Hello my lovely readers! This is my first Phantom story being posted, and I'm very surprised I did it. I've been very dependent on my co-author to write the other stories I have done (which you should check out, by the way: "What the Heck is Wrong with These People?" its sequel "There is Something Seriously Wrong with These People" and don't forget a story we wanted to call "We Couldn't Even Think of a Name to Match the Awesomeness of This Story" but that wouldn't fit. So we called it "Totally Hilarious Just READ IT!" All of those are Twilight parodies and twice… maybe three times as funny as this one. Because I had a co-author. So you should read them too.

Well that got long. I don't own these characters, duh. So don't bug me. But DO review!

Some may ask me, "Do you regret picking Raoul?"

Heck yes I do.

House shopping was the worst. I've always wanted a house on a mountain. Ever since I was a little girl. But Raoul claims it makes his hair frizzy. I figured a rich guy could buy me a house on a mountain. But no. Mr. Conditioner has frizzy hair at high altitudes.

I crept down the stairs, mindful not to wake my child. That's another thing. I wanted to name him Philip. But Raoul wanted to name him Gustave.

Anyways, as I crept down the stairs, I was running through my plan in my mind. I just have to escape and beg Erik to help me return and get Gustave. Whom I will rename Philip. I got to the door, slowly turned the knob, pulled on it…

And the hinges creaked.

"OH MY GOSH. CAN I NOT GET MY HALF-BRAINED HUSBAND TO FIX A SQUEAKY DOOR SO I CAN ESCAPE?" I yelled to no one in particular. I heard Conditioner-brain get out of bed above me, so I sprinted out the door. But, lucky me, I got about five feet out the door and slammed into something. I had completely forgotten that there was a wall there. Wait…. But there ISN'T a wall there! It's a creepy shadowy figure! And I thought I lost my mind. I laughed at myself, and then realized that this might be worse than the alternative.

"Who are you? And why are you impersonating a wall?" I asked the creepy silhouette.

"Christine… It is I, Erik, come to help your plan. I too hate the name Gustave!" he used his mystery-voice that he reserves only for high-intensity moments.

"What? How did you know about my plan? Or Gustave? Which by the way is yours."

"The Phantom knows all!" He swished his cape around dramatically. "And I have a son? Yay! Yippee!" He skipped around in circles, then stopped to smell a lovely red tulip.

"But if I don't get out of here, you'll never have custody! Run!" I pulled up my annoying fancy dress and ran next to Phantom, dreaming of a better life. Raoul stood on his porch and looked at us funny. He then turned around and called my name, so I'm pretty sure he thinks we're just some people running. Not his wife that is filing for divorce and his arch nemesis helping her escape. But he doesn't know much. He thinks Gustave is his son, even though he and I have never… you know. He thinks we did, though. He thinks that… mating… is checkers. So during our honeymoon, all we did was play checkers. I seriously think his shampoo kills brain cells.

"I got a new horse. It is even more dark and mysterious than the first!" Erik informed me as he helped me onto his new dark and mysterious horse.

"It's black… Just like the other one…"

"Yes, but now I have two dark and mysterious horses, but I need a reason to brag about it, so I am claiming he is even more dark and mysterious," he jumped on in front of me, and as I latched onto his back, he cracked his Twizzler rope and we eloped. If you could call it that.

Ta-da! Review please. I need ideas! We HAVE to make a naggy Christine. And a homosexual Raoul. But give me some INSPIRATION, people! Love you for reading! Love you FOREVER if you review! It's a little blue button…. Closer….. closer….. CLICK IT!