I knelt down next to the headstone, removing the flowers which were slightly withering and replaced them with a fresher bunch. I could see the small teddy bear that Isabella had placed there the day before. It was her favourite teddy but when I asked her what she was doing she had told me that it was more important for her mummy to have it.

"Hi babe," I said as I glanced at the headstone, taking in the words which I had personally picked out.

Sophie Webster (1994 – 2028) Gone but never forgotten, RIP Beloved wife, mother, sister and daughter

She'd only been 32, far too young to be taken from me, from Isabella and Patrick, from her family. Taken two months before her 33st birthday. I'd bought her a trip to Paris, the tickets are still in my bedside cabinet, I haven't decided what to do with them yet. I still remember the day she told me she'd found a lump.

"Baby, are you home?" I asked as I closed the front door behind me. Rosie had Isabella and Patrick for the night and I fully intended to make the most of an empty house.

"Sophie?" I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, I was slightly late home from work, I thought Sophie would definitely be in. "Hello," I said, a little louder this time as I ascended the stairs, making my way towards our bedroom.

Pushing the door open, I was greeted by the image of Sophie curled up in a ball on our bed, sobbing loudly. Instantly I rushed over to her and put my arms around her but she didn't react to my touch.

"Soph, what's wrong?"

Instead of a verbal reply, Sophie's body wracked from another bout of sobbing and I didn't push her, instead I held her tightly, praying that whatever was wrong wasn't that bad. But the sinking feeling in my stomach told me otherwise.

I held her for twenty minutes as she cried, her tears soaking my top. Her crying had softened slightly but it hadn't stopped completely. "Sophie, baby," I pressed softly, silently pleading her to look at me.

She complied and my heart broke as I saw how broken she looked, her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks flushed.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm so sorry Sian, I'm so, so sorry," she began, burying her face into my chest as she spoke. I looked down at her confused.

"What for?" I asked.

"I should have told you sooner but I couldn't. I couldn't stand to break your heart." Sophie said as she pulled back so her gaze was directed on me. My heartbeat increased as she stared at me, in my head I had all sorts of scenarios going round my head, each one a little bit worse than the one before.

"I don't understand."

Sophie dropped her gaze and fixated it on the bedding beneath us. "I found a lump."

It took only four words for my entire world to collapse around me. I couldn't breathe; there was a lump in my throat stopping me from speaking. I couldn't do anything.

"I went to the doctors about it and I found out the other day." Sophie paused for a moment, trying to gage my reaction but I was still struggling to breathe. "I've got breast cancer Sian. I'm so sorry."

I pulled her into me, her face snuggling into my neck as she began to softly cry again.

"It's not your fault, don't you dare apologise." I said sternly, my hand gently stroking her back. "We'll get through this, don't worry."

"Really?" I heard Sophie mumble.

I squeezed Sophie a little bit tighter, not wanting to let her go, wanting to feel her body next to mine, not wanting to miss any bit of contact. "Everything will be okay."

"Promise," Sophie mumbled once more.

"I promise," I said before my own tears began to fall. I held my wife for the rest of that night, constantly promising her that it would all work out and every time I said it, I found myself wondering, what if it didn't? When Sophie finally fell asleep, I watched her for hours, the thought in my head not disappearing. I could lose Sophie.

My heart broke as she told me; I could see how difficult it was her to say the words so I did the only thing I could, I comforted her and I promised her that everything would be okay. At first I thought that I'd kept my promise, the cancer went into remission and for a couple of years, and we went back to being a happy family. Then we found out it was back.

I held Sophie's hand tightly as we sat in the doctor's office, waiting for them to come back and tell us the news. Sophie had feeling incredibly sick recently and given her medical history, we both thought it best to get checked out. I made sure I was with her this time; I hadn't been there last time and I wasn't going to make that mistake again.

I suddenly felt Sophie give my hand a little squeeze.

"Are you okay?" She asked gently.

I gave her a small smile. "Yeah," The lie came out of my mouth before I could stop it. The truth was I was far from alright, our lives could well be shattered in a matter of minutes and Sophie was the one comforting me and it should have been the other way around. I wasn't the one about to be told if my cancer had returned.

"Eighteen years and you still can't lie," she said smiling.

I smiled back, "it's not that I can't lie, you just know me too well."

The door opening behind us caught our attention and Doctor Miller walked through. She'd been Sophie's original oncologist when she'd first been diagnosed.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," she said as she sat down, her face giving nothing away.

"Well we've had your test results back Sophie and I'm afraid it's bad news." I closed my eyes as the words left her mouth and when Sophie squeezed my hand tighter I realised I'd

been holding my breath. "The cancer's back."

Sophie nodded as she absorbed the information. Her emotions were still intact; she didn't seem fazed, whilst I was slowly becoming an emotional wreck.

"Right so what does that mean, more chemo or radiotherapy?" Sophie asked. To anyone else her voice would have sounded normal but I could hear the quiver that resided there. I knew it wouldn't be long before it broke.

"I'm sorry Sophie but this time the cancer's spread." Doctor Miller said. "Treatment won't help. I'm so sorry, there's nothing we can do."

I swallowed thickly before stealing a glance at Sophie, her face was straight.

"How long?" Sophie asked quietly.

"Between three to five months. I'm sorry I can't give you an exact date." Sophie nodded and I felt her squeeze my hand incredibly tight. "I'll give you two a minute." Doctor Miller said, placing her hand on Sophie's shoulder before she left.

"Sian, baby look at me." Sophie said. I followed her instructions and looked at her.

"Don't cry, it's okay."

"How can you say that Soph? We've just found out you've got terminal cancer and you're acting like nothing's wrong." I replied, a little harsher than originally intended.

"I can't break down, not here and I need you to be strong. We both need to be strong for the kids. I need you to promise me that everything will be okay. Like you did before."

"Sophie,"

"Please Sian, just tell me that everything will be okay. Promise me that baby."

I cupped her cheek and rested my forehead against her. My nostrils inhaling her vanilla and coconut shampoo. I brought her lips to mine and kissed her tenderly, her tears falling on my cheek. "I promise you, everything will be okay."

After that, everything happened far too quickly, she became incredibly sick and the last week of her life was spent in hospital. I held her hand right to the end.

"I'm tired," Sophie's voice was incredibly quiet.

"Why don't you have a little nap?" I replied, desperately trying to keep it together, I couldn't let Sophie see me break down, not now.

"Mmmm" I watched as Sophie's gorgeous blue eyes slowly closed and my tears began to fall, knowing perfectly well that they wouldn't open again. It was just me and Sophie in the room; the children were with the Websters who had left a couple of hours ago. They said they'd come back in the morning. They weren't to know that Sophie would have already passed away by them.

The grip on my hand loosened and the steady beeping of the machines in the room became continuous. I kissed Sophie on the forehead before sitting back down beside her bed.

It was there I made the phone call to the Webster's household.

It was there I broke Sally's, Kevin's and Rosie's hearts.

It was there where I lost my soul mate.

The sound of continuous beeping still haunts me. The doctors had told me she went peacefully, they thought it would be some sort of comfort for me but it didn't really help. The love of my life, my angel had been taken from me far too soon. We were meant to grow old together, still bickering about what TV channel to watch, a deathly disease never featured in our plans. Although in the back of both of our minds, we knew there was a possibility she could get it, especially after Sally had suffered. Luckily she's survived; unfortunately my wife hadn't been as lucky.

The funeral is still a blur; I can remember that I didn't cry, well at least not in the church. When I got back home, it was a different story. In the church I couldn't, I had to be brave for Isabella and Patrick. Telling them that their mummy wasn't coming back was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but the hardest thing was having to explain to them why she'd gone. To them their mummy had always been an angel so I told them God needed another angel.

I stroked my stomach softly as I spoke to her, hoping that she could hear me somewhere. Since the church expelled me for being gay, I'd never really gone back to being a Christian. Sophie had, she needed the church. But now the thought of Sophie being in heaven comforted me.

"It's another girl," I say as my hand strokes small circles on my stomach, Sophie did it to me whilst I was pregnant with Isabella and I had copied her actions when she was pregnant with Peter. A year and a half after Sophie's cancer had gone into remission, we tried for another baby, wanting to put everything behind us and start fresh, with something positive. A few weeks after we found out that Sophie's cancer was back, I'd realised I was pregnant. I thought it was a strong possibility but I couldn't take a test, I had more important things on my mind. It was a difficult to comprehend that although I'd be bringing new world into the life, I'd be losing one of the most important people in it.

"Bella and Patrick are really excited. We've already got a name for her." I continued. "We're calling her Sophie. Your parents love the idea. If she looks anything like you, guys in the future will be in trouble," I said. "Or girls if she follows in our footsteps." I chuckled slightly.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I broke down, the thought that Sophie wouldn't be able to see her children grow up broke her heart but the thought that Sophie would never meet her unborn baby killed her. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I don't know what to do without you Sophie," I cried. "You getting sick was never part of our plans, we were supposed to be in each other's lives for ever. How am I supposed to live without you?" My body wracked from sobs. "It's been two months and I still can't get my head around it. You know, I woke up the other day and I couldn't smell you on the pillow anymore. God Sophie, I miss you so much."

I stayed like that for ages, just crying beside her. As much as I wanted to stay with her, I knew I had to go. "I have to go now baby, I have to pick up Patrick and Bella from your mum's." I started softly, trying to stop the tears which were falling but failing miserably.

"I'll be back soon," I said as I stood up, taking the withering flowers with me. "I love you Sophie Webster, always and forever." I started to walk away but before I turned around once more.

"I'm sorry I broke my promise."