Josh couldn't breathe. It started off okay, they were on tour in the same cramped tour bus and small bunks. They had just hit South Carolina an hour ago when the radio broadcasted a emergency message.
This is an emergency message to all residents of the Anderson county to seek shelter immediately, there is an oncoming storms with heavy rains and 45 mph winds.
Tyler had just chuckled dryly from the corner and rolled his eyes.
"of course there is"
Recently Tyler had been exhausted from the days on end and was pushing himself to hard on stage, crashing as soon as we hit the bus and not coming out for hours. Josh had noticed bruising from all the falling but Tyler would insist he was fine, Josh decided to not push.
Mark had them directed to nearest hotel and here they were. Tyler was passed out on the bed next to him oblivious to the storm around them ripping it's way through. The thunder was deafening, the rain slamming into the sides of the windows. This wasn't what was bothering Josh, no in fact he was okay with the rain, it was soothing and the beds were bigger than in the bus, plus it was a night off. Having to postpone the show after the message. Just moments before he was laying with his eyes closed nearly drifting off into sleep to the sounds of rain and Tylers soft snoring.
Then the lights went out.
It was an irrational fear, really. He had to sleep with the lights on. Josh was known to be cool and collected, everyone looked at Tyler when it came to mental health talk. What no one knew is that Josh has crippling anxiety.
Josh grunted, his hair was always a mess. The "dull brown mess" as he called it wouldn't lay flat. He was 14 and just that day Stacey Kip had told him he hurt her eyes to look at. That hurt. Josh was used to the comments but she was right, he had acne covering his small cheeks, weird chin, and to big forehead. His braces didn't help and what really made it worse was his mess of brown curls that always looked like he had just walked through fog. Sighing, he shut his lights off and flopped onto his bed. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.
Except that's not what happened. Instead Josh heard a faint whisper and opened his eyes, why were his brothers still up? He moved to get out of bed and quickly realized he couldn't. His limbs seemed to be weighted to him but there was nothing there. Closing his eyes Josh tried to breath but found that hard to do with the room feeling as if it was closing in on him, the whispering growing louder, what was just one low whisper was now hundreds, thousands, all growing louder by the second. The tears continued to rush down Josh's face as he opened his eyes to his pick dark room but he could almost make out the shape of something. No not something, someone, multiple someones. His eyes widen in fear as a sob rips from his throat, they were closing in with the walls. Louder. Closer. His blood was running cold and before he could scream, it went black.
Josh woke with a start. He was soaked in sweat, tears running down his face and blood covering his palms from clenching them, his own mind trying to rip him from his own personal hell. Ripping the blankets off Josh runs for the light switch, flicking it on he looks around the room and catches sight of himself in the mirror. Lips slightly parted, red, and swollen. His hair was drenched in sweat, his face was puffy and red from crying, and tears stained his cheeks. The worst part was his eyes, his pupils were blown and full of terror. He was visibly shaking. He collapsed into a mess on the ground, suddenly feeling exhausted but knowing he wouldn't sleep. Catching sight of his clock it read 3:00am. Sighing and running a hand through his hair, Josh goes to sit at his desk covered in misplaced papers. He moves them to the side and puts his head in his hands. Then he cries. Josh cries until there is nothing left in him but strangled gasps of air, the terror that blossomed in his chest doesn't seem to diminish.
And it doesn't. Josh is 17 now, grown into his messy hair, weird chin, and acne finally deciding to let up. His braces are gone and his smile brightens a room. No one at school seems to realize that though, still poking and prodding at Josh. This doesn't bother the punk boy, who prefers his friday nights quiet with a movie, who leaves lunch to be with his cigarettes rather than going to McDonalds with friends.
He picked up the habit at 15, liking the way they diminished the terror in his chest for a few minutes. Leaving him room to breath. One good thing he picked up was drumming. Only a few weeks after his first nightmare his mother had noticed the bags under his eyes and far gone look in his eyes and gotten him drum lessons. They went amazing and besides cigarettes it was the one thing that distracted him. His kit was in the basement where he practiced non stop, beating the shit out of his drums to drown out the fear.
They helped with one thing, the lights. He was never in his room unless everyone had gone to bed and then the lights where on all night. Normally this would drive the electric bill up but he was never in there. This left the questions away, but not forever.
Laura rubbed her hand down her face, she couldn't sleep tonight. Padding off to the bathroom she notices something that drives annoyance through her. Josh had his light on and was up at 4am. Walking to his door and hoping she doesn't walk into anything her 18 year old boy would be doing at 4am, she opts for throwing the door open and hoping for the best, after all she might just turn it into a life lesson.
"Josh what do i have to keep telling y-"
He was asleep. Sprawled out with one arms above his head, his shirt ridden up his torso, even breathing passing his lips.
Laura sighs, assuming he was studying and flicks the light off.
Almost as if on cue Josh shoots up, a scream escaping his lips. Breathing now labored and heavy, panicking. The light shoots back on and his eyes dart around the room and stop dead at his mom watching with a shocked face.
"Josh?"
Hoping he can brush it off saying she simply caught him off guard, he sees the look on her face and knows he can't hide anymore.
So he tells her, everything. The nightmare, the lights, the drums, the anxiety, the voices, how he was frozen, being sure to leave out the cigarettes. The whole time Laura is listening with careful eyes, feeling pain for her son who has been broken by fear. It's not until she hears him tell her how long its been does she start crying. It made sense. The bags under his eyes that only got better after he started drumming, why he never goes to his room but rather sits at his drums for hours.
Grabbing her sons shoulders, Laura brings him into a hug and holds onto his head. Muttering apologies through her tears, she feels something warm land her own shoulder. Its Josh, and he is crying. The two remain like that and after a few minutes they stand.
"Mom, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I couldn't face the worry and possible therapy."
He looks down at his mom, warm mocha eyes full of sorrow.
Smiling she answers, "Josh, I won't make you do anything you don't want. But if you ever need or want any help please tell me. I know some great people"
Josh laughs a little.
"I know mom, I love you"
Pulling him in for another hug, she murmurs
"I love you too Josh"
When the storm cuts the lights out, immediately Josh can't breath. He can hear the whispers starting once again, the shadows peel themselves from the wall and advance towards Josh. Scrambling to the top of the bed and putting his head roughly between his knees he begins to shake, placing his hands over his ears he can already feel hot tears rushing down his face. The terror in his chest spreads and he can't stop the sobs that rips from his body, multiple. One after another, after another until he is hyperventilating.
Tyler was dreaming, he was playing a show, thousands of fans screaming, waving posters, singing his songs back to him. All covered in yellow tape in odd places. Tyler wonders for a moment about why they all have the tape, his chest filling with a sense of pride that they wear it because of him.. He turns to Josh with mic in hand.
"Dude are you seeing th- Josh?"
Josh is still playing, beating the shit out of his drums just like Tyler likes. This time is different, he looks like hell. Tears streaming down his face, small trickles of blood down his cheeks. Then a sob rips from his throat and Tyler is running. Running to the boy he loves (yes loves, if only Josh would realize). He drops to his knees next to the boy but he keeps playing, sobbing and now he is hyperventilating and Tyler doesn't know what to do. Feeling hopeless, he starts to yell.
"Josh! Josh please!" his voice breaks at please and soon he is crying as well.
Josh finally turns to him with horror filled eyes he speaks one word, voice hoarse.
"Tyler"
It echos around him, off the walls of the stadium.
"Tyler."
Tyler shoots up with a start, what the hell was that. He looks over to make sure Josh is still asleep but he doesn't see him. Then he hears it, the strangled cry of the beautiful boy.
Tyler rips the covers off and is stumbling around blindly, fumbling for his phone he flicks the flashlight on and is struck with surprise. Josh is in the corner of the room and sobbing, screaming actually. He seems to be hyperventilating and Tyler runs over to him. Dropping to his knees he grabs a hold of Josh and is bringing his face to meet his own. His face is like the dream, small trickles of blood on his cheeks from his nails, the beautiful mocha eyes Tyler loves so much are looking back at him with fear, his lips are swollen, stained red from Josh biting on it.
"T-Tyler?" Josh's voice is broken and Tyler can feel a pain in his chest at seeing the red haired boy like this.
"I'm here Josh, it's me."
Josh throws himself at Tyler and the sobbing starts again.
They sit there for some time, Tyler stroking Josh's hair, whispering comfort to his forehead, giving it a small kiss.
When Josh's breathing doesn't return to normal but slows down a little more. Tyler pulls them up and onto his bed, seeing Josh's is a mess. Pulling Josh down to lay with him, he smiles a fake smile that doesn't fool Tyler.
So they lay, in silence while Josh shakes and Tyler holds him. Until Josh speaks.
"It started when I was fourteen."
Tyler nods but Josh keeps talking.
"It was a regular day. Stacey Kip had told me some shitty things, I was trying to fix my wild appearance but gave up. Then I went to bed."
And so he continues. And Tyler doesn't stop listening. He lets tears escape the whole time, hating that Josh had to go through this. Most of all mad at himself for not noticing the weight he had been carrying. But this makes sense, the drumming. Tyler just let the whole light thing happen. He still remembers when Josh told him.
"Just put it over there, yeah that's good, Thanks guys."
Tyler was ready to sleep for days. No one told you how hectic having a band was.
They had a shitty hotel for the night and this would be the first time staying in a room with Josh, who Tyler totally wasn't crushing on. No way. With his perfect brown curly mess of hair, his full, pink, pouty, totally kissable lips (that Tyler totally think of what they'd look like parted with his name slipping out in a moan, he most definitely did not think that of the cute drummer). The very lips where his perfect smile rested upon. Then there were his eyes. Those to die for beautiful mocha eyes. Yes, Tyler made that one up and loved it. They were like pools he could get lost in, which he didn't realize he currently was.
"Dude?"
Josh was in front of him with a confused look.
Tyler shook his head and realized he was in the hotel room.
"Yea?"
"Which bed?" Josh looked with curious eyes.
Tyler ran his hand through his hair, with a sigh he answered,
"Doesn't matter, pick whichever"
Josh flops face down onto the nearest bed.
"This one" he mumbles into his pillow.
Tyler suppresses a laugh and goes to the lights.
"Keep them on please." He heard the brown haired boy speak.
Tyler turned slowly, annoyed.
"What did you say?"
Josh rolled onto his back and glanced down to Tyler.
"Please?"
"No."
Josh sighs and stands up, walking towards Tyler.
"Tyler I can't sleep with them off, please" Josh's face softened. Tylers did not.
"No way." He was getting mad now. He was tired, exhausted, he was not sleeping with the damn lights on.
He steps to Josh.
"Get out of my face with that stuff, get out of my face with those lights."
Josh laughed and stepped closer, breath hitting Tyler's lips.
"Get in my face with those lights off"
Tyler was confused, but Josh was intoxicating and he seemed satisfied with the effect he had, turning away from Tyler he goes back to lay on his back and falls asleep quickly without another word.
Tyler doesn't know why he doesn't just shut the lights off. He curses himself for letting Josh get to him and finds it wasn't that hard to sleep with them on anyway.
It's a few hours since Josh finally told him. The lights finally came back on. They've just been laying enjoying the others embrace.
Josh's voice finally breaks through the comfortable silence.
"Tyler?"
Tyler's hand freezes in Josh's hair, knowing what he is going to ask by the way he says it. Sighing he gets up and pulls on a jacket, getting ready to face the rain that is still falling but not nearly as bad.
Josh trails behind him with the cursed cigarette and pink lighter in the other.
They lean against a wall letting the rain fall into their hair.
Josh brings the lighter to the end of the cigarette that hangs loosely from his lips and inhales.
Tyler tries to ignore the side of him that finds Josh very attractive like this.
Red hair a mess, rain falling into it making it fall into his eyes. Smoke dancing off his tongue and past his lips.
"Do you know why I do this?" Josh pulls Tyler from his thoughts.
"I don't know but I wish you wouldn't" He answers.
Josh laughs "you know you kinda like it"
Tyler doesn't find it funny, mostly because it's true.
"It's the only thing that takes the terror from my chest and makes me feel like I can breath. Drumming does too but I can't exactly do that right now." he finishes with a laugh, taking another drag and letting the smoke into the night.
Tyler has a small idea. Maybe.
"Have you ever tried anything else?"
Josh seems confused from the question.
"Well.. no, not really" he answers, looking down.
Tyler notices this.
"No there's something you aren't telling me."
Josh takes a long drag, Tyler counts 6 seconds.
He exhales as he speaks, almost too low to hear, but Tyler catches it.
"When you were next to me.." Josh looks as if he is guilty.
Tyler steps forward.
"I never calm down unless the lights are back on, never. But next to you.. It was bearable. There, but bearable."
He speaks in a low voice and doesn't notice Tyler is stepping closer to him until he feels a hand under his chin. Lifting him to meet another pair of eyes, a pair of eyes that he knows that if he looks into he will lose himself and Tyler will know. That will be the end of them and that is the last thing Josh wants. What he doesn't know is that the boy just inches from him is thinking the same.
When he meets those eyes he notices his own love and admiration mirrored back to him.
Their breath catches in their throat as they both realize there was nothing to fear. They love each other, through everything they will love each other. They have been their way to this moment since the day they were born. The Red String of Fate they call it.
Tyler leans in first, but they have both been waiting to long for this moment and when their lips meet its everything they've dreamed. Cigarette long forgotten on the wet asphalt.
Burning red against soft pink, they move like two puzzle pieces that have been waiting since the beginning of time.
Tyler's hand moves to Josh's cheek, the other pressing into his rain soaked back.
Josh's hand goes to Tyler's hair pushing through the wet locks and tugging lightly, the other hand pulling him closer.
There they stand, pulling each other closer, lips moving perfectly against the others.
Cigarettes against mint from Tyler's toothpaste.
The taste is addicting, they'll never get enough.
(Seriously, after that night they're never apart, driving Mark and especially the fans crazy)
After a few minutes of pure bliss, they pull away. Smiling ear to ear, breathing labored.
"I love you."
"I love you."
Tyler laughs, it's music to Josh's ears.
"Tyler?"
"Yes?" softly spoken from the now swollen pink lips.
"It worked, I feel okay. Tyler I finally feel like I can breath."
With that Tyler goes back in for a kiss and laughs.
"I knew it."
Years pass. They are completely inseparable. Tyler and Josh. Josh and Tyler.
Hopelessly in love with the other, their small but happy band becoming insanely popular. They still can't believe it sometimes.
They'll be performing and Tyler has to stop to kiss Josh because he just can't believe this is real.
It's not until they're 4 months into hiatus when Tyler remembers a dream that turned into a nightmare so long ago.
This then inspires Trench, a world Tyler makes and when they finally come off hiatus with Jumpsuit they're back on top.
It's the hall from his dream and there is a sea of yellow. Happiness.
When it comes time for Jumpsuit Tyler looks back at Josh who is smiling brightly at what they've done.
The next line Tyler sings looking into Josh's eyes, the line Josh told Tyler he thought was perfect for the song. For representing him.
"Spirits in my room, friend or foe?
Felt it in my youth, feel it when I'm old"
Josh smiles, remembering the people in his room that wouldn't stop talking. Definitely foe.
He felt the anxiety as a young boy, and yes he will as he grows old. But that he will have Tyler for.
The two will forever have each other.
Burning red against Soft pink.
Mocha against Chocolate.
Hand in hand, forever.
A/N: Wow. I have never wrote fanfiction but boy I do read a lot of it.
This idea hit me when I was in PE and as soon as I got home I started writing and did not stop. It is now four hours later and I am so proud of this.
If only I could apply to colleges with this.
That lyric from jumpsuit fits perfectly, when i heard it while writing i knew it was going to go great.
I've had the emo quartet on for hours and i'm starving.
Thank you for reading. I hope this was good.
If you want anymore I can try but its my senior year and i'm going to be busy a lot.
Once again, thank you, my subway is calling my name.