, but the words to go on were missing.
"Are you coming back?"
"Yes."
"Like forever?"
"I'm not sure." She took her eyes off me. Looking to somewhere in front of her – something she was used to do every time we started to talk about something she didn't like.
She got up slowly and hug me. We stood like that for a while.
"Why did you take so long to come back?" She asked, "crying".
I looked at her, trying to give her an answer, but there wasn't words to explain why.
"Why couldn't you see that I'm gonna accept who you are doesn't matter if you're a monster or not?"
"Alice, I can't accept that I'm a monster."
"You're not. And, even if you was, I could, Jazz."
"Alice, I-"
"Jazz, be with me; Stay with me, just for now. And let the time decide when I won't need you.*" I shook my head.
"I can't hurt you again, Alice."
"You will if you left. Please, Jazz..." She turned my face so I was facing her.
I looked into her eyes and they begged me to stay there; to be with her forever. I knew that it was what she wanted and what I wanted, but I wasn't quite sure if that was right.
"I guess I won't be able to leave you right now..." I said, exitating. "I'll be with you until you say I have to leave." She smiled.
"Then you'll be here with me forever. Doesn't it sound good?" She asked, kissing me.
I smiled.
"Yes; It does."
I laid her down on the bed and smiled again.
Finaly, I was complete - not just because I was with her as I wanted and needed. But also because her love made me feel like that; Alice woke up inside of me feelings that I have never felt before; feelings that only her could make me feel.
A/N: *Need - Hana Pestle
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- PBP