Title

Title: Through the Floor
Author: Twilight Angel
Authors Notes: Twas the second night of vacation and all through the house
but one creature was and it wasn't a mouse. That creature is. ME!!!!!! Ok 5
to midnight and I'm reading a bunch of fics from Steel Song's site (my
official FAVE site of all time) And I can't stand quiet so I'm listening to
my Edwin McCain CD. Just as I finish the fic I was reading this song starts.
It is in the lyric book but not on the case. It's odd really the 12 track
has Holy City then it has a minute of silence and this song that has no
track, no name (on the case) and is one of the best songs. I'm changing one
thing Edwin says "she" we're making it "he" J Anyway.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters no matter how much I want to.
And I don't own the song. As previously noted Edwin McCain wrote it/sung it/
whatever he and his peeps did to it.
Warnings: SAP! Depression, shonen ai, You can guess the POV. If not you
shouldn't be calling yourself a GW fan.
*** La La La*** = Song Lyrics
~~~ Blah ~~~ = Dreams
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***Bathed in sunlight, woke from dreams
Of murderous intention
Pursued by dogs and men and things
I'm just too scared to mention
And the first thing that I think of
Are his sympathetic eyes
That see with only positive emotion ***

~~~Running. Running as fast as my legs will take me, and I realize that is
agonizingly slow. A fire roars behind me, I can feel its heat on my back. I
don't dare look. I'm afraid, so very afraid. It feels as if the fires of
hell are licking at my heels but it's not. I'm not so lucky. These are the
fires of my making. The same fires that killed that girl, that dog, that
almost killed him. I can't run anymore. It hurts to breathe. My sides ache,
maybe I should give up. Just stop running. Then I see it, a dark figure
standing on the horizon of this bleak world, giving light to the darkness.
It's him; I have to keep running, to reach him. The flames are higher now,
hotter. I can feel them clawing at my back. Then suddenly, in a flash the
flames are no longer behind me. They engulf the landscape with such speed,
such power. Everything is burning. And through the flames I can see only one
thing, the agonized violet eyes of the one I ran too, bringing these fires
to him. Destroying him. NO! He didn't die! I didn't kill him! I didn't do it
again. The little girl was sacrificed but not him! I fall to my knees, hot
tears streaming down my face. Damn the mission! Damn you J! A bright flash.
What is this light? This warmth? It's not the heat of the fires of my past
its. soft.~~~ I open my eyes only to be assaulted by the harsh light seeping
through the thin curtains of our battered motel room. I glance at the clock,
damn, it's almost noon. I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I can't
help but think about him. I look to the other bed; he looks so peaceful and
angelic when he sleeps. One would never think he could be such a terror when
he's awake. I run a hand through my hair, wincing as pain shoots through my
arm. oh yeah. I got hurt too. He almost got killed last night. no, this
morning and he was the one who took care of me. He wasn't a terror then. He
was so worried about me. His eyes were more beautiful than ever when he
looked at me like that, with such caring and concern it hurt. I love him, I
know it now more than ever. and I'll be damned if I let him get hurt like
she did. "Are you lost?" I shake my head slightly, forgetting the cut across
my forehead. I look back up at the ceiling, looking up to whatever heaven
there might be. "I'm still lost," I whisper. Across the room Duo groans
turning away from the sunlight now invading his dreams.
"Five more minutes Sister, I promise, just five more," he moans turning
again, and falling off the small bed. "Mmmmm. Itai." he moans, rubbing the
back of his head which connected with the night stand on the way down.

***And he talks of being grumpy
But I know that grumpy's not his style
And I soak up all his beauty
Cause I'm only here awhile***

"Morning Heero" He mumbles climbing to his feet, twisting away from the
blanket. I start to sit up but quickly fall back down. Everything is
spinning. Before I know it he's leaning over me. His beautiful face
contorted in the spinning of the world. "You ok Heero?" I start to nod,
making his face warp even more as everything blurs then fades then becomes
clearly focused just long enough for me to get my bearings before the world
mutilates out of proportion again. I moan at the dizzying affects of the
wronged world. After what seems like forever things focus permanently.
"This is going to be a long day." I slowly realize that I thought that out
loud. oops. Can't take it back now.
"Don't be all grumpy cause then you'll put me in a bad mood. Just rest and
don't complain." I look up at him. He's so beautiful. His hair is twisted as
it falls in the pitiful remnants of a braid over one shoulder, curtaining
the sunlight from our eyes. His ever-present goofy grin bigger than ever in
an attempt to get me to smile. No, don't smile. You're the perfect soldier.
The perfect soldier doesn't smile. I fight the urge, my rock solid mask
falling into place.
"Hn." My usual answer to all questions, comments, and any other attempts on
my attention. I see the hurt flash in the wondrous indigo depths of his
eyes. He's still leaning over me though, grin firmly in place, not realizing
his eyes give him away. "Get off me Baka!" I growl as the familiar beeping
of my computer reaches my ears. I push him away, sitting up quickly,
controlling my body's reaction. He wasn't prepared for that. I wince as I
hear the thud of him hitting the floor. I sigh inwardly. He makes me feel
so. strange. My hand tingles from the contact with his skin when I pushed
him. What a wretched way to feel something so good.

***I muddle through my docket,
And nestle in the pocket
I just sit back
And think about the world***

I open the laptop, pulling the flashing e-mail up. It's J. He wants a
mission report. I must not have done it last night. must've been really out
of it. I start typing a reply, keenly aware of Duo's eyes on my back. My
fingers fly over the keyboard, it's a good thing he never REALLY watches me
type. I'd never live it down. I can't type right. Never could stand it. The
"hunt and peck" method suits me quite well. I can type faster than most
people so what does it matter if the perfect soldier doesn't do ONE thing
perfectly? Oops. that's why. Hit both keys, gotta backspace. Shit I said
backspace not slash! This is what happens when you think and do mission
reports at the same time, Yuy! There, good enough. If he wants more details
he can send me a mini camcorder to take with me on the next one.

***And the only thing I see
When he's looking back at me
Is the promise of
How life could be***

I turn to look at Duo. Has he been watching me that whole time, no he must
have gone back to sleep or something. My eyes meet his. Nope he was watching
me. He looks so sad for a moment then in a flash the happy-go-lucky jester
is there; ready to cheer up the world.
"So what's up Heero?" He smiles brightly, his eyes twinkling happily. No
wait, his eyes twinkling with. tears? How could I not notice that before?
"Baka." I'm such a baka! His eyes look hurt. Oh gods! I said that out loud!
He must think I called him a baka! No! No Duo, you're an angel not a baka!
I'm the baka. UGH! Why can't I slip up and it be good for once. It's better
this way anyhow. I've gotta go soon. Can't have him getting hurt. Can't let
him die like she did. I won't kill him too. Now I feel as if I'm going to
cry. Can't do that. Definitely can't do that. I turn away. Look at the
computer Heero. Don't look at him; you'll want to stay. You can't stay.
Gods, of course I want to stay! Who wouldn't want to stay in the presence of
this angel?

***And as I wrote my chest got tight for him
I know that I'm not right for him
And I couldn't live if I ever caused him pain.
But at least I have a message that I can leave
That tells him of the spin inside
My gears turning
I'm still learning to trust myself
But at least I've told him
Of this difficult good-bye***

I open a blank page, I start typing. Nothing in particular. I hear him get
up and pad to the bathroom. A pause, I can feel his eyes on me again. I
wince as he slams the door shut. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke the
doorframe. The water starts, he's going to take a shower. maybe I should
join him. NO, no no no no! What am I thinking! You can't tell him you love
him then leave. Tell him in a letter. For once let down your barrier and
spill. that's it. A letter.

Dear Duo,
I know by now it's obvious I left. And I had to leave this so you would know
why. I've tried to deny it for a long time. Someone like me isn't supposed
to have feelings right? I can't help this though. It's so wonderfully
confusing. I know I'm babbling, that's something I'm sure you thought you'd
never hear. or read, whatever. Duo, I don't know when but somewhere along
the way you broke down the wall I so viciously fought to protect. You
melted the ice implanted in my heart and soul and made me fall in love with
you. That is why I had to leave. Last night made me realize how much I love
you. And it made me realize that I couldn't bear for you to die by my hand
because the perfect soldier isn't perfect. The perfect soldier makes
mistakes. Hell I can't even type right! Never noticed that did you? The last
time an innocent died because of my mistake I cried and so they trained the
humanity out of me. They beat me till I bled and if I cried they beat me
more. I had to learn to feel nothing. And so the death of innocence by my
hand was crucial to my training. all because a girl and her dog cared enough
to notice me. But they couldn't destroy that last thread of humanity I had
and you took that thread and wove it through my heart shattering the ice
forever. And now I know I couldn't live without you. I couldn't live with
myself if you died because of me. That little girl still haunts me and all
she did was give me a flower. If I destroyed you. I would . I don't know. I
wouldn't trust myself to do anything because it would probably involve my
own demise. Every mission would be for suicide and every battle a hope for
death. I don't know how to act with you anymore. Every time I look at you
it's a battle between ignoring you, calling you baka and taking you in my
arms, kissing your breath away. I regret every time I hurt you, both
emotionally and physically. I will regret those times always. I think the
reason I never confessed my love for you was the fact that I knew you could
never return it. How could you? No one could possibly love someone as cold
as me. I don't deserve anyone to love me. I could never expect you to. Hell,
you're the most girl-obsessed person I've ever known. I just wanted to tell
you I love you and goodbye, my angel.
Yours Always,
Heero, The Imperfect Soldier

As I read what I wrote tears well up in my eyes. I did it; he'll finally
know how I feel. I finally know how I feel. My eyes burn with unshed tears.
My heart aches, I miss him already. I better hurry; have to be gone when he
gets out of the shower.

***Seven minutes before I'm leaving
And now my chest is heaving
I just can't go like I did before
And tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming
That he hears my voice floating through the floor***

I quickly hit the "print" button on the laptop before jumping up, grabbing
my duffle bag. I quickly throw everything I can think of in the bag. Damn!
Some of my stuff is in the bathroom. Oh well, too late now. I pull the paper
from the small printer. I quickly disconnect the printer and power down the
computer. Packing them safely away in the carrying case. I take a deep
breath. This is it Heero, you have to go. I take another breath. It burns in
my lungs. My heart is pounding though I don't know why. I look toward the
bathroom door. Goodbye Duo, I love you. I back out of the room, swiftly
closing the door behind me. As I walk down the hall I feel something on my
cheek and as I brush it away I realize. I'm crying.

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OK! It's now 10 to 3:00! Not bad, 3 hours. I should do this more often, I
might actually finish some of these things. In case you didn't pick up on
this, they had a mission, Heero fucked up, Duo almost got killed and Heero
got hurt. Well?? How was it? Tell me what you think!
HellsGate301@hotmail.com Please! I might try to find a song to do a sequel
but as of right now nothing comes to mind. But like I said it's 3:00 AM yes
AM! Oyasumi-nasai! (kinda)