A/N: So, this was partly inspired by DJ Sammy's song "Heaven" the 9/11 version. It's beautiful, but so very sad. If you haven't seen the youtube video, I highly recommend it.
Today, we get a glimpse of the haunted memories of that awful day…the day that set the hearts of Americans throughout the world on fire. Today, our hearts swell with pride for this country, for the people who sacrificed so much for the virtue of freedom. Today, we remember the event that brought the citizens of this country closer together, an unbreakable bond of tragedy encircling us all. Today, we remember September 11th, 2001.
But for some, like myself, today means more than patriotism. I also remember September 11th as the day I lost you forever. Though I was only seven at the time, I still remember everything so clearly. I remember you kissing me goodbye before you went to work. I remember Mama taking me to school…I had a test in Math that day. You helped me study the night before, telling me that I was going to get an A because of all my hard work. I was so excited to go to school and prove you right.
But I never got my chance.
{*}
It was early in the morning; the school day had barely begun. Miss Henry was talking about the solar system when the principal entered the classroom. I remember thinking how red his face looked, and I remember briefly wondering if he got a sunburn. Miss Henry looked surprised to see him come into the classroom, and her surprise quickly turned into apprehension as he approached her, whispering in her ear. I remember the gasp she let out, it was so loud. The loudness made a couple of us laugh because it sounded really funny. Neither adult seemed to notice our reaction, for they murmured to each other for a few seconds before the principal abruptly left the classroom. Miss Henry looked at us, tears quickly building up in her eyes.
"Your parents will be here soon," Miss Henry managed to choke out, "Something terrible has happened."
I remember my classmates and I looking at each other curiously, not sure what she could have possibly meant. Did the cafeteria run out of chicken strips?
Within ten minutes of Miss Henry's cryptic announcement, parents came pouring into the classroom, all of them sobbing. In the midst of the chaos, I spotted Mama near the door, searching for me. I waved over to her, and she quickly came over to me, picking me up and rushing out of the classroom. Silently, we made our way to her car, and she drove us home. Mama had remained stoic the whole time, but as soon as we entered inside the house, she looked over at me and burst into tears.
"Mama?" I remember asking her, "Are you ok?"
She gathered me into her arms and started to sob even louder into my hair, squeezing me tightly. We remained like that for a while, before she collected herself, pulling away to look me in the eye.
"Jo," she started, her voice hoarse, "Papa's not coming home."
"Where did he go?" I remember asking, not understanding her.
"He went to heaven, sweetie."
"You mean…like Fluffy did?" I questioned, feeling the pieces clicking my head.
Tears began to course down Mama's face once more, and she nodded her head vigorously, trying to suppress the sobs. I began to cry hysterically, Mama pulling me close to her once again. Together, we cried for you.
{*}
I didn't understand when I first learned about your death, but soon enough I learned I wasn't the only one who lost a father that day. I also learned that on that same day, many others lost mothers, daughters, sons, cousins…family. It took me years to realize that everything that happened that day resulted in hatred. In the nine years that have transpired since, I've learned about different cultures and religions, and how these sets of beliefs and ideologies of the world have clashed throughout centuries. I've learned these things, but I will never understand them. I will never understand how someone can hate someone else just because they believe something different. I will never understand how these differences can cause so much discourse throughout the world. I will never understand why people cannot embrace these differences, and realize these variations are what make each of us unique and special.
I often find myself thinking that you would still be here today were it not for this animosity. It's unfair, Papa. You were just an innocent bystander; you never hurt anyone. You just happened to work at the World Trade Center and happened to go to work that day. You were the one who taught me to love everyone, regardless of how different they were. Yet, your death is the direct result of intolerance. It's disgusting to witness how ironic life can be.
It doesn't get easier, you know. To accept that you'll never walkthrough the front door again. Mama still cries, and I still have this huge hole in my heart. But I know you can see that in the nine years since your death, we have become stronger, wiser people. I know you are proud of us, Papa.
{*}
We went to your grave today. Mama brought you a bouquet of roses, saying that you used to bring her roses all the time. I thought it was sweet, but it made me sadder. It reminded me just how lonely Mama is. She's never dated since your passing, convinced that there is no one out there for her. She never says she's lonely, but I can't imagine how she can't be. I only hope she'll find someone to help her heal her heart. No one could ever replace you, but I know you don't want her to go through life alone. So, if you could give the Big Man upstairs a nudge to send her someone, that'd be great.
I've met someone out in California. His name is Kendall and he's incredibly sweet. I know you'd approve of him. He reminds me of you, in fact. Brave, selfless, funny…it's good to be around someone like that again. He even saw me off at the airport when I told him I had to go to New York to visit you. He was surprised when I told him about my ties to New York. For the better part of our relationship, he assumed I'd always lived in North Carolina. It was hard for me to explain that we moved there after your death. But Mama wanted to move back to where Grandma and Grandpa were living, even though I begged her to let me stay in New York, near you. She promised we'd come visit every year on your anniversary, and she's made good on her promise.
I don't tell very many people about it…it's just too painful. But there something about Kendall that made me want to tell him. And I'm glad I did. It's good to have someone who knows the true story, who understands when there are days when I'm just sad. Perhaps in time I will tell the rest of my friends in California, but for now I'm content with Kendall being the only one to know.
Well, another year has passed, and the citizens of this nation put aside their differences for one day to remember the past. Tomorrow, everything will be back to normal, and this anniversary will become a faded memory for most people, just like the others. They will go on living our lives as best as we can. So too, will I go on living my life, for I know that's what you would want. Though I return to my normal life, I will always carry my memories of you. A part of me wishes I could just stay in New York forever and be close to you. But I know you want me to live out my dreams. So, until next time Papa: remember I love you. Just like I will remember you love me.
A/N: I don't know about you, but I remember that day nine years ago. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed. For those who lost someone on this day, my heart goes out to you and I pray for you today. God Bless.