Author's notes: What the hell is that summary? Does it even have anything to do with this fic? Well, I once did burn my hands with rice that was way too hot but like? What?

Anywhoooo, Happy Christm… um, New Year… uh, 6th of February to Sara! (zura-ja-nai-katsura-daaa on tumblr) Thank you so much for the Shiroyasha you drew for me! I love it so, so much! And I love you! You are awesome!

And a great big messy thank you to miraclemodus for helping me make something like a story out of that mess!

Oh, also, VERY SLIGHT MANGA SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T REACHED CHAPTER 517!

The Perfect Amount of Air between the Grains

Katsura fought his way out of the thick darkness that swallowed all reason and logic and, upon emerging, immediately wished he hadn't. Being unconscious hurt a whole lot less.

The sounds of a battle slowly drifted to him, so he cracked open his eyes and tried to sit up and that was… a very bad idea. The whole world seemed to attack all at once with pain and colour and sound.

He groaned, and decided not to move. Well, from now on he would definitely double-check the fuse lengths on his bombs.

"Katsura-san? Are you awake?"

For a moment he considered feigning unconsciousness for a bit longer, but the voice had sounded so worried that Katsura forced his eyes open once again. A very concerned young soldier was staring at him with wide eyes.

"Are you all right, Katsura-san?"

All right? No. Far from it. His throat was dry, his ears buzzed and he was having trouble finding something that didn't hurt. But he wasn't dead. He could work with that. Katsura nodded slowly, taking care not to move too much. The boy sighed in relief, but still looked a little doubtful.

"What's the situation?" he asked, hoping to convince the inexperienced boy that he wasn't lying. It worked.

"Not too bad, I think. They should be done soon."

"Gintoki and Takasugi are out there, too?"

"Yes." The boy fidgeted a little. "But, uh, Shiroyasha-san and the commander were here a short while ago."

Katsura sighed and stared at the floppy tent wall. The boy was still uncomfortably twitching like he wanted to leave. No wonder. No one wanted to be near a wounded army leader.

"Could you go get me some water? Not tea or Pocari, just plain water?"

"Yes, sir!" He jumped up and almost ran for the tent flap. Clean water was hard to come by these days. It would take him some time to come back.

"Wait a moment!" Katsura said just before the soldier left. He nodded towards the tray next to his futon. "What's with the onigiri?" They were sort of shapeless and some grains of rice had fallen away, but they were still, technically, onigiri. Sort of.

The boy almost winced. "Uhh, Shiroyasha-san said that a fairy brought them over," he said slowly, face turning red.

Katsura blinked. "A fairy?"

The boy shrugged miserably.

Weird. Gintoki evaded the truth sometimes and sometimes blatantly lied, but he didn't make up fairy tales. Neither did Takasugi. And then Katsura remembered an old story. A very old story, one that should've already been long forgotten.

Katsura smiled. "It's not a fairy, it's kappa."

The boy shrugged again before disappearing behind the tent flap.

-x-

Ah, yes.

Perfect.

The three most perfect onigiri Katsura had ever seen, if he did say so himself. They were the perfect size and perfectly shaped and inside was the most perfect plum filling. The rice clamped together perfectly, so it didn't fall apart when picking up, but was loose enough to still fit the perfect amount of air between the grains to make it soft. The nori, which was cut into perfect rectangles, stuck perfectly right to the middle of the base of the onigiri, making it easy to hold.

Katsura had really outdone himself and he gave himself a figurative pat on the back.

Okay, maybe not so figurative. He put the third onigiri on the plate with the others, washed his hands, and awkwardly patted his own back.

It didn't quite work out as well as he had imagined.

He could've used someone else's hand for that, but Sensei was not there and Gintoki and Takasugi were still quarrelling about something somewhere outside. Katsura could hear them yelling. Besides, if those guys were there, they'd just eat his perfect onigiri and he could not let that happen again.

Katsura honestly didn't get why would anyone want to eat such perfect onigiri anyway? The fun part was making them. The really fun part was showing them to someone who cared. And although the days had gotten pretty short, it was still light outside and there was plenty of time to go and show them off. It had been a while since he'd last done that.

The yelling outside grew louder and Katsura hoped those two idiots wouldn't drag him into trouble again like they did last time. Sensei's punishing fist was heavy. Probably a little too heavy for a bunch of kids, but Katsura identified it as 'tough love' with a pinch of 'you're all just brats', so it was okay. And if it was any lighter, Gintoki and Takasugi would never learn. Well, they never learned anyway. They were idiots like that. But one could always hope, right?

The yelling stopped abruptly and that piqued Katsura's interest. He cocked his head and tried to listen, but no luck. They were suddenly silent. Had Sensei come back and knocked them unconscious? No, that couldn't be it. He wasn't supposed to be back before nightfall.

Katsura was just about to push aside the screen door to see if they had finally killed each other - which, considering how violent their fights got from time to time he believed they would do at some point - when he could hear them again. Or at least Takasugi. He couldn't make out his words, but it didn't sound like his usual fighting voice anymore and that was… good and bad at the same time. Good because the two of them were really noisy and bound to cause trouble when they fought, but it was even worse when they got along. That meant things were Really Bad.

Katsura held his hand on the door, not knowing if he wanted to open it or not.

"Oi, Zura!" Takasugi called loudly from the distance and Katsura was still not sure if he should open the door. Perhaps he could just quietly sneak away. "Zura I know you're there! Get your onigiri moulding ass out here and help me with this idiot!"

He could ignore it once, but definitely not twice, so he pulled the door aside with probably a little too much force and yelled, "It's not Zura, it's…"

The comeback died down with the scene of an empty, frozen backyard of the terakoya. It had been cold enough the last few days that the ground stayed frozen even when the sun was out and shining. There was no snow, but the frost itself had dyed the ground greyish-white and turned the wooden porch into a slippery deathtrap.

Katsura looked left and right, under the porch and even up into the sky, but there was no sign of either Takasugi or Gintoki. Did they prank him? They did pull a lot of pranks on people, including Katsura, but this one was weak. Katsura opened his mouth to say just that, but then Takasugi yelled again.

"What the hell are you doing, idiot?! I can't pull him out myself!"

The direction where his voice came from was… the pond. And then he saw Takasugi's dark head in the pond. He was trying to keep both himself and somehow a very quiet Gintoki on the surface by holding onto the wooden bridge.

He jumped into his sandals sloppily and ran out. By the time he reached the pond Takasugi's lips had turned purple and Katsura could hear his teeth clattering, but he looked angry enough to be okay. Gintoki on the other hand wasn't moving.

He reached out and took Takasugi's cold hand, trying to pull them both out, but water had soaked their clothes and Gintoki wasn't helping.

"Ow, ow, s-stop! Y-you're p-pulling my arm off," Takasugi complained after about ten seconds. "Just t-take the idiot, I can g-get out m-myself." He lifted Gintoki up just enough that Katsura could grab his collar. After making sure that when he let go Gintoki wouldn't just sink all the way back into the dark freezing abyss, Takasugi quickly climbed out of the pond, then turned and helped Katsura pull the unresponsive boy onto the bridge where they laid him down.

"What happened?" Katsura poked Gintoki's cold and wet cheek with a finger. He groaned and tried to pull his arms around himself in an instinctual attempt to stay warm, but didn't wake. That was a bad sign, right?

"The s-stupid idiot slipped and h-hit his stupid head on t-the stupid bridge a-and f-fell through the stupid i-ice into the stupid p-pond." Takasugi was trying to supress the shivering, but failed quite spectacularly.

Katsura only hummed, patting Gintoki's cheek, trying to wake him up. Gintoki groaned again and turned away before opening his eyes.

"Wahh?" he blinked confusedly for a second. Then he gasped and curled up on his side, closing his eyes again. "S-shit. C-c-cold."

But Katsura was having none of that and shook his shoulder until he moaned. "Oi! Look at me, Gintoki!"

"Noooo," he whined, but looked up anyway.

"You hit your head and fell into the pond. You'll freeze to death if you stay here. Think you can get up?"

"Y-yeah." Gintoki turned on his stomach slowly and pushed himself up first on his elbows and then hands. He was shivering badly, but seemed steady enough to stand.

"Takasugi, get him inside. I'll find you towels and dry clothes."

Katsura ran towards the house without waiting for a reply. It took only a moment to get two yukatas out of the closet and throw them on the tatami for easy access, but the towels sat in a neat pile in the washroom and it took a short while to get to them. By the time Katsura rushed back into the room the two of them were already inside. Takasugi had gotten rid of most of his wet clothes and was urging Gintoki to do the same. Katsura had to help with getting Gintoki's soaked cotton obi open but otherwise he could do it himself well enough. However, the moment he wrapped himself into the towel, he crouched down right in the middle of the room, hugging his knees close.

"Is he okay?" Katsura was already in the other end of the room, dragging thick comforters out of the closet.

"Oi, Gintoki," Takasugi approached and poked Gintoki with a toe. He had already changed and though he still kept his arms tightly around himself and fought fiercely with the involuntary shivers that seemed to reach his bones, he looked a bit warmer now. At least not soaking wet anymore. "You still alive?"

Gintoki groaned and half-heartedly swatted him away with an equally half-hearted, "Gitoff 'sshole."

"Mouth works about as well as ever," Takasugi informed. He squatted down in front of him. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Not as many as many times I'm going to kill you once I stop shivering."

"Vision seems to be working, too. He's fine," he shrugged. "Figures, with a thick skull like his."

"Your skull is the thick one here, asswipe."

"Hey, is that any way to speak to someone who dived into a freezing pond to save your unconscious drowning ass?"

"Wouldn't have been drowning if that someone hadn't pushed me in in the first place!"

"I did not push you! You slipped and fell yourself, idiot!"

"I so did not! You were trying to throw me into the pond!"

"I was trying to grab you so you wouldn't fall into the pond!"

"Enough now, both of you," Katsura said with that specific tone he knew they both listened to. It was only for a second since there was no such thing as actual listening with the two of them, but a second was all Katsura needed. "Takasugi, get under the comforter and try to warm up. I'll make you tea in a minute. Gintoki, are you really feeling all right?"

Gintoki blinked at him. "Uh, yeah. Just a little dizzy and probably gonna have a nasty headache in a bit but I'm okay."

"Then get changed already and go huddle up next to Takasugi."

"Nooo, I don't wanna huddle up next to a murderer," he whined pathetically.

"Stop complaining and get under there! And don't fall asleep!" Katsura ordered, then left to make tea before Takasugi got the chance to protest, too. He could hear Gintoki grumbling something probably not too nice under his breath, but a rustle of cloth told him he started moving again.

It was a good thing, too. Gintoki was both physically and mentally strong for his age and could withstand extremities – except the heat and the lack of sugar – better than Takasugi and Katsura himself, but they were catching up quickly. Which meant that if Takasugi didn't even try to argue about needing to warm up, then Gintoki couldn't really be in a much better state. And he probably had a concussion which was also worse than he allowed himself to show.

So that was two things Katsura had to worry about in the next few hours… Okay, three. First, make sure their hypothermia wouldn't get worse, second, see that Gintoki wouldn't fall asleep before confirming that his concussion wasn't too bad, and third, keep them from killing each other while also keeping them together for extra warmth.

But first things first, he had to get something warm in them. Making tea only took him a few minutes, but they needed to eat something as well to keep up their strength. And nope, Katsura was not sacrificing his perfect onigiri. Some rice crackers would have to do. A piece of candy for Gintoki and a bottle of Yakult for Takasugi to help mend their damaged pride. That's all they'll get. Nothing could convince Katsura into giving up his onigiri. Nothing!

Ten minutes later he walked back into the other room and was not at all surprised to see Gintoki's fingers up in Takasugi's nose while the other was trying to get him into a chokehold. Katsura didn't care to even try and figure out why they were fighting.

He deftly separated them by shoving a foot in and pushing them apart, then sat down between them before setting the tray on the ground. After that they quieted down fast, slurping loudly on hot tea. It was good to see them so lively after almost freezing to death, but it was necessary to get their body temperature back to normal first. Well, not good because they caused a lot of trouble like that, but not bad either.

"Knew you were making onigiri again," Takasugi said.

"He's always making onigiri," Gintoki mumbled absently.

Katsura sighed. "Shut up and drink your tea." Really, it was a stupid move. He'll gain nothing by sacrificing his perfect onigiri. Not even a word of thanks. These ungrateful idiots would never thank him for anything. He'd wasted them for nothing. What a shame. Now he can't go and show them off. Granny would have been happy to see such perfect onigiri. Then again, Granny would be happier to see Katsura taking care of his friends when they are hurt.

Gintoki moved a little to lean his back against Katsura's shoulder and Takasugi scooted a little closer. For a while they sat in a comfortable silence. Only when Katsura felt some warmth returning to the bodies next to him, he broke the silence.

"Why were you fighting anyway?"

"Now or before?"

"Before."

"The last match. Gintoki says he won though it's obvious I landed the hit faster."

Of course. Katsura should've known. Their kendo match before had been a perfect draw but naturally neither of them would accept it.

"Okay, but now?"

Takasugi snorted. "The idiot was trying to convince me he didn't pass out. That he," he took a breath, "just felt a little sleepy and took a short nap."

Takasugi would make an awful voice actor, Katsura thought. Though, Gintoki didn't say a word about any of that which was really weird…

"Oi!" Katsura shook him lightly. "Didn't I tell you not to fall asleep?"

He jerked awake. "Wah?"

"Don't fall asleep," Katsura repeated.

"Oh," He rubbed his eyes with one hand, holding the teacup with the other. It was rather amazing he hadn't spilled any. "Right."

"Are you still dizzy? Nauseous?"

"Not really. The headache just sucks," Gintoki yawned deeply and shifted a little to get more comfortable.

It wasn't very worrying that Gintoki had fallen asleep. He did that sometimes, just dozed off anywhere he could feel safe and comfortable.

"Though, if you want me to stay awake then you'd better talk about something," he yawned again.

Katsura exchanged a look with Takasugi. He sighed and grabbed an onigiri from the tray before moving so that could lean his back against Katsura's. Now Gintoki had a broader surface to rest against and they were all warmer.

"You know, Zura, you make really good onigiri," Takasugi said after a short while with his mouth still full. "Did you grandmother teach you?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura." Yes, she did. But that was a boring story. One that wouldn't keep anyone awake. So Katsura had to bend the facts a little. Throw in a little drama and action, too, to keep his young listeners interested. "I once helped a kappa whose daughter was kidnapped by an evil fairy. She taught me how to make perfect onigiri as thanks." Takasugi moaned and Gintoki sighed. Ahh, the satisfying sounds of pleased listeners. "It was the first day of summer when the kappa mother found her daughter missing. Or didn't find her missing because how can you find someone missing? So I suppose she didn't find her missing… Anyway I was taking a walk near the river when I heard her crying…"

*Kappa – water imp found in Japanese folklore. Google it.

*Onigiri – rice ball

*Nori – that seaweed stuff they use to wrap food.

*Terakoya – temple school.

*A tatami is a type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms