This is my retelling of my Dalish Warden. I decided to start past Ostagar and at their first destination, I hope you enjoy!
"I cannot believe you are even thinking about this! It is blood magic!"
"Would you rather I kill a child?" My voice rises with my temper, cracking slightly as I lean in toward Alistair. His face is stricken with horror and rage, his blond brows knotted and lips turned up into a snarl. "I don't have another option-"
"We go to the Circle-"
"We do not have the time for that Alistair!" I can hear the plea in my own voice. Why must I make all the decisions, I wonder through my anger. "It would takes weeks with good weather, and knowing our luck they won't be ready to help us anyway. I cannot risk more innocent lives-"
"But you will risk blood magic?" The accusation in his voice is too much, and my frown turns into a scowl. For a moment I see his face shift, working through the emotions, but I no longer have time for it.
I turn from him suddenly, and see Morrigan staring back at me from across camp in her own area. Even from here I can see the small smile playing on her lips, and it gets on my nerves. The others were kind enough not to stare; Sten busies himself with sharpening the great-sword I had found for him, Leliana keeps her hands busy with her lute while our two dwarf companions feed and water their mules. Even with my back turned I can tell Alistair is fuming.
"Lynn-"
"Unless you have something productive to say, shut up." I snap, not willing to even look back at him to see the hurt on his features, but Morrigan's smile widens, so I am sure it is bad.
I stalk away quickly then, my chain-mail noisy as I work my way across to the Witch's camp site. "So, are you willing to do what I've asked?" I bark once I am close enough, my patience is thin, and Morrigan looks slightly taken aback at my tone.
"If I must," she replies after a moment.
"You must. We will return to the castle once dawn is upon us. Just you, me and Azha." She nods once and turns back to her fire. I leave quickly, not even slowing to greet my other companions, like I would normally do. Instead, I decide to skip dinner and get right to de-stringing and oiling my bow for the night. I work hard at this for an hour, before I begin to work on my armour. Unlike most with the skills I have, I prefer to wear heavier armour than just leathers. My chain-mail requires more work than leather would, but it does not bother me as I enjoy the simple task. Even since... no, I do not want to think about it.
Finally I look up to my camp; Morrigan and the dwarves had retreated to their tents for the night, but the others are still up. Leliana and Alistair sit near each other, discussing something at length that even I cannot hear, while Sten is doing much the same as me, except he is further along. Already he is stripped to his breeches, the last of his own chain-mail being cleaned of the tar-like blood that the walking skeletons had bled.
"I am retiring for the night," I announce to the remaining few, who all nod at me. "You three will do guard duty tonight, share the shifts however you please, none of you are returning to the castle with us in the morning." They all seem as if they want to protest, but I am already in my tent before they can.
This night sleep comes easier than most, but remaining asleep is more difficult. In my dreams I relived the events in the cave over, and over again, waking each time in a cold sweat and muffling my sorrowful cries into my arm. It is not fair, perhaps if I had been more brave and approached the mirror first, Tamlen would still be alive, perhaps had we killed the shem's like he suggested we would never had found that cave. These thoughts keep me awake and after the third time I wake, I am not willing to enter that world again. I don my armor and leave my tent. The fire is burning lowly, nothing more than embers at this point, but the Qunari Sten does not seem to mind. He nods at me once in greeting as I settle across from him. He had not come with us into the Castle, but had stayed behind with Azha in Redcliffe Village, encase the walking dead returned, but by the look he was giving me he had heard about it.
"So you will use magic to defeat the demon inside of the child?" He asks after a long silence.
At first, I am angry that he too, wants to question me, but truly I am tired of being angry and I merely nod slowly. "Yes. I cannot kill the child. However.. there must be an alternative to sacrificing the boy's mother."
Sten remains silent, but looks pensive.
I sigh softly, "I could ask one of the forest wolves to die for me- they are willing enough to follow me into battle. But would an animals life be enough? Or must it be human?" Sten has no reply. "I do know we could travel to the Circle and try to ask for help but.. so far, whenever we try to get help from somewhere, they need help first. So it would take two weeks to arrive there, and another week to fix whatever problem I am willing to bet they are having! I cannot waste that time while innocents die."
"I see your problem," the giant says finally.
"At least someone understands," I mutter albeit bitterly. I almost see a smile on his face, but I am lost in those eerie violet eyes of his instead. "I am not sleeping any more Sten, I will take the rest of your shift and wake you if I need you."
He nods and gathers his things before disappearing into his own tent. I remain there, awake and torn. The next few hours are uneventful, I prod the fire back up until it flares and begin boiling a pot of water over it, encase those staying need it in the morn, dress myself warmly and secure my armuor and begin the task of stringing my bow. By the time the water is fully boiling, Morrigan is rising from her tent. I let out a soft whistle as she begins her approach and out of the brush comes Azha.
Azha is my war-hound, she imprinted herself on me sometime before the battle at Ostagar, according to Alistair. She looks half-bear, half-dog to me, but fierce with her black kaddis. She rubs her head against my hand as I rise to my feet.
"Shall we be off?" Morrigan asks, to receive but a nod. I ask her to wait a moment before rousing Sten again to tell him to take over watch. In these days, you cannot be too careful. I offer him a farewell, before the witch, the war-hound and I head back up the hill to the bridge which leads to the castle.
This castle still left me in awe, we Dalish never had need of such things since I have been alive, and it was the first I'd seen. In Lothering, Alistair had laughed at me when I gasped at the sight of the Chantry, the largest building I had seen since the ruins of Ostagar; much like Duncan had when we first approached there. It seemed to at least help him with his sorrow. As we drew closer, it grew bigger, until we were hidden completely by it's shadow in the morning sunrise.
The hall is still cold and damp, only one fire lit where the Lady Isolde, Bann Teagan and the other surviving Knights gathered, heating their meagre breakfasts.
"You return," the Orlesian remarks as she sees us. It takes me a moment to realize that Jowan was missing. "Ser Perth, please bring Jowan up from the Dungeons," she says, as if reading my mind.
"Have you come to a decision?" Bann Teagan looks worried, and I cannot blame him.
"Yes. We will do the ritual, however.. I have a question for the mage first."
When Jowan arrives he looks as sullen as the day before, his eyes hollow and sunken, his black hair is greasy and his hands trembling. I almost feel sorry for him, almost. "This.. ritual. Must it be a human life?"
"Yes, unfortunately."
My frown must've shown because he looks even more stricken. I turn back to the Lady. "Are you.. certain?"
"Yes. I will not let you kill my son, this is all my fault. Please.." Tears had already begun to fall from her pretty green eyes. I think of offering her comfort, but know the only comfort I can give her was the safe return of her son. She seems to gather her failing strength and straighten to turn to the man who had been poisoning her husband. "I am ready, Jowan." her voice quivers, and gives away her fear.
Morrigan, to my surprise, approaches her. "I will kill the demon inside of your son, I swear." This makes a smile flit across Isolde's face, before she gets to her knees before the mage.
I see the hesitation in Jowan, the way his fingers tremble before he wipes them together, as if to wash away his nerves. Morrigan stands behind the kneeling woman, her back straight and her hand tightly gripping her oaken staff. My eyes focus on Jowan instead of the willing sacrifice. He takes the dagger that one of Ser Perth's knights offers him and hesitates again. I want to tell him that he is only prolonging her pain by doing this, but he slides the blade across his palm before I can open my mouth. Soon, there are words that seem familiar, yet so strange to my ears, floating through the room as he rises and lowers his hands. At first, nothing seems to happen in the still room. Isolde only glances up at him for a moment before she lets out a shout and clutches her stomach, where a bright red spray of blood coats her fingers and fancy clothing. Then those arms are pulled violently wide as blood begins to dribble from her lips, nose, eyes and ears. It even looks as if her nails are bleeding. The sight is horrible, but I refuse to look away to what my decision is causing. I am thankful when it ends suddenly, her body falling forward suddenly into the carpet, those once beautiful green eyes pale and covered in gore, unseeing. I look up just in time to see Morrigan begin to convulse, Azha whines from the corner where she had retreated to during the irdeal and I rush to catch the mage as she slips into the Fade.
As I hold the comatose body of my companion I dare a look around. The Knights are gathered around Jowan, now drenched in the blood of his sacrifice. He did not look happy though, as I imagine most blood mages are when they feel such incredible power. Instead he looks sick. Bann Teagan has fallen next to the corpse of his brother's wife, his own hands shaking as he wipes some blood from her cheeks. His voice is thick when he finally speaks: "Are you certain this will work?"
Jowan's reply is shaky: "Yes. It may take an hour or it may take a day."
"I see. Let us prepare Lady Isolde for her funeral then. Warden, will you watch over the mages?"
"I will. Take care of your dead." They leave and I call Azha to me and ask her to fetch me a pillow for Morrigan. While she is gone, Jowan begins to pace, before he seats himself unceremoniously on the floor next to the blood stain.
"I never wanted this," I hear him mutter sadly. "I just.. I just wanted us to be free." I realize then he is not speaking to me, but I continue to listen any ways. "To live.. to love.. maybe have a child or two.." He lets out a sad chuckle, before his shoulders slump and he goes quiet.
Azha returns with more than what I asked her. I take the pillow she had retrieved from her mouth and attempt to wipe the slobber off, with little success, before laying Morrigan down with her head resting on it. I then go through the other items she returned with: an amulet that seems familiar which I stuff in my pocket, some silver and copper coins that go into my purse, and a small quiver of magically enchanted arrows already lit. I thank her with a belly rub, before too falling into silence to wait.
"Mother?" The voice startles me from my half-asleep state and my eyes snap open in time to see Connor poke his head into the room. "Jowan? I thought mother had you taken to the dungeons? Why are you here?"
The mage in question could not form an answer, so I speak up. "He is helping us."
"Who are you? Wait, you're an elf! Why are you in all that armour-"
Bann Teagan arrives just in time to begin to soothe his nephew, he asks us to meet him upstairs in Eamon's chambers once Morrigan wakes, and I tell him I will.
I do not have to wait long, soon Morrigan is rising and I am once again calling Azha to my side. "It worked. The boy lives, and seems fine- other than the loss of his mother. Bann Teagan wishes to speak with us upstairs," I inform her.
"As is to be expected, lead the way," she replies, and I smile sadly at her. She is right, after all.
I knock lightly on the door the guard has directed me to once we climb all the stairs to the third story of the castle. I hear Teagan beckon me inside, and I do so. He offers us a sad smile, "I am grateful that Connor does not remember anything that has transpired, and I am thankful of your aid. Eamon will.. not be happy when he.. if he awakes. But I am afraid I have more to ask of you, Warden."
"Of course," Morrigan mutters softly beside me and I hide my smirk well. The last thing the needs is to see my smiling after I order the death of his friend.
"As you see, Eamon is still not waking, and I know I doubted Isolde's orders at first but I believe she may have been right. The Ashes of Andraste may be our only hope. Only a few of her knights have returned and all have been unsuccessful, however they speak of a scholar named Giovanni. They say he is the only name that continues to resurface in their search, I am told they had tried his home in Denerim, but... many did not believe these ashes could save Eamon, and I do not think they searched as well as they should have. Please, I beg you, go to Denerim and search for yourselves. These ashes might be his only hope."
Teagan looks at me expectantly, before I nod solemnly."Of course, Bann Teagan. We do still need his help against Loghain and I will not forsake you now."
"Thank you! I am sure Eamon will thank you himself once we rouse him, and reward you greatly."
I smile and we say our kind farewells. As we are leaving I heard Morrigan sigh heavily, and I send her a questioning look. "You do not actually believe we are going to find these ashes, do you? Or that they will even be magical?"
"I know little of the Maker's faith, but I will do what I can. I just gave the order to kill his brother's wife.. I must do what I can."
"I suppose," she sighs again.
I am surprised to find that the sun has already fallen by the time we leave the castle, and my stomach rumbles slightly as if to remind me I hadn't eaten all day. Morrigan and I spend the walk back discussing what to eat; I am wishing for a rabbit stew, while Morrigan wants a spiced roast.
As we return I see that there is already food cooking, and I think hard on who had cooking duty. When I remember it was Leliana's turn, I am grateful. After a long day, I did not wish to eat Alistar's boot-leather tasting stews. I am greeted warmly as we return by Leliana, but she does not bring up the day's events. "Please, sit. Eat some stew. We feared that the village had been attacked again and were thinking of checking on you soon. I am glad you made it back safely."
"Thank you, Leliana, for your concern. We are fine-" I look over to Morrigan, but she is already gone, heading back to her secluded part of camp. "...it worked." I add softly, just as Alistair is coming to join us for the rabbit stew.
Leliana's face fell. "It sounds horrible, but I am glad the child is safe."
"Me a swell." I try not to dwell, and dig into my stew. Sten and Leliana chat for lack of a better word. She asks him questions and he reflects them with strange answers, it is entertaining to watch, but I can feel Alistair's eyes on me as I scrape the bottom of my bowl.
"Lynn, may I have a word? Over there?" He asks finally as I put down my bowl. The other two stop only for a moment to listen, before returning to their discussion. Leliana is asking Sten of stories from his homeland, and in truth I also would like to hear them but... I see the sorrow on Alistair's face and I know I cannot deny him.
"Sure." We retreat quickly and I walk fast to stay in front of Alistair. I am not sure I really want to deal with him today, as I feel I'd seen some horrible things, but I owe him this much. "Going to yell at me again?" I ask quickly, my temper getting the better of me, as we reach the edge of camp. I turn to face him and am glad to see horror on his face from my accusation.
"What? No! I mean.. I want to, but I know that will get me nowhere. I just.. you did it? The blood magic?"
"Yes, Alistair. And it worked. Connor is safe, he does not even remember any of these events. I would consider it a success."
"Is that so, that's.. good. I am just.. disappointed we didn't try harder-"
"Stop." My voice almost breaks. Alistair is stunned by my command, but does as I say. When I look at him his golden eyes are wide with emotion; betrayal, anger, sadness.. it is too much for me and I lower my eyes. "I know what you are going to say, Alistair. But I made the best choice I could with the options I had. I.. I do not need to hear this from you, I assure you I am thinking the same."
He seems stunned for a few moments, and the anger in his eyes melt away. "I want to apologize," he says suddenly, and now I look up at him confused. "I know that you didn't make this choice... easily. I just.. never mind. I am sorry, I was an ass to yell at you like that. I am not willing to step up and make the choices, so I cannot really... complain about them."
For the first time in hours, I feel a smile come to my lips and I see just the slightest hint of pink on his cheeks. "Thank you, I appreciate the apology, but you shouldn't just follow me around without question."
"I know. It just.. had to be said. I'll..." he hesitates, as if he wants to say something, before he shakes his head. "I'll just leave you to it, then." And he turns to walk away.
Suddenly, a memory flashes behind my eyes: "I had this amulet, it was my mothers...It was of Andraste's symbol, but I was so mad that I threw it at the wall and it shattered. Stupid, stupid thing to do."
"Alistair!" I cry, and he turns so suddenly I fear he is about to topple.
"What, what? Are there darkspawn?"
He looks genuinely shocked, and I cannot help but laugh a little. "No, no, I just remembered..." I fall silent to dig through my pockets. My fingers close around the amulet, it is cool to the touch even still as I reach out and hand it to him. "I believe this is yours."
"Mine? What..? Oh. It's.. it's my mother's amulet. Where did you find this? Why isn't it broken? Did you.. remember me talking about it?" The surprise on his face makes my insides twist in an unusual way.
"Of course I did, I found it in the castle- well Azha did. Eamon must have kept it and repaired it."
"I am not used to people actually listening to me when I talk... I can't believe he would do that."
"You must be more to him than you realize." I feel my smile grow wider at the joy that spreads across his face.
"I will have to ask him about it if we- no, when we reawaken him. Thank you Lynnera, really, truly. This is.. amazing." His smile is so wide I think it may fall off his face, so I return it. I reach out and touch his arm gently, before I leave him standing there in shock to rejoin the others. He stays there for a while, holding the amulet gently, before he sits down next to me by the fire. Sten, Leliana and I had been discussing the advantages of ranged weapons versus melee ones as he joins us, and he easily joins in.
"So, where to next?" Leliana asks a few hours later as we rest around the fire, our plans for the evening watch already sorted out.
"The Brecillian Forest," I announce without hesitation. "I know some of the clan that will be close to this area at this time of year. They will welcome us warmly and not withhold their support when the request comes from my lips."