Author's Notes: I did this for English class as an assessment for Pride and Prejudice. A satire of modern times with Pride and Prejudice! My teacher really liked it, so I decided to see what the masses thought. Oh and it's the first 142 pages, so that's why there is no end, like the novel…
Disclaimer: Belongs to Jane Austen. I just changed names, places, and people.
Pride and Extreme PrejudiceMrs. Ryan never seemed to listen to anyone when it came to marriage. She had not married well. Mr. Ryan was a salesman in a second-rate furniture store in New Jersey, where the Ryan family lived. 'Marrying for love,' Mrs. Ryan thought, 'was the most stupid thing I ever did.' The love in the Ryan marriage ended soon after Mrs. Ryan realized that Mr. Ryan was happy in his position as low middle class worker in a second-rate furniture store.
"Sean! Sean! I got a call from my sister in Palm Beach!" Mrs. Ryan screamed as she entered her husband's den.
"Oh really."
"Yes, Emily wants us to visit them for the summer! Just think of it, Sean. It'll be warm, sunny, and full of America's elite!"
Mr. Ryan nodded and continued to watch Judge Judy.
"SEAN!"
"I heard you, dearest. We'll go, just make sure the girls won't be too wild down there."
Mrs. Ryan looked appalled. "Wild? Sean, do you really think our respectable daughters would 'go wild' in Florida?"
"Possibly. Three are boy-crazy, one's hopelessly romantic, and the other isn't interested in anything except her studies. Hormones are hormones."
With that, Mrs. Ryan stormed out of the den, whispering about hormones not being an issue when money is involved.
Emma Ryan walked along the stone path of The Club in Palm Beach. It seemed every good-looking person went to the club, either to get skin cancer or golf. If anyone asked, Mrs. Ryan told Emma as soon as they arrived yesterday, say the Ryan family were heirs to a nationwide chain of furniture stores.
"Hello! Hello over there!"
Emma turned around. A tanned teenager ran to over in five inch heels. "Hi."
"Are you new at The Club?"
"I guess so."
"I'm Carrie Lords. Daddy's mayor of Palm Beach."
'Ah, old money,' Emma thought. "I'm Emma Ryan, heir to nothing."
Carrie's eyes widened. "Heir to…nothing?" She looked both ways and leaned close to Emma's ear, whispering, "Are you poor?"
"Well, we survive."
"Survive? How can you survive without a Gucci bag?" Carrie pointed to Emma's duct tape bag she made. "Is it hard?"
Emma raised an eyebrow. "Um, no." As she turned back toward the main building, Carrie grabbed her arm, her manicured nails digging into Emma's skin.
"Wait a sec! Why don't you and I be pool buddies? I'll teach you everything about The Club. Who's who, what's what-,"
"It's better than looking for a library."
Carrie smiled and showed her eerily white teeth. "Oh Emma! We're going to have so much fun together!"
"I bet."
After spending an afternoon with Carrie Lords, Emma knew her IQ dropped at least five points. Carrie told her about all the families that spent time at The Club, including the Drakes and Bates. Unknown to Emma, there was a beginning of summer dance in the boathouse tonight and according to Carrie, "Everyone who's anyone would be there. That means you! Just don't tell them you're poor."
Mrs. Ryan and her sister Mrs. Graves dressed up each of the Ryan girls in the latest fashions, which looked ridiculous to Emma. Molly, Kylie, and Lauren had dresses from Paris, one of which appeared to be too short for Lauren, the youngest and tallest of the sisters. Mr. Ryan opted to stay at the Graves' condo with Mr. Graves, who was watching a baseball game.
Jerome Bates, according to the social encyclopedia, had the best manners and nicest behind of the young men at The Club. "He's inheriting his great-aunt's widget fortune!" Carrie whispered to Emma, as she blew a kiss to Jerome, who waved back politely.
"Is it me, or are all the girls around here…dressed alike?"
"Emma, Emma, Emma. You've got so much to learn. Gem's dress is Armani pomegranate, while mine is Armani sea blue. That's a big difference."
Just as Emma was about to say something, Mrs. Ryan wedged herself in between Emma and Carrie. "Why hello, my darling daughter! Who's your friend?"
"I'm Carrie Lords. You must be Emma's mom!" Carrie and Mrs. Ryan hugged each other. "Emma's just so nice! She must get it from you, Mrs. Ryan."
"Oh, no! She gets it from her father." Mrs. Ryan paused. "Em, do you see who Jenny is dancing with?"
"Oh my God! She's having a dance with Jerome!" Carrie exclaimed. "Emma, she is so lucky!"
"You know what that means, don't you?"
Emma shrugged. "That they're dancing?"
"NO! That they might get married!" Mrs. Ryan scolded, as she scanned the dance floor. "Carrie, who's that young man over there? By the punch bowl?"
Carrie hissed. "That's Frederick 'Freddy' Drake. He's like the worst. He's so arrogant; it's not even funny. He never dances with anyone except his sister Georgia."
"Emma, why don't you work your charm on him then? I hear he's very rich." Mrs. Ryan suggested, emphasizing "rich". "Kylie, stop coughing! A future wife shouldn't cough at all! You sound like an invalid!"
"I can't help it, mommy!" Kylie and Mrs. Ryan walked off to shove a cough drop down her throat.
"Remember Emma, don't say you're poor. No one likes a poor person!" Carrie said happily, leading Emma to Drake.
"Hello Carrie." Freddy Drake said, while sipping some of his punch.
"Hi Freddy! This is my new pool buddy, Emma Ryan. She's Mrs. Graves' niece. She's here for the summer."
"A pleasure, Emma Ryan." He expected her hold out her hand to kiss, but Emma grabbed his hand and shook it.
"Likewise, Fred."
"It's Freddy, commoner."
Emma forced a smile. "Freddy, then." She let go of his hand. Freddy and Emma stared at each other for at least two minutes.
"Well Freddy, it was nice seeing you. Come on Emma! Let's go find your other sisters. I'm just dying to meet them. Bye Freddy!"
As they walked away, Emma shook her head. "He's such a jerk. Who does he think he is, calling me that?"
"Emma, I'd hate to say this, but as your pool buddy, I have to tell you the truth. You ARE a commoner." Carrie blinked. "But that's not a bad thing. Some commoners become like us. I'm hoping you'll be one of the few, the proud, the-,"
"Perhaps."
"Oh Emma, I'd love to stay and chat, but mommy just text messaged me! I'm supposed to have a dance with Rex. Kiss kiss!" Carrie ran off to the dance floor and was joined with a guy in a polo shirt and khakis. Then again, all the guys were wearing polo shirts and khakis, talking about their handicaps in golf. Not one of them was an individual, except for Freddy Drake.
"Emma! Emma!" Kylie and Lauren ran up their older sister, almost tripping in six-inch heels.
"What now?"
"Mom says she found someone who'll dance with you!" Kylie smiled. "He's so hot!"
"Whatever."
"I don't see why you like never want a boyfriend. All girls want boyfriends. All women want husbands."
"What if they're lesbians, Lauren?" Emma droned, turning away.
"Don't say the L-word, Emma!"
"Lauren," Kylie rolled her eyes. "The L-word is love. Mommy told us that when you were three."
Emma walked along the patio and saw Freddy Drake with identical twins. One of them noticed Emma and smirked, "Hello commoner! Why not join us for a smoke?"
"I don't smoke." Emma answered shortly.
"Too bad." The other said in a squeaky voice. "I'm Morgan Bates."
"And I'm Heather Bates. I think you already know Freddy." Heather blew some smoke into Emma's face.
"A pleasure to see you again, Freddy."
Drake nodded and inhaled.
"Oh my God, Morgan! Did you see our brother dancing with that plain wannabe?"
"Yeah, that was so pathetic! Who does she think she is, having two dances with Jerome?"
"Why don't you two keep out of your brother's life and focus on your own." Emma stated simply. "Don't you have anything else to do?"
"When you have money, commoner, this is what you do."
Two weeks went by with Emma going to cocktail parties, sitting by the pool getting a tan for the first time, and strangely enough, thinking about Freddy Drake. Jenny, called the most sensible of the Ryan sisters, was spending a lot of time with Jerome Bates on his yacht with his younger sisters, Heather and Morgan.
"Carrie, what else do you know about Freddy Drake?"
"Well, he's best friends with Jerome. Jerome graduated from Choate, while Freddy flunked out of every prep school everywhere. He said it was boring. Anyways, his parents are dead. Tragic! They died in a boating accident a while ago. Something about sharks or a hurricane. His aunt is Mrs. Simone, who's a Kennedy cousin and widow to a real estate tycoon. Her daughter and Freddy's cousin Gem is never out really. She's like allergic to the sun or something. Anyways, you know Heather Bates? She's been after Freddy since she was thirteen. He's richer than rich. He's like…really rich! His dad was like the richest guy ever! He's getting the money when he turns twenty-five."
Emma rolled her eyes. "But what is he like? What are his hobbies? His passions? His hates?"
"Emma," Carrie took off her sunglasses and stared at Emma, her mouth wide open, "that was the deepest thing I've ever heard in my life."
She tried to say something in response but found that no words escaped.
"Emma! Emma!" The three ditzy sisters walked to the pool, greeting Emma. "You'll never guess what happened!"
"What?" Emma asked, opening her copy of Emma.
"Well, it's a couple of things actually." Lauren said. "Jenny and Jerome were kissing, but then he told her he's going to Martha's Vineyard to visit his grandparents for a while! Jenny's totally heartbroken. She kept saying how much she loved him and blah."
"Then we heard something else that was totally great!" Kylie smiled with the same vacant look in her eyes. "Remember that dude that mommy was talking about? The one that's going to take all our money when dad croaks? Well, he's already asked you to the dance tomorrow! He's so rich!"
"They're having karaoke at tomorrow's dance, and I totally signed up!" Molly screamed loudly.
"But Molly," Lauren began, "you can't sing…like at all."
"That's nice, but I think I'm going to find Jenny." Emma practically ran to the beach, where she knew Jenny was. However, on her way to the beach, she bumped into Heather and Morgan Bates, the evil identical twin sisters of nice guy Jerome.
"Hello Emma Ryan." They both said together, making Emma want to vomit. "How are you?"
"Fine and dandy. Have you seen Jenny?"
"Yeah, by the beach." Morgan said happily.
"She's so sad right now-,"
"It's a shame really-,"
"Since it's such a beautiful-,"
"Day."
"Kiss kiss." Morgan and Heather locked arms and walked to the main building.
'They are so scary.' Emma thought as she found a sobbing Jenny on the beach. "Jen, I'm sorry about what happened. I knew you liked Jerome a lot-,"
"It's wasn't liking, Em! I love him!" Jenny sobbed into Emma's shoulder.
"It's not like he's dead or anything. He's coming back." Emma said rationally, but Jenny sobbed even more. "If he feels the same way, he won't forget about you." Jenny looked up.
"Really?"
"Really Jen. Plus, he's a just a guy. There are lots of them here. Just go to the golf course. They're all there. I bet his sisters are up to something."
"Oh but they're very nice."
Emma blinked. "Nice? They're horrible!"
"Emma, you really have to see the good in people. There is good-,"
"What good? You mean underneath all the backstabbing?"
Chase Forrester was the bane of Emma's existence. "He's pompous, self-righteous, but most of all…he's rich!"
"But that's why you're his date tonight!" Mrs. Ryan shook her head. "He is rich. He may be annoying, but he's rich. And he likes you! That I don't understand at all-,"
"Mom!"
"There'll be no excuses Emma. After all the hard work I do to get you girls to be well off, this is the thanks I get."
"But-,"
"Emma, he's here! Now grow up and act your age! Remember, he's marriage material!"
"I'll choose to ignore that. And, what if I don't want to act eighteen?"
"Emma!"
Chase Forrester walked in, wearing what all the guys at The Club wore. "Nice to see you again, Emma."
Emma smiled. "Hello Chase."
"Why I haven't seen you since last Christmas when I was in New York with Mrs. Simone and your aunt! You've certainly grown up since then. Shall we?"
"We shall!" Emma said, faking her happiness. That was not hard though. All she had to do was act like Kylie.
"Emma, I've always admired you, you know."
"Really."
"Really! You're so smart and funny-,"
"Yeah."
"Oh Emma! I just adore you!"
"Chase?"
"Yes, my love?"
"You're stepping on my foot."
Chase sighed. "Sorry dearest."
"I'm not your dearest." Emma broke off. "I need some air. I'll be right back." She ran outside and found Drake.
"I see you're with Chase tonight."
"That I am. What's it to you?"
"Nothing. I could care less." He looked down at her. "However, I think you need a better dance partner than him."
"He's terrible."
"I've noticed. Well?"
Emma took hold of his arm and began to dance with Drake, much to Chase's disappointment. "You're alright."
"You exaggerate." Drake smiled slightly. "Surely no better than Chase."
"Maybe a little bit!" Emma laughed. "I think you're softening up, Freddy."
"I wouldn't say that." His eyes darted at Chase. "I think he wants you back."
"But that's where you're wrong," Emma stated, as the song ended, "I belong to no man." Drake bowed and walked away before Emma could say another word. Chase practically ran to her.
"Molly's going to sing now."
"Let's go outside." Emma led him to the beach so that she could escape the cruel and unusual punishment of Molly's singing.
For the next few days, Drake asked Emma to play tennis with him, while the evil twins watched. Emma did her best to ignore them, but sometimes she just had to hit the ball directly at one of their heads.
"I have to go now, Freddy. I have lunch with Lauren and Kylie."
"They're old enough to have lunch on their own."
"Trust me, Lauren and Kylie need a chaperone." Emma shouted as she ran to The Club's restaurant, The Restaurant.
"Emma! This is our new friend, Williams. Williams, this is our older sister Emma." Lauren squealed. "Williams is a private in the Army!"
"So good to meet you, Emma." Williams smiled and pulled out her chair for her. "I've heard only good things about you from your lovely sisters."
"Nice to meet you too, Williams."
"Will, she was just playing tennis with Freddy Drake!" Kylie grinned. "Emma's really good at tennis-,"
"Frederick Drake? The loser dropout?"
"Excuse me, Williams, what right have you to call Freddy that?" Emma asked indignantly.
"My family used to be so rich!" He began dramatically. "But then that devil incarnate discovered my father's gambling debts. That's when we lost everything."
"Oh! Poor Will!" Lauren and Kylie sighed sadly.
"Too bad."
"But this is all true, Emma! He's a greedy, horrible human being that only cares for himself! I suggest you stay away from him." Strangely enough, Emma found herself believing Williams. After all, she knew that the rich wanted to get richer. Her distrust of the upper class was rekindled by Williams' story. "Ladies, I must bid you adieu!" Williams left the three sisters to their no-carb lunches.
"He likes you, Emma!"
"Not another one! I already have Chase that's well…chasing me!"
"Speaking of Chase," Lauren pointed, "there he is! CHASE!"
Chase walked over, huffing and puffing. "I was just out doing some jogging when I decided it was time for lunch. Emma, may I have a word with you…alone?"
"Um-,"
"Great, come on!" Chase dragged Emma out onto the patio. "Emma, I have a proposal for you. Will you be my bride?"
Emma swallowed her gum. "What?"
"Oh Emma, I've known you for a while now, and I'm certain you and I will be a great match."
"I don't want to marry you! I'm going to college. I don't love you."
"Yes you do. All girls say no-,"
"No means no, Chase."
"Emma, you love me like I love you."
"But I don't love you."
"You're the only that makes sense!"
"Okay, I'll give you that, but I don't want to marry you!" Emma ran off, screaming to the beach.
"Emma!" Drake yelled. "What's wrong?"
"Everything! Chase proposed to me, and I learned about Williams and how you treated him! You took everything away! You greedy-,"
"What do you know?" Drake replied angrily. "You know nothing!"
"I may know nothing, Freddy, but at least I have a heart."
Mrs. Ryan was angry when she learned Emma refused Chase's proposal. "How could you do this to me? To our family?"
"Good decision, sweetheart." Mr. Ryan said, looking up from his paper. "Chase doesn't deserve you."
"SEAN!" Mrs. Ryan screamed as she ran to her room, locking the door.
"Hopefully you made her upset enough that she knocks herself off and frees me from bondage."
Emma laughed. "Dad!"
Suddenly, Carrie rushed through the door. "Hello Mr. Ryan! Emma, have I got a scoop for you!"
"Strawberry?"
"Yeah whatever, anyways, guess what happened today?"
"I don't know Carrie, why don't you tell me?"
"Chase Forrester asked me to marry him! I said yes!" She flashed a diamond ring at Emma, who stared in disbelief.
"You've got to be kidding."
"No! And then guess what happened?"
"I don't know-,"
"Since a person who like marries people here-,"
"A justice of the peace-," Emma corrected loudly.
"Yeah, anyways, we decided to have it done fast! You know, to save time and all that!"
Stunned, Emma decided to say nothing and let Carrie continue her bizarre tale of marriage.
"We're all going to Mrs. Simone's home in Miami to celebrate! Didn't you know his former guardian was Mrs. Simone? Anyways, I want you to come too! Emma, you've become so more to me than a pool buddy."
Emma felt dizzy. "Sure…whatever."
"Great! I've got to get ready! Later!"
Lauren just entered the room. "Wasn't this his second marriage proposal in three hours?"
Mrs. Simone's home in Miami was nothing short of extravagant. Even Emma's rich aunt and uncle were embarrassed when they stepped into the living room. The floors were marble, the walls had works of Monet on them, and the furniture was top-notch.
"My handsome Chase and Carrie, please sit down." Mrs. Simone commanded, lying on an 18th century couch from France. "Ah, you've brought friends, Carrie?"
"Yes, Emma Ryan and her aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Graves. Oh and my parents of course!" Carrie pointed to her blushing parents.
A young man with a striking resemblance to Drake walked in and kissed Mrs. Simone on the cheek. "Everyone! This is my nephew, Captain Fox Drake. He'll be staying with us for a few days."
"You must be Emma Ryan, Fred speaks of you." Fox took her hand and shook it. "In fact, he's here with my cousin Georgia."
"Georgia?"
"Yes, Georgia. She's not too fond of being around people. That's why you never see her at The Club. Ever since the Williams incident-,"
"The Williams incident?"
"Yeah, his father discovered they were going bankrupt. Our late father and Mr. Williams attended Yale together, so dad helped them out. Williams decided not to use the money for his education as his father wished. He gambled and threw it away in the stock market. Fred wouldn't give him another penny. Well, Williams was mad. He snuck in one night and used Georgia's liking of him to his advantage. She gave him money and promised him to wait for her, so they could elope." Fox paused. "He never came and broke her heart."
"Ouch."
Fox laughed. "You really are a commoner! Not like your sister though-,"
"Which one?"
"The one who hung around Jerome. The one Fred thought was just using him."
Emma gasped. "What?"
"Wasn't she?" Fox asked, genuinely surprised.
"No! Jenny loved him!"
"Oh. Poor judgment on Fred's part." Fox shook his head in regret.
Later that night, Emma sat in her room, thinking about what exactly happened in the afternoon. 'It was him. Not those evil ones. Williams wants money, like mom.' "Come in!"
Surprisingly it was Freddy Drake. All he said was, "Just read it," and left.
Emma opened the envelope and read a letter in messy almost incoherent English:
Emma,
It wuz me. Jenny wuz not good for Jerome. I wuz wrong. Whoops. Thought she wuz like your crazy mom. Your family is nuts, 'cept you. You're da bomb.
Foxy Fox tol' you 'bout Williams. Stupid player.
Forgive me.
Sincerely,
F.P.D
She put the letter down in disbelief. "That was strangest letter I ever received in my life. I think I know why he flunked out of those prep schools." She looked at the letter again. "Oops. Freddy isn't heartless. He just can't use proper English, and that's no reason to hate anyone."
To Be Continued?