Author: Msgrits
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything related to CSI. I do however own my own mind and it's in pretty good working order.
Pairings: G/S and a small tiny hint of W/C
Ratings: PG or PG-13 I never know
Spoilers: Uh…I don't think so.
Thanks to Ash and FishTank-36 betaing.
I offer you my version of a time-tested cliché. I fixed if its not broke why fix it.
What' that I smell? Oh yeah left over Valentine's Day fluff.
Chapter 1
Sara looked over her notes one last time. She slipped her glasses on and looked at the assembled group.
"Good morning. I am Dr. Sara Sidle and today I will speak on erroneous DNA analysis and how to prevent it. I am going to ask you to save your questions until the end as some questions may be covered later in the lecture."
Gil knew she had not seen him. The spot he sat in was for maximum concealment. Her hair was longer; she had stopped straightening it and he liked it that way. He was surprised to see her wearing her glasses. She hated them, saying that it played into the science geek stereotype. As she spoke he was reminded of how smart she was, much smarter than he would ever be. She had laughed when he told her that once.
"No one is smarter than you Gil Grissom."
"You are."
"I'm just older. I know more tricks"
She had never asked him about his broken promise. She had stayed at the crime lab for a month, packed up her things and moved to California where she finished the degree that had been interrupted when she had taken the job in San Francisco.
She traveled around the country now doing consulting work for labs that had problems with results validity. She had helped several labs in distress turn their operation around.
He doubted that he would have come if he had known Sara was going to be on the schedule. She did very few conferences so Gil had not expected her to be there.
When she was done there were very few questions. Her presentation had been clear cut and solid like Sara. He rose before she left the small stage. She wouldn't want to see him and he couldn't even bare the notion of seeing her.
Sara moved down the hall with one earpiece in her ear and speaking softly into the phone.
She stopped in her tracks when she saw the back of his head. The salt and pepper curls, the slow walk, the hands in his pockets. She knew that his Paul Newman eyes were scanning his path for every detail. They would miss nothing and no one. He had to know she was at the conference. She was oddly hurt and insulted that he hadn't tried to see her or attend the lecture. Her hand almost went out to touch him but she didn't dare. She wanted to flee the room but her agile mind couldn't figure out an escape route. So she just stood there, the long legs that used to wrap around his body in the middle of the night would not move.
He didn't hear her, as so much as he felt her, maybe even smelled her. Her scent was a heady combination of musk and something floral. His movement didn't slow or change in anyway. He didn't take his hands out of his pockets. He moved because he didn't know what else to do. He should not have come and would not have come if Catherine hadn't gotten sick. He knew that two forensics experts would not be able to avoid one another forever but he needed more time.
More time to do what Gil? You've had five years. Turn around and face this woman. Face her. Tell her you are sorry that you were weak and cowardly. Tell her that you hope she's had a good life. Tell her that you are happy she is so successful.
He turned around and was not surprised to find her so near. They had always been like magnets from the first instant, the first day, drawn to one another's orbit unable to break the spell no matter how they tried.
She watched his face as he turned. She wanted the years to have ravaged him the same way they had been kind to her. They hadn't, they probably never would. He was a man of the Sean Connery ilk; no matter the age or place in time he would always turn heads. Women and men would always speak in hushed whispers about the distracted, brilliant man who seemed not to notice or want the attention his looks attracted. There would always be some flirty student or colleague who wouldn't give up the quest, some unrequited love that continued to feed his ego even if he didn't acknowledge that it did. Sara prayed that she was no longer that woman.
His hands fought against reason and he burrowed them deeper into his pockets.
"Hi" His voice was gentle low and soft.
"Hi" She wanted to retain a hard edge that she desperately needed for self-protection but she couldn't.
He hadn't realized that she was talking on the phone until she spoke into the mike of the earpiece. "Sweetie let me call you back. I promise. I love you more."
He was glad that she had someone. She deserved that.
The earpiece hung like a limp deformed snake as she disconnected it from the phone. He was surprised to see nails painted fire engine red. She moved closer to where he stood.
"How are you?" She was speaking so low that he had to read her lips to understand.
"Good. You look good. I have read a few of your papers. They are very good."
Do you know another word besides good?
"Thank you. I didn't know you'd be here. Catherine and I were supposed to have lunch tomorrow."
"Catherine got sick."
"Oh. Is she okay?"
"She's got the flu or something. She'll be fine. She's a just little dehydrated."
"Oh. Are you giving a lecture?"
"Just replacing Catherine on a panel."
"Oh."
He moved closer. He wanted to smell her breath, wanted to feel the warmth of it on his face. After all this time he was ashamed to find himself still a man possessed. "Can we go somewhere and talk? Have cup of coffee or something. I know that you probably don't want to talk to me but…"
A red nail touched a bit of hand that peaked out from his pocket. "It's okay Gil. I have no idea why it's okay but it is."
He opened and closed his eyes. He had no right to expect it and certainly didn't deserve it. "Let's go to my room. We can order room service and you can say whatever it is you have to say." Then maybe I can stop dreaming about you. Stop seeing you across the table or walking through my house.
She doubted that she would ever be able to fully stop doing the latter.
Grissom sat on the sofa looking at the woman he should have married and cursed himself.
She took his hand in hers. "How are you Gil?"
"I am okay."
"How's Julia?" She said it with no malice. She seemed to hold little malice concerning anything that had happened between them. There were scars. Some still red, others a little swollen but mostly she was healed.
"She's divorcing me. Actually she's been divorcing me for the last two years. She comes back periodically."
"I'm sorry." Her eyes had a few crows' feet now and they softened her edges.
"No need for that."
She waited for him to ask the question that was lingering in the air. He didn't take the bait.
"How are you?"
"Good. Very Good."
"I'm happy for you Sara and I probably don't have the right to be, but I'm very proud."
They sat for a moment regarding one another trying to decide as old lovers do. Should we? Will we? Will it be the same? How can it be?
"Are you married?"
"No."
"Oh I thought…" His voice was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sara frowned and stood. He watched her body sway and move from side to side. She had taken off her shoes and fire engine red toe nail polish glinted under the stockings.
She looked through the peephole, grinned broadly and pulled it open. A short round woman with red hair held the hand of a little boy. "What are you guys doing here? I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow."
"Dr. Sidle I'm so sorry I was trying to tell you that on the phone. Someone insisted that they had to see their mommy or they would just die. We were at the airport when we called." She pointed to the small head. The boy wrapped his hand around Sara's.
"Hi mommy." The boy grinned shyly.
Gil watched, trying to take it all in. He stood. His hands met the pockets again. He tried to see the child that stood between Sara and the other woman.
"Hey sweetie what are you doing? Did you give Lori trouble? What have I told you about that?"
The little boy's blue eyes dropped to the floor and he stuck fist in his mouth. Sara stroked his soft curls. "I'm sorry mommy. I missed you. Lori said it was okay."
She smiled at the woman. "You can't give in to him. He's a con artist."
Lori was not listening. She was starring at Gil now. He gave the short woman a small wave. She waved back and stepped closer to study his features. He stood as the woman neared. He extended his hand. "Hi. I'm Gil Grissom."
"I'm Lori McDermott, Gily's nanny. I must say that the resemblance is startling. I mean Dr. Sidle told me but…"
Gil looked at Sara. She stared blankly. She had learned that stare from guilty suspects that had come to believe in their own innocence.
Lori spoke a bit louder. Dr. Sidle had told her about the hereditary hearing problem that Gily might inherit from his father. A tiny hand inserted it in Gil's. Sara watched the scene play out in front of her. "Hi."
The little boy looked down had Gil's shoes. "I have a picture of you?"
Gil got on knee and looked at the shy boy. He knew that not having children had been a mistake. It had never seemed right with Julia. "You have a picture of me?"
Sara motioned for Lori to move to the other part of the suite.
The little boy nodded again. Gil took in his olive skin, the cleft in his chin, the dark curls. Grissom lowered his head so that he could see the boy's eyes. "Where did you get a picture of me?" The eyes were the same color as his. They were more like Gil's father, steel blue with a mystery of dark flecks.
The little boy pulled a Velcro wallet covered with animated insects from his jacket pocket. He presented his father with picture of Gil and Sara that had been taken during overnight trip for work. A roving photographer had taken it at a restaurant. It had been the first night they had slept together.
Griss don't be such a party pooper.
Most men would be honored to have their picture taken with a hot young babe now smile for the camera.
"Mommy gave it to me."
The boy looked up and touched his chin. "She says we look alike. She said we act alike. She said that you don't like people neither. She said that we could have…" The small head turned to Sara. "What are the words?"
Sara sat on the bed. Her legs refused to support her. "Anti-social tendencies."
Gily continued. "She says you like bugs too. She says that you might come see me one day. I can't see your dent." He pointed to Grissom's beard. Grissom took his hand in his and pressed into the cleft in his chin. "It's there. You feel it? " Grissom cast a glance back at Sara.
"What else did mommy say?"
"She says that you're very smart." The boy's shyness returned. "She says I'm smart too. I get to go to school with people that are older than me. She said you would be…" the boy looked at her mother. "I forgot the word."
She filled in the blank again she worked hard to compose herself. "Proud."
Grissom stood still holding Gily's hand, starting at Sara. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She read the confusion in his eyes. "Gil I emailed you. I called you. I left messages."
"Sara I never heard from you again after you left Vegas. I never heard from you again."
She didn't say what she could have said. What he thought she deserved to say. You said that you would come back but you didn't. You took your wife home after she found out about me but you didn't. What was I supposed to do Gil?
She looked at his eyes. He was a lot of things but he was not a liar at least not about this. Gily stood between his parents, holding both their hands looking from one to another. "I can tell everybody at school that my daddy came special to see me."
Sara looked towards her son and tried not to cry. Her mind had been so muddled during those days. Her mind raced. Why hadn't Grissom gotten her emails or her voicemails?
"Are you going to go to the zoo with us? My friend Danny, his daddy never goes to the zoo because he's very important and busy. Mommy says you're very busy and important that's why you didn't come to see me yet. Are you still busy?"
Gill took his eyes from Sara and looked at his son. "No son I'm not busy anymore."