Just a stupid thing that I did because I'm ill L and have had to lie on the sofa all day. It made me chuckle but that's because I have a deluded sense of humour. It's basically an attempt at a possible conversation Russell Brand and Noel Fielding may have before performing as 'The Goth Detectives'. I am in no way claiming to be able to use words in the same way Noel and Russell can. If I'm as funny as either of their little toes I would have to assume I was doing rather well J. I know this it more Goth Detectives than Mighty Boosh but both are good.

Don't judge too harshly - or I'll play the 'ill card'. Only joking I'm interested to hear what you think though.

RUSSELL SPEAKS FIRST! And his words are in italics.

"You alright mate?"

"Yeah."

"How's Julian?"

"Ah you know."

"Well no I don't. 'Cause you failed to tell me."

"He's fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yeah, he's been to the centre of London, I think he's high on petrol fumes."

"Well, that's no fun. Tell him he wants to get high he needs to do heroin - Don't do drugs, drugs are bad."

"I'll let him know."

"How about a drinky-poos before we go and explore the realms of our dressing room?"

"Uh yeah sure."

"Where's your bag?"

"Ummm, one of the staff took it down already."

"Aha, monkey slaves were it? I've had reservations about this establishment for sometime."

"They were like monkeys…but they had orange eyes and hands made of wheat."

"Intriguing. That must have made it difficult for them when they tried to carry your unnecessarily oversized bag."

"Not really, they put it in a red papoose on their backs. Clashed horribly with their orange eyes though. I didn't really like them. They had haunted eyes, like the eyes of a old Romanian woman who's seen too much. They made me feel a bit strange. They might have been plotting something."

"A revolution perhaps in which these strange beings take over this dirty little circle we call earth demoting us homosapians to third in the food chain."

"Third?"

"Yeah, I have a sneaking suspicion that ant's are already the true overlords of the earth."

"So ant's are actually the rulers of the earth? And we're just sort of puppets, acting on behalf of the ants."

"That's right mate."

"Oh, I don't like that. I killed an ant once… with a magnifying glass and a packet of Quavers."

"How exactly did the Quavers feature in the killing of the ant?"

"I don't know… I think I was just eating them."

"Well that was a stupid thing to do."

"I know that now, what with all this business with ant's being the true leaders of earth."

"Yes, Noel. You should be careful as I think it's very likely an ant will one day kill you with a magnifying glass…"

"..and a packet of Quavers."

"No - Wotsits!"

"Obviously."

"They've got long memories, ants."

"I though they were like fish, really short memories."

"Oh well in that case you'll probably be fine."

"Yeah, they'd have forgotten who I was by now… like the rest of Britain in a few years time."

"Don't be silly they'll remember you as 'remember that bloke with the long hair and the cape - what was his name? Joel wasn't it. Yeah Joel Shield-him. I liked him' "

"Oh good. I was thinking I'd have been forgotten."

"Never. This revolution will cement you in the history books."

"It will."

"And who'd have thought this glorious and dare I say Godly revolution would be started back stage in Lyceum theatre by wheat-handed, orange-eyed monkey slaves wearing papoose's?"

"And ants."

"Exaclty. Dan't forget the ants they'll be after you with lethal packets of Wotsits."

"Socrates would have probably foreseen this revolution."

"You're right mate. He would have. He foresaw everything that guy. Often - in absurdly vague detail though."

"Yeah."

"Often 'I see change on the horizon' was held to something much more significant than it was - a prediction of the sunrise."

"I could predict that."

"Oh, a philosopher now are you?"

"Well…I dabble in philosophy… every other Tuesday… when it rains."

"You heard it hear first Britain. Noel Fielding; not only a comedic genius but also a philosopher."

"Socrates 2 they call me."

"Really? I've never heard them call you that."

"Yeah, well… the 'they' referred to a couple of chavs who live in the Forest of Dean.."

"Do you think, perhaps, you could predict tonight's events?"

"I could… but I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."

"Ah clever, because if you told people was going to happen, then they wouldn't come to the show - what would be the point?"

"Anyway, if I'm honest with you I can only predict the futures of Belgian eagles."

"I'm not sure I can find you one of those. Could you possibly make do with a wheat-handed, oranged-eyed monkey slave. I hear they have them with in the parameter of this building."

"Oh, I can't do monkeys. I might be able to stretch to blind pigeons."

"Blind pigeons, you say? Well, I'll have a look out for some.Now, why don't you get yourself to the bar and I'll see if I can't find a slave monkey to take my bag to the dressing room?"

"Yeah, that's what this madness needs - alcohol."

"I couldn't agree more mate."

Thanks for reading. xx

P.S it's called 'Roel Conversation' because me and my best friends use Roel as the collective name for Russell and Noel (because it's a collaboration of both their names - just in case you didn't work it out.)