Hello! It's me again!

I know I haven't updated or added anything new in aaaaggggesss but I'm working on that, don't you worry.

So, lemme introduce this story.

This is a little oneshot about the Joker's home life. You see, I've always kinda wanted to know how he'd be at home and this sorta came into my head so I wrote it down to satisfy my own curiousity. I hope it'll also satisfy yours!

Thanks for reading!

"Jacky… What have I told you about planning bank jobs on the dining table?" Luna asked, staring at the back of her boyfriend's head; he merely grunted in response, too deep in thoughts of explosives and trickery to pay any attention to her. Rolling her eyes in annoyance, she huffed quietly to herself but a plan quickly formulated in her mind when she noticed that his schematics were the original copies from the Gotham City archives.

Grabbing the two huge bowls of spaghetti and meatballs from the kitchen worktop, she sauntered over to him before roughly dumping them onto the table, splattering the floor plans with bolognaises sauce.

"I can almost see the blood now." She giggled, adjusting the bowls before whipping around to continue bringing food over to the table.

The Joker snapped his head to glare at the back of the young woman who had the audacity to interrupt him but couldn't stop his expression softening slightly at the sound of her soft laughter.' Cheeky little minx'. He thought, smiling to himself, but he quickly composed his features into an angry snarl when she turned towards him, a large pan of lasagna in one hand and a bowl of salad in the other.

"Something funny, Looney?" he growled, putting emphasis on his pet name for her but she simply ignored him in favour of setting the food on the table. When she refused to answer his question, he leaned forward to bring his hand down on her backside. "Pain in my ass. Don't know why I bother keeping you around Doll."

"Who else would look after you and the boys?" she replied sweetly as she made her way to the kitchen door, swaying her hips playfully, before poking her head into the hallway. "BOY! Dinners on the table! If it goes cold, one of you guys follow, do'ya hear me?!"

A few seconds after those words left her mouth, half a dozen men galloped down the stairs, passed the woman, and seated themselves at the dining table. Smiling, she turned on her heel to follow them though it quickly fell when she spotted Ryan sitting beside her empty spot.

"What've I told you about wearing that god damn mask at the table?" she snapped, ripping the latex clown mask from his head before smacking him with it. "I see it again, I burn it… while you're still wearing it. Understand?"

"Yeah Looney…" he murmured, looking down at his lap.

"Good." She said with a grin before taking her seat next to him, all the time ignoring the looks that the Joker was throwing in their direction. "Go on then lads, get stuck in."

That was all that needed to be said.

The calmness of the room was broken by the crescendo of metal spoons clashing against serving dishes and the petty arguments which followed. After a few minutes of the feeding frenzy chaos, it settled down to the quiet chomping and appreciative hums of the starving men.

"So… Have you all finished your homework?" The Joker asked between mouthfuls of pasta, glowering at the criminals crowded around the table. Despite his disheveled appearance and the pasta sauce around his mouth, he still managed to cause a small trickle of fear to travel down their spines. "I'll take your silence as a 'yes'. Let's have a little pop quiz, shall we? Twitch, what's the response time?"

"Cops'll be there in 'bout ten minutes… Give or take thirty seconds each way." Twitch responded, crumbs flying from his mouth as he spoke but he merely shrugged it off and tucked back into the huge mountain of food he'd dished out for himself.

"Tiny… Alarm system."

"Gonna have to get to the roof where they keep the main circuit breaker so I can hack into it. Typical silent alarm sending signals to the police and the bat. Can take it down in forty seconds if it aint been activated."

"And if it has?"

"A good five minutes… I'd have to lapse the signal back on itself and bounce off of a couple of towers in the area to scramble it and blow the box."

"Well then," Luna chimed in, much to the annoyance of the clown prince of crime at the opposite end of the table. "Looks like I'm gonna have to keep 'em busy now, don't it?"

"You're not coming." Joker told her, taking a drink from his glass while staring into the eyes of his lover, daring her to contradict his orders.

"Course I am."

"You're not." He hissed, his jaw clenched as he glared at her. "Remember the last time you helped with a job? We ended up in Arkham… again."

"But we did meet these really nice guys," she added, fluttering her eyelashes innocently. "and that one guard… wow.. He was… not my type at all." She lied after seeing his face taint an ugly shade of red at the thought of his girl liking someone else.

"Thought so sweetness." He growled in response, giving her a look that promised severe punishment later which caused her to gulp slightly in fear but also shiver in anticipation.

The make up after the punishment – the raw, passionate, rough make up – was definitely worth any punishment he forced her to endure first.

"Stretch… How you gonna get in?" Luna said, her voice an octave higher, earning a smirk from the green haired man across the table.

"Spread your legs and I'll show you." He replied, winking at her but as he opened his mouth to say something else, he was gripping at his throat to stop the bleeding while the Joker reclined back in his seat, lovely wiping his blade with a napkin.

"Oh ha ha ha." The clown muttered sarcastically, staring at the body. "I do the jokes around here."

Please review and lemme know what you think :)