Disclaimer: No, it's not! Damn! If I own ToS, Yuan will go to DK instead of Kratos.
So, I know this game is an old one. Blame GC for being over shadowed by PS2. I never know there's a console by that name until just recently. I played ToV and from there I learned about ToS. I got curious since the rating is really high among the other Tales series. ToS and ToV are officially my favorite tales games now LOL.
So well, I got really sappy and imaginative when it's revealed the Kratos was Lloyd's father. So...I just had to write *cough*
Note that this story is not beta'ed. And English is not my native language. That being said, I'm pretty sure that my English is far from horrible. At least, it's eligible *dry laugh*
Well then...this story will be 3-shots. Enjoy!
Lloyd's PoV
It had never really occurred to me why I always felt something was missing in my life. Everything, every day of my life seemed perfect enough. Putting aside the horrid grade and the need to go to school, yeah, my life was perfect. Yet, every night, I would be wide awake, staring blankly at the ceiling. Something was amiss.
During those sleepless night, I would often go out to the balcony adjacent to my bedroom, just sitting there, gazing at the stars. And as usual, I found myself rubbing my hands in cold night, watching the twinkling of the tiny lights until I felt myself slipped into dream world.
My dreams were never pleasant. Worse, they were always the same. It made me wonder if those dreams were actually my memories. You see, I never really remember stuff before I came to live with Dad. Dirk dad, I mean. I knew a little bit from what my dwarf dad told me, but it was never came from my own memories. Sometimes, or often times, depending on how depressed I was, I felt those missing parts became a gaping hole in my hearts.
I missed my parents.
Childish, yes. That was the main reason I kept the thought to myself. Sometimes Collete would come and ask me if I missed my real parents. I said no with such confidence, I felt a deep pang of guilt. I lied. In fact, I was still waiting - albeit without much hope - that my dad would come and take me away. Not saying I dislike my current dad. I loved him all the same. But it was different. I wanted to go on a travel with my real dad, to see the world, to talk, to know each other for we had had years to catch up.
Daddy. My real dad, not Dirk. He was probably the reason I always felt warm tingling on my stomach when I experienced the sleepless night and had to watch the stars. My memories were fuzzy at best, but a part of me remembered. My parents and I, we often slept on the grass blanketed earth and watched the black curtain of dark sky adorned with glittering jewel of the stars. Those days were ingrained so deeply in my head that I found myself doing it over and over again.
A mere three years old child couldn't possibly remember such a thing from the distant past. Those who said that just never realize the big mistake of that statement. A child's memory is stronger than adult's. At least, that's what Professor Raine told me. Maybe she was right. I remembered everything except -regretfully- the face of my parents. I remembered the stars, the cold wind of the night, the swaying ride whenever I sat on his broad shoulder, his voice, and more importantly, how warm his embrace was. Oh, I remember his red hair too.
Sleep while gazing the stars wasn't the fondest memory I had of daddy. Nor was it the reason that I had to do that in order to get a little sleep.
Before I was found by Dirk dad, I remembered I always slept embraced by daddy. My head would rest on his chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart. My smaller body would shook from cold, and then he would draw a blanket to cover both of us. Big warm hands then would found their way to my back, soothing my soul. And then, he would pat my head, gently, affectionately until I felt so loved, so safe and fell asleep in his arms. Daddy thought I never realized it, but I knew. Afterward, just when he thought I was asleep, he would kiss the crown of my head.
Being in his arms, he chased away all my nightmares. Being enveloped by his warmth soothed my cold soul. Where was he now, I wonder. Was he watching the same skies as I did?
Kratos' PoV
Four thousand years was too long a time for human to live. It made me realized that immortality was a curse rather than blessing. I really could not comprehend why human insisted of wanting to live eternally. Nothing good came out of it. At least for me, having to keep living while watching your beloved ones disappeared one by one was a torture more painful than death itself.
Llyod…Anna…
They were not here anymore, but I could not seem to put their smiling faces to the small corner of my head. Every night, they haunted my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw them, waving and laughing, waiting for me to join them. But I can't. I'm an immortal angel, doomed to live for eternity. Death was a sweet release, but with Origin's seal engraved in my body, not even death was allowed.
I opened my eyes with a snap, feeling restless. Being an angel, I didn't have to sleep, because physically I was much stronger than human. But mentally, I was exhausted. Still, sleep was too much a salvation and even that couldn't be granted to a sinner angel.
Instead, I went out of my sleeping quarter and walked outside. Today the sky was clear with little clouds. The stars were twinkling far above, reminding me of home.
Memories rushed back to me. In a clear night like this, it was always that memory that appeared. Me and Lloyd. Him, carried on my shoulder as his smaller hand rested on my messy hair. And then we would talk about stars. He would be so excited, asking me a lot of the names and then he would pouted when I put him down. I smiled. My son. He always pouted when I refused to put him back on my shoulder. But then, he would laughed and giggled when I tickled him.
'Daddy, love you!' He would said while hugging my waist, grinning from ear to ear.
Llyod…my son. So small yet. I still remember the feel of his smaller hand tugging my hair. His smile, so innocent and happy, it made me forgot a four thousand years worth of suffering and pain. But now, he was gone from my life. Killed, by my very own wife. I didn't think I could ever forget that very moment when Anna's claw struck down. And then, Lloyd and Noishe fell down the cliff. The red that bathed his shoe was the gore I couldn't shake out from my head.
No matter how much I search, all I saw was remains of the dead Desian but no small flock of brown that I knew. That day, I really believed all my tears had been drained. That I would not be capable to feel anymore. But fate spoke differently. For me at this time, I still hadn't known that a time for reunion came at the most unexpected time. The 'me' right now could only fall deeper and deeper into desperation.
Stars…Llyod's favorite sight in the world. I wonder if would still enjoy it so much if he were still alive?
"Lloyd…Anna…I'm sorry I couldn't protect both of you," I whispered to the opened locket in my hand. Not even a drop of water fell today. Dry, so dry, like my perched heart.
Kratos' PoV
The fated time seemed to had come. The second that name slipped away from the old woman's mouth, I had a feeling. Rather, ever since my eyes saw the flock of unruly brown, I had the feeling.
"Lloyd. I would be uneasy with just you." Phaidra said.
I felt my heart skipped a beat.
"Your…name is Llyod?"
It couldn't be. But he looked so much like my Lloyd, I saw my own three years old son standing beside him. It couldn't be…right?
Llyod's PoV
I had never been a very strong believer of the so-called 'fated meeting'. For one, fate separated me from my parents, or so Dirk dad said. Well, he never phrased it like that. Accurately, he said something like 'it was fate at work that I found ya." Same difference.
That being the case, I kinda lost faith on stuff like that. I prefer to work on and shape my own destiny without any of that gibberish. I never really tell anyone about this. Especially Genis. I bet he would laugh his head off and tease me for thinking too much.
Never in my wildest imagination that a day - a god-fated-damn day - arrived like this. I met him for the first time.
"Your…name is Llyod?"
That very moment our eyes met, I somehow knew. This guy was special. Or would be special. Okay, whatever it was. The point was, familiarity rushed into me like a sudden wave.
Llyod's PoV
One thing and another lead me to travel together with him, Collete, Professor Raine and Genis. Iselia was burned down for my stupidity, Genis was banished together with me, and the stupid me getting caught; I wonder what other moronic things I would do in the future?
Thinking like that, I couldn't help but wonder, if daddy was still alive, would he be proud of a son like me? Many people was hurt because of me. Not even I could forgive my own mistakes. What worth did I have to live and accompany them?
With that extra weight pulling me down into the pit of depression, once again, I found myself sitting on the ground with my back and head resting on a large stone. My gaze automatically darted upward. The sky was a bit cloudy today as if sensing my mood. The stars were all hid by the thick floating cotton.
"It's cloudy today," I stated to no one in particular.
I sounded stupid. Of course I knew everybody was tired and was asleep. But I couldn't stop the words from slipping. I wanted a friend to talk to, because without the stars to accompany me, I felt really lonely right now.
"The wind is a bit strong. The sky will be cleared soon." Unexpected answer came, from unexpected person.
"Kratos." My head turned around toward the mercenary. He, as usual, was looking stoic. But for a moment when our eyes met, I saw a flicker of emotion although it disappeared just as fast."What are you doing?"
"That should be my question to you. Why are you not sleeping?"
I turned back to watched the starless sky; shrugging when I knew he wouldn't be able to see the gesture. Instead of turning back and offended at my lack of response, I heard his footsteps. It stopped beside the large stone I used as my pillow. From my position, I could see his eyes. Usually one of them was covered by his hair. But not today. I see them clearly.
"Dream?" He looked down and met my eyes.
"No." I averted from his critical gaze, afraid that he would find answers in my eyes for they always betrayed me. "What about you?"
"Night watch."
I felt him sat on the stone. It was only as high as my shoulder when I sat, so Kratos easily reached it. But this was bad. Really bad. I could practically feel his warmth even from this distance. Just what about this man that stirred me so much? I actually felt safe near him. And just the thought of safe made me yawn. I longed for a good shuteye.
"Try to sleep. Tomorrow will be a long journey again. You'll need to preserve your strength."
"I know. I know." I closed my eyes still in that position. The cloud persistently hid the stars. There was no point hoping it would be blown away very soon. There was not much things I could do but to sleep. For once, I listened to his advice and let myself entered the dream world.
Kratos' PoV
Looking at him, sleeping beside me, I couldn't stop my hand from hovering above his closed eyes. I wanted to touch him. To ruffle his head like I used to. To pull him into my embrace. I knew very well why he wasn't sleeping; why he insisted to gaze at the starless sky. Lloyd hated to be alone.
Ever since he was little, he would often came to me and Anna, crying because of bad dreams and being alone scared him. I would then lifted and placed him on my shoulder as we walked out to watch the glittering sky. I would tell him many names of the stars. He would listen, eagerly asking questions. And then, he would sleep in my arms.
Somehow, that seemed to become a habit. And that habit was hard to break. Looking at stars reminded him of our nights together. I wonder if this was a sign that he still remembered me. No…of course not. If he had, Lloyd would have said something. Even if not, he was an open book.
My hovering hand stopped just an inch away from the crown of his head. No, Lloyd's father was dead. I was no one to him but an enemy. A traitor. Even if he hadn't found out about that. In the future, he would. I didn't deserve to be called his father. I retracted my hand and move away. Lloyd already had a father. He didn't need me.
I knew that. But still, it hurt so much.
Llyod's PoV
It had been a while since we started our journey. It had been a week since our last conversation that night. Sometimes, I still found myself staring at his back. I still felt that invisible tug drawing me on him. Something about Kratos reminded me of something, no, someone. But every time I tried to remember, the memories slipped away.
"Hey, Kratos," I approached the man again. Today was his turn for night watch. Wait, actually, now that I thought about it, he was always in turn for night watch. I kind of wondering if he ever slept at all. He never seemed tired or sleepy. "Can we talk for a bit?"
"What is it, Lloyd?"
Again, my heart fluttered. When he pronounced my name, I felt something stirred. An emotion began to wake. At that time, I didn't understand yet the importance of trust.
"I…can we talk?"
Kratos nodded without turning, silently allowing me to sat beside him. He was looking up. I took the empty spot and extended my legs. My hands propped my body as I followed him to gaze at the sky. Today the midnight curtain was clear from clouds.
"You liked stars, Lloyd?"
"Huh?" I was taken aback slightly by the sudden question and turned to look at him. I thought we were going to watch the stars in silence. And just that. I never expected him to respond. But maybe it wasn't a bad thing at all. The truth was, I really - really - wish to speak with him.
"Do you liked the stars?" Kratos repeated.
"Uh…yeah. I guess. When I couldn't sleep like this, I would lie and just gaze at them." I shifted my gaze back at the sky.
"So it is not a dream."
"Huh?" Again, I was startled by the unexpected question. This time I abandon the thought of silent stargazing all together to stare curiously at him instead.
Kratos, as usual, was unaffected by anything. He was still looking up. But he didn't ignore me.
"I asked you a week ago if you're having a bad dream."
"Ah, that. No, not at all. There are so many thoughts in my head, I couldn't keep them away. When I'm alone, I always had that problem."
"Something weighted your mind?"
"Ah, no. Nothing like that. I just…I often had flashback or something like that, you know. My past. My parents."
It seemed that I had spoken out a keyword though I didn't know which one. Kratos tilted his head inquiringly, abandoning the sky as well. I scratched my head awkwardly. His gaze was so intense sometimes, I felt like my soul was bare naked.
"It started with a dream; a nightmare when I was a child. I often had it. A monster, big, hairy with long nails and fangs. It would appear whenever I was alone in the dream. And when I had the dream, I would come to my dad, crying and refusing to sleep. I remember dad would ruffled my head and let me ride his shoulder. We would walk under the stars like this. He would tell me a lot of names I could hardly remember at the time."
"That's unusual, for a dwarf to know so much about stars."
I chuckled. "No! Not him. I mean my real dad." I smiled adoringly, remembering the gentle father. "When I came to live with my current dad, it already became sort like a habit. Sleeping alone is a bit hard now. But being outside where I can see the sky and stars so clearly, I slept better."
"Well, you can sleep if you want."
"Huh? Here?"
I thought I saw Kratos' eyebrows twitched. But he looked as stoic as usual, I wonder if that was merely an illusion.
Shaking my head then, I saw Kratos was still awaiting my answer. "You don't mind?" Unexpectedly, he nodded.
I seriously began to wonder my sanity. Why was it that this man made me felt so comfortable? He was just someone I came to know for less than a month, yet I had blabbered my deepest shame I didn't even tell my two best friends or my foster father. But talking with him like this made me feel that a big load was off my shoulder.
"I don't mind." Came his answer, soft and unexpectedly gentle.
I was startled. But then, his tone melted the ice in my heart. So I nodded and lied down. I turned to my side, facing him. "Thanks for listening and letting me stay. Good night, Kratos."
Kratos never answered back. I was soon asleep and dreamless. It was then and only then that Kratos replied. "Good night, my son."
Well, R&R is much appreciated! I want to know if this is worth continuing =)
