Dhother's Struggle
Eli and Kithra are gone. I am ashamed of myself for thinking them cowards. Eli was always more suited to priesthood, and Kithra, I am ashamed again to say, was not one for war. Despite these losses, Mosarag had sent word of a new ally joining our group. I find myself in speculation of what this newcomer could possibly offer us in terms of manpower. While Denora has made a very competent replacement for Eli, I am still hesitant to add yet another member. Hopefully everything will work out.
My first impression of Caitlin is confusion. Why do I find myself watching her? True, she is very easy on the eyes, and I am not above noticing such a thing, but still she intrigues me. She has the stature and posture of someone with something to prove. She is an enigma which I cannot afford to dwell on. I must be focused on the mission. I am the rock of this party, ready to ground them when needed, and protect when necessary. My role is by far the most important. I must not fail.
The nerve of that woman! She is far too brash and naive to be a competent fighter. Always rushing in, always something to prove, never caring of the consequences. She infuriates me! Everything she does has to be bold, has to stand out, like it makes her special. I have never met anyone like her. Why does she insist on pushing everything? Fighting with me one moment and propositioning me the next! It's as if she's trying to break me, shatter my stoicism. She does not understand that I HAVE to be the rock, HAVE to be responsible! If she wants to break me, she will find a wall of impregnable steel.
I have met Caitlin's father today. A strange fellow to say the least, but with obvious love for his daughter. She was so different around him. Professional, relaxed, even dare I say, soft. Is this her true side, one not blocked brash arrogance and a thirst to prove herself? I find myself staring at her face. I will admit that she has beautiful features. There is no shame in noticing such things. I want to know more of the real Caitlin, the one I have seen in mere glimpses. Of course I will not stray any farther than that. We are and will be only comrades, nothing more.
How could she do that! The potion could have killed her. As I watched her scream out in pain, slowly growing wings on her back, my heart stopped beating. Damn her arrogance! Damn her brash attitude! Doesn't she know what she means to the party, to ME! Of course she doesn't think of such things. Only of battle and pride. I find myself internally struggling with my feelings. Why does it make my heart speed up at the thought of her? I cannot feel anything for her. We are of different views, we fight about nothing. She is trying to break me, and has already caused some cracks in my wall. I must distance myself from her further.
We were outdone, outmatched, and done for. There was no escaping him. Denora was down. John was barely standing. I knew we had no chance. At that moment, I thought of my life up until then. Would they remember me? Would I try to run and be thought a coward? One thought alone came to me, what would happen to Caitlin? She is far too brash for this fight. Having been downed once already, her pride would not allow her to flee. Thinking of her gave me thoughts of a future, no enemies to fight, a quiet life, children. All these i am fighting for, and as I realize this, I also feel my wall shatter to nothing. You win Caitlin. Perhaps it is time I do something brash on the battlefield. I have stood in the background for too long. As I prepare myself, I know now that What I feel is something more, something known as love. Whatever that love may be for her, I will show it in a way she would respect.
End