Dear Santa Claus, who is the person to whom this letter is addressed, and for whom the following contents are meant, and no one else,
Year after year I write these letters, which are no small draw on my time and efforts (which, as you know, are incredibly valuable, since every ounce of my time and efforts not wasted on these seemingly ineffectual letters could be better spent in creating the perfect plan to destroy my nemeses, the Powerpuff Girls, and rule Townsville). Year after year, it appears to me that I am ignored, for my stocking lovingly hanged by the chimney with care is consistently filled with the sort of treats and trinkets that, although appreciated, are not what I truly want when I draft you a letter. Perhaps it is because your head is not screwed on to the correct angle, or your socks are of insufficient size to cover your heels, or even your cardiac muscle is simply too small to care what a super-genius monkey mastermind also needs to complete his villainous plans, but whatever the reason, I am constantly denied. You are as bad as those Powerpuff Girls, with their "love" and "cheer" and "goodwill"…but come, come, Santa Claus, for as a fellow enthusiast of breaking and entering, surely we can come to an agreement that your contributions to my fund of evil are not ideal, nor are they realistic, nor are they helpful in any way. Though delicious, how could my favorite banana crème truffles possibly help me in achieving my one great desire and taking over Townsville? This is a complaint, for I am unhappy, which is to say, you are not doing your job as Santa by not giving me exactly what I ask for in my detailed, annotated lists, which I send every year, as is tradition, for each year I waste the ink and paper to set forth exactly what it is I need, and each year I am ignored. This will not do, Mr. Santa Claus!
Therefore, I will make it simple, for Mojo Jojo is not unreasonable: what I want you, Santa Claus, patron saint of burglars and champion of consumerism, is the key to Townsville, for once I have this key, I will have the power, the means, the way, to subject all of Townsville under my rule, and once and for all shut up those annoying Powerpuff Girls. If that proves too difficult for you, or if my yearly offering of milk and cookies, which are made to perfection in the kitchen of Mojo Jojo, is inadequate, then I would request the Ultimate Destruct-o Ray I saw recently in Evil Deeds magazine but am unable to afford, but which I will most certainly steal if you are once again unable to come through for this poor forgotten evil genius. I am giving you a chance, Mr. Santa Claus: let us perform this yearly yuletide transaction with pride and dignity for the sake of misbehaving this year, or I shall acquire that Destruct-o Ray, and my first destination will be your frozen pathetic workshop to make sure it is functioning properly. Do we understand one another? Have I been clear? Is there any point in this written form of communication which needs clarification from me, the writer, Mojo Jojo, to you, the recipient, Santa Claus?
Bah Humbug to you, Sir.
Mojo Jojo
A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! This was my entry for PPG Hub Drabble Contest on LJ. The theme, which I chose this month, was Letters to Santa. There were TONS of good entries this time, so if you get the opportunity, either go to LJ to read them or find our group here on FFN and read them. They are AMAZING.
Good luck and Happy Holidays, everyone!