Title: Stray Hairs
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus has allergies, Sirius exploits them.
A/N: This was the prompt, given to me by the very awesome sopdetly. I feel like being evil: either Remus or Sirius finds out he's allergic to dogs (werewolves not included). And this is what came out. It's so sweet it makes up for all of the coke I haven't had today.
Remus sneezed violently and tried to wipe his nose discreetly. It was bad enough sniffling and making disgusting noises in class, but he drew the line at visible bodily fluids. He looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye. Sirius grinned and scratched the back of his head. Then he stretched, swinging his arms out widely and barely missing Remus' nose with the back of his curled fist. He dropped several straight black hairs onto Remus' parchment. After Sirius had pulled his arms back to his sides Remus sniffled again and turned to glare full on at Sirius. He chanted the word 'Crucio' in his mind, hoping that at least one of Sirius' eyebrows would singe or smoke. Anything to take the attention off Remus and the plague he had come down with.
"Mr. Lupin!" Professor McGonagall brought her wand down on the desk at the front of the room with a sharp thwap and both Remus and Sirius jumped, along with most of the other students. One of the students in the back row fell out of his chair and Remus was grateful for the commotion, until Professor McGonagall turned her attention back to him.
"Mr. Lupin, if you have the extraordinary ability to turn Mr. Black into a salamander, then you may continue to pay more attention to him than to me." There was a pause in which every pair of eyes in the room turned to look at them. Sirius grinned widely and even gave a small wave to one of the girls in the front row. She nearly fainted.
Remus shrunk down into his chair as far as he could go and wondered if he could turn himself into a salamander, and how long it would take Professor McGonagall to catch and eat him in feline form. "No ma'am," he muttered.
"Oh, I bet it wouldn't be too difficult, Professor," Sirius leaned back in his chair and let his feet dangle above the ground. "I am already hot you know." He winked at the girl, who actually did fall back into her chair.
"Yes Mr. Black. We are all aware of what most of the female population thinks of you."
James leaned in from the other side and stage whispered into Sirius' ear. "We also know what a decent amount of the male population thinks of you."
"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall shouted. Remus sneezed again. Professor McGonagall's eyes softened a little. "Mr. Lupin, would you like to go to the infirmary?"
Remus shuddered visibly and Sirius' smile dimmed by twenty watts. "If you don't mind professor, I've already been. It's just an allergy, Madame Pomfrey can't do much for it."
Professor McGonagall nodded. "Would you like to return to your dorm then? You look miserable."
"Yes ma'am," Remus said quickly, and started haphazardly wiping things from his desk into his bag.
Sirius raised his hand. "Mr. Black?" she said evenly.
"Can I go with him? You know, just in case he faints or something."
Remus avoided looking at Sirius and walked quickly for the door. This time he was sure it would have worked, he would have killed him. What kind of a bloody girl did Sirius think he was?
Professor McGonagall sighed. "Well, it's not as if you're going to learn anything here, are you Mr. Black?"
Sirius hurried after Remus with his bag clutched to his chest. "That's always difficult Professor, as I already know everything!" The word 'detention' was flung out after them.
Remus walked in silence with Sirius following behind, idly chattering about the lake and the squid and the girl in the front row. They were almost to the portrait of the fat lady when Sirius grabbed the neck of Remus' robe and hauled him off sideways behind a tapestry in the corridor. Remus spluttered. "Sirius, you idiotic ponce in a mmgffgg."
"In a secret passage?" Sirius asked. He ran his top teeth across Remus' bottom lip. "With a werewolf." He licked along Remus' jaw. "Who's allergic to dogs." He nipped at Remus' collar bone.
"You did all that on purpose didn't you?" Remus pushed weakly at Sirius' chest.
"Yup." Sirius kissed Remus on the lips again. He had just started to run his tongue under Remus' when Remus jerked his head sideways, nearly taking Sirius' tongue with him. He sneezed. Someone outside of the passage yelped.
"I need a napkin," Remus said, and sniffled loudly. Sirius bent over and grabbed the hem of his robe. He brought it up and used it to wipe Remus' face, then he kissed Remus on the nose. "That is so gross," Remus said.
"Not nearly as gross as you." Sirius playfully shoved Remus up against the brick behind him.
"And who's fault is that?"
"Mine, all mine," Sirius said. He leaned in and licked Remus' lips before kissing them again.