Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story, and I do not own the song "If I Had Only Known." The chars. Belong to mutant enemy, and the song belongs to Reba McEntire. Don't sue me, please. Would love feedback. Thanks!
p.s, spoilers if you haven't seen "Seeing Red." *Goes off to cry.*
The Music of Pain
Once, a long time ago. A young man referred to this music as the music of pain. As Willow sat at her desk, she had to agree with that young man. His reasons were slightly different than hers. He had been rejected by both of his female friends, and she… she had her heart and soul ripped away and from her. In the matter if seconds. It still hurt, painfully, excruciatingly, but she did not show it. She kept it bottled inside, and let it fester and grow in the emptiness that used to be her heart.
Willow held her book open in the pantomime of reading, but her mind and body was focused on a song. A song of pain. And Willow, could relate to that kind of pain.
If I had only known,
It would be our last walk in the rain,
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm.
I would hold your hand,
Like a life-line to my heart,
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm.
If I had only know,
It was our last walk in the rain.
*Flash*
Two figures were walking under the safety of an umbrella. They were talking and laughing, uncaring of the dangers of the night, or for the fact of the Big Bad. Their hands clasped together in a lovers embrace, both feeling wholly loved and complete. Uncaring if anyone was watching they shared a sweet kiss under the umbrella, and lingered on the street, taking their time to get to their destination. Once reaching the doorway of the Magic Box, the two shared another sweet kiss, before exchanging vows of love. Lightning ripped across the sky as Willow and Tara entered the shop, the friendly little bell drowned out by the following thunder.
*Flash!*
Willow set down her book as she gave up al pretense of reading, and focused on the song. The song of lovers lost. The music of pain.
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you've ever said.
And on those lonely nights,
I could think of them once more
And keep your words alive inside my head.
If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again.
*Flash!*
Scenes flashed by. Tara and Willow talking, laughing, making love. Each scene whirled by in a whirlwind of thoughts. Each word, every syllable Tara had ever spoken raced through the scenes. Every sigh, Willow remembered, she followed in chronological order, from the first glance… to the last, and remembered those words that her beloved had uttered before collapsing.
"You're Shirt."
It repeated over and over again, until a sudden roar drowned it out. It was a roar, made by the three words that Willow had always loved to her, as they sounded so sweet and true coming from Tara.
"I love you."
*Flash!*
Willow felt the tears slip down her face, but didn't move to wipe them away. It felt good to let the tears loose. Let them show themselves to the world, after being bottled. The cork had come off, and Willow cried.
You were the treasure in my head,
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware,
I foolishly believed that you would always be there
And then there came a day and I,
Turned my head,
And you slipped away…
*Flash!*
They were standing in their room, laughing and talking. About life, love, and the Scooby Gang. They were joking and at random intervals, they would just be silent and hold each other close, glad to be in each others arms again after so long. Willow went to put some of their clothes away while joking about how Tara had exclaimed Xander's name. Tara then explained that Xander and Buffy seemed to be making up. Tara looked out the window while Willow finished with the clothes, turning around Tara smiled,
"I love you, Willow."
Willow smiled and walked to stand in front of her girlfriend, she opened her mouth to return the vow, but then gunshots and breaking glass filed her world, as something warm hit her face. She looked at her lover with semi-controlled panic. Tara seemed bewildered as she stared at Willow.
"Your shirt."
And then she fell,
And Willow died.
*Flash!*
The tears were coming down harder, and Willow let them fall. She hadn't cried since before England and the coven. Hadn't let herself feel anything. Her friends didn't know it, but if the time needed it, Willow could be a great actor. Acting to laugh, acting to live. Her friends did not see her pin, lovable and compassionate as they were, they could not feel her pain. Not even Buffy, who had to kill Angel. This was a different kind of pain than hers. Her lover couldn't come back.
If I had only known,
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle to stop the dawn.
And when you smiled at me,
I would look into you eyes,
And make sure you knew
My love for you goes on and on...
If I had only known
If I had only known
Oh the love I would have shown
If I, had only, known.
*Flash!*
Two bodies lay snuggled together under warm blankets. Willow snuggled deeper into Tara's side. She was happy, ecstatic even. Her life had come back. Tara had come back, and all was right with the world, almost. The nerds were still out there, but Willow was deep in her own happy world. Tara giggled, as Willow accidentally tickled her side. Looking at her smiling, sleeping girlfriend, she sighed with love. Stroking Willow's hair gently, Tara gave a small smile, and drifted off into a peaceful Willow-filled sleep.
*Flash!*
The radio played softly in the background, as Willow slept in her bed. Inside her dreamscape, her physical body ached for the warm hands and the body of her lover. Her face burrowed into her pillow, unconsciously searching for the scent of her lover. Whimpering, Willow began to toss and turn when she couldn't find the smell. Then, a warm gentle calm filled her, as the lights grew a little bit lighter and a little bit warmer. Some light detached itself from the rest and floated around the room like a little beacon of hope. Some more light gently went down to wrap Willow in a cocoon of warmth and love. And from up in heaven, Tara watched her Willow sleep.
The End