I DON'T own CSI, I wish I did but I don't unlucky me. If only I had Nick…. *smiling*
And I don't own the song "My Immortal" too.
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This is another POV story; I don't know why I wrote it, the idea just jumped into my mind while I was listening to this song.
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I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
It's so hard walking through the door knowing he's not there, I'm not sure how I do it every day; walking into the house where we lived together for almost a year. I hate this house because of all those memories but they are the reason I can't leave, I don't want to forget the time I spent with Nick, it would be easier if I did but I love remembering him. It's been a long time since he left, I still didn't take his things out of the house, I just can't do that, when I see his clothes I remember him wearing them and doing whatever he did.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
I thought that time will make me feel better, but it didn't. I wonder why people say that time makes you feel better it only makes me feel worse, such a long time without him. I still can't stop the tears from falling every time I think of him, why did he have to go?
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me.
The funeral was weird, I didn't even hear what people said, I couldn't even speak. When it was over I went back to the house and cried, I couldn't cry in the funeral so I cried at home, nobody went to talk to me, I was all alone, forever.
He was buried in Vegas; I couldn't let them bury him away from me.
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
I remember being in the hospital after the accident, the doctors didn't lie, the said that the chances are against us but I didn't listen to them, Nick said that everything will be fine, but it wasn't.
After a while we both understood that something bad might happened. I can still remember Nick's voice when he said that he thinks he won't make it, I started screaming at him that he'll be OK but I knew he won't, he told me he loved me and that even when he'll be gone his love will stay, I swear I feel it sometimes. He closed his eyes and said "I love you" and then he was gone, he didn't even hear that I love him too.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
Sometimes I wake up and hope to hear him say "hey" or just to hug me, but I know it will never happen again and I just don't how I can live with that thought.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
It's so painful being alone, without Nick. I can't describe this feeling inside me, it feels like he's so close but too far out of reach, I will never touch him again, I will never hear him again, I will never kiss him again, I will never see him again.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
He's gone, he's gone.
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Wow, that was so hard for me to write. I swear I cried while I wrote it.