You Know Which Frou Frou Song This Is
Summary: Just a one-shot describing Nate's thoughts during his date with Vanessa in 1.15
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl and I definitely don't own Nate, but if I did, I'd give him to my best friend for her birthday :)
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SHE wasn't a perfect creation like Blair, or like what Blair tried forever to be. She wasn't the stuff dreams were made of, either, the way Serena had always been. Still, she was beautiful. She was real, at least. And that was certainly a start.
The band was great. He couldn't remember any of the songs and he wasn't even sure if he liked the music, but just being in such a vibrant atmosphere, full of people laughing and dancing and drinking without a care in the world… It made Nate feel like a living, breathing person, something he hadn't felt like in too long to recall.
And the way she smiled at him when she caught him nodding his head to the beat made him want to break out into a full song and dance. The glow in her eyes was unlike anything he had ever seen. They shone brilliantly without a hint of betrayal or schemes or secret pain hidden in their midst. A girl with no complications. Just a girl whose company he could enjoy, and who just might enjoy his as well. Maybe this was what he needed all along.
They laughed the entire walk back to the café where she worked. Everything seemed to be humorous when he was with her: his parents, their college expectations, her lesbian punk sister… It was surprising how silly everything looked when you saw it in the right light. When you were with the right girl.
Now she was explaining how free-spirited her parents were, how they didn't expect her to go college even. He couldn't imagine a world where he was free to do as he choose, where there were no expectations placed on him, no demands other than that he be himself. He felt overcome by the desire to be a part of her life, to peek into a world full of freedom and art—a world without limits.
Maybe it was the enchantment he felt at the idea of escaping his constricting Upper East Side world—of leaving behind all the corruption, all the lies and betrayals of his so-called best friends. Or maybe it was just her presence that was intoxicating him. She wore no perfume, yet she smelled wonderful. He wondered if it was more like jasmine or chamomile.
They stood in front of the café for what seemed like a lifetime, not knowing whether or not to go in. He didn't know exactly what she was thinking, but he knew he felt scared. He wanted to stay right there with her, but if he did, where would they go next? He had never followed a path that had not previously been set out for him by someone else, so he didn't know how to clear the way or even how to ask for directions. The closest he had come was taking the SATs on his own, but that seemed like child's play compared to standing next to such a liberated, self-confident, beautiful woman like Vanessa Abrams.
"God, this does feel like that doorstep moment…" she almost giggled, but not quite. Giggling seemed like something fake, something that might be beneath her. Instead, it was a breathy laugh that revealed a hint of insecurity. But mostly it just egged him on. Come on, do it already.
"And what moment would that be?" He asked, his eyes boring into hers. As much as he was trying to be seductive, or romantic, or anything—it was a real question. He had never experienced this particular moment before. He had never been with a girl he knew next to nothing about, waiting for their entire story to unfold based on one single kiss. With Blair, it had always been so easy: he was supposed to kiss her, to marry her, to spend his entire life as Nate Archibald and Blair Waldorf. With Serena, well, he didn't know what was happening until it was already too late to turn back. And that hadn't even mattered in the end, had it? It never went anywhere. That was his life: dead ends no matter where he turned.
But this, this was different. If he kissed her now, she would let him inside. They would see each other again; possibly go on a second date. And he wouldn't know what was going to happen next. Maybe he would never know again, since he had destroyed the original script and there was nothing left but his instinct. And right now, his instinct was definitely telling him there was nothing he wanted to do more than kiss her. Let go and just get in.
So he did.
A rush of emotion swept over him, filling him up to the core. It was like he was free falling without a parachute, and nothing had ever felt so good. There's always beauty in the breakdown. He pulled away for a second, just to catch his breath, and heard her say, "Yeah, that's the moment…"
And it was. It was the moment. He didn't even know what that meant to him right then, but he knew he had to keep kissing her. He could do this all night, maybe even for the rest of his life. Nothing else mattered when you were living in the moment. She deftly unlocked the door, and he led her inside to let the night play out a little longer.
When he finally said goodbye, about an hour later, he left with a huge grin on his face—one of those doofy ones that make the wearer look a little dim-witted. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much and the thought made him break out into an even wider grin. His face hurt from all the exercise it was getting.
That night, he slept a deep, dreamless sleep. It was wonderful. What did he need dreams for, anyway? He had already lived all the ones he needed for the day. He woke up at the crack of dawn without even planning on it, feeling he should repay her somehow for making him come alive again. He wasn't really sure what her dreams were, but he thought he could help make them come true. Or he could at least make sure she didn't miss out on any she didn't know she had.
So he called College Board and procured a stand-by SAT exam at Hunter College, then he took a town car to what was currently his favorite place in New York City.
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Author's Note: The song I was listening to when I wrote this, by the way, was "Let Go" by Frou Frou. Hopefully you could tell, though. :D