Skye and Ward enjoyed an active, healthy, and fun sex life so fucking on the kitchen table was a logical step. What they hadn't expected to do was break said kitchen table. They sheepishly stared at May while she impatiently waited for an explanation. "We're sorry?" Ward tried.
"I thought I told you two not to fuck in open spaces such as this. And now we have to get a new kitchen table because you can't keep your hands to yourselves!" A furious May was definitely not impressed.
"We'll stick to private places," Skye finally said.
"And nobody tell Coulson about this," May ordered. She didn't want to see him explode because of one tiny sex incident. Thinking about Ward and Skye (or Skye just having sex in general) stressed him out and caused his blood pressure to skyrocket.
"Not planning on it." The look of horror that crossed Skye's face nearly broke May but she waited until she was another room to start laughing. Meanwhile, Skye and Ward walked hand-in-hand back to the room they shared.
"We need to be more careful from now on," Ward murmured as he swept her bangs away from her face.
"Agreed. At least FitzSimmons are more cautious about this stuff." She couldn't believe the amount of times everyone had caught each other fucking. Skye wished she was getting paid for this trauma. She loved these people but enough was enough (and yes, she was aware of how hypocritical that made her but she was too happy and embarrassed to care at the moment).
Ward leaned over and kissed her. "Love you but you up for another round?"
Skye playfully swatted his chest. "Yes, and I can't believe you even had to ask." God, she loved this man so much. He was the love of her life and she felt like she needed to tell him so she did.
He teared up. "You're the love of my life too, Skye." Damn his emotions because now he couldn't stop sniffling. Skye always had the ability to make him emotional like this but he couldn't find her to be angry at her for it. And because of his therapist, he knew that emotions weren't weaknesses anymore. Ward was allowed to cry.
Coulson's screech of anger woke them both up two hours later after they did have sex one more time. "What the fuck happened to the table?" he questioned as Skye and Ward entered the kitchen.
"I think it just got old and broke," May lied, ignoring Jemma and Fitz's giggles. Skye stomped on her best friend's foot to shut her up and shrugged when she glared at her.
"Really?" Coulson was skeptical even though he didn't know why.
"I found it like this," Jemma lied (badly) before dissolving into giggles again. She still couldn't believe Ward and Skye actually broke the table – where they ate. How many times had they done this before they were caught? She'd definitely have to ask later, when Coulson wasn't in the room.
"You're hiding something from me," Coulson concluded. "I don't know what it is but I will find out eventually. Be on the look-out because I'm watching you."
"I can't believe you just said that," replied Jemma. She had to rush out of the kitchen so she could fall apart (from laughter) in peace because this was definitely too much.
"Or don't tell me. I don't even want to know. But this table will be replaced as soon as possible by the guilty party." With that, he glared at Skye and Ward before tearing out of the room.
Turns out nobody needed to lie to Coulson because he already suspected the truth and just wanted to hear it from them. And the two of them went out and bought a new table the next day.