Inspired by the song "So in Love" from Kiss me Kate,
I own nothing
He sat in class chewing the back of his pen, notebook blank in front of him after a two hour lecture. She'd come in late and had to take a seat in the front row, it was rare they didn't sit together, and apparently that was a good thing for his studies. From where he was now she was perfectly in his eye line, he could both stare at her and look like the most attentive student in the class. The light streaming in from the window hit her just right, making her hair light up and her skin glow. They spent so much of their spare time together it felt almost wrong to look at her like that, adore her from afar. But he couldn't help it. She was so beautiful.
Strange dear, but true dear,
"That's it!" she beamed and clinked her bottle off his. "The last exam." He sighed and took a long drink.
"Thank god." She laughed. He watched as she smiled. A smile of his own creeping across his face. "We'll be moving out soon." He said looking around his dorm room.
"And into jobs. God that's so grown up."
"well we are grown up!" he shrugged. His eyes locked on her as she looked around the room.
"That's rough." She smiled and leaned back against his pillows. He turned back around from his position on the floor and looked at the large pile of notes and books thrown on the floor. Standing up suddenly he did a short pace around the room then sat on the edge of the bed beside her. "we should go soon, they'll miss us at the party." She said as their eyes locked.
"Peter will miss you..." he muttered.
"Will..." her eyes saddened, he reached out and took her hand. The small gesture sent waves up his hand and he tightened his grip on her slightly. This was it.
"I'm going to miss you."
When I'm close to you, dear,
He laughed as her cap hit him in the cheek.
"Ah sorry!" she cringed beaming
"You always were a bad shot." He rubbed his cheek. She put it back on her head haphazardly, her hair falling down in front of her face. He reached up and froze mere millimeters from her face. Would this be the last time he got to do this.
The stars fill the sky,
He watched as her car drove away, and his stomach sank. He'd done it, he'd chickened out. He'd managed to break up with his girlfriend for her. He'd spent his days bettering himself for her and then at the last hurdle he'd balked. He hadn't told her. Now he'd have to live with that
So in love with you am I.
He stood in his office as she walked away. Watching her leave him like he had almost two decades ago, without telling her how he really felt. He tried with the first voicemail, he'd even managed to almost move on when she'd ignored it. Yet here he was again a love sick puppy watching the love of his life walking out of his life.
Even without you,
He opened his eyes and smiled, they must have fallen asleep again. She would be so angry when she woke up. He reached out to the white sheet covered form, jolting upright when his hand sunk into the shape. Throwing the sheet back he looked at the pillow that had deceived him. his stomach and heart both sank in unison. She'd ended it, she would never fall asleep in his bed again. He rolled over onto his back and let the feelings that had hit him roll around his head, while he remembered the mornings she'd been in his arms.
My arms fold about you,
He stood next to her in the elevator, his hand curling into a fist. They hadn't been alone in this small a space in quite a while.
"how are you." he said after an age.
"Alright." She nodded looking at her own shoes.
"Good."
"You." her hand dropped to her side, inches away from his. He could sweat he felt the hair on the back of her hand touch his.
"Alright." I miss you! his mind screamed at him.
"Good." His small finger took a life of its own and wrapped itself around hers, they both took in a breath. The elevator stopped and she stepped away from him.
"I miss you too." She whispered so quietly he almost missed it, as she left.
You know darling why,
He walked past her window and managed to just catch her eye. She smiled at him and his world brightened. God he was pathetic. One smile and he turns to mush. It wasn't like he hadn't been with other women since her. Yet none of them could even come close to her, she had become the driving force in his very veins.
So in love with you am I.
He sat in his office, glass of scotch still sitting in his hand, he grinned as his mind wandered. He could still see it so vividly, he opened the door and she was standing there in a long coat a hat and glasses. He'd laughed at her and stepped back to let her in.
"What are you doing?" he'd said through the laughter.
"I was trying to get here unnoticed!"
"Sunglasses?" he had raised an eyebrow "At nine o clock at night." She'd frowned and pulled them off.
"I'm so nervous!" she had admitted taking off the hat too. He had caved and kissed her giving up on mocking her.
In love with the night mysterious,
The hotel had been the best night of his night. It would probably always be the top of the list. She had been the Alicia he'd fallen in love with, carefree, untroubled and lighthearted. She was thinking about only herself, and him. she'd seemed ten years younger, and he felt ten years younger. He could have stayed in that room for the whole week. But reality had hit. And now all he had was the memory of that first night.
The night when you first were there,
"Yes, that's ok just drop it in to Diane to look over and I'll get it in the morning. Goodnight." He smiled "yes i got it thank you!" he looked over the bottle on his counter with the blue ribbon. "it was a lovely gesture... I will" he nodded. "Goodnight." He hung up the phone and put it next to the bottle letting the ribbon go through his fingers.
"You have your happy voice on!" Aubrey's head came around the door quicker than he could turn.
"What are you doing listening!"
"I wasn't!" she held up her hands "I just overheard." She shrugged.
"Sure." He rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, waiting for her to follow.
"So was that Kalinda?" he picked up a magazine
"I'm not answering that."
"Whoever it is keep her, I missed your happy voice. I haven't heard it since you were at Georgetown." Aubrey wrapped a hand around his arm and snuggled into him. He just smiled.
In love with my joy delirious,
"What if we had good timing for an hour?" if he could get that sentence tattooed on his person he would. That was the second he realised she felt the same about him, that she thought it was worth a risk. He'd hoped that was the case when she'd kissed him back all those months ago, but that sentence confirmed it.
When I knew that you could care,
He reached for her hand and missed.
"I feel cursed." She said deciding to ignore his gesture. He felt winded, and the pain and despair in her eyes didn't help. She didn't even look him in the eye, she was trying to distance herself. She was so petrified about their truth getting out that she couldn't even look at him.
He wanted to tell the world while she seemed to want to forget it. She was ripping his heart out bit by bit but he was going to let her. He would always let her.
So taunt me, and hurt me,
He'd gone into a blind rage when he'd heard what she was planning. Her and Cary, he'd put them together, and now they were stabbing him in the back. She was stabbing him in the back. He couldn't even remember throwing the stuff off her desk, all he'd seen was her face and his own rage. After all they'd gone through this was what she did. Shattered him.
Deceive me, desert me,
His life flashed before his eyes, quickly and silently. It was done before he even hit the ground. And it was mostly her. Almost every happy moment in his life had included her. And he would never get to tell her. Yes they'd made up but he still couldn't tell her everything that he felt for her. He felt the life draining out of him but all he could think was he'd like one last minute with her. He closed his eyes as Kalinda held him.
"Alicia..."
I'm yours, till I die...
She walked down the hall eyes fixed on his door. It had been six months, but she was still barley able to hold back the tears. It took a few moments for her to knock on the door. When she did it was opened almost immediately.
"Alicia hi." The young woman who opened the door said. "I'm Aubrey." She held out her hand.
"Yes that's me hi." She stood back to leave her in, Alicia was hesitant, all the times she'd previously gone into this apartment flashing before his eyes. Her heart was heavy, weighted with all the feelings she'd never gotten to express.
"Thank you for coming to meet me, I'm sorry i didn't do this sooner." Aubrey lead her to the couch.
"That's ok. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I met you at the funeral but I know it must have been a blur."
"No I remember you." she nodded. "you looked how I felt." She looked away from her and reached for an envelope "Look I asked you here to give you this." She held it out. "We finally sorted through my brot... Will's things and this was with his will." She shrugged. Alicia took it in her hands, shaking. Aubrey just watched as she looked at Wills handwriting across the front. "It was you wasn't it?"
"What was me?"
"You brought back his happy voice." She smiled weakly tears coming to her eyes.
So in love... So in love...
She sat on her bed and read it again. This was it, proof she'd lost a lifetime through her decisions. Nonetheless it was also the thing that would help her move on. She read it again.
...I lie, the second voicemail it wasn't like the first. It was completely different. I said i love you that's the plan. That was always the plan. In our days at college that was my plan, when you came back to work and separated from Peter that was the plan, when we slept together that was the plan. I was blinded by my love for you and it was my only life plan. But our timing was always so disastrous it seems like the world was against us. Not that I helped by being too afraid to tell you this. Yet while I write this I think you knew. I hope you never have to read this letter, and I hope I can tell you this myself someday. I hope I have the guts. Maybe we'll meet in another life.
All my love,
Will
So in love with you, my love... am I...