A/N: Merry early Christmas, everyone! This is my first Christmas work that I've ever written for fanfiction (yay!), and my first full-blown AU, so… yeah… The script for the play is a madlib of the nativity story that my youth group came up with on our yearly Christmas party, hence the name. And… please, no one be offended. This is purely for fun; I'm not bashing anyone or anything here. I'm a Christian myself – I love the Christmas story, always have, but what's the fun in being so stiff-necked about everything in the Bible? Let's go have some fun with it!

If you're easily offended by religious thingies, then maybe you shouldn't read this. I mean no offense whatsoever, but… some people miiiiiiight take this the wrong way.

Enjoy and review!

Chapter 1: My Best Friend Butchered the Nativity Story

Christmas. The best time of the year, filled with joy, laughter, and all around goodwill (not to mention my mom's special chocolate fudge – yummy!). Simply magical, isn't it? It's a time of family, music, lights, and stories by the fire. My favorite is the story of the Christ child from the Bible – called the Nativity story at church. It brings to light my favorite memories. But best of all is –

"Riku! Riku, get up! They're passing out parts for the pageant at church today!"

…definitely not my baby sister waking me up at 6 AM every Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Groaning, I rolled onto my back, rubbing my eyes sleepily. Opened a crack now, I saw a pair of cerulean eyes peeking down at me, lit by a sunny smile that only appeared during the last month of every year. Black hair partially covered a pale, doll-like forehead. "Ngh?" I mumbled, kicking my legs out in a weak attempt to push her off. "Gerrof. Lemmego bacca sleep…" Pulling my blanket over my head, I rolled over again and shut my eyes. The next moment, a sudden cold and the sound of fabric hitting the carpet made my eyes jerk open. "Whazza big ideeea?" I grumbled, turning a bleary glare my sister's way.

Xion stuck her lip out in a pout. "Come on, Riku, it's the big day today! Pageant day, remember?"

"We don't hafta be there for three hours," I whined. "Can't I sleep in?"

"Nope!" Xion grabbed my arm, trying to pull me off of the bed. I resisted, seizing the headboard with both hands and holding tight. And here's where being the captain of RGHS's basketball team came in handy – my arm strength was much greater than my sister's. She couldn't have pried me out of bed if she'd brought along a crowbar. Of that, I was grateful – unfortunately, she had… other methods of getting me up.

One of the most annoying things about having a little sister is that she always knows how to get to you. It's even worse if you're a boy, like I am – I have yet to figure out how a girl's brain works, and I've had to live with Xion for over fifteen years. So of course, she just had to play this card – the cruelest trick that she had up her sleeve. Yep. She tickle-attacked me.

"H-hey, stop it!" I shrieked, unwittingly rolling sideways off the bed, hitting the ground with a thump! Cackling evilly, Xion wiggled her fingers against my sides, fighting off my thrashing limbs with practiced ease. "G-get off me, Xi!" I yelped. She ignored me. "Fine, fine, you win! I'm up, I'm UP! I'll ge-get ready, sheesh!" Immediately, she stopped, a look of triumph crossing her face.

"Well then… let's get started," she said sweetly.

"I hate you," I muttered.

XXX

"Alright everybody, settle down." Aqua held up her hands, trying to calm down the group of chatty teenagers congregated in the youth room. She was the youth pastor's personal assistant and the most responsible of all of the Twilight Friend's youth, so of course she'd be in charge when Aerith wasn't there. I guess she was pretty, with large blue eyes, a smooth, flawless face, and a shock of hair she'd dyed bright blue, but she was a senior. WAAAAAY out of my league. Besides, she was a little… stiff-necked, sometimes.

I refused to sit with my little sister during Sunday School. It's not that I think I'm too cool for her, or anything – but she hung out with Roxas and Axel. I didn't like them. Roxas was always moody, constantly sulking or scowling about something, and Axel was a punk. And I mean a legit punk. He'd been suspended a couple of times for various reasons; swearing at teachers, vandalism, even a couple of fights. The only thing he wasn't confirmed doing was drugs, surprisingly. Worst still, Xion idolized him. My overprotective big brother instincts made me a little… tense about that. Mom said that I shouldn't be so quick to judge him, said he came from a rough background, and I guess she was right, but… still… easier said than done.

My friends, Sora and Kairi, were much better behaved than those two were. Kairi was a member of the student council, an honors student with enough points as a freshman to make it into the thespian club, and a member of the school's leadership program. She was a future valedictorian, I was sure of it. Sora was… well, he was a goof. But he meant well – he had the biggest heart out of everyone I knew. Not like his beast of a brother, Vanitas… but more on him later.

"Hey guys, will you SHUT UP?!" Aqua's friend Terra roared. Silence fell. One of the junior boys, Zexion, looked up from the Advanced Human Bio textbook he had been reading. Yuffie and Demyx, both from my year, looked up from the laptop they had been gawking at previously to face the front. Aqua gave Terra a grateful look.

"As you know, the first Sunday after Thanksgiving is the day when Twilight Friend's yearly youth pageant parts and scripts are handed out," she began. "As you – also – know," she added seriously, "Aerith is on maternity leave right now, so I'm going to be taking over directing of the play this year. So let's get started. Sora, Ventus, can you hand out the scripts? You chose the play this year, after all."

Ventus, Roxas' identical twin brother (who honestly acted more like Sora, actually), grinned and produced a stack of papers from thin air. "Take one and pass the rest along." With that, the papers travelled through the group, starting with Kairi's sister, Naminé, and ending with me. As the scripts passed into my hands, I balked at the words on the page in front of me.

" 'A Very Madlib Christmas'? What is this?" I turned to Sora, who smirked at me, azure eyes alight with mischief.

"Exactly what it sounds like," he replied. "Got that script online. Hayner, Pence and Olette did the honors of providing the words – Demyx and Yuffie, too." The two raised their hands, matching grins on their faces. Groaning, I sat back in my chair.

"You didn't," I groaned. "Tell me we're not doing some crazy, patched-together skit this year. This is going to piss everyone off so bad, Sora." I turned to him in exasperation. He was still grinning.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" He slapped my back confidentially. "Look, we already have it figured out. Just give it a try, 'kay? Please?" I glared at him.

"Do I have a choice?" I mumbled. Across the room, Xion giggled. Soon enough, Roxas and Axel had joined in.

"Oh, that's genius," Axel snickered, pointing at something on the first page. "Did you come up with that one, Demyx?" The boy moved over to see what he was looking at. He smirked.

"Yep, that one was me!" he said cheerfully. " 'A Xigbar in Galilee'…" He laughed, a high, squeaky sound that resembled the squeak of a mouse. Oh yeah, I didn't like him much, either. He was annoying. Still, what he'd said sparked my curiosity. I flipped to the first page. My eyes widened.

"You can't put Princess Bride references in a Christmas Pageant!" I practically yelled. Xion stuck her lip out in a pout.

"But it's funny!" she protested.

"Funny?" I stared at her in disbelief. "The play is butchering the nativity story. We can't do this!" I slapped the script for emphasis, then, pausing, flipped to the next page. "And you definitely can't use Star Wars and Monty Python references in this! It completely ruins the impact of the story!"

"Gee, thanks," Sora muttered. Aqua frowned. She turned to me.

"Sorry, Riku, but they did choose this play already. Besides, the little kids are still doing a normal pageant. Ours has always been mostly for fun, remember? Don't you remember last year's play?"

"Yeah!" Ven chimed in. "All I Want for Christmas was great! Roxas made an awesome jack-in-the-box!"

"I will never be able to live that down," Roxas groaned, his head dropping into his hands. "Never put Demyx in charge of casting again, please?" Axel patted his friend's back, muttering something that sounded like I feel you, bro. Ugh. The world's most whiny, annoying duo, on the job again. Why did Xion have to hang out with them?

"Come on, Riku," Kairi added irritably. "Sora helped pick this one out!" She grabbed the boy's shoulder for emphasis, causing him to tense up and blush furiously. She didn't notice. "Can't you at least do it for him?"

Three sets of puppy dog eyes were sent my way, one from Kairi, one from Sora, and one aiming at me from across the room in the form of my little sister. Great. No way could I stand up to that for too long – not even Axel could endure the "power puppy begging stare". Still, I resisted, standing firm for a few more moments before finally caving. Sighing, I threw up my hands. "Okay, you win. Fine. Let's get this over with."

"Great! " Ven and Sora both held their scripts up like banners. "Now, let's talk about casting." Ven turned to me, a wicked smile crossing his face. "Riku, you're Mary."

"WHAT?!"

Haha, yes!

The reason that I have Riku playing Mary is because we had a boy playing her at the party, just for the fun of it. Okay… actually, he volunteered, but he did such a good job! It was hilarious.

This first chapter isn't as funny as I'd hoped that it would be. Oh, well. I guess I'm just unaccustomed to writing fluff. *sigh* just going to have to work on it.

Review!