Hey, don't take it out on me

If you can't see

We know that it's the truth

Only you

Don't turn your back on me

Wait and see

I'll go to hell with you

Here's the proof.

"To Hell With You" by Sleigh Bells

One Thursday afternoon, after the 2:00 run-down had finished, Will left the conference room and went directly to his office. He was in a bad mood, and no one knew why. The younger staff had been quieter than usual, trying to keep Will from getting angry at them. Mackenzie had noticed, but she hadn't pushed him, which might have made things worse. She ran the meeting, he offered a few points when he had them, and otherwise he'd sat there, brooding. When he left without saying a word, Mac had let him go. She was curious as to what bug was up his ass today, but she was busy enough not to want to waste much energy caring. She was sure it had to do with her in some way, and that she'd more than hear about it when it had manifested into yelling. Until then, she had stories to prep and a run-down to set.

At about 5:00 Will left the office. Mackenzie's curiosity was piqued, but she was so tired of trying to get inside Will's head. Yes, they were better friends than they had been, and yes, professionally things were going well, but whenever she tried to figure out where he was mentally it ended up a mess. "This entire situation is shambolic," she thought to herself. "Why do I even care? Where does it get me? Oh my God, I have to stop. What we have is fine. It's fine. It. Is. Fine." Mackenzie sighed, grabbed her glasses, and went back to highlighting the copy she had in front of her, though she continued to glance out her open office door to see if Will had returned.

About 6:10 she heard the elevator doors open and heard footfalls heading in her direction. When they stopped, she figured that it was Will, back from his errand or whatever he'd been doing, and that he'd gone into his office and avoided coming to say hello or that he had returned. "Just what does this man think he's doing?" she thought. "He's in a rotten mood all day, he leaves without telling anyone where he's going, and he returns as quietly as he left. We have just under two hours 'til air…" Mackenzie pushed her chair back, slipped her shoes back on, steeled herself, and walked out of her office.

She walked quite resolutely to Will's office and was pushing the door open when she caught sight of him sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. He was quiet, elbows on the desk, hands in his hair, face towards the mahogany. She had been about to storm in, demand answers, make him talk to her- yell at her, if necessary- but she stopped short, in the doorway, and said quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Will looked up and her with bleary eyes. "I was out trying to clear my head. It didn't really work, but thanks for asking." he said with a small smile.

"Your mood has taken a nose-dive this week. You've been quieter, but more irritable. Today you seem about ready to explode, but no one knows what will set you off. The staff are noticeably uncomfortable, and I'm just trying to get the show ready to air. Do you want to tell me what's going on, or what?" Mac asked, insistently but not unkindly.

Will shook his head. "I don't really want to get into it right now." he said.

Mackenzie shook her head in response. "You need to talk to someone. Have you seen Jack Habib?"

Will replied, "Yes, as a matter of fact I saw him yesterday morning, and for the last three Wednesdays. It's helped somewhat, but I'm actually making an effort, so maybe that's why I'm seeing some reults."

Mac nodded. "OK, well, if you want to talk about it, we can have a drink after the show or something. Right now I need you to be sure your copy is ready and to change and be ready to go on." She smiled, something of a half-smile, turned on her heel, and headed back to her own office.

Mackenzie's night in the control room went blissfully smoothly. She only had to speak into Will's ear twice, and each time he took her notes and did as he was told. "Hmmm," she thought, "so it takes a somber, contemplative mood to get him to listen?" She decided to make him think more deeply more often so she could better control his dialogue.

When the broadcast was over, Mackenzie went back to her office, gathered her things, and stopped by Will's office to say good night. She could hear him changing in his bathroom, so she stood in the doorway and waited. When he came out, he said, "I'm still not ready to talk. Why don't you head home and get some sleep. See you tomorrow."

Mackenzie wasn't willing to be brushed off this time. "No, I think you need to talk to me. I don't know what's going on in your head, but I need to. I may not like what you have to say, or how it'll make me feel, but I need to know what's happening. Your mood is affecting everyone in this place, and we need to fix it. Now out with it."

Will looked at her, opened his mouth, and then closed it. He stood in the middle of his office, hands on his hips, then running his left hand through his hair… He looked uncomfortable. Rarely did he look this ill-at-ease in her presence anymore. She knew this had to do with her.

They stood there in silence, staring at one another, when she finally had had enough. "OK, by your lack of speech I'll gather that this has something to do with me. Am I right? Something to do with how I mortally wounded you and made your life unlivable?" Mackenzie threw her things on the floor and closed the office door. If they were going to have a fight, she wanted to minimize the staff's involvement.

Will's eyes looked dark and moist as he looked back into hers. "Yes, it's about you, but no, it's not about blaming you."

Mackenzie stumbled a bit and put her hand out to the back of a chair for balance. "So what is it, then? What have I done, or not done, and why has it put you in so black a mood?"

Will walked to his desk and stood behind it. He said, "I feel like I've been in hell. I feel like Im *IN* hell, and I can't seem to find my way out. I don't know how better to explain it. I don't know what else to say."

Mackenzie just stared at him. "If you're in hell, Will, then I'm right there next to you. I've been there this whole time. The fact that I'm still here, with you, at the show, at ACN? There's your proof."

Will gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, well, that's half of why I feel so badly right now. You're in the same place as me, and it was me who put you here. You don't need to be."

He took a deep breath and went on. "I sorted out a lot of the stuff… the stuff between us, with Jack, over the last month or two, and I figured a whole bunch of shit out. Things I knew, but that I hadn't been ready to deal with or handle. I knew I'd gotten past the cause of our break-up, but it was so easy to keep beating you up over it. It was easier to allow myself to fall into old patterns than to create new ones. Hell was a familiar place, and it was easier to stay in my rut than to hoist myself out."

Mackenzie shook her head, and said, "So what does that mean? You've forgiven me? Should I be grateful? The last three years have been incredibly hard on me."

Will walked back around the desk and stood in front of her. "You have every right to be angry with me. I handled it about as badly as anyone could. Instead of dealing with things, I pushed them away and only dealt with the emotions, not the facts. I allowed myself to wallow in pain and turn it into misery rather than talk to you, listen to you, and deal with tangible facts. I used the misery as a means to punish you. I can't tell you how sorry I am for that."

Mackenzie was floored. "So that's what this mood of yours has been about? Why didn't you just TELL me?" she yelled.

Will answered, "Starting now, I'm going to communicate with you better. I really am, Mac. I need to, for so many reasons, but mainly because I've seen what I've been doing to you, and I'm ashamed of the man I've been. That ends today."

Will reached into his jacket pocket, and took out a long, flat box. He opened it and held it out to Mackenzie. Even in the low light of the office, she could see the sparkle of diamonds. She walked closer and look down into the box. It was a bracelet- a yellow gold bracelet of links holding together clusters of diamond lilies. It was breathtaking, and Mac's heart skipped a beat.

"I know how much you love lilies," he said quietly as he took the bracelet out of the box and held it out. "Can I help you put it on?" he asked.

Mackenzie took three steps closer and held out her left arm. She smiled as Will closed the clasp and then looked at the exquisite lily clusters going around her sleeve. "Why did you do this?" she whispered.

Will grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit next to him on the couch. "Because I wanted to say I'm sorry. Because I've wanted to say so for a few months now, but I didn't know what to say, or how to say it, or even if you'd let me say it. There's more. Do you want me to continue, or do you want to table this until tomorrow?"

Mackenzie didn't want him to stop talking, but she was tired and wanted to head home. She took a deep breath and said, "Why don't you come back to my apartment with me, and we can have some dinner and you can tell me the rest." Will smiled and got up and grabbed his things. "That sounds like a good idea. Lead on." he said.

When they reached the sidewalk they saw Lonny waiting at the curb in his black SUV. He seemed happy to see Mackenzie with Will, and he didn't miss a beat when Will said, "Lonny, please take us to Mac's place. I'm going to call ahead for food that we can grab on the way." Will proceeded to call the Italian restaurant that was up Mackenzie's corner and order pasta and salad and bread. When they stopped, Lonny went in for the food, and Will and Mackenzie sat in the car in silence, but smiling. "I have no idea what the rest of the night will bring," she thought, "but at least it seems to be moving in the right direction."

Lonny said he'd wait in the lobby until Will was ready to go home, so they parted at the elevator and headed up to Mackenzie's apartment. Will hadn't really seen this place- it was a different apartment than when they had dated- and he found that he liked what he saw. It was a lot smaller than his, but it had a homey feel that he found charming. It reflected Mackenzie's personality. Her furniture was beautiful- there was a small Queen Anne writing desk in the corner of the living room, and lots of chocolate- colored wood- an armoire for the TV, a coffee table and end tables… everything matched. Her couch was a smaller sectional, cream-colored and with many colorful pillows on it and a throw blanket folded neatly along the back. She had no kitchen table, but there was a small breakfast bar, and she had a table at the back of the living room in a small dining room area. From the dining room there was a door which lead to the bedroom, Will presumed.

Will unpacked all of the food and Mackenzie poured them each a glass of wine. Then she walked to the fireplace and lit it. (One of the advantages of having a gas fireplace was the ability to start it at a moment's notice and with no prep.) Once everything was out on the table and the flames were dancing merrily, they smiled at one another. Will walked over and pulled Mac's chair out for her, and she sat down. When he was seated across from her, he said,"Do you want to hear the rest?"

Mackenzie put down her fork and said, "Yes, I do. Please continue."

Will put his fork down as well, and took a big sip of wine. "Well…" he trailed off.

Mackenzie wiped her hands on her napkin and smoothed it back into her lap. "Out with it, Will. Just say whatever it is that you've got to say to me."

Will smiled and looked down at his plate. "I love you, Mackenzie. I always have. I always will. I don't know if there's any room in your heart for me anymore, especially with how I've acted the last six years, and I'll understand if you don't care, but I need you to know that all I ever do is think about you. I tried for a long time to convince myself otherwise, but I never could. I just thought that if I was going to try to be a better man I might as well be an honest man, too, and…"

Mackenzie interrupted Will in the middle of his stream of consciousness rambling. "What did you just say?" She stared at him with shining eyes.

Will cleared his throat. "I said that I love you, that I always have, and I always will. I understand that that might be too little too late, but, you know, nothing ventured..."

Mackenzie looked at Will across the table, the tears beginning to spill. "Oh, Will…" she said, and she looked down into her lap.

Will got out of his chair and knelt down in front of her. He pushed her chair back from the table and sat on the floor at her feet and grabbed her hands. He kissed her palms and said, "I don't deserve you. I don't know that I ever did, but I really don't now, with what an asshole I've been. I just don't want it to be too late." He looked up at her with the saddest expression Mac had ever seen. "Is it?" he asked. "Is it too late for us?"

Mackenzie reached out and stroked his hair. "Oh, Will… I never thought this day would come. No, of course it's not too late. Do you know how much I love you, still?"

Will looked up at Mackenzie and smiled through tears. "I don't know if I could have taken it if you'd said no. I love you, Mac. I'm going to show you every day just how much."