Whee! It's a stupid self-insertion fic! [squeaks] Have fun as three friends journey through the world of Final Fantasy X, joking, singing and slapping through the 70-odd hours of gameplay in several long, badly-written chapters. [beams] Fun huh? Oh yeah, there are some jokes based on some of the cliches in this genre of fic. PLEASE PEASE PLEASE don't get offended, I had nobody in particular in mind as I wrote this. SORRY IF I UPSET YOU![cries][begs for mercy] One last thing... I was hyper at the time... expect randomness, surrealism, vegetation... call it what you will, just BE PREPARED.
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Characters:
RUSTE (white mage)
PYRO (black mage)
IZZI (knight)
(All BOYS)
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Disclaimer: I do not own FFX or my friends (much as I like to think so!). All I own is this strange yellow wand.
(Oh yeah. And all the 'you bitch!' bits between my friends are GENUINE! REALLY!!)
GUESS WHAT?! Yep, we're in FFX
Chapter One: OH MY GOD, WE KILLED TIDUS!
SETTING: Ruste's Room.
NARRATOR: Ruste is playing on the game Final Fantasy X, preparing to fight Jecht. The others, who Ruste invited round very nicely, are groaning on about something or other, being the little sods they are. Ruste is, however, being a little angel, as usual (for who could not think so, as his seraphic face smiles and the sun shines off his golden hair?), and that comment has nothing to do with the bribery money I received yesterday.
PYRO: Hey! Ru-uste!
RUSTE: [beams]
PYRO: [slaps]
IZZI: Let's get on with it.
RUSTE: Oh okay.
(starts NOW)
RUSTE: Stamina Tonic, check.
IZZI: Come ON, Rusty. Let's play on Soul Calibur II or something.
PYRO: Yeah! I'll be Taki. [daydreams about Taki and her...her... MOVING ON!]
RUSTE: ...Magical Cactuar, check.
PYRO: This is SOOOO the boringest game ever!!
(An EVIL look crosses Ruste's face. He grins cruelly.)
RUSTE: ... Naked Lulu Mode active, check.
PYRO: WHAAAAAAT! [leaps at screen] SHOW ME MORE! SHOW ME- hey!
RUSTE: Hee.
PYRO: grrrrr...
IZZI: Ewwwww. Perverts.
PYRO: Well, Mr Prude-you-like, at least I'm not a BITCH!
IZZI: (O.O) Don't call me a BITCH, BITCH!!
[BITCH FIIIIIIGHT!]
NARRATOR: Suddenly, and with no real explanation available, Ruste decided to start a new game of Final Fantasy X.
RUSTE: [looking up] I did?
NARRATOR: Yes. You did.
PYRO: Er...
IZZI: Why?
NARRATOR: Um... Plot lapse.
RUSTE: Oh. Okay. [resets Ps2] Woo. Let's start a new game.
IZZI: WHAT?!!
PYRO: Not a-fricking-gain!
IZZI: Tut tut. Language.
PYRO: PISS OFF BITCH!!
IZZI: (O.O) DON'T CALL ME A-
NARRATOR: BUT, as Ruste selected the NEW GAME option, a blinding light surrounded him and his friends.
RUSTE:WAAAAAAAAUGH!!!
IZZI: AIIIIYAAAAAAAAGH!
PYRO: Ooh! Is that firelight?! [stares at screen] I am FASCINATED by fire...
NARRATOR: There was a terrifying zap.
[pause]
NARRATOR: THERE WAS A-
ZAP: Err... Line?
IZZI: I think it's 'zap'.
PROMPT: 'Zap'!
ZAP: Oh right. Ahem. ZAAAP!
PYRO: [rolls eyes] What a lame joke.
ZAP: (;.;) I'm offended [leaves]
RUSTE: [sweatdrop]
NARRATOR: AAAAAAAAAAAND so they ended up in Zanarkand. Right. I'm off now. Lunch break. Bye!
[runs off]
RUSTE: ...[snif]
IZZI: ...wanker.
PYRO: [in a trance] Fire... where did it go? [looks around] Oooh. Zanarkand.
IZZI: Wow! We're in the game!
PYRO: Like SO many other people on Fanfiction.Net.
IZZI: But... now it's US!
PYRO: Meh. Probably some publicity stunt made by those Sony bitches. That would explain why so many people are writing about it.
IZZI: I hadn't thought of that.
ALL: [think hard]
IZZI: HEY! SONY ARE NOT BITCHES!
PYRO: They are too BITCHES, you BITCH!
IZZI: (O.O) Don't call m-
RUSTE: Look! Tidus! [points at Tidus]
(everyone gets up off the floor)
PYRO: Wow. Footballer.
IZZI: My hero... [faints]
(they run over, and push the stupid cheerleader hags out of the way)
RUSTE: Look Tidus, stop messing around with these stupid cheerleader hags. They're going to die anyway.
STUPID CHEERLEADER HAGS: WAAAAH! [flee]
TIDUS: What the f-?! Who the HELL are you?!
ALL: Us? We're... [burst into song]
"The Three Musketeers!
So lend us your ears!"
IZZI: "Hi, I'm Izzi;
I love all things... er... fizzy!"
RUSTE: "Heya, I'm Ruste;
For the gals, I'm a must! [winning grin]"
PYRO: "Yo, I'm Pyro;
And I love a good hoe!"
ALL OTHERS: [stares of horror] [gulps] [back away...]
PYRO: Whaaaaat? On "Harvest Moon" you use a hoe to turn over the-
TIDUS: Oh, thank God.
PYRO: WHAAAAT?
IZZI: Now look here Tidus. We know everything about you and your future. We know your long-lost father is Jecht (yes, he's still alive)-
RUSTE: And that you know a guy called Auron (who helps you out).
TIDUS: You do?
PYRO: We do?!RUSTE: [nods] We do.
IZZI: And that Zanarkand is going to be destroyed by Sin (a kinda whale).
RUSTE: AND that you will end up in the world of Spira and fight countless battles and fall in love with a young summoner called Yuna.
PYRO: But what did I say?!
IZZI: AND that you will only discover what she has to do to destroy Sin when it is nearly too late.
RUSTE: AND-
(at this point, Tidus's head explodes)
ALL: ..... (O.o)
[long, dramatic pause]
PYRO:...[licks lips] ...Tastes like chicken.
RUSTE: EEEEEEEEEW!
IZZI: Okay. Now THAT was pretty surreal.
[Pause. Pauses are good.]
PYRO: What exactly are you on, Ruste?!RUSTE: ME?! Was it MY fault that his head exploded? Hm? Was it? [points] Izzi started it.
IZZI: HEY! I never-
RUSTE: IZZI STARTED IT!!!! [death glare]
IZZI: [retreats] Okay...okay, I started it... don't hurt me...
RUSTE: So how come it's my fault?
PYRO: Because you wrote this damn thing.
RUSTE: [thinks] ... No I didn't. [smugly] That was my alter-ego.
IZZI: Oh very clever.
PYRO: AUGH! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WIN THESE ARGUMENTS?! [cries]
RUSTE: [modestly] Because I rock.
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The Beginning...has Ended.
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End of part one! Tada! Hope you liked so far, sorry again if I caused any annoyances/hysterics (the BAD kind)/near suicides. No offence meant! Please R&R!