Stage One: Denial
"Rise and Shine!" Merlin called out, pulling open the curtains in Arthur's chambers.
Arthur turned over in bed, as to be facing away from the window, he groaned,"Go away, Merlin."
Merlin smirked,"I don't think so, you've got some business to attend to."
"How would you know, Merlin, you're not very organized, are you? Have you even seen your room." Arthur replied haughtily.
Merlin just rolled his eyes in response,"I'm a better organizer than you are, that's for sure. Now get up."
Merlin walked over to Arthur's bed, ripping the covers off of him, revealing his well built upper body. Merlin dragged him off his bed, Arthur then fell on the floor with a huff.
Arthur was forced to pick himself off the floor now that he had been taken away from the comforts of his bed.
Arthur got behind his changing screen, as Merlin hands him his clothes of the day.
Merlin would catch quick glances of Arthur's chest, and his mind would wander for a few seconds, until he snapped himself out of it or Arthur called his name, or Merlin would snap himself out of it.
"You seem to be preoccupied today, Merlin. What's on your mind, the tavern?" Arthur said cockily.
Merlin glared halfheartedly at him,"I am not thinking of the tavern." I'm thinking about you almost escaped his mouth, but then he realized that he didn't actually feel like that, at least he tried to convince himself of that.
"I'm just busy thinking," Merlin replied in a hurried tone.
Arthur came out from behind the screen and gave Merlin a look,"You, thinking? What has the world come to."
"Prat."
"Idiot."
They both smirked at each other.
The entire day was a bore, meeting after meeting and Merlin was forced to attend each one, standing in the background, needing to keep Arthur's goblet from running dry. It was the most energy consuming task. He would have much preferred to have been in the stocks than standing there in the hall, knees aching, arms aching, everything aching. All because of Arthur Pratdragon.
The entire time Merlin couldn't keep himself from staring at Arthur. Noticed how he brought the goblet to his lips, moved his arms in a gesture to the maps of Camelot, how his torso turned when someone would speak. The way his lips parted and when he licked them.
Merlin found himself having to snap himself out of thinking about Arthur, each time trying to convince himself that he didn't like Arthur like that, they were just friends, just friends. As much as he tried to convince himself of that he knew deep down that it wasn't true.
That night found Merlin tossing and turning in bed, attempting to get Arthur out of his crowded mind. Arthur's lips and golden hair would run through his mind every few seconds, appearing then disappearing without a moments notice.
Soon he awoke and groaned. It was hopeless, but he didn't want to admit it. He did not like Arthur, he did not find him attractive and he would continue to convince himself no matter how much he wanted to kiss his lips. No matter how much he wanted to hold him in a loving embrace. It was futile, but Merlin didn't care. He needed to get Arthur out of his mind.
Merlin decided to take a short walk around the grounds, maybe that would help him get his mind off of Arthur. He sat up and got off his bed, slipping on his boots and his jacket.
He walked out of the physicians chambers, careful not to awake Gaius. He stepped out through the doors and headed towards the doors leading out of the castle. He sat on the front steps, leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes and breathed in the misty night air, felt the cold biting at his cheeks and nose, but he could care less.
He once more let his mind wander, but surprisingly he didn't think about Arthur, he thought of every other possible thing he could think of that didn't involve Arthur. Which was about nothing, except his mother, Hunith who he opted to think of to get his mind off of Arthur.
The last time he saw her she had almost died, he could still see the boils. He hadn't spoken to her for a few months. And long months they were. Some of the longest ever.
Ar-No, Merlin thought. The prince, now King, hadn't been the same since his father's death, nothing had been the same since Uther's death. Things had become harder yet simpler than they had ever been before.
Camelot seemed to be flourishing faster and smoother than before. People seemed to be in higher spirits, yet they still mourned the Kings death. Ar-No the King had made many changes, from the knights code being altered to new laws being established and taken away.
Camelot was entering it's Golden Age, or at least trying to. The threat of Morgana still loomed over the city, holding on like a plague. The fear there, yet not tangible. There hadn't been word or sight from Morgana for over a year, and people were becoming worried, convinced she was planning something. Something that would change everything, whether it be better or worse. Everyone was now waiting, any day now she would come, any day now things would change.
As Merlin was lost in thought he didn't hear that someone was approaching him.
He didn't notice until Gwaine, Knight of Camelot and member of The Round Table sat down next to him and put his hand on Merlin's shoulder, "What's troubling you mate? You've got a look about you. I don't like it."
Merlin jumped a little, his thoughts stripped clear out of his mind, "Oh, Gwaine, you scared me. Nothing's bothering me," Gwaine snorted, "I'm serious, I just couldn't sleep so I decided to come out here and get some fresh air. What are you doing out here?"
Gwaine chuckled, "Always one to hide your true feelings, eh Merlin? Guess I'm out here for the same reason you said you are. Couldn't sleep. Now come on, tell me what's really going on. You know you can trust me. I won't tell a soul. Cross my heart and hope to die."
Merlin chuckled and glanced at Gwaine, and he thought, 'What if I do tell him, how would he react, would he be able to help me? It would be weird though. I'm not even convinced myself that I have feelings for him.' Merlin sighed.
Gwaine looked at him quizzically, "Come on Merlin," Gwaine pushed lightly yet firmly, knowing now when something truly was bothering Merlin.
Merlin sighed and then blurted out, "I think I like Arthur." Merlin put his hand up to his mouth when he realized what he had just said.
Gwaine looked at him curiously, "Like, like, or like like?"
Merlin sighed and said, "Like, like like."
Gwaine's face went blank then he started laughing, "I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW it. The way you look at him Merlin, I'm surprised Arthur hasn't noticed."
Merlin looked at Gwaine like a fish out of water, "What, you? What? I. I don't like him, but I do like him. How did you know?"
Merlin shook his head. Gwaine chuckled, "So, you're in that stage hu?"
Merlin glanced up at Gwaine, "What stage?"
"Denial," Gwaine replied, "not wanting to admit you really like someone, not wanting to admit to the little thoughts that run through your head. Trust me Merlin, once you get past this stage, it's a lot easier."
"How would you know?" Merlin grumbled.
"Because, I've been in this situation. And believe it or not, whenever I felt like this I always stayed with that person for a very long time. Almost married her actually. Didn't work out in the end, she was lovely though."
Merlin looked at him curiously, "Really? Gwaine, almost married? I wouldn't believe it unless you told me," he sighed, "do you really think that's all this is?"
Gwiane sighed and chuckled, "Yes me friend, once you admit it, it'll be so much easier to accept what you are feeling."
Merlin seemed to perk up a bit, "Thanks Gwaine."
"Any time."