Some Matrix Reloaded Screw-Ups!
Summary: Why DID the directors of "Reloaded" choose to use crows for Smith's entrance???? Here's one possible scenario.........Please R&R!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone mentioned in this story......OK, Bob the Sound Guy is mine.
******************************** Takes place just before Smith enters the park.......
Take #1..............
Director dude #1: Okay people, we have to pick what animal to use as Smith enters the park. Any ideas??
Director dude #2: Well, since Smith IS really creepy so why not use bats? No one likes a flying mouse with fangs!!! Someone hire a bat wrangler now!!
Bat wrangler guy arrives and fills the nearest tree with hundreds of vampire bats. The bats are hanging upside down, looking extremely confused....
D.D#1: OK Smith, start walking towards Neo. ACTION! Cue the bats!!!
Bats don't move.
D.D#2: Shake the goddamn tree!
Stagehand shakes the tree. Nothing happens.
D.D#1: Shake it HARDER!!!
Bats wake up.
Bats: ATTACK the humans!!!
Crew runs for cover as hundreds of bats are out for blood (literally) and start attacking everyone they can get their teeny, weeny fangs into.........
D.D#2: (trying to get bats out of his hair) CUT!!!!!
Smith and Neo are rolling on the ground, laughing their asses off...... ***********************
Take two........
D.D#1: Alright. Bats didn't work—obviously—(picking bat droppings out of his ear) so what else can we use?
D.D#3: How about cats?
D.D#2: OK, we'll try it.
Cast and crew wait until the directors convince a crazy, little old cat lady with 50 cats in her apartment to allow her cats to be used.
Cats are on the set.
D.D#3: ACTION! Cue the cats!
Cats do nothing they are supposed to do, just licking themselves and sleeping.
D.D#1: Aww, you can't get cats to do a damn thing! Let's see if this wakes them up! (Starts stomping on tails to see what happens)
Cats attack Director Dude #1, and turn his face into confetti.
D.D#2: CUT!!!!
Meanwhile, some of the other cats go straight for Smith and Neo, rubbing against their legs, getting their nice black costumes full of cat hair, causing a BIG problem—YOU try to remove cat hair from dark-coloured clothes!!!
Both are allergic to cats and start sneezing, and their makeup starts running because of their watering eyes.
D.D#3: CUT!! CUT!! CUT!!
Crew is snickering quietly out of hearing range of the director....... ****************
Take 3.......
D.D#1: This is getting ridiculous!
D.D#4: How about rats?
D.D#1: Fine, why not......
Cast and crew wait until the area becomes overrun with rats. Unfortunately, they didn't remove all the cats—one or two are still lurking about......
D.D#1: OK, let's try this again ACTION!! Cue the stupid rats!
Rats scamper all over the set, freaking out the makeup lady. She runs away.
A cat starts to chase one rat. It squeaks and runs right up the inside of Smith's pant leg.
Smith: Ahh, it's going up my leg! Somebody do something! (The rat climbs higher) No, wait a minute....! (when the rat gets very close to his nether region, his eyes start to glaze over)
Neo: (howling with laughter) Dude, are you getting a boner?!?
Crew can't work anymore, they are laughing too hard......
D.D#2: CUT!!!! ********************
Take 4.........
Director Dudes #1-#4 leave the set ---this has NOT been a good day. They come back completely hammered.
D.D#1: Let's try something else. NOT mammals. NOT vermin. How about birds?
Bob the Sound Guy: Parrots?
Cast and crew wait AGAIN until enough parrots are found.
D.D#1: Cue the parrots!
Parrots #2-5: Cue the parrots! Cue the parrots!
D.D#2: CUT!!!!
All parrots: CUT, CUT, CUT!!!
D.D:#2: All YOU parrots shut the hell up!!
Parrot #32: Screw you! Try and make us, dickhead, SQUAWK!!!
D.D#2: I SAID SHUT UP!!!
Parrot #15: SQUAWK! This movie won't make any money! This movie won't make any money!!!
D.D#2: Yes, it will!
Parrot #15: No, it won't!
D.D#2: Yes, it will!
Parrot #15: No, it won't!
Bob the Sound Guy: Dude, you're arguing with a parrot! And, no, this movie won't make any money because you spent too much on special effects!
Several parrots fly on Neo and Smith's shoulders, pooping as they land.
D.D#2: We need more costumes!
All parrots: We need more costumes! SQUAWK!!
Director Dude gets really pissed off, grabs Smith's gun and tries to shoot the parrots. Everybody runs for cover.
All the parrots fly back to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie set and Director Dude #1 runs off the set, yelling something about rats, bats, cats and parrots.
Crew are trying not to laugh, because Director Dude #2 still has the gun. Security is called in and he is hauled off to the nearest psych hospital for IMMEDIATE treatment. ********************
The scene is taking way too long to shoot and they are SERIOUSLY over their budget for animal use, as well as everything else in this damn movie..........
Neo: Guys, why don't we just CG some crows??!
Everybody: YEAH!!
THE END
Authorette's Note: Although another story has been posted that might be similar in theme, the ideas for this story have been mine, all mine. So there.
Summary: Why DID the directors of "Reloaded" choose to use crows for Smith's entrance???? Here's one possible scenario.........Please R&R!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone mentioned in this story......OK, Bob the Sound Guy is mine.
******************************** Takes place just before Smith enters the park.......
Take #1..............
Director dude #1: Okay people, we have to pick what animal to use as Smith enters the park. Any ideas??
Director dude #2: Well, since Smith IS really creepy so why not use bats? No one likes a flying mouse with fangs!!! Someone hire a bat wrangler now!!
Bat wrangler guy arrives and fills the nearest tree with hundreds of vampire bats. The bats are hanging upside down, looking extremely confused....
D.D#1: OK Smith, start walking towards Neo. ACTION! Cue the bats!!!
Bats don't move.
D.D#2: Shake the goddamn tree!
Stagehand shakes the tree. Nothing happens.
D.D#1: Shake it HARDER!!!
Bats wake up.
Bats: ATTACK the humans!!!
Crew runs for cover as hundreds of bats are out for blood (literally) and start attacking everyone they can get their teeny, weeny fangs into.........
D.D#2: (trying to get bats out of his hair) CUT!!!!!
Smith and Neo are rolling on the ground, laughing their asses off...... ***********************
Take two........
D.D#1: Alright. Bats didn't work—obviously—(picking bat droppings out of his ear) so what else can we use?
D.D#3: How about cats?
D.D#2: OK, we'll try it.
Cast and crew wait until the directors convince a crazy, little old cat lady with 50 cats in her apartment to allow her cats to be used.
Cats are on the set.
D.D#3: ACTION! Cue the cats!
Cats do nothing they are supposed to do, just licking themselves and sleeping.
D.D#1: Aww, you can't get cats to do a damn thing! Let's see if this wakes them up! (Starts stomping on tails to see what happens)
Cats attack Director Dude #1, and turn his face into confetti.
D.D#2: CUT!!!!
Meanwhile, some of the other cats go straight for Smith and Neo, rubbing against their legs, getting their nice black costumes full of cat hair, causing a BIG problem—YOU try to remove cat hair from dark-coloured clothes!!!
Both are allergic to cats and start sneezing, and their makeup starts running because of their watering eyes.
D.D#3: CUT!! CUT!! CUT!!
Crew is snickering quietly out of hearing range of the director....... ****************
Take 3.......
D.D#1: This is getting ridiculous!
D.D#4: How about rats?
D.D#1: Fine, why not......
Cast and crew wait until the area becomes overrun with rats. Unfortunately, they didn't remove all the cats—one or two are still lurking about......
D.D#1: OK, let's try this again ACTION!! Cue the stupid rats!
Rats scamper all over the set, freaking out the makeup lady. She runs away.
A cat starts to chase one rat. It squeaks and runs right up the inside of Smith's pant leg.
Smith: Ahh, it's going up my leg! Somebody do something! (The rat climbs higher) No, wait a minute....! (when the rat gets very close to his nether region, his eyes start to glaze over)
Neo: (howling with laughter) Dude, are you getting a boner?!?
Crew can't work anymore, they are laughing too hard......
D.D#2: CUT!!!! ********************
Take 4.........
Director Dudes #1-#4 leave the set ---this has NOT been a good day. They come back completely hammered.
D.D#1: Let's try something else. NOT mammals. NOT vermin. How about birds?
Bob the Sound Guy: Parrots?
Cast and crew wait AGAIN until enough parrots are found.
D.D#1: Cue the parrots!
Parrots #2-5: Cue the parrots! Cue the parrots!
D.D#2: CUT!!!!
All parrots: CUT, CUT, CUT!!!
D.D:#2: All YOU parrots shut the hell up!!
Parrot #32: Screw you! Try and make us, dickhead, SQUAWK!!!
D.D#2: I SAID SHUT UP!!!
Parrot #15: SQUAWK! This movie won't make any money! This movie won't make any money!!!
D.D#2: Yes, it will!
Parrot #15: No, it won't!
D.D#2: Yes, it will!
Parrot #15: No, it won't!
Bob the Sound Guy: Dude, you're arguing with a parrot! And, no, this movie won't make any money because you spent too much on special effects!
Several parrots fly on Neo and Smith's shoulders, pooping as they land.
D.D#2: We need more costumes!
All parrots: We need more costumes! SQUAWK!!
Director Dude gets really pissed off, grabs Smith's gun and tries to shoot the parrots. Everybody runs for cover.
All the parrots fly back to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie set and Director Dude #1 runs off the set, yelling something about rats, bats, cats and parrots.
Crew are trying not to laugh, because Director Dude #2 still has the gun. Security is called in and he is hauled off to the nearest psych hospital for IMMEDIATE treatment. ********************
The scene is taking way too long to shoot and they are SERIOUSLY over their budget for animal use, as well as everything else in this damn movie..........
Neo: Guys, why don't we just CG some crows??!
Everybody: YEAH!!
THE END
Authorette's Note: Although another story has been posted that might be similar in theme, the ideas for this story have been mine, all mine. So there.