What do I have to live for

A/N Hey this came to me because I started reading some more Gears fics and I thought, why aren't there more Clayton stories? I mean serious I think I found a max of four so I'm gonna add 1 to the tally. I also realize my other gears story is still in progress but this will hopefully be short unless I suddenly started getting cool ideas. Anyway I also noticed that there are even less romance fics for Clayton so here's my answer. Lastly don't get angry at me for choosing the match, I really didn't want to make a new character so don't flame me. P.S italics stand for Claytons thoughts and past events. It will be in first person. I will also tell you when I'm flipping to third person which is my more usual for me.

It had been a few days since Marcus' father had let off his weapon and effectively made the Lambent and Locust extinct. Everyone was happy and partying for days but in the back of the minds of the few Pendulum survivors who remembered how fast war broke out after. Marcus was especially paranoid about this but knew it would never happen but then again Marcus hadn't been holding up very well since his father died mere inches away from him.

You had to feel bad for the guy he spent almost the majority of the war thinking his father was dead, suddenly he finds out he's not only alive but was kidnapped and forced to work on a weapon to kill the lambent. When we finally find out about him he's was a captive of the locust horde on a nearly impenetrable island. When Marcus and his team finally found him he went to go activate weapon that we found out would also kill the grubs, even though Adam apparently didn't like the idea I personally did.

It was only then I showed up full of energy and using one hell of a powerful gattling gun. Man when I saw that giant bug attacking my friends I actually got worried but then I saw that The Bitch was riding it and I decided it was time to show that I wasn't just a grocery boy. I loaded up the gun and sprayed every bullet I could during our pass but that bitch was the luckiest grub on the planet.

Somehow none of the bullets hit her and the shield to protect her was on the other side I could barely believe my eyes. But I was in a helicopter to I knew I'd have another pass in a few second but once again luck was against me and the bug shot it's heat beam at our copter. I could feel my skin heat up and bur in the more exposed areas but luckily the helicopter was going fast enough to come out before I died.

I noticed right after the light was done blinding me that the raven was on fire and I shouted over the com "We're on fire! We're on fire! We're going down!"All I could think of at that moment was my brothers Anthony, Ben and Daniel who was killed much earlier in the war before he could enter service. Their faces flash before my eyes.

My childhood with my three brothers, my family and my friends. I saw the day the locust first attacked and the great flashes the Hammer strikes made. I remembered the day I joined the army and the first grub I ever killed. The rest went like a blur that was streaked with blood. Then I saw the day I learned my brother Anthony died. I could barely believe but when he gave me the tags I knew it wasn't a dream. I cried for days keeping myself awake all night for days and during the day I made every attempt to make the locust I fought suffer for their crimes against my family.

But then I saw the day I learned that Benjamin, my last living relative, was dead. There was nothing left to live for in my life; now family, friends, or anything except to see more locust die. And that's what I did, I grew a blood lust and I never showed mercy to any enemy. But to my surprise there weren't many grubs left to fight since the tunnels had flooded. I was filled with grief knowing that my little brother had died mere days before things started to turn back to normal.

But something nobody ever expected was the lambent, I was happy… in a way, I could shoot at anything I wanted and not only did it satisfy my blood lust, even though it was yellow goo, and that it it allowed me to let off steam… they exploded making the whole thing that much better.

The rest was a huge blur, mostly because living on Vectes sucked more ass then when we had Jacinto. Back at Jacinto at least the grubs knew when to quit an attack and give themselves time to regroup but these Lambent never gave up never retreated and didn't care for their own lives. Thank god the only thing we had to fight was the polyps, one shot and BANG! But they evolved and learned a way to get under us like the grubs and even learned how to use dogs and other animals.

In my opinion there were two things that came good out of living on Vectes for awhile was I finally got some bacon from the farms we had and second Sam was able to get me the tattoo of my brothers. I totally appreciated it. It was one of the few times I had spent some one-on-one time with her.

He had constantly tried to get to know her but she was either trying to get Dom's attention or was arguing with Baird. Damn when they got at each other's throat it got intense. It was so bad once after we left Vectes she actually pulled a gun on him. We all actually thought she was going to shoot him since when they were fighting Baird went a bit farther than just insulting her because he was drunk as hell. He had made fun of her for liking Dom and even went a bit farther by saying something about her father making her snap.

To everyone's surprise Anya was able to talk her down enough to drop the gun but still hoofed Baird in the balls. That was his usual punishment but he fell in pain all the same. Baird would never have told anyone but Sam told me that he actual had apologized to her. Apparently everyone thought I was a good person to talk to and admit stuff because I apparently had nothing to really live for if we ever made it out of this.

I didn't really care I forgot half the crap they told me anyway there were only a few I still fully remember like when Cole talked to me about his mother who he didn't know if she was dead or not. Hell even Dom talked to me about Maria but for some reason that conversation with Sam stuck in my mind. I just thought it was because it was the rare occurrence that Baird showed some compassion for anyone.

It was almost clear as day to me even almost a year later…

Clayton was in the mess hall all by himself enjoying the last bacon he had stored from Vectes. It was just one of those days where you didn't really care what the consequences might be for anything you did and Carmine had eaten almost all the bacon he had today and wasn't at the stage where he regretted it yet… although he was getting really close since he was down to the last few strips.

He was about to grab another strip when he heard the doors open from the far end of the room and out of instinct grabbed his lancer only to see his Sam in the doorway. He lowered the gun and Sam said "Jumpy aren't we?" she asked with a chuckle and walked over to him.

Clay grabbed another strip and slid it under his chin piece of his helmet and said "How can you blame me, the last attack from the Lambent has made us all jumpy" Sam chuckled and said "For sure mate but I got some really weird news for ya"

Clay took another bite and nodded asking her to go on wonder what could possibly be exciting enough to be called weird around here. "Well you remember how Baird pissed me off and I pulled a gun on him? Well he came by last night and actually apologized to me for it!" Clayton actually gasped in surprise and said "Baird?... apologized… to 'you'? Are cats living with dogs now?" he asked jokingly.

Sam said chuckling "If you're referring to the apocalypse I think we've already achieved that" Carmine didn't laugh knowing she was right and slouched. Sam noticed his discomfort and said "Sorry for bring that up Carmine I just thought it would be funny" Carmine nodded and said "Ya I know it's just I don't need to be reminded"

Sam put a hand on his shoulder and said "I know you whole family is gone but I'm sure that you'll find a reason to get through this at some point" Carmines heart skipped a beat when she touched his shoulder and he lifted his head and said "Ya maybe one day" Sam smiled and said "I'll see ya around Carm" she got up and left. Carmine couldn't help but watch her leave and admire the sway she had in her walk and took another bite of his bacon.

Ya that was the first time I felt something besides hate, anger, remorse or anything slightly negative in a long time and I thought it was only because in the back of my mind in the discussion I knew Baird had a soft spot. But after that I was back to my normal self, only interested in finding another fight.

Finally the day came when Cole, Baird, Sam and I were sent on a supply run. That day was in my opinion the beginning of the end, the day that we went on the path to save the world although at the time I thought it was the worst day possible. Cole had somehow persuaded Michelson to allow us to go visit Hanover and personally I didn't care, I'd been on these runs time after time.

I've learned that no matter where you go the Lambent were there trying to find every living thing to either kill them or assimilate them and as he suspected Hanover was no different except they had a nasty surprise but I'll get to that in a second.

On the helicopter ride there all I could hear was Baird whining about why we we're going to Hanover and as usual Cole shrugged it off and told him how it was his town. Sam had asked me why I was o quiet and I said a remark about Baird being annoying like usual. Lately I'd grown to make fun of Baird more myself too and it somehow made me feel better.

She chuckled and said she'd gladly gag him but I shook my head but thanked her for the offer. We travelled for maybe a few minutes and like usual Baird and Sam started bickering when suddenly a light shined on u sand a stranded stopped us.

We asked him if he wanted to trade with us but he gave us the usual stranded welcome with all the insults included. But he had to take it too far and said a lewd comment about Sam offering us bacon for her. Even though most of my mind went to the smell of bacon I kinda wanted to blast his head for saying that to Sam. Luckily for the bastard up there Cole refused and got directions to get to some other camps.

We kept going and met the new wildlife the Lambent had to offer and eventually made it to the next camp and saved it from attack. We barely made it through the fight since we had near no ammo left but the stranded in this camp recognized Cole and gladly gave us a large cart of ammo that we helped ourselves to before continuing to the stadium.

Once again the Lambent met us right as we left the gate and fought to the stadium and found it locked up. Man I was so close to opening the door when Baird made his smartass comment about using the chainsaw as a make shift key when we were once again attacked with two Gunkers. That shit burns man and after taking a few near misses it started actually damage my skin.

We barely managed to fight the gooey bastards off and right as I was turning around to cut the chain Sam took charge and cut the chain and kicked the door. I still feel a bit embarrassed from that, she totally up showed us.

Well anyway things got worse when the Lambent totally kicked our asses when they got inside the stadium and we eventually got up some overly dangerous elevators. That's when the most surprising thing happened all day; we found the Locust alive and well on a freaking bridge! I was actually welcoming of this, I could finally kill the Locust again and avenge my brothers.

We found out while we were on the bridge that the ship was under attack and after Baird made a half ass plan and a lot of dead grubs we dumped a pile of Tickers on the Leviathan attacking the ship but like I said it was a half ass plan and the Leviathan was Lambent and exploded destroying the ship and the bridge. It collapsed and we started to fall. For some reason I don't remember my life flashing through my eyes that time and I'm happy for that because we never actually died.

We saw the Locust were on their way to kill and salvage anything they could and raced to warn everyone. We found Marcus and Dom half dead near the water almost drowned to death. Marcus got up pretty fast and was worried for Dom who did spit out the water in his lungs in time to survive. I could see how happy Sam was about that and in a way that made me happy.

Marcus explained a few things the most surprising of all was Prescott was alive and they kept talking about something else that I seriously didn't care about, I just wanted to get back in the fight but Marcus told me and Sam to head back to the ship and help the salvage effort. I was pissed off but at least I had Sam to keep me company.

We walked away and heard explosions as we left but heard everyone yelling from the com so we knew they were ok and kept walking. On our way Sam suddenly asked "So Carmine how do you feel about being kept from the Grubs?" I was still a bit angry but felt better knowing someone else had to suffer like him and said "Could be worse, I could dead" for him it was a terrible thing to say because he instantly regretted it but Sam chuckled thinking nothing of it. Her laughter made him feel better for some reason and they found the makeshift camp and started supervising the salvage op.

After that everything was a total bore, I never got to see much action after that since every time I caught up to my friends they were always leaving again to find another fight. To make things worse he was alone and he was really missing Sam's witting charm and tomboy attitude.

But he finally heard news from Cole and Baird who had found their Gorasni friends and Carmine was on the first copter to fly to their ships. After that you know the rest how I came in during the attack and got owned by Queen Myrrah.

Ok so now that you've caught up here's where you can just watch but it may not be that long because I'm still in the helicopter and I'm still about to die. So sit back and watch me perish.

In my mind I was thinking about why I should survive this. Yes I was thinking about why surviving would be the best choice by whatever force is in charge, in my mind I was thinking how dying would be easier for him and his family so they could all be reunited and he could finally find some happiness. How could it be the wrong choice I mean I was literally only living to kill grub and glowies and now that whatever was happening was either humanities salvation or destruction it wouldn't mean anything if he just quietly passed away in a flaming inferno… ok that was an oxymoron so shut up.

My point is that even if this war ended and we all survived I'd have nothing to go back to, no home or family and ya I did consider Delta my family but it's not the same you know. So why did saying that make feel like I was lying what could possibly be the reason why I think I shou…

Ok third person now…

Clayton wasn't able to finish his thought when the raven smashed into the ground throwing him around the small area instantly knocking him out. He thought he was dead but suddenly his head hurt a lot and he slowly opened his eyes to find himself staring towards the sky, he saw a flash of energy come from the top of the tower and thought "It's got to be over now"

He suddenly noticed he wasn't wearing his helmet and slowly got up through the pain and saw his helmet a few feet away. He walked over and picked it and wiped away all the gunk and put it on to find a small crack in one of the lenses "Come on that was specially made" he whined .

He looked over and saw the pilot was alive still and called over a passing chopper and helped the gear to his feet and got a ride back to the front of the giant hotel. He saw the huge crowd of gears all whooping and hollering saying the fight was finally over and Clayton could barely think as he too got caught up in the excitement but before he too started chanting he saw his friends all standing near the beach.

As he got closer he could see why and saw Marcus and Anya on the beach enjoying the last day before their new tomorrow began and Carmine smiled. But the question came back to mind again "Why should I continue to live on?"

Unlike Marcus and Anya they had each other, Dizzy had his daughters, Jace still had his dad. Not to mention Cole and Baird had each other since Cole had told him they were best friends. But his gaze stopped on Sam who had walked away from the group a bit and he could see through her slouch that there was something wrong.

Clayton started to follow her as his friends started to scatter to mingle and he found Sam all alone staring at the beach wrapping her arms around herself into a hug that was more meant to shut everyone out.

Carmine came up from behind her and asked "Sam? Are you ok?" She didn't answer and Clayton got closer and put his hand on her shoulder like she did so long ago but she shrugged him off and Clayton tried to get more in her view and said "Come on Sam talk to me" but Sam said with a cold emotionless voice "Go away Carmine"

Carmine felt a bit hurt and had no idea why she was suddenly so hostile since he last saw her and said "Come on Sam what's wrong?" That when she turned and gave him the death stare, the only person who had ever received that face before was Baird right before he got kicked in the nuts. Carmine backed off knowing messing with her was a terrible idea until she sighed and went back into her self-hug. He could see a tear and asked again "Sam what's wrong?"

Sam sighed again more heavily and said "You haven't heard?" Clayton was confused and said "What haven't I heard?" Sam looked up with her eyes filled with tears now and said "Dom's… dead"

Alright that was one hell of a long chapter for me at least… 3.5 k that's pretty good for me. Anyway there will be another chapter if you were wondering. Anyway this will be a short story hopefully and I'll try to have the next chapter up soon. If you don't agree with Clayton and Sam being together then why'd you read this far? But seriously I don't want flames because I know everyone is more into BairdxSam but I did something I wanted to do. Anyway review and tell me what you think and I'll have the next chap up soon.

Admiralkirk