So this is my first Harry Potter fan-fic ever and my second fan-fic in general. I welcome lots of reviews both positive and negative! I hope that you like it! Disclaimer- Unfortunately for me, I do not own and of the Harry Potter characters

WARNING! CONTAINS GRAPIC CONTENT ABOUT CUTTING, MOLESTATION AND SEX!

I've always been the smart one- the level headed one who could find a solution to anything. Like when Harry, Ron, and I almost got eaten by Fluffy in our first year at Hogwarts. Or brewing the polyjuice potion in our second to find the Heir of Slytherin. I knew so much, and I was proud of it. I was proud that I was able to learn so much in the wizarding world when I was muggle-born. But I couldn't solve this problem. I was unable to confide in anyone or seek out help. I didn't know if it was because I was ashamed of what I was doing, or that I just couldn't stop. All I knew is that when I did do it, I felt invincible. I felt like nothing could touch me and that all the anger and sadness just flushed away. It was my way of dealing with the stress of being the smartest girl in my class, for not being pretty like Ginny and attracting boys attention, for Ron being a complete prat and not even realizing it, for Harry always getting into trouble and me having to try and get him out of it, for the buzz about Voldemort being back and Harry facing him last year and the nightmares, because of Hogwarts being under watch every minute by the Ministry. But mostly it's because of Draco that I do it.

I had never come face to face with Voldemort, but he still terrified me. Harry had told us about him, and ever since I've had nightmares almost every night. Some of them are just seeing Cedric dead or Harry fighting a shadowy Voldemort, and some of them change and I watch as all my friends murdered by him and his followers.

And then I see Draco in my nightmares, laughing at me and forcing me to touch him and letting him touch me. I have never despised someone in my entire life, but I despise Draco Malfoy and I hope that one day he dies a painful death. For all the times he has forced himself upon me in deserted corridors and empty classrooms. For every time he has touched me when all I wanted was for it to stop….

I knew that me doing these things to myself were wrong. That I was eventually either going to die or get caught- but it was the only thing that made me forget and numb the pain. I had a hunch that Ginny might have suspected something was up with me, but I've always played it off as me being tiered or having too much homework- something that was true but would cover up my secret as well.

I sat in reflection in the girl's bathroom on the second floor, knowing the only one who would bother me would be moaning Myrtle and even then, she was almost always in the u-bend or the prefect's bathroom. I sat on the toilet remembering every detail of what had just occurred not twenty minutes earlier in the abandoned History of Magic classroom.

I had been studying in there, because the dormitory had been exceptionally noisy and the Library was closed for renovations due to a nasty prank peeves had pulled that morning. I had heard someone open the door, but didn't turn around to look, wanting to finish reading my page of notes. I then heard a voice sneer at me and made my blood run rigid as I whipped my head around.

"Hello, Granger," Draco sneered at me as he walked down the aisle towards me. I quickly stood up and backed away from him, pulling out my wand.

"Stay away from me, Malfoy," I warned as I pointed it at him my hand shaking slightly.

"You know you're not going to use that against me," He said as he came closer and grabbed it, tossing it onto one of the desks as he pinned me against the wall.

"Please," I whispered as I felt tears sting the back of my eyes.

I knew what was coming as soon as I heard his voice in the classroom. Why else would he come here?

"Please what?" he laughed as he ran his hand up my shirt and grabbed my breast roughly, making me let out a whimper.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of begging him to stop. It would only please him more. He glared at me, furious when I didn't answer him and backhanded me across the face. I let out a yell as my skin stung and burned from where he had hit me and tears slid down my face.

"You filthy little mudblood," He spat at me as he threw me to the ground. "I'll give you something to cry about," He yelled at me as he yanked me up by my hair and threw me into a desk.

I let out another yell as I hit the desk and tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him, hiking up my skirt to expose my white panties. He ripped them down, and instantly shoved two fingers into me, making me yell out in pain. He smirked as he slapped my face and fingered me roughly, making me cry out. After he made me orgasm from fingering and flicking my clit, he pulled his penis out of his trousers like always and ejaculated over my stomach. It was the small thing that I was grateful for. He never put his penis inside of me- making me still a virgin like I wanted to be until I was married. It was the only thing I had begged him for, when he first started this torment last year, and he's obliged every time, even though I didn't understand why. Each time I was a little more fearful that he would actually rape me, and each time I got away, I cried with relief.

I watched him stand up and adjust himself, and then he left. I laid in the floor crying and exposed for a few minutes, until I was able to compose myself enough to pull my panties up, and adjust my clothes, grab my things and run.

So here I was in the girl's bathroom on the second floor, where only moaning Myrtle would bother me if she was around. I sat in the corner of the bathroom, crying as my body shook with spasms and I held my knees to my chest. I tried to resist as much as I could, but the temptation of release finally got to me as I grabbed my bag and thrust my hand into it. I took out the small pouch I had and untied it, dumping the small silver blade into my palm. The lanterns in the bathroom caught the light on it, as I grabbed it between my fingers.

I pushed my sleeve up, and slowly pressed the blade against my wrist, watching it as it sliced apart and blood pooled around the blade and my arm. I watched it as it dribbled down my wrist to the floor again and again as I cut deeper and deeper. I then threw my head back, and watched it form into a large puddle next to me. But it wasn't enough. I needed more. I could still hear his voice in my head; I could still feel his hands on me. So I made another cut and another, until I didn't have room on my arm. I felt so tiered but as my vision started to get hazy. I shook it off, and stood up, almost falling back down.

This time I had gone a little too far. I grabbed my wand and healed a few of the larger cuts, so I wouldn't lose as much blood. I wrapped a bandage around my arm, and pulled my sleeve over it, making sure it wasn't visible. I then grabbed my bag, and made my way slowly back to the common room, as Draco's voice slowly started to fade in my mind.