She Was Ready

by SomeMightSay

Summer was ready, she’d been ready for a long time. Thirty two years, four months, five days, eleven hours and twenty three minutes to be precise. ss oneshot. MY FIRST EVER ONE SHOT SO PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

A/N – So this is my first ever one-shot. Hope you enjoy and please leave a review.

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Summer was ready, she'd been ready for a long time. Thirty two years, four months, five days, eleven hours and twenty three minutes to be precise. That was the last time she'd seen his face before they'd closed the casket and lowered it into the ground while she screamed and sobbed. It wasn't supposed to end like that. He was only twenty nine for God's sake, he had his whole life ahead of him and he'd left her with two young children to raise alone.

After it happened, she turned to alcohol for support. She blamed herself for it. She remembered it clear as day. She had whined that she wanted green beans for dinner but they didn't have any, so she'd demanded that he go to the grocery shop on the corner to fetch a tin. Being the adorable little cutie that he was, he'd agreed. That was just one of the gazillion reasons she loved him with all her heart, he always did everything he could to please her. The store was only a five minute trip there and back so after ten minutes she was pissed off, she thought he was trying to annoy her. After twenty minutes, she was still scowling but the first signs of worry had begun to creep in. After thirty minutes, all anger was forgotten and she was dialling the numbers to his cell as calmly as possible. After forty five minutes, she was trying with all her might to control her quivering lower lip and hold in the tears that were threatening to fall. Then after an hour, she got the call. The phone dropped from her hands as soon as she heard those two little words. 'I'm sorry.'

The first thing she did was grab a bottle of tequila from the cupboard. An hour later, the two children were screaming. They were only four and one, they didn't understand why mommy was fast asleep on the floor in a pool of her own vomit and tears. They wanted daddy to come home, he always made mommy feel better when she was poorly or upset. That was when Sandy and Kirsten had shown up. They had heard the news too and they were just as devastated. But they, as always, were excellent grandparents, calming the kids down and putting them and Summer to bed before collapsing on the couch and dealing with their grief together.

The next day, a police officer had come over to explain what happened. All three adults sobbed uncontrollably as he told them that it was the drivers fault. He had just been ambling along with his headphones in, listening to Deathcab, when he went to cross the road. He had looked to his left like any sensible pedestrian does. However, he hadn't noticed the driver belting towards him from the other direction on the wrong side of the road. The driver had tried to stop but to no avail. He was dead as soon as his head crashed against the concrete road with immeasurable force.

The funeral had been a week later and was without a doubt, the worst day of her life. They had only been married for five years. He had given her happiness that she only thought existed in fairytales. He had given her the gift of the two most beautiful children on the planet. He had given her everything. All of it was irrelevant though if he wasn't around anymore. He wasn't going to be there to see his children grow up. He wasn't going to be there when she became the youngest ever local councillor of Newport Beach, and she would because she was tipped to win by a landslide in the elections. A master's degree in environmental politics with a minor in motivational speaking and endless popularity and public charisma more than qualified her for the position. None of it mattered though if he wasn't there to share it with her.

At the wake she made a complete ass of herself. She got extremely drunk, something that had happened every day since the tragedy. She hid her grief by stumbling up on stage in front of everybody and claiming that she'd never loved him, that she was only ever with him because he had a sizeable trust fund. She exclaimed that she'd had a string of affairs and it was good that he was gone because she'd been planning to leave him anyway, and now he wouldn't have to suffer the heartbreak. The whole crowd had just shook their heads and looked on sadly. They knew it was a lie, they knew she was just trying to mask her pain in order to not seem weak. They knew that even though she was alive, inside she was just as dead as him.

She spent the majority of the following months passed out. She had pulled out of the race to be councillor and lived off his trust fund. All she ever bought was microwave meals and more vodka so she figured that she could live off it forever. After the fifth time that she'd forgotten to feed the kids, the people that cared about her the most stepped in. It was only through the help of his parents, both of whom she could relate to now she was and alcoholic and an environmentalist, that she had managed to get back on her feet. Well, that and the fact that after she'd talked to them, she talked to her children. She sobered up for the first time in months, and the look on their faces when she entered the room was more than enough to make her realize that she had to sort herself out. They were very young but their looks conveyed everything. They were a mixture of fear, disgust, hate and sadness, everything negative and absolutely nothing positive. She held onto them all night, sobbing about how sorry she was that she was a terrible mommy to them but that she was going to go away for a little while and get better. She told them that she loved them very much and that she was going to come back a changed person, she would come back a good mommy again. The next day she dropped the kids off at Sandy and Kirsten's and checked herself into rehab.

It was a gruelling three months but she did indeed come out a changed person. She walked out the glass front doors of the treatment centre and ran over to her kids and their grandparents, with a big smile and tears of joy streaming down her face. For the first time since over half a year when he was still alive, she was genuinely happy.

It was a year later that she decided to get in the dating game again. She finally realized that he wouldn't want her to spend the rest of her life alone, that she wouldn't be betraying him if she looked for happiness with someone else. She was still only thirty so she went on a string of dates, but knew that she wouldn't find happiness with any of them. They just couldn't compare to him in her eyes. Then one day, she was dropping the kids off at nursery and ran into Darren. He was a parent too, recently divorced, and she just felt something. After a few months of talking to her for ten minutes or so a day when they dropped the kids off, he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date. She accepted and they went out and she was surprised to find that she had a lot of fun. She had gone so long without it that she'd started to think that it didn't exist anymore. They went on more and more dates and got to know each other and it was great. After about three months of dating, she finally had sex with him. It was good but it just didn't compare to her time with him. She suspected it was because she had only ever been with the guy she was madly in love with and while she liked Darren, she knew she'd never be in love with him. He was a great guy but he just wasn't the one, her one had already gone. After another six months, he said he loved her. She said it back because she truly did love him, he was a great guy and he made her happy, she just wasn't in love with him. She knew she would only ever be in love with one guy and he was gone.

A year after that, he proposed to her. She said yes. The kids were seven and four and they'd started to call him daddy. When they grew older she'd explain to them that he wasn't their dad, she didn't want them to not know who their real dad was, but she figured that while they were still young and innocent she might as well let them think he was and take his surname to make it official, sort of.

The next six months were spent moving him in and planning for the big day. The kids loved him and he loved them. He had a daughter from his previous marriage and the kids got on great with her, they loved their new sister. Then two days before the big day, she came home to find most of his stuff gone and a note on the dining room table. She read it. It said that he couldn't go through with it because he knew that her heart didn't fully belong to him like his did to her. It said that he could see when she smiled at him that she still belonged to someone else and always would. He said her smile told him everything he needed to know, that she loved him, but didn't "love him" love him and she never would. He said goodbye and that he wasn't mad, he was just sad for her that she'd never find true love again.

Summer didn't cry, she wasn't even really upset because she knew he was right. With him she'd basically been settling for second best because she knew the only one she would ever want was gone. The kids didn't understand why he'd left and they'd been upset, which caused her to get upset. She tried to explain the best she could that they weren't right for each other but they didn't understand, they were only young. But typical of young children, within two weeks they were happy as Larry again. Unfortunately, the same thing couldn't be said for her.

Now that she'd had some happiness and it was gone, she was missing him more than ever. She spent many a night crying in her bedroom after the kids had been put to bed, staring at a bottle of gin. She never touched it though, she promised herself she was never going down that road again for the sake of her children. Plus there was the fact that she had regained her reputation as an upstanding member of the community. She even started running for councillor again. She figured that if she put all her energy into making her kids and the residents of Newport happy, it would help her forget that she wasn't.

Six months later, shortly after her thirty third birthday, she became the youngest ever head of Newport Beach Council. She focused all her energy on making her hometown a safe and happy place to live for everyone, especially her children. Her personal life equated to friendly dinner dates and the odd bout of casual sex but that didn't matter, she was too engrossed in her work and children for a real relationship. Time flew fast and before she knew it, the kids were fourteen and eleven and she was thirty nine. That year also marked the ten year anniversary of his death. The actual anniversary day it self, she spent sobbing in her office with a picture of him in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. She checked herself into rehab again the next day but they let her go after a week. They could see it was only going to be a one time thing.

The years passed by and soon enough, both kids had graduated and gone off to college. They'd been through the usual teenager stuff growing up in Newport. Sex, alcohol, drugs, they'd all been issues and she'd tried to give them the best support and advice she could. It was difficult though, sometimes they needed a father figure's perspective on things. It was in those times that she told them to talk to their uncle Ryan, he had always been there for them and her. Along with Sandy, he was the closest thing to a man she had.

Being a middle aged woman alone in a big house was difficult. She would work extra long hours just so she didn't have to go home and cook a microwave meal for one. At forty nine, the twenty year anniversary of his death crept up on her. It resulted in another heavy drinking session and another week long refresher course in rehab. When she hit fifty and spent her birthday alone, the highlight of her day being the ten minute phone conversations with each of her kids, she decided that it was time to get out and have some fun again. Despite that fact that she was an ex-alcoholic widow with an extremely stressful job, she had aged well and people always told her she didn't look a day over thirty five. She hit the clubs and had fun, hooking up with guys for one night stands. It wasn't ideal but it was better than spending her nights alone, crying with a picture of him in her hand.

Since she couldn't drink in the clubs, she took to smoking. It tasted good and put her in a relaxed state. Before she knew it, she was smoking thirty a day, much to the disapproval of all those who loved her. When she was fifty three, Jack her first child got married. She cried as she looked on, not just because she was proud and happy, but because she knew he would've been happy too. She cried for both of them.

Two years later, little Naomi followed her older brother in getting married. She cried again. At fifty five years old, she retired as the most successful and popular councillor in Newport's history. She retired to a life of luxury but a life of loneliness. Her only social interaction was with Sandy and Kirsten, Ryan and Taylor who he had married, and her children who had moved back to Newport once they were out of college and married. Half a year after that, Kirsten died suddenly of a heart attack and Sandy followed a few months later because of the grief. That was one of the hardest moments for her, losing his parents painfully reminded her of losing him. She'd had the strong urge to turn to the bottle again but she never did, she remained focused on how much it would hurt her kids.

Three years later, the nicotine addiction took its toll on her and she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Now, three years after a long and painful battle with the disease, Summer was ready. After thirty two years of ups and downs, people growing up, people passing away and people struggling through life, she was finally ready.

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'Mom?'

'Hey sweetie,' Summer said weakly as Naomi, her thirty three year old daughter walked in the room with her own daughter, six year old Erin. 'Hey Erin.'

'Hi nana,' Erin said happily, not having a clue what was going on, having no idea that this was very likely the last time she would see her. Summer was weak, she knew she wasn't long for the world. She could've beaten the cancer but truthfully she didn't want to, she had nothing left to live for. She spent her days alone in a huge house, her kids were all grown up and didn't need her anymore and she was tired, tired of life.

'Listen, I need to promise me that you'll always be a good girl for your mommy yes.' Her granddaughter nodded. 'Good. And promise me you'll stay away from those smelly boys.' Erin giggled and nodded again. 'Listen sweetie, nana is going to be going away soon so I need you to know that I love you very much,' Summer whispered, tears beginning to fall as she took her grandchild's hand. Naomi had burst into tears too.

'I love you too nana.'

'I know sweetie. Come on, give nana a kiss.' The little girl reached up and gave Summer a soft peck on the lips. 'Is Joe here,' Summer said to her sobbing daughter, referring to her husband. She nodded. 'Sweetie, go and wait with your daddy in the corridor please.'

'Okay, bye nana,' she said sweetly before skipping out the door. Summer smiled at the sight, she was so innocent. She turned to her own daughter. 'Shhhh, don't cry honey, its okay' Summer whispered, tears rolling down her face.

'No its not. Please don't give up mom, keep fighting. I love you, I may be grown up but I still need you,' she sobbed hysterically.

'I love you too baby but you don't need me, you have a great life and a great family.'

'Yeah that you're like a huge part of,' she sobbed, sitting down on a chair and resting her head on the bed.

'There there sweetie, its okay. Where's your brother?' Summer said softly as she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair.

'He's on his way now.'

'Well he better hurry, there's not long left.' Summer knew the end was near but she wasn't in any pain. The doctors had pumped her full of morphine and she was all warm and relaxed. Her words made Naomi sob even harder. 'Come on Naomi, it's just my time. I'm ready for this.'

'I know mom but I'm not and Jack isn't and Erin will be heartbroken. Everybody needs you mom, you can't do this to us.'

'I'm afraid I don't have any say in the matter sweetheart.'

'Yes you did, you could've stopped this,' Naomi replied angrily, 'all those times we tried to get you to stop smoking and you didn't listen.' Summer was about to reply but was interrupted by her son bursting through the door.

'Sorry, I got here as soon as I could,' he panted breathlessly. 'How are you mom,' he added as he walked over and took her hand in his.

'I'm okay honey, how are you?'

'Not good considering my mom's dying,' he whimpered, eyes filling up with tears.

'Oh stop it you pansy,' Summer scolded though she had a weak smile, 'you're just like you're father.' He really was. He was tall and skinny with curly hair and cute dimples and a love of sarcasm and drawing. Jack was basically him. The only thing he had from Summer was his impatience, his nasty temper and the little freckle on his right cheek.

'Well sorry for caring about you mom,' he countered sarcastically with a roll of his watery eyes.

'Listen to me my babies,' Summer said, pulling both her children close. 'I love you kids and I know you're gonna do great. You already have great families and I know they're only gonna get better. Just remember,' she whimpered, tears streaming down her face, 'I'll always be watching you guys so you better behave. You're never too old to get a good old fashioned slapping from your mom, even from beyond the grave.' They both snorted through their tears. 'And Jack, I may not be around to see them grow up but I still want grandkids. Your sister has already given me one but you always were a lazy ass like your father.'

'God mom, stop pressuring me,' he mumbled. Summer smirked and squeezed his hand.

'God Jakey, don't go all high school on me. I'm not pressuring you, can't you just grant an old woman her dying wish and give her some grandkids.'

'Mom you're not old, you're sixty one. And it wouldn't be your fucking dying wish if you'd stopped smoking like we asked you to hundreds of times,' he replied angrily.

'Hey, watch your mouth boy,' Summer said sternly, 'and would you rather I drink than smoke.'

'I'd rather you did neither but you always were stubborn,' he mumbled. Summer softened at the sight of him looking so pitiful.

'Sweetie, people die,' she said softly, stroking his hand soothingly, 'it's just a part of life.'

'I know, it's just we'll miss you, that's all,' he whispered miserably.

'I know honey, I'll miss you guys too but don't worry, I'll always be with you. Plus I get to see some old faces again,' she said with a smile. Her children nodded sadly, crying uncontrollably. Suddenly, Summer's breathing grew shallow. She tried with all her might to keep her eyes open because she knew if she closed them, they'd never open again. She couldn't stop it though, she'd lost all control. 'I love you,' she whispered for the last time before her eyes drooped shut. She heard her children calling to her.

'No mom please don't go, we love you.'

'Wake up mom, come back.'

'You can't leave us, we need you.'

'Naomi, she's gone.'

'I know. Bye mom, we love you.'

'Say hi to dad for us.'

The voices grew distant until eventually, she couldn't hear them anymore. She felt bad for leaving them but she knew they'd be okay, they were strong like her. Besides, it was her time, and she was ready.

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Summer snapped open her eyes and realized that she was in the room, but she was watching everything from a third person view. Her kids were sobbing over her lifeless body. It upset her because there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't know what to do now though. Where was she supposed to go? Suddenly, she noticed a bright light coming from under the door of the room. She walked over to the door and opened it.

She stepped out into the blinding light. When her eyes came into focus, she saw that the light was coming from around the corridor corner. She followed it, it twisted around endless corners and corridors. She knew where it was coming from, she was heading towards the entrance, or the exit, depends on which way she looked at it. She had been in the hospital so much over the last three years that she knew it of by heart. She walked past the window of a room and saw her reflection. OH MY GOD!

She…………she was twenty four again, and……………she was in her wedding gown. She smiled, eyes welling up with tears. Alongside the births of her children, her wedding day was the happiest day of her life. She continued to walk down the corridors. She walked past room after room, taking in all the people rushing around her. It was only when a nurse came running towards her that her suspicions were confirmed. She knew it was too late to move out the way and the nurse apparently hadn't seen her. She closed her eyes, ready for impact. She opened them a few seconds later though and turned round. The nurse had disappeared round the corner. When she realized that the nurse had run straight through her, Summer knew what was going on. She was in limbo and she had to go somewhere, presumably towards the light.

She continued down the corridor, glancing in the rooms she walked past. She walked past one room and gave a quick glance. However, she doubled up when she thought she saw someone she hadn't seen in a long time. She nervously peeked her head round the door again. HOLY SHIT!

It was an eighteen year old Coop, her best friend. She hadn't seen her in over forty years. Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. Marissa just grinned and waved before pointing left, urging her in the direction of the light. Tears started pouring down Summer's face as she smiled and nodded. She turned and began walking towards the direction of the hospital exit again. She walked past more rooms and more and more faces of loved ones that had passed away started appearing in the doorways. She saw her father smiling at her, he had died fifteen years ago. He was stood with a woman that could only be one person. It was Summer, except it wasn't. She had everything, the deep brown eyes, the cute nose, the curvy hips. It was her mother. Summer smiled widely at her, a smile she returned before nodding her head towards the light.

Summer continued her journey and saw more faces from the past. She saw Anna, she'd heard she died a few years ago. She saw Zach and Luke, she hadn't seen either of them since her wedding. She saw Mrs Gascoigne, an elderly neighbour that she had confided in when she was lonely and missing him the most and seriously considering turning to alcohol again. The light was getting brighter, she knew she was getting close and she was anxious because she still hadn't seen him yet. She reached the final corridor off the entrance lobby and came face to face with the two people who had saved her from reaching this point years ago. Sandy and Kirsten were stood there smiling at her, holding hands. They moved aside and motioned for her to go on.

Summer rounded the last corridor and came face to face with the source of the light. It was indeed coming from the main door as she'd suspected. The lobby was full of the usual people bustling about, people who couldn't see her but people she didn't want to see. She only wanted to see one person. Summer started to panic. She'd seen everyone else, he was supposed to be there. She spun round, ready to go back to see if she'd missed him, and was met by everyone she'd already seen. She put her hands up as if to say "where the hell is he?" Marissa smiled and motioned for her to turn back round. She did and joy spread through her at what she saw.

He was there, he was waiting for her.

He was there in all his twenty four year old glory, in his wedding attire like her. He smiled and she saw those adorable dimples that she'd never forgotten but hadn't seen for so long. She smiled widely back at him as tears of happiness began to roll down her face. She slowly walked over to him. When she got about two feet from him she stopped, taking all of him in. He was even more perfect than she remembered.

The rest of her loved ones began to file past them, grinning widely at her as they disappeared into the light. Soon enough, it was just her and him. She bit her lower lip nervously. She knew where she was going, she just didn't know what to expect. He obviously sensed her apprehension as he smiled reassuringly at her, and with that smile all her worry melted away. She had waited so long for this and she knew that now she was with him again, everything would be fine. He'd protect her, he'd support her, he'd love her, even in the afterlife.

He took a step forward and extended a hand to her. Summer smiled, the tears still streaming down her face, and slipped her fingers through his. She instantly felt the warmth spread through her. He gave her another dimpled grin that made her heart melt before turning and motioning to the light.

Summer wasn't nervous anymore, she was ready. With a smile and a nod to show she was ready, they walked towards the light hand in hand. And for the first time in a long time, she felt that everything was exactly the way it should be.

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A/N – Okay so that was my first ever one-shot. This idea just came to me and I managed to bang it out in a few spare hours. It's pretty emotional I know, please review and let me know what you think. Thanks.