A/N: Hey! So this is a bit of stuff that came to mind while listening to 'Safe and Sound' mixed with 'rainymood' so uh...yep. I'm really terribly sorry for not updating my stories because the computer crashed and we had to get a new one but I'll make sure that I update them soon enough. Along with updates, you can expect some oneshots like these, maybe not as sad but still. Okay thanks I'll leave you to the story now.
Castiel curls up sideways on the bed as the newest sobs rack through his body. Something horrible had happened. He is no longer a good asset for the brothers. He can't help them as he should anymore. He's so disappointed in himself; he can't even look Sam or Dean in the eye - especially Dean.
How Dean is reacting to this, Cas doesn't even know. He isn't even sure he wants to know. He doesn't think he can deal with the rejection that must be coming his way when the brothers get back to the motel. He can hear it all play out now.
"You're not useful anymore," Dean says.
"We don't need you now. We don't want you now," Sam tells him. "It would be best if you just left."
Whether or not the boys would really tell him this, he isn't sure. But it must be along the same lines, right?
Cas lets out a broken sound from the back of his throat as he thinks it over. He reaches his arm up and shields his eyes from the bright lamp next to the bed he lays on. His sobs are much louder than they were only five minutes ago and he wouldn't be surprised if somebody complains to the main office about the noise.
Dean and Sam had left about twenty minutes ago to grab dinner for the three, so it would be expected of them to turn up any moment. Cas tells himself that he needs to get up and clean his face off, but he just can't bring himself to get off the stiff mattress. He needs to straighten up his coat that he's still wearing and is very much wrinkled by now, but he doesn't get up no matter how many times he mentally screams at himself to do so.
"I'm sorry," he says to the empty room. "I'm so sorry. I have failed you." Another sob.
It's raining outside and he's still sobbing uncontrollably, so it's not a surprise that he doesn't hear the Impala pull up outside. Hell, he doesn't even hear the door swing open or smell the burgers when the brothers step through the door. But he does feel it when Dean rushes towards him and puts a hand on his shoulder to turn him towards him.
"Cas," Dean whispers. "Cas, tell me what's wrong. This isn't like you, man."
"I'm sorry…"
Dean hushes him. "For what? What are you sorry for?" He rubs his hand in circular motions to try and calm the ex-angel.
"I've failed you," he states simply as he shakes. "I've failed you both."
Sam then walks over to Dean's side after he puts the burgers down. "No you didn't, Cas. Why would you think that?"
"I've lost my powers. I understand if you do not wish for me to be in your presence anymore."
Realization flashes across Dean's mind and he asks Sam to leave the two alone for a moment. The younger brother nods and reaches over to grab his salad before exiting the room. Dean makes sure he remembers to thank him for his understanding once he's done talking with Castiel.
"Castiel, you listen to me. You have not failed us. And…I can't believe you'd think that we wouldn't want you with us anymore." He whispers the last part.
Cas quiets his sobs down a little bit. "But, Dean-"
"Don't 'but, Dean' me, Cas!" He raises his hands up in exasperation before slamming them against his own thighs, afraid of hurting Castiel on accident. "I thought you would have seen it by now," he speaks to his hands.
Castiel looks up at him for the first time that evening. "Seen what?"
He shakes his head. "It isn't important. Really. Just know this, I would never, ever, ever, ever, not want you to be with us. Powers, or not, you're still my Cas." It isn't until after Castiel tips his head to the side that he realizes his choice of words.
Tears are still streaming down his face as he looks back down at his hands. Whether or not he heard the slip up, Dean doesn't know.
"Cas?"
Castiel makes a small whimper, but doesn't acknowledge Dean's voice any further. He takes the opportunity to sit carefully on the bed, before lifting his legs up and positioning himself so that he is lying next to Cas. He's facing him, as well.
"Cas, you aren't listening to me. Now stop your crying, man. You're about to make me cry." He takes his hand and cups the smaller man's chin with it to pull his head up, eyes level with his own.
His lip is quivering, and it really makes Dean's heart break even further. To see his angel like this is heartbreaking all in itself. He doesn't bother correcting himself when he calls Castiel an angel even though he technically isn't one anymore, because that is what he is to Dean. Castiel is an angel. Castiel is Dean's angel. Whether or not he has powers cannot determine that.
"Hey, hey, hey," he whispers as he forces his face into the crook of his angel's neck to hide the oncoming tears. He shushes him again. "I said stop that." His voice cracks.
"I apologize," Cas murmurs softly.
"Don't," Dean says. "Don't apologize. Just don't cry." His hand has long been gone from Castiel's chin, but instead resides underneath his head and he doesn't protest because, truth be told, Cas really likes this. Not the crying part, but he had waited for so long to feel the warmth of Dean's body at his fingertips.
"Okay. You can't cry either, Dean. I've stopped, see?" He pulls back to let Dean analyze his face, but tangles their legs together in the process. "Now you stop."
Dean nods and wipes his eyes. "I'm never letting you go, Cas. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, okay? I know they're after you, and I know you know too. But I'm not letting them get to you. If they want you, then they'll have to go through me." And he means it when he says it.
Castiel reaches a hand up to caress Dean's face. He nods and leans in until their foreheads press together.
"Just close your eyes, Cas. We're safe for now. No one can hurt you," he assures the angel before leaning in even further than Cas had and giving a small but loving kiss to the ex-angel.
To his surprise, Cas smiles. "So you felt it too?"
"I've always felt it, Cas. Now you see why I'd never let you go, never leave you?"
"Yes, I see now." He leans in to give Dean another kiss, but it's a bit longer this time.
And they fall asleep like that, tangled in each other's arms with weaved legs. Their foreheads rest against the other's the entire night, but nobody's complaining. Sam comes in sometime during the night after finishing his salad. He even goes for a burger, just for the hell of it (and because he doesn't want the money they spent to go to a complete waste). If he notices the way the two are lying on the mattress together, well, he makes sure he doesn't do the stupid thing and wake them up to inform them. No, he only smiles to himself and lounges on the second mattress until sleep pulls him under.
"It's about damn time," he says sometime right before he falls asleep.
