DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail.
Warning: Ships and fangirling/fanboying ahead. This is utter crack and will probably not make much sense.
Mirajane Strauss was a self-proclaimed matchmaker. She prided herself in her ability to get any and all who looked fit to be a couple to become a couple. Her many successes included Bisca and Alzack (ohmygosh she was just so happy to find them already married and with a kid when she got back!), Levy and Gajeel (she had gotten them on a mission alone together, and they had become noticeably closer afterwards.), Evergreen and Elfman (okay not really but they were getting close!), and she had even teased Erza once about Jellal (which was a stupid thing that she'd never do again; she almost lost a finger that day.).
But Mirajane's favorite ship had to be the one she wanted Lucy and Natsu to set sail on.
Uncreatively dubbed NaLu, the white-haired barmaid couldn't help but immediately place them together in the deep, dark depths of her matchmaking mind—and what a dark, mischievous place the depths of her matchmaking mind was. There was absolutely no one more compatible than Natsu and Lucy, what with how cute they were together, their tendency to get flustered when the topic of their relationship was brought up, and how they were practically living together.
What she had never realized before was that she wasn't the only one baring her matchmaking claws at the oblivious duo.
XOXOXO
From the second floor, a masked man leaned over the railing to find the pink-haired boy bidding goodnight to his blonde companion, and a huge, almost sinister smile spread across his lips.
Bixlow stood up, stretched, and walked down to the bar, sliding into a stool near Natsu. He hid his grin from the dragon slayer, but oh, this was going to be so fun. He always enjoyed playing around with his nakama's feelings for each other; especially Fried and his not-quite-unrequited feelings for Mirajane (really, why wouldn't that green-haired idiot just tell her already?!), and Evergreen and the way she was in denial about her affections towards Elfman. He had even brought up the topic of Cana with Laxus once upon a time, but had put it to rest — and by rest he meant eternal slumberwithout a prince to wake it up with a kiss — when he awoke the next morning with a charred helmet, a head injury, and the faint feeling of electricity coursing through his veins.
But Natsu and Lucy were mostly Mirajane's turf… he hadn't strayed into her path yet. But really, those two wereso freaking perfect together and Bixlow couldn't leave them alone any longer.
"So… Natsu…" Bixlow drawled, nodding to Mirajane when she handed him his usual drink.
"What?" Natsu grumbled, scratching his chin as he looked at the Seith Mage. "If you've got somethin' to say then just go ahead and say it."
"Okay," Bixlow shrugged, his grin widening so far that it looked like his face was going to crack. "What are you going to do about your little thing for Lucy?"
Natsu promptly choked on his own drink, spraying his whatever-it-was all across Mirajane's painstakingly cleaned bar top. For a few moments he stared blankly ahead, spluttering incoherently, before turning to Bixlow with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face and a bright flush on his cheeks. He continued spluttering for a few minutes and Bixlow just watched amusedly as Gray stared at Natsu like he'd grown an extra head from several stools away.
"I don't—what are you going on about—thing, what thing—"
"I got one word for you," Bixlow said, leaning his elbow on the bar and putting his chin in his hand, not even realizing the gaping Mirajane. "De-ni-al."
"Sh-shut up!" Natsu said, standing up quickly. "Where's Happy? Oi! Happy! Let's go fishing!"
At the dragon slayer's shout, the blue exceed popped up from sitting with Wendy and Charle, excitedly crying, "Aye, sir!" and flew towards Natsu. They were out the door moments later and Bixlow snorted.
"Y… You too?"
He jumped at the voice and turned to see the white-haired she-demon herself, beaming at him with sparkly eyes (how the hell did she get her eyes to sparkle like that? Didn't that only happen to people in those anime lacrima shows?) and he wasn't sure how to reply. She must have noticed his confused look because she tiptoed closer and leaned across the bar, beaming.
"You're a matchmaker, too?!"
Her voice was soft, so soft that he barely caught it but he did, and Bixlow smirked. Mirajane didn't need any more of an answer, squealing and spinning in a circle of glee.
"Enough poking around and maybe they'll get the picture, right?" Bixlow said with a shrug when she calmed down and had poured him another drink.
"I was thinking the same thing," Mirajane admitted, then gave him a strikingly mischievous grin and turned to look somewhere behind Bixlow. "In fact… I think it's my turn to do a little more poking around."
The Seith Mage turned to find an unsuspecting blonde sitting halfway down the bar, and smirked to himself as he watched the white-haired woman talk to Lucy. The blonde was getting noticeably redder in the face, and her gestures were getting wilder and wilder. He could tell that the little bookworm Levy was joining in the teasing now too, and it was really amusing to watch as the Stellar Spirit Mage muttered something and stood to leave.
XOXOXO
Three days later, Evergreen sat down with a devious grin at the table where Bixlow, Fried, and Laxus were already sitting.
"What're you so happy about?" Bixlow asked in a bored manner. "Did you and Elfman finally spend some quality time together?"
"What're you— y'know what, I don't even care what you're going on about anymore. Anyways, you'll never guess what I saw last night."
Her facial expressions were fun to watch, Bixlow decided. She went from mischievous to confused to embarrassed to indifferent to mischievous again and how in the world did she go through so many facial expressions that quickly? But he was intrigued now.
"Then tell us," was Laxus's apathetic response to her excitement just as Bixlow was about to say something very similar. Evergreen pushed up her glasses with an eager grin.
"Well…"
XOXOXO
"Hey, Mira. Did you hear that Natsu actually gathered up the balls to kiss Lucy last night?"
"Yes, Bixlow, I heard."
Bixlow remained silent, a little disappointed that she'd already heard, while Mira continued wiping down the bar top, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had taken place.
"Our ship has finally set sail, hasn't it?"
"Yes, yes it has."
They were silent again, but huge grins had grown on both their faces.
"Ohmygosh it's so adorable isn't it?!"
"Yes it is youdon'tevenknow!"
So. What to say. I don't even know. PANDA YOU TAKE OVER HOW DO I AUTHOR'S NOTE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU AUTHOR'S NOTE.
This is where I say "insert witty comment on the relationship of Mira and Bixlow".
They are…Shippers United!
KUMA I CAN'T AUTHOR'S NOTE EITHER /sob.
Um. Anyways. This was a collab fic by the lovely Mrs. HopeEstheim and the derpy AkumaNoKiseki. We hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed making it!
Thanks for reading!