Of changes, constants, and immobility
It had become somewhat of a habit to him.
Of course, yes, the cloud watching thing had been a habit to him as long as he could remember, but recently, he had taken a liking at watching them from this particular spot.
Some rooftop in Konoha. Not the one he had befriended Chouji on. Just some random rooftop – he thought the building connected to it might have to do with inter-village relations paperwork and stuff like that.
A sigh escaped his lips as he watched the puffy white clouds resting lazily on the baby-blue sky. Some tower – was it the one they kept the messenger birds in? – blocked part of the view, but he figured it was good enough.
Actually, the view was not even all that great from here. He just liked coming here. He did not understand it, really, it was as if some urge kept driving him here.
But he sure as hell did not feel like fighting it.
"There you are."
He sighed again. Ino's voice. He hoped she would not bother him too much today.
She had started acting strangely a little while ago. He did not understand that either, but then again, he'd never really managed to grasp her way of thinking. Strange, for someone who had been working with him for years now.
Maybe he should talk about that with her. If men could not understand women, then surely at least women could understand women, right? It was well worth a try.
He made a mental note to put that issue on his schedule for next time. Get yelled at. Make some snide remarks. Have a game of Shougi. Ask about what might have caused Ino to be more troublesome than usual. Sounded good.
"I figured I'd find you here." Oh, she was still present. Well, there went his hopes.
"Where else should I be?" he replied quietly. "It's not as if I have anything better to do, right?"
"Don't you dare give me that attitude!" He could hear the sound of her footsteps approaching, but neither that nor her tone felt in any way as threatening as the words implied. More like… "We're all worried about you, you know." Yeah, worried. That was the word. But wait…
"Who's 'we'?" he questioned while raising a brow at her in genuine confusion. "And what's 'worried' supposed to mean? My cloud watching habits have never bothered you people that much before – save, maybe, my mom."
"You know that's not-" she exploded, but calmed down in mid-sentence, sitting next to him in a sudden, eerie silence. "Never mind."
Well, no, he certainly did not mind silence. He just had not expected it. Because, quite frankly, Ino was total crap at cloud watching. She would always go and talk his ears off, then compare (out loud, of course) the clouds to different shapes, or flowers, or even people she knew, while really, they were nothing but ordinary clouds.
That was what usually happened. For her to be this silent during the entire ordeal was unusual.
But she was good at this. She would always lie down next to him and keep quiet, not because she might respect his feelings (because, hell, she just did not!), and not even because she wanted something from him, like all the other people… no. It was just that she understood. She was the only person who seemed capable of wrapping her mind around the fact that it was the clouds he was watching, and not some mysterious hidden meaning that no one but him could see in them…
The thought gave him an uncomfortable feeling, and suddenly, the silence he had always appreciated so much seemed to enclose him, choke him, send a bolt of electricity through his spine. The feeling smothered him, engulfed him so completely that he felt not the tiniest amount of air in his lungs.
And suddenly, he just had to say something, no matter what or how stupid it was. Anything to make that imminent dread go away. Anything to crush the silence.
"They're not moving."
He felt Ino shifting more than he saw it. "I'm sorry?" For a brief moment, she was completely taken aback, although she seemed less surprised about the meaning of the words than she was about him actually saying them.
"The clouds," he clarified. "They're not moving. I like it better when the wind moves them across the sky. They're less lazy that way."
What happened next left him so totally floored that he had to rewind it and watch it in his head a second time, just to make sure it had actually happened.
For Ino had flung herself at him, gripping the pockets of his Chuunin vest, sobbing into his shoulder. "Shikamaru, don't do this!"
"Ino, what the heck!" he choked out, trying to get her off him. Yeah, that was why she was crap at cloud watching. She had read some hidden meaning into it again, when really, he had just been talking about the clouds.
It took him about two minutes to get her to let him go. It never took that long with her, it was just do or don't do with them, in just about anything they did, everything they were.
But strangely, today, Ino actually accepted his request for some personal space, leaving him room to breathe just as suddenly as she had invaded it. Odd. She had never done that before. Why was she acting so out of character lately?
But it was not just her. All the people he knew seemed to have taken up shooting him glances, to watch him in pity when they thought he was not looking. It unnerved him. What was this, a conspiracy?
Those were the moments he thought of her. Everyone kept changing and being different and acting completely unusual, but she never did. She was the only constant in his life, really. Those were the moments he felt as if he almost…
"I never thought I'd ever say this," he muttered to no one in particular, "but I think I actually miss her."
Ino started at that, almost jumped him again with her newly and suddenly discovered eagerness. "Don't tell me you're finally gonna open up to me now!"
He frowned at her, tearing his gaze away from the clouds. "What is that supposed to mean? Don't tell me you didn't realise we are friends!"
"Of course I realised!" she shot back angrily, more of the old Ino in that one outburst than she had been over the course of the last few minutes. "And it's an understatement, really! You were far more than friends!"
"Nonsense," he chuckled. "That's not it, it's just… I guess she keeps me on edge. Keeping the mind healthy and stuff. And actually, it's been about… how long? Has it been three months? Ino, has it been three months already?"
"Actually," she stated calmly. "It's been no more than a week."
"Nah, that's impossible!" He shook his head a little more forcefully than was usual for him, a smile sneaking onto his face the same time that a pleasant memory snuck into his head. "It has to have been longer, it was her birthday when she last visited. And we have, what, November?"
When she kept quiet in response to that, he chanced a small look at her, just to find her eyes widening, her mouth opening, her hands trembling ever so slightly.
"Shikamaru," she finally said, in a very calm, a very careful tone. "That was not when she last visited."
"Oh?" He smirked. "You mean she was here without telling me? Honestly, I have a hard time believing that. She usually seeks me out when she's here, I just have to wait long enough. Yeah, I know, I know – I could just go and find her. I'm aware of that. But she would not be so aggravated then. It's more fun that way."
"Oh, Shikamaru," Ino whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "Don't do this to yourself."
Yeah, she had a point there. He should probably shut up right now – he would never live it down later. He was not even sure why he was telling her this. It was like with coming to this place. It was that feeling that he really needed to tell someone. Right here, right now. He needed to say it. He did not understand the reason, but that did not matter at all. He just needed to get it out.
"You know, Ino… I think you've been right about it the entire time." His brow creased in thoughtful contemplation. "On her celebration, I suppose I was this close to kissing her…"
He briefly indicated the small distance with his thumb and index finger before gazing up at the clouds again. "You know, I suppose I should thank you, I probably would not even have realised it if it had not been for your and Chouji's constant insistence. Know what? I guess I might just do something about it the next time she's here. Do you think I should-"
It took him a few seconds to realise that it had been the sudden involuntary movement of his head that had made him discontinue the sentence. It took him a little while longer to connect the stinging in his cheek to the hand hovering over his face and the stars obscuring his vision.
But with all the time in the world, he could not have figured out why she was openly crying by now. Right in front of his eyes, no less.
"Face reality, Shikamaru!" she yelled at him. "She's not coming back!"
"What are you saying?" Somehow, he did not want her to see his confusion, so he settled for amusement instead. "Of course she's coming back. She always is."
"Oh, god!" And he watched in silent amazement as Ino buried her face in her hands, letting out a series of loud, strangled, heart-wrenching sobs.
"Ino!" Let the cloud watching be as interesting as it was, his friend was more important, so he crawled over to her to gently remove one of her hands from her eyes. "Ino, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
As a response, she only tackled him again, putting her arms around his neck and pulling him into a bone-crushing embrace, all the while crying on him shamelessly.
But even though it was painful both physically and mentally, he did not pull away. This seemed to make her feel better. Or at least he hoped it would.
"It's okay, Ino," he therefore told her calmly, returning the honest gesture in a more hesitant way. The only person who ever touched him on a constant basis was her, and that was only while smacking his head. He shook that thought off, though. He did not want to think about that right now. Talking about her had put Ino into this state. "It's okay," he told her once again. "Don't worry, I'm here."
"No, you're not!" she argued between sobs. "You act all bright and funny and as if nothing had ever happened, as if everything was just the same as before! And whatever I say, no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard Chouji tries, it just doesn't get through to you! You're here, and at the same time, you're already long gone!" Her body gave an involuntarily shiver in response to her helplessly frustrated display of emotions. "Oh god, Shikamaru, don't do this!"
'This'? What was 'this' supposed to mean? He wasn't sure.
"I'd do anything for you, Ino," he reminded her gently, cupping her face in his hand and rubbing a thumb over one of her wet cheeks.
"I know that." She looked up at him at these words, her expression ever so lost. "And that's exactly the problem, isn't it? You'd do anything for your friends. And when it's not enough, when in the end, there was just nothing you could have done, it's too much for you to take in. It's tearing you apart."
He frowned in puzzlement. "I'm very much fine, Ino, really." He put a finger on her lips when she started to protest.
"Really," he repeated, then forced a smile. "Look, I really don't get what all the fuss is about, but you don't seem so well today. Maybe you should go see a medic."
Ino quickly averted her eyes, probably to hide the never-ending bitterness that he had already seen anyway. "I guess I… I guess I might just do that. How about I just go and… and see Sakura?"
He smiled, a real one this time. "I think that's a brilliant idea, Ino. Say hi to her for me?"
When she got up, for a moment, it looked as if she was going to leave without another word, but just as he was about to settle for watching the clouds again, her voice pierced through his thoughts one last time. "If you want to be there on time, you'll have to leave tomorrow morning. She was the Kazekage's sister, and immensely important to her village. They're gonna have the ceremony with or without you there."
"What are you talking about?" he muttered in bewilderment. "Her birthday was three months ago, right? She's not gonna celebrate another one until next year."
The silence had an air of finality about it, and when he turned his head to catch her gaze one last time, he found that she had left.
With a sudden feeling of apprehension, he shot a quick look into every direction. He was sure he had seen a strand of her blond hair somewhere.
But then, sighing, he slightly shook his head before lying back down, raising his gaze again, and looking back up at the clouds.
The occupation did not last for more than another five minutes, though. Muttering a little curse, he got up and slowly left for somewhere else.
For the view had changed.
There were no clouds in the sky. The wind had blown them away.
A/N: My apologies if the symbolism is too heavy. That made it kind of hard to pick a title, too. I could have just settled for the shadows (immobility) and clouds thing, but for Shikamaru, this has become so cliché it is not even funny anymore. So instead, I decided to go with the movement imagery. Fits better, I guess.
Excuse any typos I did not catch; it's 2:30 AM here right now and writing took me about 90 minutes. So yeah.
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Naruto, but cracking jokes about it at the top of the page would have kind of ruined the atmosphere.