AN: So try not to make too much fun (though I do accept constructive criticism) this is my first fanfic. Please enjoy my crappy attempt at humor!
Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil in any way, shape, or form.
Chapter 1: Whaddya mean I can't continue?
"Calm down Maddy, you're not gonna die"
You sure?" A short blonde asked warily.
"Positive." I reassured her. I had been trying to teach my friend Maddy how to play the first Resident Evil game for about 15 minutes, and considering she had only played Umbrella Chronicles, Darkside, and 5, she was adjusting to the funky controls quite well.
She was piloting Jill Valentine to the second part of the shotgun trap, the one room where the ceiling falls and Barry saves you. Yes, the "Jill Sandwich" part. She clicked on the door, triggering the annoying door opening sequence. As soon as it ended, the ceiling did it thing.
"Holy crap!" Maddy started to freak out, making Jill do little spastic movements. "What do I do?"
Confident in my supreme knowledge of most things Resident Evil, I folded my hands behind my head and leaned back on the couch. "Relax, just go and click on the other door".
Maddy moved Jill over to the door and began to furiously mash the x button on my PS3 controller. A message reading "The door is locked" appeared on the bottom of the screen.
"It's locked!" she yelled, still mashing my poor controller to death.
"Just wait." I said. I was certain that the cutseen would start any second and Jill would be rescued and Barry would say his line, blah blah blah-
-That is until until Jill's scream blasted out of my speakers and the screen flashed the infamous "You are dead" message.
"Huh." I mused, "I guess you had to click on both doors"
"You said I wouldn't die!" Maddy threw a death glare at me.
"Well you learn something new every day." I said, leaning farther into the couch.
Maddy growled and turned back to the game. She clicked the "yes" option to continue playing, but instead the screen went psycho. The colors distorted, static replaced the retro polygons and the speakers made a freaky buzzing sound.
"The hell?" I stood up, "What did you do!"
"All I did was hit continue!"
I walked over to the TV and pressed the power button; nothing happened, again, nothing, one more time, zip.
"What the frak did you do?" I reached behind the PS3 and flipped the power switch. The screen exploded into more static and loud noises. Maddy, who was afraid of loud noises, proceeded to cover her ears and shake her head back and forth. Startled and desperate, I hit the TV power one more time-
-White light erupted from the screen, engulfing Maddy and I. That's when I blacked out.
When I finally came around, my head was throbbing. It was cold and wet, and it smelled woodsy. I was lying on my stomach on something cold, flat, and hard. The ground maybe? No, that's not possible, I was just inside my house. I flexed my fingers a little. The frak? Is this grass? I opened my eyes a little. The little green blades were sitting in between my fingers. Oh crap. I'm defiantly not in my living room anymore.
I pushed myself off the ground. Tall, dark, ancient trees surrounded me. The soft light of a full moon filtered down through the leaves. I shivered. Damn it's cold. I figured I was in a mountainous region, due to the crisp air that penetrated my black marching band sweatshirt. Every part of my body was sore for some reason, I could barely walk straight, so I picked a large fallen branch and set off.
I wandered around the forest aimlessly, still not sure where exactly I was. All I knew was that this place looked strangely familiar. Maybe you were sucked into the Resident Evil world. The fan girl side of my mind told me. Yeah right, I told myself, that kind of thing only happens in bad fanfics.
A loud bark pierced the silent forest and was soon followed by a frantic scream. With my big stick in hand, I ran in the direction the scream came from. I soon found Maddy pinned to the ground by a large dog. She had one hand at the dog's throat in a desperate attempt to keep its furiously snapping jaws away from her neck. However the dog was obviously over powering her, its teeth inching closer and closer to her neck.
Without thinking, I swung the big stick, hitting the dog squarely in the ribcage, sending it flying off Maddy. It skidded into a patch of moonlight, giving me a full view of what was just trying to om nom nom my friend's neck.
The thing was, at one point, a huge Doberman Picher. Now, flesh was falling off it in chunks, the muscles were exposed and throbbing, and one of it's eyes was missing. The remaining eye was milky white; probably meaning it was blind, though I don't think it needed to see. It must've relied on smell or hearing, cause it was glaring right at me, obviously hungry for my flesh. Go goddamn figure.
The monster struggled to get to its feet. The blow from my big stick had broken a bunch of its ribs. The beast was already on its front paws, so I acted like anyone would have done in this situation. I jabbed the end of the stick into the dog's one good eye. The stick went right through to its brain. The dog fell back to the ground with a pitiful doggie yelp.
"Okay, so what the hell is going on?" Maddy said already off the ground, "Where are we?"
"Okay, don't freak out," I said slowly, "but I think we're in the Resident Evil world."
Maddy sighed, "Well that would explain the dogs. If that's the case, then I'm goanna need some kind of weapon."
I started to look around the forest floor for something Maddy could use. There was a big rock, a small twig, a- err, a used condom? Wow, that's awkward. Unless Maddy wanted to throw assorted forest trash (well it could work, I mean she did play softball) at the zombie dogs and other monsters, or infect them with AIDS, she was sitting pretty.
"Hey Sarah! I found a weapon!" Maddy came running at me from around a thick tree holding what looked like a dagger made of tree bark. "Check it out, it's like a steak!"
I rolled my eyes at her obsession to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "Yes, because zombies and mutant dogs and evil frog men are totally like vampires." I chuckled. "Hey, it's better than my ideas. Come on," I jerked my thumb behind me, "Lets get moving before more of those dogs show up."
I turned around, immediately slamming into something tall, green, and muscular. My nose scrunched painfully into my face.
"Ow! Sonnova bitch!" I yelled, holding my almost broken nose.
Maddy sprung into action. "Who are you?" She held her 'steak' close to her face, ready to attack.
As I backed away I could see what, no who, I ran into. He was tall, had spiky reddish brown hair, and was dressed like Chris Redfield was in the first Resident Evil game. So my brain had two possibilities. We were either in the Resident Evil world, or a really hardcore anime convention. Most likely the first one.
The tall guy raised an eyebrow, "I'm Chris Redfield. I'm with the STARS Alpha team."
My hands fell away from my face. Maddy lowered her bark dagger. My mind froze. Okay I had a few options. One, I could play along with the games and maybe by some magical warp thing I'll get back home. Two, I could lose my mind and just kill everybody. Three, I could kill myself. Or I could keep doing what I was doing now; just stand there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot.
"Um, are you okay?" Chris asked.
"Not in the slightest." I said in an unnaturally small voice.
Chris cracked a smile. "And what are you two doing here at this time of night. And even worse," his smile faded. Aw. " Don't you two watch the news? Haven't you heard about the murders?"
My mind worked overtime. Okay, think. You've read fanfics like this. You have to go through all the games to get home, and you can't tell them where you're from. Think of an excuse, damnit!
"Um, our families were camping up here for a while. We got separated, and then we found their bodied not far from here."
Chris' expression softened. Yes! My lie was working! "Don't worry, we'll send you back to Raccoon with Brad. Just wait a"- Gunshots cut off Chris' sentence and was followed but screaming and gross ripping noises.
"JOOOOSSSEEEEPPPPHHH!" A female yell echoed against the trees.
"Jill!" Chris drew his handgun and motioned for us to follow him. "You two, come on!"
Chris charged through the forest like a madman. Maddy and I followed as fast as we could, Maddy was slightly faster than me because of her softball training, but I kept up thanks to my good friend adrenaline. We came to a clearing, meeting two more STARS members, both firing at a pack of zombie dogs. One was wearing mostly blue and had short dirty blonde hair. The other had mostly black on and had slicked back blonde hair, and dark sunglasses as the cherry on the badass sundae.
"Who are they?" Mr. Sunglasses said pointing at us.
"Not now Wesker!" Chris yelled back, "Jill, head for that house!"
"It's a mansion!" I corrected.
"Whatever!" The three STARS members tore through the forest towards a huge, creepy looking mansion.
"Well," I said breaking into a run with Maddy next to me. "Hows about we enter the world of survival horror?"
An: So whatch'ya think? Please review and stuff. Again, constructive criticism is encouraged. See you in the next chapter!