Hercules and The Pharoh's Queen

by GillyRose

A Herkish twist on the ancient Greek myth of our hero going insane and murdering his wife, five years after graduating from Pro Ac...could it really happen? and can Icarus and Cassandra save the day?

~Hercules... and the Pharoh's Queen~

A fan fic taking place 5 years after graduation and incorporating the myth of Hercule's insanity curse

Herc peered through the heavy curtains of the sedan chair and glimpsed the milling energetic crowds. It was tough going through the burgeoning streets of Athens, and the chair, supported by a dozen or more burly slaves, bumped and shifted it's way through the unruly mob, desperate for a peek and a touch of the famous hero within. Some soldiers ahead on horseback were attempting to clear a path, but the people kept pressing forward, and every once in awhile the curtained chamber threatened to tumble right over. Herc groaned, and whacked at a disembodied hand that made it past the sedan curtain, greedily clutching for a souvenir. He turned to his wife in disgust.

"I knew we should have taken Pegasus. You and me and a picnic basket- we could have eaten on the way and been there two hours ago."

Meg smiled at him and slid her arm around his shoulders. "Oh, my Poor Baby! What can I say ?... you're just too famous for your own good." She leaned over and pressed her lips to his ear, hissing playfully. "You're Too Sexy for Your Armor!"

Herc rolled his eyes ."Great. Thanks a lot".

Meg shrugged.."Hey...you thought being the world's most famous demigod was going to be easy? Newsflash, Hon, when you reach a certain point in your career you Have to stand on a little ceremony. Give the people want they want...And ...Honey... they want YOU. So you might as well get used to it and put in yet Another appearance."

"Are you kidding?" Herc snorted. "I'm not going out there! It's Scary out there!" He rapped on the ceiling of the chair and called out a bit. "Hermes! You there? Can you DO anything about this?"

"Right on it, Babe!" The little blue god appeared almost instantly and startled Meg into spilling the wine she'd been sipping .Five years married and hanging around Olympian inlaws and she still was'nt used to Herme's penchent for appearing, literally, out of thin air.

"OOOh... tough mob. Lots of like, teens, Man," he observed, floating easily in the air before them, "this will call for a little innovative crowd control...if you know what I mean...don't worry Herc- we'll have you at Pro Ac in II shakes of a chimera's tail."

"Fine, please- whatever you can do..."

The little god winked, and disappeared- appearing almost simutaneously- and Herc suddenly felt the ride going a lot smoother. He peeked out of the curtains again- and saw a ring of floating torches encircling the chair, keeping the awed crowd at bay. Hermes nodded.

"That should take care of it, like, for the nonce, Babe- although when you get to school your'e on your own."

Herc smiled and waved- "Great, fine! we'll figure out from there. Thanks, Hermes."

The god tipped his magic helmet and disappeared in a cloud of diamond dust. Meg smiled.

"Certainly helps to have friends in Really high places".

Herc grinned. "Balances out all the relatives we have in really low ones...oooh... I think we've stopped."

The sedan chair indeed paused, and there was a bit of a scuffle as the slaves prepared to take it up the hill leading to the Academy. Herc stuck his head out. "I think we'll walk from here. Co'mon- it will be faster... and I can't stand to see these guys 's some hill, if I remember correctly."

Meg squeezed his hand lovingly and thought, for the 10,0000 th time since she'd met him- "what a nice guy."

"And besides, said Herc- "it will bring back such memories... Man, I must have climbed these stairs a million times."

He got out of the sedan chair- or litter really, as it was, and helped Megara out after him. The crowd, kept back before by the glowing torches, pushed forward in awe now and exclaimed with admiration at the loveliness of Herc's young wife. Five years and a baby had done nothing to mar the exquisite prettiness of Megara, whose slim figure and arresting beauty still captivated her husband and turned heads wherever they went. {Of course, having Aphrodite as your own personal beauty consultant didn't hurt either! }Herc helped her down and waited while she smoothed the folds of her robes, and as he did so a familiar nervous fluttery presence encroached upon them.

"Mr Hercules! My Dear Mr.{if I may call you that} Mr Hercules!" Herc looked up and saw his old guidance counselor coming towards him with open arms.

"MR. PARENTHESIS!" He smiled happily and grabbed the little man in a big bear hug.

"Dear Boy, Dear Boy- SO GLAD you could make it- { of course I never doubted you would}we are SO HONORED to have you with us {as well you might imagine, why should'nt we be?}We've heard ALL ABOUT YOUR EXPLOITS and we're just SO VERY happy to see you-" here the little professor, overcome with emotion, whipped out a large hankie and blew his nose, turning to greet Megara.

"And this must be the Lovely Megara- why- she's Quite beautiful {of course-you're a demi-god- why Should'nt she be?}You two make a Lovely couple- please -please allow me to escort you up to the Academy to take your place at the seat of Honor {at a special banquet} which is being held just for You. We've taken the liberty of roping off an area {from the rest of the alumnae} that will give you a little privacy - {at least until you're settled in a bit} and the crowds have gotten used to you. {Not that they ever will."}

This storm of information occupied most of the time it took them to climb the stairs, and when they got to the top and Herc gazed up and around him he was suddenly engulfed in a dizzying wave of nostalgia. Had it only been V years?

Only V years since he'd left this place? and all these familiar surroundings...a flood of memories came back to him as they made their way across the terraced plaza towards the Assembly Hall. Mr. Parerenthesis led the honored couple and their entourage up some more steps and past the buildings, chatting and proclaiming to his heart's content, while Herc tuned him out and gazed about in amazement. Every thing seemed so much... smaller than he remembered...everything seemed so weirdly alien. The entourage made its way up a flight of steps- and Mr Parenthese threw open a pair of bronze doors that led to an enourmous chamber.

"Here's where you can be comfy" he announced- "I'll just get all these nosy onlookers out of the way {grubby autograph hounds, the lot of them} and we'll give you some time to settle in."

Herc gripped his old counselelor by the hands. "Thanks... much appreciated".

The little prof hugged him once more and ushered the crowd away. Herc and Meg looked at each other.

"Well... here we are". Meg stroked her fingers through her hair.

" I must look a mess. I think I'd like to freshen up a little. I'll be right back."

"Ok, Sweetheart."

Herc wandered past the buffet table, laden with its fruits and exotic viands- the stuffed peacock looked good- and then noticed a set of thin damask curtains hanging in the doorway beyond lightly rippling in the breeze. Beyond the drapes the room extended on to a large outdoor terrace, with a little garden and a fountain that was set to spurt wine for the occasion. At the far end of the terrace, which extended over the sea was an ornamental railing, and a solitary figure clad in an all too familiar dark blue gown stood motionless, staring out at the turquoise water. She was unaware of his presence, and Herc grinned wickedly as the hero fell away from him, and the sixteen year old boy took over. He grabbed his goblet of wine and snuck up carefully behind the young woman, painstakingly not making a sound... and when he got to within hair pulling, wine dunking distance he reached for a lock- only to have the figure whirl violently around, grabbing his offending hand and jamming his two middle fingers backwards til they nearly touched his wrist .

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" she growled and Herc, feigning agony on his knees, burst out laughing.

"When ...will I ever learn not to sneak up on You?"

She grinned triumphantly and released her iron grip. "Probably never. But I hope that does'nt keep you from trying!" She burst out laughing and opened her arms, receiving his hug and permitting a passionate kiss on the forehead.

"Oh ...it's So good to see you again, Cass," Herc said, "it's been too long."

" I know...I know..." She patted him on the shoulder,and he hugged her again, this time so enthusiastically he lifted her right off the ground.

"Hey hey...save it for your wife!". She laughed as he set her down grinning. "Where is Megara, anyway?"

"She's in the lavatorium. She'll be along any moment."

They strolled over to the bench and Herc poured his old friend a drink. "You missed my wedding."

"I know... the invite never came. It's this damn Ancient World. No post offices. And I was at an Oracle's Convention on the other side of Assyria. Could Never have made it on time anyway .Not all of us own flying horses, you know."

"Yeah- I know... it was hectic- believe me- a real spur of the moment deal- once you get Bacchus planning a party he's not easy to stop."

Cass nodded."I'm sorry I was'nt there. But we've kept tabs on you since then- you're known far and wide, Herc- the biggest hero in all of Greece!Ha! And to think this is a guy who couldn't get a date for the Prom!"

"Oh, don't remind me," giggled Herc,"And Don't remind anyone else, either."

"Gee," smiled Cass- "this could be a very lucrative day for me. I may charge a drachma to keep silent on every memory I come up with!"

"You'll bankrupt me" laughed Herc."Those were'nt my finest hours."

She gazed at him with uncharacteristic warmth."That's ...where you're wrong. They were, Herc... they really were. You were the best friend any mortal could ever ask made you what you are today."

"Someone once else told me that"... mused Herc. "Anyway... ok, what's the news? have you uh - kept up with the bunch?"

"Well... let's see..."..She picked up a pieces of fragile paper that happened to be nearby...Herc looked at them curiously.

"Papyrus.. the newest thing from , it just so happens I volunteered to edit the reunion's Memory Scroll and I need to get updates on everyone- you know- all the alumnae."

"You volunteered for something?"

"Yes," she said a bit edgily "I did. And you'll be happy to know that Prince Adonis is still not king, and has put on about 175 pounds waiting around for his father to die. They say he's so fat he can't get out of the sedan chair. Helen left him- married King Menelaus. That was five years ago or so. I hear they're having problems."

"Tempest?"

"8 kids. And a widow, of course. Twice. Men don't last long in Amazonia."

"Sweet Hermes... her own tribe!... Ajax?" "

"In the army. Got into a fight in a taverna and went on a five city-state killing made him a general."

"'Why am I not surprised?"

"OK," said Cass-" so that takes care of you and me- Ajax, Tempest, Adonis, Helen...um... have we left anyone out?"she said carefully.

"Let's see" said Herc- "um- you -me, Adonis, Tempest, Helen, Ajax...ummmmm... Speedy Pita Guy?"

She frowned in irritation . "Yeah - I know- he went into banquet catering."

"Ooh...bad news for brides everywhere."

"Yeah well - uh ok" said Cass." I guess- that's pretty much it. I guess we're all caught up."

Herc examined the sky. "I guess so."

"Unless, of course...you can think of anyone we missed..."

"Mmmmmmm... nope.. can't think of anyone. We've done everyone...pretty much..."

Cass scowled well - "there Might be few we missed like...like..."

"Like who?"

"Well... like, well you know..."

"No, I don't know."

Cass snorted.

"Well I'm sure we don't have them all- think hard -you might have missed Someone..."

Herc thought hard..."nope... sounds like we're all caught up to me."

"OK,OK,OK,OK-ICARUS! OK? We Missed Icarus- is that what you were waiting for?Icarusicarusicarusicarus-Ya HAPPY?"

"Yes I am!"

"Oh shut up!"

Herc giggled, but didn't say anything. There was an uncomfortable silence.

Cass scowled again. "ok... so ..."

"So what?"

So how's... Icarus ? Have you heard what he's up to ...I need to know," she said defensively, grabbing the tablet. "It's for the records."

"Oh sure it is."

"IT IS!"

Herc smiled mischieviously. "Sure...OK... Well then, I guess the Records want to know if he's dead or alive, if he still inhabits the Mediteranean Basin and if he's married with three kids or not."

"Only the first question's nessesary" she answered testily.

"Ok, " laughed Herc- "ok- here's the deal. Ick's fine. Ick's great- we haven't seen each other in years... too far apart- when I've been hero questing he's always been on some zany expedition- but we've kept in constant touch- through Hermes, mostly. And to answer your question- he's still alive- which is a surprise- he isn't married- which is'nt a surprise...and he lives on a small island several hundred miles off the coast of Delos. Well, his secret lab's there anyway. He's almost never home. Oh, and he's Very rich. A lot of those nutty ideas did take off- go figure."

"And you guys have'nt seen each other at all?"

"Well...that last summer I went off to Thebes with Phil... he took off a year to go with his Dad on that insane New World trip-and we lost touch there- then there were the colleges...he attended three universities."

"Icarus went to three universities?"

Herc grinned ."Icarus got Expelled from three universities. Partying, practical jokes that backfired very badly and unauthorised, unorthodox experiments. Does'nt matter though. He went into manufacturing with his Dad- he's set for life."

"Ok" said Cass carefully looking out over the sea.- "ummmm- are you expecting him to show up... today?"

Herc looked straight at her and grinned."What do I get for telling you all this?"

"You get the satisfaction of knowing you did your part to help the Reunion Scroll Editor " she answered coldly, "And my guarantee I won't tell everyone how I changed your stinking repulsive diapers at the Spring of Canathus."

"OOCH -Ok- you got me- yes-" said Herc- "He'll be here!"

"Oh well, ok good ...just to set the record stright." Cass scribbled down a few notes and busied herself with the papyrus. Herc smiled, and rested his gaze on the endless horizon.

Megara walked in regally and broke into a genuinely pleased smile when she saw Cass, who rose to greet her.

"Cassandra."

She held her hands out warmly."The one female I've ever known I wouldn't mind calling ..."Friend."

Cass nodded gravely.

"Megara" she said, her hands gently gripping Meg's..."the one female I've ever known whose mouth I Did'nt want to shove a dead rat into."

"Aw, you're just saying that."

Both girls giggled and embraced warmly.

"You know I never got a chance to thank were right all along" said Meg."You knew Herc and I would wind up together."

"I have a knack for that kind of thing."

"Evidently."

Herc came over and put his arm around the both of them.

"May I interest you two ladies in a little something at the bar? Or should we just have a few appetizers?" Hey- the dormice in honey look good- Crunchy!"

"I think I have bad news for you, Herc" said Cass, "You're the guest of honor at a Very prestigious school who is bursting with pride over you as their chief jewel of an alumnae." Her eyes went green and swirly- "I see... I see... many many speeches...a 30 course meal...Jugglers!-ew- long boring toasts- a question and answer session- and a receiving line stretching from here to Attica."

"Oh Gods no! "said Herc."This is too too much...I have to think of a way out of this. I' m not interested in that kind of thing!Sweet Apollo-I'm Sick of being Herc the Hero!I Just want to be *Me* again - just for One day- be a normal regular person who goes to his school reunion and meets up with his pals and has a little wine and enjoys old times..."

"Well ...better think fast, Archimedes," said Cass, "cause they're going to be up here in less than an hour to start kissing the ring."

"I don't even have a ring!Darn it!...If I did'nt want to see Icarus so badly I'd get outta here right now."

Meg shook her head. "Well... come to think of it ...it does sound pretty awful..."

Cass nodded. "Let me see excatly what the sceduale's going to be like... I'll be right back...Can I trust you two alone here?"

She grinned and left. Herc popped some olives in his mouth. "This happens all the time. Big celebrity. All I want to do is live a normal life."

Meg shrugged."Well... like I said- you're Bigger than life- You're a demi god living on earth-and Greece's greatest living pay your dues, I guess..."

."Yeah...".Herc slumped against the colomn, and stared disconsolately at the horizon. Meg was about to add something more but a flicker of interest stirred Herc's face as he stared out at the ocean and he suddenly rose and walked swiftly to the turned, and followed Herc's gaze far out to sea, and watched as a great beaming smile broke out over his handsome features.

"Oh my... gods"... he burst out, "here he comes!" Shielding her eyes from the glare of Apollo's setting sun, sure enough, she made out the sillouette of a very large bird, a sea bird, an albatross maybe, and a drunken one at that,flapping and sailing towards them on the evening breeze. Herc cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled a greeting, and from very far off came an unmistakable sound of a human voice. Closer and closer the apparition came-until Meg could make out a tiny human figure, clothed in a robe and sandals, and sporting an enormous head of furry looking black was coming swiftly and smoothly in for a landing- but appeared to be going a tad too fast-and as it reached the railing the tip of the wing span just clipped a colomn and sent the whole contraption-well- perhaps in later centuries the landing could have been described as "ass-over-teakettle" ...but that would not be appropriate aeronaut lost all control and smashed into Herc, knocking him down backwards and taking most of the banquet table with them, the crumpled wings falling to pieces amidst the smashed rolled around and around in the debris and Icarus threw his head back to yell.

"Lock up your daughters, the *FUN* HAS ARRIVED!"

He wrapped himself tightly around Herc's chest and proceeded to cover his face with violent kisses. Herc yelled with glee and grabbed the little guy tightly, throwing him to the ground for a wrestle, cuffing and punching and tickling him; Icarus licked Herc's nose and pulled his headband down over his eyes giggling hysterically.

Meg stood by, slightly amused, slightly aghast as the greatest hero in Greece rolled around on the floor with his human puppy. A number of dishes had gone crashing down and they were both smeared with food and olive oil...Herc has olives stuck in his hair. He grabbed Icarus by the head and administered a punishing noogie, shrieking with delight as Ick wiggled out from under his grasp and started pelting him with figs.

"ENOUGH!" said Herc, grabbing him by the collar and affecting a stentorian voice- "THIS is how you greet your god after five long years?"

"Demi -god!," panted Icarus, grinning, "and I make more money!"

"Oh that's it!"Herc raised him up over his shoulders and advanced to the railing. "Over you go - this time without the wings.!"He grabbed the little guy and held him far out over the edge of the railing and let him dangle. Meg gasped, as Herc smiled evilly."Give up? Give up?"

Icarus squirmed indignantly. "OK, OK ...OK!fine!I Give... I Give!You big bully!"

Herc laughed and pulled him back, gripping him to his chest in a powerful chokehold. "Good Sweet Zeus -I missed you."

Icarus smirked and struggled free."You're a big don't you pick on someone your Own size!

''Cause there is'nt any."

"That's true."

Herc grabbed him for one more hug, and Ick climbed to his shoulders taking up his accustomed perch.

"Hon," said Herc, still gasping from his exertions, "I want you to meet the best guy anyone could Ever want for a friend."

"But I'll have to do for now," grinned Icarus. He leaned forward from his perch and stuck out a hand smeared with cake frosting. "Hi... I'm Icarus!...How do you like me so far?"

Meg flinched and timidly offered her fingers. "It isn't time for a great big wet sloppy yucky kiss, is it?" she asked worriedly.

Ick shrugged. "ummm...That depends on Herc."

"Ok by me, " said Herc and before he could blink Meg reached up and grabbed Ick in an iron grip, planting a great big wet sloppy disgusting kiss smack on the lips before letting him crash unceremoniously to the floor.

Herc burst out laughing and Icarus laughed ruefully rubbing his rear.. "Wow, Herc, you really know how to pick 'em... Can we get together like this Every five years?"

"Get up, you nut."

Herc hauled him to his feet, and gave him yet another good natured punch, earning himself a plateful of mutton pate in the face.

Meg interuppted them. "Listen guys, I hate to break up the fun, but don't you think we've had enough with the appetizers? "

"Oh no!" laughed Herc, beaning olives through the air past her ears, "we're Just warming up!".

"That's Right Baby"-yelped Icarus- "just getting ready for the Main Course- and here he grabbed an entire baked, dripping, octopus off a plate and hurled it at Herc, who ducked, and then cringed at the sight of Megara getting plastered with it. Both guys roared with laughter as she stood stiff as a statue, the tentacles trailing like mermaid tresses off her shoulders, the runny goo of the sauce staining the bright silk of her dress.

"OOH-oh ZEUS!- I'm Sorry!" giggled Icarus- "Really- OK -Hey -you know- it's not that bad."

She started to approach him backed off-and placed a handy chair between himself and the oncoming threat.

"Hey- it will come out...it's washable...right? besides- you don't look bad. In fact- you look very nice- Hey - You're lucky- not everyone can wear octopus...Herc- help me out here?"

"Sorry, Ick. I have to live with this woman. You're on your own."

Megara kept advancing.

"There's 3000 people downstairs waiting to meet me" she intoned grimly. "And I have an Octopus on my head."

Ick shook his head- "Not to worry my Sweet...All you have to do ...is give yer hair a quick rinse,in this handy dandy fountain here."

"I have a better idea." Meg continued her steadily threatening appraoch until she'd nearly backed him up as far as the fountain, and then she whipped the octopus off her head and whacked him with it. "I know what we'll Do" she said- "Let's BOTH wash our hair," and she pushed him in- only to scream as he grabbed at her himation, pulling her in with him and making a hearty splash. Meg staggered to her feet in the knee deep water-and then grabbed Ick's head, shoving it well below the surface for several uncomfortable seconds, until he came up gasping. "THAT!" yelled Meg coldly{although she was bravely concealing her smile} "is for wrecking the hair- and THIS" she said, dunking his head once more- Is for ruining the dress!" She climbed on top of him and securely held his head under a few moments before releasing her grip-and pushing him under yet agaiwhile Herc stood by laughing uncontrollably..

"Well... now this looks familiar." Meg looked up to see Cass standing in a doorway with a peculiar smile on her lips.

"Cassandra!"Meg paused in her activities. "You're not mad at me be cause I'm drowning you're old highschool stalker, are you?"

"Not at all- not at all- I applaud your initiative." Cass mosied slowly over to the fountain's edge and casually looked down. "And I admire your technique- But- you're letting him get too much air, and that's always a big mistake. Here... Let me show you."

She reached down to help Megara, barely able to contain her smile. "You be surprised how little air he really requires," she said, "I made a detailed study of it back at Pro Ac and-"

"Ok, OK, intervention time!" Herc laughed in exasperation and pushed his galpal away with a brotherly shove. "Stop picking on my best pal...He's mortal, for Pan's sake!"

Megara pouted prettily."Aw ...we were just wanted to make sure."

Cass snorted and shook her head in disgust."You never did let me have any fun."

Herc bent over and swooped the sopping, sputtering Icarus into his arms. Ick struggled free and stumbled backwards a bit, wiping his mop of hair out of his eyes. When he saw Cassandra he stood perfectly still for several dramatic seconds before clutching his heart and letting out a scream.

"SUMMERBLOOM! MY THORNEY ROSE!Oh CaSSAAAAAAAAAAANDRA!" He leapt up enthusiastically and clobbered her with a hug.

Cass turned pale and stood as rigidly as the light house at Alexandria but she didn't particularlly flinch. She turned to Megara very carefully.

"Could I trouble you to peel this thing off of me?"

Meg grinned and pulled Icarus back by the collar, but he waved her off and straightened up, smoothing the folds of his robe and regaining a modicum of dignity which he lost immediately by falling to the ground and violently kissing Casses's sandals.

" Oh Cassandra! {smooch smooch smooch}" Izzit really You?" She kicked him violently and he rolled over on his back, grinning.

"Ahh... that's my Cassie Lassie!Some things never change!...just like old times!Kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, don't it?"

Cass grimaced and rolled her eyes, "Yes- yes... I remember you...Still alive are we? And in one piece?"

"Last time I looked!Care to check for me?" Icarus regained control of his composure and got to his feet, wringing his soaking sleeves out and spraying watery wine on the girls.

Meg flinched and turned to her husband. "So this... is your best friend?"

"Of All Time!" proclaimed Herc proudly. He cuffed his chum happily. "You have no idea of what we went through together... we have a lot of catching up to do, Ick, that is, if we can get some private time here..."

"Ah, yes..." said Cass, "That's what I was coming to inform you. Bad news, Herc, there's a whole lotta of Greece ...and most of Persia- downstairs waitng to meet line stretches past the Cafeterium and they're scalping tickets at the front door . And they're selling these terrible crappy little dolls that look just like you..."

Herc moaned... "Oh Zeus!How can I politely get out of this?" He ran his fingers through his hair and looked unhappily at Icarus, who stroked his own wet locks back thoughtfully.

"Well...you could just leave... and make yer apologies through Parenthesis... and then maybe apologize with a really generous donation...I never knew a school to turn down a donation...there's nothing a brand new Gymnasium would't fix... "

"A Gymnasium! An honorary Gymnasium from Hercules! Icarus... that's brilliant!

"I thought so!"

Herc clapped his hands and whistled three times- and in seconds, over the horizon, appeared Pegasus, still the magnificent white steed. He came in smoothly for a landing- a lot smoother than Icarus had-and trotted faithfully over to Herc tossing his mane in recognition of his master's old was convieniently laden with saddle bags and Herc flipped them open and let a cascade of jewels and gold coins fall to the floor.

"Think this will buy them a Gymnasium?"

"I think this will buy them the Olympics..." Icarus let out a low whistle. "Wow- I got's to get me into the monster killing racket!"

Herc laughed- "You do OK from what I hear." He knelt down and scooped the jewels into a goblet and the placed it on a solid gold shield. "Here- help me fill these things up-"they all got down on the ground and began scooping treasure. No one noticed Hermes fluttering, suddenly, by the railing.

"Is this some kind of a new game you rich suburbanites play or are you cats just really careless with your money?" he asked. Herc glanced up smiling .

"I'm buying my freedom" he grinned.

Hermes nodded. "Well, if the point here's to split I got ya covered, Herc babe- we got a little emergency-looks like the Pharoah of Thebes is sort of doing the beseeching thing...and he needs your help...ASAP"

"The Pharoah? Me? I'm getting beseeched? Me? Really?."

"Better believe it, Babe!"

Cass grinned. "Do I get to make one of my smart remarks now?"

"You may not! "answered Herc-and you have five seconds to wipe that irritating grin off your face." He turned to Megara.

"This is Perfect- a good excuse and a nice apology! Here"...Herc heaped the jewels on the table and tossed a few bags of coins on the pile. "Looks like we're off the hook... What a relief..." He placed his hands around his wife's slender waist and tossed her up on to Pegasus as though she were thistledown.

Icarus smiled ruefully."Hate to see you leave, Buddy." Herc glanced at him.

"Oh No! You're not staying here- are you kiddiing ? I'm not waiting another 5 years to catch up with you- You might not live that long. You're - you're coming with us!"

"Well...I...uh..oh..hummmm..." Ick smiled..."Why not? I could fancy a holiday"...he turned to Cassandra with a sweeping gallant bow... "And are you up for an Egyptian adventure, my goddess?..You always Have been Queen of Denial..."

"How long have you been waiting to use that one?"

Herc laughed. "Aw come on, Cass, for old time's sake!"

Cass smirked..."What? and miss the banquet? Have you checked the menu? They're serving baked sow's womb stuffed with sea urchins!

Everyone stared at her.

"Your point being? asked Herc.

"I'll get my purse."

Meanwhile...in the gloomy depths of the Egyptian AfterWorld...

"I don't mind the increase, Hades... but you went above my head to do it. That shows a lack of respect."

Anubis, the Jackel God, frowned and shifted in his gold throne. He pushed the glass beads across the game board with an arrogant gesture and met his opponent's eye in a disapproving stare.

"This is my domain- these are MY people. I like to be the one who sets the rules." He disliked this foreign Greek deity intensely, but could'nt afford not to do business with him.

Hades stroked his chin and broke out into his patented, ingratiating smile.

'Nubie... Nubie...Baby...Pussy Cat...{er, no offense}...yer Killing me here ...{and that's not easy to do...} All I wanted desired..was ...to up the ante a bit...widen our profit margin if you will...No hard feelings, right? It's just business as usual. All I did was...show up when Kharfi ...beseeched...and offered him a deal he could'nt refuse. It's what I do."

"Uh huh...and you were'nt going to tell me about it - were you?

"I'm telling ya it Slipped my mind! I'm a busy god! It's cold and flu season back home...people dropping like think I can remember every little deal I make?"

"We agreed on 25 a week- each."

"Yer fulla natron, Babe, we could be doing ten times the business."

"How so?"

"Look..let's get on the same page here-as I see it...here was the deal- your queen-the wife of the Pharoah- was getting on in years...and wanted a beauty treatment to make her the Belle of the Nile, cause Alpha...she wants to be the most bewitching creature this side of the Garden of Eden, and, Beta... she needs to keep that moronicly child-like husband of hers enthralled so he doe'snt notice whos really ruling the joint. So she goes to her priest Kharfi there and asks him for spell to make her young and beautiful and gorgeous again... yada yada yada..Her priest does the mumbo jumbo bit...comes to you begging for some sort of immortality potion- {you and embalming being in the same game}-but you could'nt find anything that would close the deal .So you came to Me. OK- I got you what you wanted...a jar of Aphrodite's coldcream. A pricey little item and not one most mortals could ever come in contact with...It's whiter than the lotus bud - smoother than silk and turns any mortal woman's face into an instant blooming palette of perfection, any Medusa into a... Helen-of-Troy if you will ...and what do I ask in return? what tiny measely MICROscopic thing do I want in return? Souls!just a few souls...just Half the souls that would come into the city by way of that new detour we devised...".

Anubis nodded. "Yes. Guarded by that 700 foot high bloodthirsty scorpion. People check in...but they don't check out! I have to say Hades... that was a nice touch."

"Thankyou- hey -you can't go wrong with the classics. But I was thinkin'...this is Not a one shot deal... your Queen's gonna need a constant supply of the stuff...and if she wants it... that's gonna up the price. After all... I need to be paid for my 's all I told your high priest there."

"How much more do you we can get?"

"Whatever the market will bear. And I'd say it will bear a lot. What would you pay to look like the queen does now? what would YOU pay for gorgeous immortality?"

Anubis nodded and started to scratch himself absently and give himself a quick lick, stopping when he realized he had company and lowering his leg in embarrassment. Hades rolled his eyes and politely looked away.

"I'm saying we make a formal threat...1000 mortals a month."

"That's a lot of mortals. It will decimate the population."

"Boo Hoo- I'm breakin' up over here. What? You afraid yer gonna run outta Egyptians? There's too many already!Don't worry- if there's one thing I've observed about human beings is that they're excellent about replacing themselves. In fact, it's the only thing they're really good at. And it's their favorite thing to do."

"True... But just how are you going get all those people to line up to get devoured?Where are they actually going to come from?"

"What do you care?. Let the pharoah start a war or something- there's plenty of places that need invading ...{Athens, for one}..what- you people never heard of human sacrifice? . It's all the rage back home. Someone- or something- is Always demanding a blood sacrifice to shut up and go course...we Greek gods can't come right out and and demand it these days... one must observe the formalities. Not like in the good old days back in Sparta when Ares could demand 50 or 60 blood sacrifices at a time..." Hades heaved a sigh for all good things past and lifted his goblet in a silent toast.

"Well...they might go for it - if they think there's no other choice."

"You bet your canopic jars they will. Trust me-this gig is good for 1000 mortals a month...1000 mortals...Or the scorpion rides into town and picks it's teeth with Thebes...and we split down the middle-70/30"

"Excuse me?"

"Uh... well ...50/50. Just wanted to see if you were payin' attention, Babe."

"I always pay attention. I have Very good hearing."

"Yeah, well you should... with those ears and all...anyway...we gotta deal? 50/50?"

The jackel grinned and his fangs glittered in the flickering torchlight. "You're one evil god, Hades."

"Call it a weakness."

They shook hands.

"OK... back to the game...where did we leave off?"

"Hmmm...I forgot..."

"OK... we'll begin over again. And because you're Hades, Lord of the Underworld.. I'll give you a head start."

"Well thanks...And because I'm Hades, Lord of the Underworld...I'll take it!"

Meanwhile...back to Herc and his family...

They arrived at the villa in Thebes late in the evening, having stopped for lunch on a secluded little island along the way. It had been a good journey, the girls hugging tight to Herc as Pegasus bounded through the clouds on silver hooves, Icarus holding onto his tail and hang gliding in the stallion's wake. Herc's slaves greeted the group home warmly as they alighted from the steed on the villa's front terrace, and a nurse brought in a gurgling baby girl not more than a year old or so with a gorgeous head of auburn hair and huge azure cat's eyes.

"My Hebe!" Meg lifted the child from her arms and hugged her tight. "How are you, Gorgeous? Break any hearts while we were away?"

"Let me have her, "smiled Herc. He took the tot from Megara and turned to Icarus. "Your unofficial niece, Ick".

"Oh Herc, you old dog, you!" Icarus exclaimed happily as the child clung trustingly to him and immediately entertained herself by pulling viciously on his hair spikes."Youch!Aw... how adorable!"

Even Cassandra smiled faintly and patted the child's head. "She sure is a looker, that much is certain. I suppose all of Olympus is bummed out that the first one is a girl?"

"Well ...Ares was pretty upset- let me tell you-but uh...he's always been a maniac". Grandpa Zeus, though, could'nt be happier. And I could'nt care less anyway...I love little wants a boy? Little boys are nothing but trouble"...he winked at Icarus, "Are'nt we enough proof of that?"

Ick laughed. "You got That right, Pal."

As if in answer Hebe took out her pacifier and tossed it - and being Herc's daughter the pacifier hurtled through the air at 80 miles an hour and embedded itself in the marble wall 30 feet away.

Cassandra grinned."That's going to be a problem. Wait til she starts dating."

Megara laughed..."C'mon on in, let me show you the "Hero's" digs. And just TRY not to notice all the "heros " trophies on the walls Mr. Modest put up."

They all chuckled and entered the beautiful residence. Herc clapped for some refreshments and the servants brought in several trays of dishes.

"I'll bet you're all hungry by now- here, let's just-"

"Babe! where have ya been?"Hermes fluttered in suddenly and held out a parchment, panting."We've been waiting for you all afternoon. Here's the official invite I told you about- the Phaoroh like to see you ASAP. Megara too, if you like. Seems like the queen's heard all about her- would love to meet her in person."

"Well"... the hapless hero looked around .I did'nt know it was That much of an emergency..." Can't this wait til tomorrow? we just got here."

Hermes shrugged "I'm only the messanger, Babe. Seems like the Pharoh's kind of eager, though."

Herc turned to his guests and smiled. "Business is business- I guess." He smiled apologeticaly ..."I hate to leave to you guys so soon like this...".

"Oh fi, don't worry about it... you won't be long, right?" answered Ick generously, "We'll just hang out here for the nonce...In fact, we'd love to babysit, would'nt we, Snoogly Woogums?"

Cass grimaced. "You'd better be talking to the kid."

"Don't you worry about a thing" Icarus added confidently. "We'll just play house till you get back."

"That's what I'm afraid of" laughed Herc as he draped Megara's silken shawl over her walked out to the terrace again where a large elaboate sedan chair stood waiting.

Megara turned with a smile."This OK with you, Cass,? "

"Yes, sure...fine...said Cassandra with less enthusasim."Sure... we'll babysit...no problem...um...yeah...she Has already gone to the bathroom, today, right?"

Herc grasped Meg's hand as they mounted the palace steps. "You'll like the Pharoh, Hon, he's a real character...a little wifty but a good guy. Although I hear his wife pushes him around a bit."

Megara grinned. "Nothing wrong with that. Any kids?"

"No... and actually she's his second wife- the first one died mysteriously I understand- they say she was poisoned- but so far no one's been able to prove it. Anyway-"

"Have you ever met her?"

Herc shook his head. "No... But I understand she's the most bewitching woman in Egypt. More beautiful than say one look at her and you instantly fall in love. In fact some people have compared her to Aphrodite- although I'd say that's going some."

"Oh dear, well... it will be nice to have a little competition for once!". Meg smiled..."Takes the pressure off." Herc smiled back, and paused to kiss her.

By now the palace guards had accosted and greeted them, and repectfully formed a phalanx guiding them into the huge foyer of the palace building. Another group of elaborately dressed courtiers took over from there and led them into a huge chamber beautifully painted with elaborate murals. It was the Pharoah's throne room- and high atop a marvelous gilt throne sat an imposing figure dressed in robes of white and gold. He had an enourmous Egyptian headdress of gold and blue. A pair of tame hunting cheetahs lounged by his side.

"Hercules! How good of you to come! the Pharoah hopped rather unexpectedly off the throne and Meg was shocked to see how short he was. He was shorter than Icarus. He ran up to Hercules in an unexpectedly friendly manner and hugged him warmly. "Welcome, Hero."

Herc smiled and gripped his hands warmly."You beseeched?"

The Pharoah wrung his hands."Oh it's terrible...just terrible...it's a scorpion...a gigantic scorpion that has come out of the desert to prey on our people. In the beginning the creature only came out once in awhile...and ate a passing caravan or two. OK...that was'nt so bad- salesmen, you know... But there was a great earthquake several months ago that blocked the entrance of the city from the West- and most of the traffic had to be rerouted past the gorge-

"Oy!" groaned Herc..."a gorge...gorges are bad...I hate gorges..."

"...and that's when the scorpion started to become dangerous. Soon everyone going into or out of the city was being devoured- and I can't tell you what an inconvenience that is. Now Kharfi our head priest tells us that the creature demands a regular human sacrifice... 1000 people every month! 1000 people! we'd have to go to war to fill that order!He shook his head. We are at the end of our hemp, Hercules...we've sent out all our greatest warriors to conquer this thing..."

"What happened?"

"They got eaten."

"Oh, right- yes, well, they would, would'nt they?...hmmm...well, Sire... your problems are over."

Herc stood a bit straighter, lifted his chin and struck a heroic pose. "I will undertake to destroy this creature- and by the beard of my father Zeus {Meg rolled her eyes} I swear to you your city will be safe from harm!"

The Pharoh's eye filled with tears. He stood up and raised the golden staff in benediction."Let the gods witness" he proclaimed, "Hercules has come to our aid...bless him...let all our combined gods bless him... and speed him in his task."

Everyone nodded reverentially and then the Pharoh clapped his hands for refreshments. Several slaves appeared as if out of nowhere and offered up great silver trays piled high with rare delicacies and wine."We will drink a toast to your sucessful endeavor. And you must meet my wife. She has been interested in meeting the greatest hero of Greece...and his lovely consort".

The Pharoh noddedd to his attendents and a number of them scurried off. Presently one of them returned with a golden gong...and stuck several notes.

"My wife likes to make an entrance" smiled the was a slight commotion above as a number of slaves scattered and took assigned positions around the room...and all heads turned...and took in a vision at the top of the steps.

She was... exquisite. She was... breathtaking. She was... everything they wrote about in the legendary scrolls...tall and slender with a sculpted body and legs like the throat seemed inordinately long for a normal woman and she wore a magnificent collar made from beaten gold and set with lapis was pretty much all she was wearing except for a fine muslin gown that left nothing to the imagination. Her face was like polished copper... her eyes enormous and cat like and rimmed with kohl. Her jet black hair had been braided into several hundred separate strands and wrapped with gold wire and beads. She was a goddess incarnate.

Herc stared at her and squeezed Meg's hand "Oh, Hon...I'm sorry..but... but...I think I just fell in love."

"I can top that," answered Megara, staring dropjawed. "I think I just fell in love."

They both laughed, but continued to stare at the flawless specimen of humanity gliding down the steps towards them.

The queen tilted her head as she approached and they could she was leading a live cobra on a little gold leash, and he had a tiny jeweled gold crown on his head...when she paused to greet them ... the snake wrapped itself around her leg, slithering itself sensuosely up the lengh of her body til it encircled her bosom like a living garment and laid it's head under her throat, watching them suspiciously . Megara gasped.

The Queen smiled graciously."The Royal House Pet...don't worry- he's been defanged. He's just for show. And ...cobras are much more cuddly than people give them credit for."

"Well," smiled Herc, "I would'nt have guessed that... you learn something new every day...But ...obviously...he's ...very attached to you...At any rate, it's an honor to meet you both. May I present my wife... Megara."

He bowed low to her and the queen nodded to him, and gently touched Megara on the arm.

"You are more than wife is stories of her fabled beauty do not do her justice."

"Thankyou. You are most gracious".

The Pharoh sat back in his throne contentedly witnessing this pleasant exchange and ruffled the fur of the cheetah next to him. "Hercules has kindly agreed to rid our land of this this dreadful monster, my Lotus... soon we will no longer fear and Thebes will be a land of peace and calm again."

She raised one extraordinary eyebrow. "We are indeed indebted to you, Hercules..." Mentally the queen stamped another hero sillhoutte in her little Hero Death Record Keeping Book. Too bad, she thought ...this one seemed like a worth while type. Handsome fellow.

"Well then, that's done ! said the Pharoh...now...how shall we plan this?"

"Well..." said Herc," I guess I can scope out the area on Pegasus-"

"It only comes out at night, after dark...it's attracted by movement and loud clangy noises...the sort of which one would hear from the tinware hanging on the caravan wagons that go by...much as that dreadful Sphinx was attracted to...the one that ate all those travelers ?...remember the one that used to ask all those hard questions years ago? Although this monster is'nt sentient...you don't reason with it."

"Yes... I remember that," said Herc thoughtfully...he smiled..."You could'nt reason with the Sphinx, much either, if I recall...did'nt Oedipus finally finish him off?".

"I believe yes, he did...he answered the question correctly- and the creature sprang down a cliff in rage and died...good man, Oedipus. Too bad about that family thing...bad luck, that."

"Yes, ..yes...I heard."

"Well, he just made the wrong choice in wives, that's all...that's obviously not a mistake that we made, eh, my friend? He winked at Megara and clasped his own wife's pretty hand. She lovingly caressed his cheek ...it was obvious the queen had him in her thrall.

"At any rate, continued the Pharoh...we will supply you with anything you need- soldiers, torches, bait- whatever might be required..."

"Just Pegasus and my trusty right arm," smiled Herc.

"Good enough... I'll leave the details up to you. Now... let me give you a tour of the palace. I have an amazing collection of armour and weaponry from the South I think you'll enjoy seeing-"

The queen took Meg by the hand. "We'll leave these men to talk politics. Let's you and I get to know each other better.I've heard so much abut the glories of Greece... I long to travel there some day." Megara demurred and allowed herself to be taken up the marble walked down magnificent corriders accompanied by several attendents among who were two beautiful slave girls, both of them not more than children or young teens. They held golden lanterns aloft to lead the way through the dim splendour, and Megara was impressed by their obedience and utter silence. She herself owned slaves, being a Greek aristocrat, but she had a chatty, friendly rapport with them. They entered a spendid room and the Queen dismissed all but her two personal slaves who took up a position kneeling on either side of the door queen moved swiftly to her gilt dresser and paused in front of a highly polished metal mirror held up by two magnificent bronze vultures set with agates and turquoise. She lifted off her wig, and Megara gasped. Underneath, her head was shaven clean. She was as bald as Socrates. The queen placed the elaborate headdress on a stand and turned smiling at her astounded guest.

"You did'nt know? It's the fashion, here. We all shave. It's much cooler."

"Oh...well, that's understandable- and ..and ...it really does become you."

And it was true-indeed, the lack of hair seemed only to highlight the chiseled cheekbones- the flawless queen's kohl-rimmed eyes had grown even larger.

She smiled and waved at the wall on which hung several shelves holding up dozens of stands...each one displaying a magnificent hair piece.

"And this way we never worry about washing or styling our hair ...it's done for can change it every hour if we , let's try on on you."

Megara smiled and permitted herself to be sat down on the divan. The queen fitted a wig on her head, carefully tucking Meg's lovely hair up underneath and adjusting the jeweled band across the forehead. It looked strikingly exotic.

The queen leaned over and delicately applied a little kohl to Megara's violet eyes.

"Amazing...beautiful. You'd have made great Egyptian royalty. Are you sure there's no Egyptian in you?"

"Not to my knowledge, no...hmmm...it's...it's so human"...said Meg..reaching up to pat it... "so real..."

"Yes," said the queeen. "it's real human hair- we cut it off female prisoners just before they are executed."

Meg quickly removed the wig setting it down with a shudder.

She tried to change the conversation by playing with the piles of jewely lying carelessly on the table.
"... you have such lovely things here- Egyptian goldsmiths truly rival our Greek ones..."

"Yes" smiled the queen."You must let me make a present to you of some jewelry- or perhaps I could lend you one of our smiths."

... as she spoke she walked over absently to a large golden cage filled with tiny sweet little finches. Still happily chatting away she reached in and caught one,and carefully drew it out the door. She dipped the little bird in a small jar of oil on the table and then offered it to her cobra, who perked up and gaped it's jaws appreciatively. The terrified little bird squeeked pitifully as it disappeared down the reptile's throat, and the queen purred while she stroked the cobra's head.

Megara looked away unhappily.

"Could'nt you... have.. at least...killed it first?"

"Hmm? oh no...he likes them alive... It's the only way he'll eat oil," she added, "is a little extra treat...it's good for his scales." She patted the snake until the last of the little finch feet disappeared down it's she repeated the process with a second victim, uncoiled the snake from her shoulders and placed him in a basket where he promptly burped and fell asleep. Megara sat frozen in disgust, and mentally examined the chamber's exits.

"So..." smiled the queen pleasently..."where were we... ah yes... our men folk... let's you and I girl chat...I'd love to hear all about... your man."

Megara regained her composure and tried to smile.. "So... what would you like to know?"

Then it occured to her they could use some privacy and as she spoke she glanced at the queen and then at the slave girls questioningly as if to say..."Perhaps..we should speak alone"?

"Oh do'nt worry about them" smiled the queen. "Their tongues were torn out a long time ago ... part of their on-the-job-training."

She said it so casually, and in such a friendly manner Meg's blood ran cold. "This just gets better and better" she thought to herself and she stared in pity at the beautiful slave girls. She understood, for the first time, why the complete and utter silence, why their eyes were so large and dark and fearful. They lived in a permanent world of quiet horror.

The queen noticed this and raised that eyebrow again. "Why...? does that bother you? they're only slaves of course- they have no feelings..and they know they're honored to serve their fact, these two will accompany me when the time comes to the After World... they will be mummified by my side."

Meg thought she sensed the slaves cringe.

"What was I saying?" The queen stared at the vision of Megara in the mirror yes...quite...she would make a good slave girl.. after the hero was disposed of ...perhaps she could find room in her entourage for this lovely creature...Gotta tear that tongue out though... Too many questions..."

"You were asking about Hercules"...said Meg, eager to change the subject. Actually she was eager to get out of the room, but could'nt think of a graceful escape at the moment.

"Yes...I understand he's the greatest hero in all of Greece. It must be hard to be married to him sometimes- the crowds, the fame- the pressure-"

"Sometimes-...yes, in fact..." and Meg related the story of how the Pharoh's request had rescued them from yet another banquet celebration.

The queen nodded."You are'nt worried he's risking his life? that's the worst thing about being married to a hero, I would imagine... never knowing if he will come home with his shield or on it..."

"Oh that's not an issue with us" shrugged Meg, examining a heavy set of turquoise earrings..."Herc's immortal... he's a demi god- the son of Zeus...did'nt you know?"

The queen froze...and had Meg turned around at that precise moment she would have seen an ugly look flit across that lovely face.

"Immortal...as in...he can't be killed?"

"You got it... believe me... he's in no danger whatsoever tomorrow...your bug is as good as dead."

Megara held the earrings up to her ears admirely and tilted her head as she gazed in the polished metal."In fact, I"-

She paused, and was aware suddenly...that there had been no response to her remark...and she put the earrings down and turned around. The room was empty, and she was alone.

The little Pharoh reached up and hung a golden chain around Herc's massive neck.

"Just a token of my appreciation, my boy, before hand," he said,"I can't tell you how grateful we are and how we thank you ...for saving our people."

"Well," said Herc smiling, "It's what I'm here for. I'm just glad you called me in time before this thing got any worse."

The Pharoah nodded appreciatively and they continued their stroll through the gardens back to the palace. "I knew we could count on the great Hercules to come to our reputation is well deserved. I'll call for a chair to bring you home. Now about this scorpion..."

{Neither man noticed...but a small pair of bronze scarabs decorating an ornamental gate suddenly took on a life of their own...and became real...and threw each other a knowing glance...as if they had heard every word that had transpired in the last 30 minutes...which indeed, they nodded at each other silently... and scuttled from their post.}

Meanwhile, Back at the villa...

Dinner had not gone well and food was splattered all over the table.

Icarus wiped date sauce off his eye brows and offered the morsel again.

"Co'mon, Hebe, eat your honey fried humming birds like a good-baby-heroine-to-be... YUMMMMMM... crunchy hummingbirds!"

Hebe glared at her tormentor and folded her arms.

Cass, chin in hand, sighed in exaustion. "I don't think you're getting through."

"Hebe! These are GOOD for you! don't you want to grow up to be big and strong someday like a ..a...a...a..? "

"Like a hummingbird""?"

"You're Not helping."

"Hey, I'm on the kid's side."

Hebe threw her head back for a discontented howl and in that split second Ick got the spoon in her mouth...but she clamped down and bit it off.

He gulped."Sweet Apollo!...sheesh! ...Aw...c'mon, Hebe Weeby...one spoony wooney just for IckyWicky...?..."

Cass rolled her eyes. "I think I'm going to be... deathly ill..."

"Wait, wait...look what I did, Hebe" ,he reconstructed the bones of his own hummingbird on the plate and he made the tiny skeleton stand up by he pressed down on it's back it flapped it's tiny wings. It was grisly but entertaining and Hebe left off crying long enough to smile and clap her hands. This time the food went in with no problem and the spoon came out unharmed. Ick smiled triumphantly.

Cassandra's eyes opened wider staring at the performance."I think I'm going insane."

"You just have to get a feel for these things." Icarus dandled the tot on his knee and she broke out into a delighted grin. But she was still restless and fussy.

"Does this kid ever go to sleep?" asked Cass wearily.

"Babies are like that, my Pet, answered Icarus, "they keep weird hours. Did'nt you notice anything about us babies back in Canathus?"

"Believe me, more than I ever wanted to."

Icarus blushed, and changed the conversation.

"Well, at any rate...this little one's wide awake. She looks like an owl".

"Does this mean we're stuck here for the rest of the evening? Where are all those servants? where's the darn nurse?"

"Megara gave her some spending money and the evening off."

"Spending money and evening off!...What kind of mistress is she, anyway!

"Hey - let's you and I explore the Night Market! We'll take Hebe with us- that should tire her out"!

"Well... anything's better than hanging out here watching her Not go to sleep."

He turned to the baby and she grabbed his nose."You wanna come to with us to the markety warkety my little Hebe Weeby?"

Cass clapped her hands and a slave appeared inquireingly ...

"Yes...bring the sedan around...my cloak, please... and something to vomit into?"

The market was huge and bustling, and full of excitement and jostling crowds. It was far more exotic than the Agora, much less organized and, as Cassandra mentioned, a great deal smellier. It seemed as if everything in the world was for sale here- stalls and booths bursting with copper pots and gold jewely, brightly painted textiles, leopard skins, ostrich feathers and giant tusks of ivory from deepest Africa... fragrant woods like cinnamon, myrrrh and cedar from the East, chickens, grain, beer, stacks of linen, bales of wheat and hemp, spices, logs of ebony, hunting dogs, carved furniture, precious perfumes, marble sarcophagi...slaves...caskets of jewels were sold next to the butcher stall where huge hunks of fly covered carcasses swayed on hooks ...it was all for sale- and all here in one great huge glorious shopping experiance, lit up by flickering torchlight.

In one corner against a wall a man was trying to sell a chained rhinoceros {"That's... the ugliest looking unicorn I have Ever seen" said Icarus}in another corner they came across Arabian horses being auctioned off ...none of them as handsome as were performing fire eaters and deformed dwarves. Cassandra and Icarus wandered here and there up and down through the twisted alley ways of the amazing place with Hebe contentedly sat enthroned like a little goddess in in a basket that the two of them carried between them. She looked around at everything in happy wide eyed wonder. She smiled and gurgled and drooled and blew bubbles. Going to sleep appeared to be at the very bottom of her list. After an hour or so of browsing the trio came upon a little alley way they had'nt noticed before, and turning the corner they came upon a particularly unhygienic-looking stall hung with animal pelts and shrunken ancient woman behind the wooden table croaked out to them-and held up a tantalizing tray of bright baubles. "Would you like a souvenir, Travelers? something to remember Thebes?"

The two of them paused casually and baby Hebe reached over and suddenly snatched something from the tray.

"WHhoa now, Hebe"- said Icarus. "what do you have there, Sweets?"

"She has good taste" said the old crone. "It's an ivory tooth. From a crocodile."

"A crock of what?"

"A crocodile"

"What's that?"

"A dragonlike beast sacred to our people" replied the old woman, "that lives in the River Nile. That tooth is very ancient, very rare, and very expensive. "

"Is that so? well, Hebe...time to give the nice lady back her tooth".

"Mine!" said Hebe. She clutched the tooth harder. It was long and white and shiny and smooth and fit just nicely in her chubby little hand. She showed no inclination whatsoever to return it to it's owner.

"Now... Hebe, baby, give it back to the nice Lady", cooed Ick gently.

Hebe smiled but shook her head..."MINE!"

"No, not yours, it belongs to the nice Lady...who wants it back now."

"MINE!"

Cassandra folded her arms and leaned up against a wooden post hung with dried figs, grinning.

Ick glanced up at her in rare irritation."What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing. Just the sight of you trying to take something away from the world's strongest infant. Wondering who will win...I think I'm putting my money on the baby".

"Don't worry- I know ALL about gotta be firm with them, that's all."

"Now Darling," he said, through clenched teeth- "Give Uncle Icky that thing ..." he firmly grabbed the child's hand and tried to pry the tooth from her grasp. She made a face and yanked her arm away in a violent movement that sent sending him tumbling into the air head over heels and smack up hard against a wall. Icarus pondered the situation from his upside postion down for awhile.

"Ok... this might be a problem."

"It was your bright idea to bring her here."

"Don't rub it in."

The old crone interuppted."Excuse me - are you going to buy this item or not? I'll be closing soon."

"Just a second" smiled Icarus bravely. He uncoiled himself and addressed the situation again, but Hebe sent him even further in the opposite direction into a stall of iron pots that came crashing down painfully on top of him.

He picked himself and came limping over.

"We'll take it", he said.

The old woman smiled. "The child is strong, no? Wait 'til she starts dating."

"Yeah, yeah, well, never mind...how much for the tooth?"

"100 goldpieces."

"WHAT! That's Appian Way robbery!"

"100 gold pieces- or give it back."

"I, uh...ohm...hmmmm"...Icarus glanced at Hebe, who furrowed her brow threateningly.

He sighed, and reached for his money pouch, spilling the contents of it out on the wooden table."OK ...here's the 100 pieces...therya are." He turned back to the now happy baby and narrowed his eyes, glowering."This..ain't ...Over, ya know!"

Hebe triumphantly beamed.

The crone grinned knowingly as she dropped the coins into an old wooden box and closed the lid."Here," she added "free of charge" and she handed Ick a braided silver chain. "You can slip this on this and wear it as a neckace...but I have to warn you- that's no child's toy. It's Cursed! Cursed! I Tell you!It's got the power to give you three wishes... three wishes- but wishes that will be granted in such a way as to only bring unhappiness and displeasure and... bad luck."

"C'mon...What do we look like, Tourists?"

"Well, actually...yes, you do."

"OK..ok... we are tourists ...but that does'nt mean you have to give us the mumbo jumbo monkey paw jazz. We bought the thing already."

"Just a warning, Friend- all I am saying is ...don't wish for anything while you are holding that tooth...unless you are prepared to take the consequences...Only the wisest of the wise can handle the Power of the Tooth."

Cass sighed. "I wish she had'nt said that."

"Yeah, well... we can handle ourselves...thanks for the local color, lady."

They nodded good bye and wandered off, drifting back and forth between the stalls and booths.

Cass shook her head in consternation. "That was a very expensive shopping you even have any money left?"

"No" answered Ick sadly- "I'm cleaned out..But... I Do have a plan...{alpha} we hang out here a bit more ...{beta} wait til Hebe falls asleep,{gamma} get back the tooth from her {delta} return it to the old shop lady...and {epsilon} ask for a refund."

"What if she refuses to do it?"

"We get the baby to beat her up."

Cass suppressed a laugh and shrugged... "Ok, well... it's worth a if it means I don't have to lend you any money."

"True"...he answered, grinning..."true...although...just think of all the won...derful ways I could pay you back!"

"Not with that tooth sticking out of your eyesocket, you could'nt. C'mon- let's get this kid sleepy."

They drifted from booth to booth, slowly swaying the basket between them in a relaxing way, and even stopped to buy some warm camel's milk to help Hebe get Morpheus'es attention. It finally worked. Slowly the little body slumped back, the little eyes glazed over and the little thumb went into the mouth. She even started to snore.

"Hey! she snores just like Herc!"

They put the basket down and inspected the sleeping tooth slipped to the bottom of the retrieved it, and they made their way back to the old woman's stall. It was .Gone.

"Hmmmm...she's either a magical crone who disappears into other dimensions or she closed down for the night."

"Great, Oh that's JUST great!"

"Well...it looks like you're the proud owner of one overpriced, cursed tooth. Congratulations."

Icarus picked it up and inspected it philosophicly."Ah...well...easy come.... easy go...Hmmmm...Doe'snt look too evil" he said. "In fact, it's kinda pretty."

Cass examined carefully. It had some interesting carving on it and was ornamented on top with some beautiful silver metal work."It is attractive - in a sort of primitive, ferocious way."

Icarus smiled. "Just like me!" Grrrrrr...! He growled sexily at her.

Cass rolled her eyes. "Down, Boy...What are you going to do with this, anyway? It would make a good can opener some day...when they invent cans, that is."

..."Well, then...if you like it...let me make you a present of it ... If you will accept this gift from me - my toothsome wench?" He took the liberty of looping the chain around the top and reaching up to hang it around her neck. It looked pretty against the dark blue of her gown.

Cassandra gave him a sardonic look."Awww... A cursed souvenir to bring pain and destruction into my life. How kind of you."

"Oh pish tosh...there's no curse... that's tourist talk... and so what? if there really is one..that's kinda cool... ya just make your wish Very should'nt be so hard to outsmart a tooth."

"What's if it's a wisdom tooth?"

"Ha! Good one! But... I remain undeterred. We're taking this baby out for a test drive."

He grabbed the tooth firmly in his fist and proclaimed..."I wish ...to be a Hero! A real important hero and do something... INCREDIBLY heroic that will win me the love of my Sweet long lost Cassandra for ever and ever and ever !

"I don't think there's that much magic in the world."

"Hhmmm... then how about you just lend me money to tip the sedan runners?"

"That I can 's go home."

The queen rushed into the temple and and strode up to the altar. "Anubis! Holy Sacred Keeper of Death.! "Get out here, NOW!" She tossed some spices on to the low burning flames and a huge puff of smoke exploded...but instead of the muscular black skinned jackel god appearing, a great cloud of sulphurous grey blue steam arose...and a tall commanding figure seemed to manifest from it's very boiling moisture...a tall figure voluminously clothed in a dark blue robe that seemed to be made of smoke and steam itself. He had a grotesquely jagged face and fanged teeth. His eyes were as yellow as the vulture's and from the top of his head a cobalt blue flame burned. She fell back in surprise.

"Who...who... who are You?"

"Glad to see ya, glad to see ya, how ya doin"?- Hades, Lord of the Dead, God of the Grecian Underworld and all around Goodtime Party Guy... At your service... my card..."

The queen glanced down at the tiny flame-edged parchment he proffered.

Hades, Lord of the Dead

"I Know Where the Bodies are Buried"

24 hour/7 day Disposal-Souls Tortured -Rights Wronged-Wills Probated-

This Coupon Good for 10% Off Your Next Ride on the River Styxx

"So... YOU are Hades..."

"In the flesh.! Well...so to speak."

"...Impressive...but what are you doing here?"

"I'm a business partner to Anubis...or did'nt he let you in on that fascinating little newsflash?"

"Uh no...no...as a matter of fact he didnt!"

"Ah... he did'nt did he...well, sounds like Nubie's in the dog house...hmmmmm..I'll have to deal with him later...gee...ya just cant trust anyone these days...canyu...anyway...you called?"

"I just found out that Hercules is immortal! "

Hades leaned up against a gilt colonm and grinned.

"Yeah...kick in the head...ain't it?"

"I did'nt know ...I could'nt know... and if he's immortal... he is the only one who can fight and destroy the monster-and whole deal is ruined...she whirled around in consternation..."And you're not upset?..

"My associates and had already informed me that Hercules was on the case and that the game was afoot. I've already effectively dealt with my anger."

He picked up a charred scepter on which the blackened remains of Pain and Panic were painfully skewered. They smiled apologetically, and the Queen winced.

"It's not the end of the world, Toots... if we work together ...we might actually still Do this thing...it's up to you..The price of the you-know-what is going up all the time...but if you manage to put this demi god out of commission- I'll guarantee you a life time supply- forever."

"But...if he's not mortal ...there's no way to destroy him, right?

"I've been giving this a lotta thought...Who said...we would destroy him? why not ...just destroy his world? why not just put him out of commission by wrecking everything in his life..thats just as good as killing him...in some ways, better."

"Ahh... I see... oh ...I can do that...but...why do you need me?Why can't you just do it yourself?"

"Ummmmm"...Hades paused...and massaged his temples..."we have a History...let's just say it's not easy for me to get close to him these days ...especially now that he's got a kid...I believe Zeus set the restraining order at 20 hectares."

The queen smiled...and nodded.( She knew all about restraining orders}...

".Hmmmm ...destroy his world...even better...have HIM destroy his own world...and go insane with the realization...the beautiful wife...the infant child ...those friends he seemed to think so highly of {for, ya know...whatever reason}...Hades...".

"Beg pardon?"

"What would you say... if...if I told you I know of a potion to make a man- god insane with a killing rage ...a rage evil enough to murder his nearest and dearest?"

"I'd say...... tell me more... dear lady."

"It's a potion that makes you enraged beyond all comprehension...and turns all the love you have for your close ones to instant seething hatred. He will see anyone close to him as evil enemies...he will be over whelmed for a desire to kill any one he loves...actually, once he gets going he'll destroy anything he sees...It's not easy to create- but the main ingrediant is a rare form of cobra venom from a very specific cobra...my own."

"That's convenient. I thought I heard you say he was defanged."

"Would you tell people he was'nt?"

"I see your point...I like your thinking. Ya know...you have a very nice deceitful quality in you that's very easy to work with. I like that in a mortal."

The queen's thoughts were hatching like scarab eggs..{ew!}..."We would have to poison him in some kind of banquet ceremony...it takes a while to kick in..."

"Easy enough... throw a celebration hero's banquet...to honor the great warrior yadadada ...they do that all the time..."

"Hold a banquet in his honor...poison him...he goes home... and he goes ballistic. Anyone attempting to get close to him will be sliced to ribbons..."

"Sounds like a plan..." Hades smiled..."Once and for all... I may actually come out on top this time"...

"And we're square til the end of time on the cream deal, right?"

"Babe- you do this for me you'll be knocking 'em dead into the next millenium...just make sure you hold up your side of the bargain. I want Herc to put his whole family-and those friends of his...on ice."

"You have a deal, Hades...it's set in stone. This thing will be done...I vow that to you...uhh... just one question?"

"What, Babe?"

"...What... is..."Ice?"

CONTINUED NEXT WEEK...