Don't own this or Law and Order or any Law and Order characters.
After Purgatory.
The Wink
He sent me to see Dr. Olivet. I can't fucking believe this. Me. To see Dr. Olivet. I have officially stepped into some strange police land where apparently those of us who keep it together, who have no issues, who don't betray their partners, are sent. There I was, just minding my business when he called me into his office;
"Eames, have a seat." I look at him, I can't really read his expression. Concern? Annoyance?
"Yes Captain?" He stares at me. He clears his throat. He glances outside his window at Goren, who's ...well, I don't know what he's doing really. I haven't been paying much attention to him lately. Just enough to get my job done. I do my job and I leave. I'm pretty ok about our current solve rate. I can't imagine what the problem is...
"Eames." He tries again "Eames, I want you to go see psych services. Today. And I want you to go again. And you need to keep going until you've dealt with these anger issues."
I squint and shake my head a little. What did he just say? So I try a different approach. I pinch myself a little to wake myself out of this absurdly ridiculous dream. Owww. Well, not only did that hurt, but it clearly didn't work, because somehow, I am still here in Ross's office being told to go see the department shrink.
"Captain, why?" Is all I can think to ask
"Because Eames. Because, I think you have lost your footing somewhat since Goren's return and you seem disconnected. From everyone. From Goren especially, but also from the squad and from me. Now, maybe you're just tired. And that's ok. But I can no longer send you out with Goren because you don't seem to be functioning as a team. That puts both your lives in danger. So, until further notice, you are on desk duty".
"But.."
"That's it Eames. Your first appointment is in an hour. Don't be late".
I walk out of his office in a daze. Bobby seems to notice the disoriented way I look because he quietly asks me what that was about. And before I can stop myself, before I can reign myself in I say these words "you've ruined my life". And I leave.
But not before seeing his face completely crumble. And horrible person that I am, I smirk to myself. Good, I think. Good. But as I make my way down the elevator I start to shake a little. I didn't mean that. That was a horrible thing to say. And it's not true. And want to go back and fall into his arms and ask him to forgive me for saying such a mean, mean thing. But I am so angry at him. For so many things. So many things that happened, I think, even before his catastrophic suspension. And I need him. I need him more than I ever thought I did. But he didn't need me. Did he? God, this is so confusing. Maybe this shrink thing isn't a bad idea afterall. And then I have a thought. I go back up in the elevator, and walk quickly, almost run into the bullpen. I rush past Jeffries, and Gomez, and Logan, and whatever the new one's name is, right past Ross with his confused, raised eyebrows over to our desk. Goren is looking down and has a blank look in his eyes, I can tell that he's not really reading the report in front of him. And his eyes almost look, misty.
"Bobby"
He looks up, slightly surprised and slightly embarrassed to what?..Be caught?
"Bobby" I continue not breaking eye contact "I have to go see Olivet. I thought maybe you could come with me. I want you to come with me. I think we need help." And what do you know. Before the word "help" is out of my mouth, he's dropped the report on the desk and ever so slightly touches my elbow as he begins to walk.
"Let's go" he says.
Ross is over there, hovering over by his door and I see him exchange a glance with Logan, who I know has been watching this whole thing unfold. And he winks. He actually winked at Logan. Somehow, I have to find a way to bring this up in our session. I mean, I know it has nothing to do with anything, but Bobby has got to hear this.
-end-