You Wish It's A Wonderful Life
It was Christmas eve, and Lincoln and his sisters were getting into another fight.
"Blah blah blah, I hate you, blah blah blah, I wish you never existed!" Lincoln shouted as he stomped away.
"FINE, BLAH BLAH BLAH!" The sisters shouted as they stomped up to their rooms.
Lynn Sr. and Rita simply stayed out of it.
'Stupid Lincoln,' The Sisters thought as they prepared for bed. 'Where would he be without us?'
With that, their heads hit the pillow, and they went off into La La Land.
Then they woke up in a formless void, wearing all white versions of their casual clothing.
"Where are we?" Lori asked.
"Uh, why is my dress white?" Lola asked as she looked distastefully at her dress.
"HEY, CHECK IT OUT, IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN SPACE!" Lana cheered as she flew away, chased by a gleeful Lynn.
"Wait, are we all dreaming the same dream?" Lisa asked while adjusting her glasses. "This is simply the most incredible thing, as ten people imagining the same thing is simply a miracle!"
"Poo poo!"
"Exactly."
"HELLO THERE!"
All ten sisters looked behind them, and gasped at the big, muscled, tanned fairy wearing camo and wielding a wand so large, it could be called a staff with a giant star on top. All of them immediately huddled up behind Lori, whose knees immediately started shaking.
"W-w-who are you?" Lori asked.
"ME? I'M JORGEN VON STRANGLE, TOUGHEST FAIRY IN THE UNIVERSE, AND I'M HERE TO FULFILL YOUR WISH."
"What?"
A small list popped in front of Jorgen, along with a pair of reading glasses, which Jorgen promptly put on.
"According to this, around 11:04 PM, December 24 2017, you all made the same wish to not exist, in order to spite your brother, correct?"
"Y-yes?"
"Well, good news. I, JORGEN VON STRANGLE, shall escort you through the world that you have created by wishing you were all never born!"
"C-cool?"
"But be warned, if you are judged to have actively made the world better by your non-existence, then the wish will be made permanent and you will be relegated to the REALM OF CHILDREN WHO MADE THE WORLD BETTER BY WISHING THAT THEY WERE NEVER BORN!"
Jorgen stared down at them. "Understand?"
"Y-YEAH!" Lynn said, a bit more brash as she stepped out from behind her sisters. "COME ON, GUYS, IT'S NOT LIKE THE WORLD IS THAT BAD WITHOUT US, RIGHT?"
"Chef Loud, is this okay?" A sous chef asked as he held out a dish with something bubbling inside. Lynn Loud Sr. got out a spoon, sipped on the broth, and smacked his lips a little.
"Needs more salt."
The sous chef nodded and hurried off, going past ten flabbergasted sisters as they watched their father work in the swankiest kitchen they have ever seen.
"Where are we, dudes?" Luna asked.
"This is your father's restaurant. I believe that he is working on getting his third michelin star after winning this year's James Beard Award for Best Chef: New York."
"Oh… WAIT, NEW YORK?! OUR DAD WORKS IN NEW YORK?!"
"Wait, then why can't our dad cook like that?" Lola asked, a little miffed that her father apparently could do fine cuisine.
Jorgen shrugged.
"Do you really think that he could cultivate the skills, having to watch and take care of eleven children?"
Their minds racing, it wasn't long before Luan came out. "So what happened to mom?"
"So when's the sequel?" A person asked as he watched Rita Loud sign his book. As she handed it back, she hummed.
"Oh, I think about next year. Either way, thank you for reading!" As the person left, another person took his place. Behind the person, a whole line that stretched out to outside the bookstore and around the corner.
Lisa quickly got a better look at the cover of her mother's book. "So our mother is a successful fantasy author, who has written multiple New York Times Best Sellers as well as a Pulitzer Prize?"
"Yes, and I believe she is currently in talks with a television network to adapt her series. I believe the network was called HBO…"
"Oh no!" Leni cried. "Poor Linky, he must be crushed under all the pressure that Mom and Dad put him under."
"Well, Dad's an award winning chef and Mom's a best selling author… Yeesh, I actually feel sorry for Lincoln." Lynn commented, with the rest of the sisters agreeing.
Jorgen's smirk told them otherwise.
The sight of Lincoln left them speechless. He was wearing a ratty hoody, squatting in an alleyway, head bowed as he mumbled to himself. As the sisters got closer, they realized that Lincoln got bags under his eyes.
"It seems that the pressure got to him." Lucy noted, slightly more depressed than she usually was. As everyone gathered around, trying to comfort each other and Lincoln, Lori turned to Jorgen.
"Okay, there you go. Proof that someone's life got worse! So can you let us go-"
"Mr. Loud!" A person popped out of a nearby door, having a convention security badge. "The Q and A panel is going to start soon."
"Please, call me Lincoln!" Lincoln called out as he stood up and started walking towards the person, leaving everyone confused. "Mr. Loud is my dad."
As the group followed Lincoln and the security guard, they were soon bombarded with a cacophony of cheers. Looking out, their jaws dropped as they saw Lincoln sit at a table with microphones and between famous actors and actresses that they recognized. In front of the group, an audience were on their feet, cheering.
"Wha- WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Lori screamed, the shock of the situation getting to her.
"What does it look like? Lincoln's clearly famous."
"FOR WHAT?!"
Lana spotted someone waving a poster around, one with one of the actors dressed like Lincoln's favorite superhero. The cap wearing blonde took a moment to read. "Ace Savvy: The Origin. Directed and Written by...LINCOLN LOUD!?"
The rest of the sisters stopped, only for their jaws to drop as they heard what Lana just shouted about.
"Our brother directed a movie?! How old is he?" Lori asked.
"Well, in this world, since he had so much free time that wasn't dedicated to helping you girls out, he was able to find his calling in film directing and script writing. He is 20 years old and already won an Oscar for Best Picture!"
As the sisters watched Lincoln wave one last time to the audience before taking his seat, they started getting a sinking feeling in their stomachs, hoping that they could find someone that was worst off.
"CHUNK COULD HAVE BEEN MICK SWAGGER'S ROADIE?!" Luna cried as she watched her roadie talk with Mick.
"MY BOO BOO BEAR ACTUALLY FOUND HIS CALLING IN ART?!" Lori cried as she watched her Bobby present his art to his muse, that freaking Carol!
"MY TEAM CAN WIN WITHOUT ME?!" Lynn shouted as she watched her softball team hoist the state trophy up in the air, handily defeating their opponents.
"Yes, and without the massive chance of colon damage!" Jorgen replied.
"Huh?"
In the end, all ten of them sat on a hill overlooking Royal Woods, having exhausted all possibilities, and coming up short.
"Well, the good news is that a majority of you have not affected the world negatively, so you are free to leave. However, Lori Loud, Luna Loud, Luan Loud, and Lynn Loud Jr. has been judged negatively. And so we sentence you four to relegation to the REALM OF CHILDREN WHO MADE THE WORLD BETTER BY WISHING THEY WERE NEVER BORN!" Jorgen shouted as he slammed his wand-staff on the ground, causing a fissure to crack open, revealing a pit of flames.
"Man, that's a mouthful."
"Hey, dude. Can we at least say goodbye to our dudettes?" Luna asked in the pitiful voice she could muster.
"Fine, but make it quick. My soap is com- Wait, where's the rest of you?" Jorgen asked, noticing some of the sisters missing.
"NOW!" Lola shouted as the younger siblings got on their hands and knees behind Jorgen. The older sisters shouted as they pushed Jorgen off his feet, sending him screaming into the fiery pit. Lynn soon scrambled, holding up the wand-staff in her hands.
"GOT IT! NOW LET'S GET EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL!" The rest of the sisters cheered as Lynn waved the thing around, conjuring up an image of Alternate Lincoln, still talking at the panel. As Lynn pushed the thing forward, her eyes on the image and ready to change it, her eyes widened as she allowed herself to stop.
"Lynn, what are you doing?" Lori asked.
"Guys…" Lynn said, looking ashamed of herself. "Should we do this?"
"What do you mean, Lynn?!" Luan shouted. "This is our lives at stake here!"
"But he's happy. And I don't know if I can live with myself knowing I took it away…" As Lynn trailed away, Luan and the rest of the sisters got it as they watched Lincoln answer questions, his tired eyes still radiating energy as he gestured excitedly. They too looked ashamed.
It was this scene that Jorgen came back to, looking a bit steamed. Lynn quietly handed the wand-staff back to Jorgen, who took it back. Looking at the group, he rubbed his chin.
"Well, I have to admit, that was certainly a bit of a fight you put there. So tell you what, I'll give one last trip, to anyone you like, before I put everyone where they go, yes?"
All of them nodded, before they all looked at Lincoln.
"Can we follow him?"
The group appeared in the swankiest place they had ever seen, clearly Lincoln and their parents' penthouse in New York. Just then, Lincoln walked back, holding a phone.
"No no, it's okay, Mom. You go and meet up with that cancer patient that wanted to meet you, I'll be fine. I'm 20 years old, I don't need a babysitter here. Yeah, don't worry, Dad already prepared dinner for me before he went off on his shift. Alright, Merry Christmas, Mom."
With that, Lincoln turned off the cell phone, and went into the kitchen. After a few moments, Lincoln came out with a steaming hot plate of food and sat down at the table. After saying grace, he began to eat, the only sound in the penthouse being the sound of silverware hitting plate. After a while, Lincoln got tired of the silence and turned on the TV, turning the channel to some vapid talk show so that there could be some conversation at the table.
All the while, Lincoln's sisters quietly watched.
After Lincoln was done with his dinner, he yawned as he walked back to his room, the group following after him. As they entered, they smiled as they saw that his room was filled to the brim with comic memorabilia and merchandise. All the while, Lincoln sat back at his desk, computer turned on to a word document.
And there he sat, staring at the screen for a good ten minutes. Lucy then walked up to him and looked at the screen. The scene that Lincoln was writing for had one of the characters trying to give a pep talk to another character.
"I know there was a good poem for One-Eyed Jack to recite here, but what was it? I know the author's name started with a D and his last name definitely started with T…"
"You're thinking about Dylan Thomas, and his poem 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.'" Lucy responded.
"Dude, there's no way that Lincoln can hear you."
"D...D...Dylan Thomas, yeah, that was the guy!" Lincoln shouted, quickly looking through the internet, and finding the poem.
"Dude, what just happened?" "I don't know."
Luna came over and looked over Lincoln's shoulder. Lincoln was now looking up songs, switching tabs to look at the scene and what would fit. After this exchange, Luna pointed to one song on the screen.
"I think that one's the best if you're going for energy, dude."
Lincoln stared at what Luna chose for a while, before clicking on it, and plugging in some headphones. As he listened to the song, he smiled, clearly satisfied with Luna's choice, then he frowned.
"Boy, I hope we can come to an agreement with the band."
Luna smiled.
"Don't worry, bro. I hear they're pretty chill when it comes to this kind of stuff."
The rest of the sisters looked at each other before coming closer, looking over Lincoln's shoulder and giving what advice they could.
"Lincoln, don't forget the physics of the situation you put your hero in…"
"Frankly, looking at Ace Savvy, if you're thinking about a costume change…"
"POO POO!"
Finally, after a while, Lincoln smiled as he scrolled through a completed script. "Wow, that took way less time than I thought. I must be on the ball today." He said to himself, leaning back, staring up at the ceiling, but also at the sisters.
"Well...Bedtime." With that, Lincoln pitched forward, his head about to collide with the keyboard, when he was stopped by the multitude of hands catching him. Lisa went over and saved the document before going with the younger sisters to open up the bed. The older sisters carried Lincoln over, Lynn taking off Lincoln's shoes, before tucking him in.
"Good night, Lincoln." The sisters called out, each one adjusting something on Lincoln's person before starting to leave.
"G-Good night, you guys." Everyone turned just to see Lincoln mumbling in his sleep. Sadly smiling, they all left the room, only to run into Jorgen.
"Well, off you go." He said, before slamming his wand-staff into the ground, opening the pit of fire underneath the group.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" The sisters screamed, as they fell...fell...fell...
"AHHHHHHHHH!" The sisters screamed, each sitting up in their bed, before realizing that they were in their beds, in their own crappy house. Each one opened up their doors and stared at each other, before Lincoln popped out of his room, rubbing his eyes, back to his eleven year old self.
"Hey, what are you guys even scream-" "LINCOLN!"
Lincoln suddenly bombarded by hugs and kisses, eventually being in the middle of a group hug. Lincoln looked to the left and the right, before looking past the fourth wall.
Bewildered, he could only shrug.
Author's Note: There, my fruitcake of a Christmas gift to you guys. Hope you don't relegate it to the trash quickly.