Chapter 1

Jasper stood, wide eyed, and stared at the bloody mess before him. He didn't mean to do it. The family had been hunting. The new vegetarian had wandered off on his own in pursuit of a large deer. The girl had simply came from no where in the woods. Blood ran down from his lips and dripped off his finger tips. He had practically ripped her apart. Her skin wasn't even visible through the blood and guts. "Ca-" Jasper tried to call but couldn't find his voice. He wasn't his father figure, for all intents and purposes.

Carlisle approached the bloody scene with caution. "Jasper," he spoke softly. "It will be alright." The doctor walked up to Jasper slowly. He placed a hand on Jasper's elbow and pulled him backward, away from the horrible accident. Carlisle wasn't disappointed. He understood that this was a mistake, and that it could have happened to anyone. "We'll sort this out, son," he reassured in a gentle voice.

Jasper turned away from the scene and buried his face in Carlisle's white shirt and fisting his hands in the fabric smearing it with blood. "It's always me," The smaller vampire conceded into the shirt. "No one else ever screws up. I am always the one to slip…" He said letting his words fall off of his tongue. He didn't know what to do. He felt like he just kept putting his adoptive family in danger.

Carlisle wrapped his arms around Jasper's shoulders. "This was not your fault," he said, his voice more steady this time. "Believe me, this isn't your fault, Jasper." He wanted Jasper to believe in himself that there was nothing he could have done, and that he wasn't in the wrong.

"Carlisle…I keep putting your existence in Forks at jeopardy. I don't want to be the reason you have to move…" He pulled free from Carlisle's arms and if he could cry, he would have. He turned his back to his father figure. "Goodbye," He said under his breath before dashing off into the woods.

Carlisle felt hurt by Jasper's words. They wounded him deeply. Before he knew what he was doing, the blonde vampire was chasing after Jasper, trying to stop him. Trying take him back to the family he belonged to. Though he had always said that any of them could leave if they wished Carlisle wasn't ready to lose any part of his family, not even the newest member, because of something that was out of their hands.

Jasper stopped short of the little creek that ran in front of him. His eyes glazed over as he bent low to the ground and put his hands in the icy water watching the blood wash from his hands yet the sin of his crime lingering in his flesh. He gripped at the bottom of the creek, fisting his hands in the rocky flooring, and thrashed it off to the side. He screamed out, his frustration and hatred of himself letting itself known.

Carlisle heard the scream that Jasper emitted, and ran for that area. He came upon the creek that the vampire had stopped at and his heart could have broken at the site before him. He approached Jasper again, with deliberate footsteps, and placed a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder. "Jasper..." he said softly. There were no real words he could use to comfort Jasper in this moment in time. Carlisle instead concentrated on making himself feel as forgiving and compassionate as he possibly could. "Please..."

Jasper turned and looked at Carlisle, eyes burning a passionate red instead of their usual honey color. The water from the creek had splashed up from his earlier movements and ran down his cheek from the bottom of his eye. The earth made tear ran his face as a true tear would and crying was exactly what Jasper wished he could do. He dug his fingers into the cold, damp earth beneath his hands as he remained hunched low to the ground and growled low in his throat. He didn't want Carlisle to get hurt because of him, or worse…by him. He just wanted the older vampire to leave him be and go back to his family that loved him.

Carlisle crouched down to Jasper's level and wrapped a strong arm around his shoulders. "Jasper," he whispered. "I need you to come back. Not for the family, but for me." The doctor's voice rang with genuine sincerity. He needed Jasper to come back, because without him a piece of himself would be missing. That was the only selfish thing that he allowed himself in over three hundred years of living.

Jasper felt himself calming from the sincere compassion which rolled off of Carlisle. He could feel the other family members coming to them. He was ashamed of himself. He buried his face in Carlisle's shirt wiping away the creek water tear. He just wanted to scream and tear at his own flesh. He wanted to put himself through the pain that he caused others. The people he killed. Their families. His family… Carlisle. He couldn't forgive himself.

The rest of the family fell upon the scene warily. They knew that Jasper had done something horribly wrong. He reeked of death. Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but was stopped by Esme, who raised her hand. They were all disappointed in him. All except Carlisle. He hugged his adoptive son to him in comfort, trying to convey his feelings. "Let's go home, Jasper," he whispered. "The others will continue hunting. I need you to come with me." He wanted to hear what Jasper had to say, and if he had to turn their home into a confessional then Carlisle would do that for the sake of easing his pain.

Jasper slowly stood, keeping his eyes low. He couldn't chance to look up. He could feel the family members disappointment jumping out of them and dancing across his person. Even little Alice, his love for eternity, sent off jolts of disappointment at him. He jammed his hands in his pockets trying to keep himself calm and unphased by their feelings. He stared at Carlisle, his face reading he would go. He couldn't be out there any longer. Out where he had already done it again. Had taken another human life. He slowly began his walk home, his body stiff the entire way.

Carlisle walked home with Jasper, staying with the slow, human pace that the younger vampire had chosen to walk at. He kept a hand on Jasper's back to assure him that he was still there and willing to listen. After a long and silent walk, they had made it back to the Cullen home. Carlisle opened the door and allowed Jasper to drift passed as he closed the door behind them. The doctor walked into the living room and waited for Jasper to follow, ready to listen whenever Jasper was ready to talk.

Jasper heaved a heavy sigh as he plopped down onto the couch in the living area of the Cullen home. "I can't take it Carlisle," Jasper said admitting defeat. If only his troops of the old days could see him now. He put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. "I am not family. I am just some straggler picked up along the way. All I do is cause my dear Alice pain. And you, Carlisle. You have been nothing but kind to me, welcoming me with open arms. Treating me as family," He stopped himself. He couldn't talk. Even though he had no tears to cry, he felt the familiar lump rise in his throat.

Carlisle sat on the couch next to Jasper and listened. He placed his arm around Jasper again in a loving embrace. He had treated him like family, as he had with all the others, but for some reason that didn't seem accurate. He treated Jasper much more delicately. It wasn't because he was newest to his coven, but something else. Carlisle couldn't find any other way to soothe Jasper than comfort him, and without realizing it, he had pressed his lips to Jasper's forehead that he left exposed.

Jasper shivered at the light touch to his forehead. He was somewhat shocked and scared at the same time. Why had Carlisle done that? Why didn't it bother him? The kiss sent a jolt through his body. His lips were like an electric surge…Alice didn't even have that kind of effect on him. He stared up at his father figure, mouth hanging a bit slack. He wasn't sure when he had fisted his hands back in Carlisle's shirt. He wasn't sure when they had gotten so close. But for some reason, everything was much more obvious to him.

Carlisle smiled at Jasper, wanting him to feel that everything was alright. He stared into his crimson eyes to send a silent message that it would be. He wondered if the gesture had frightened Jasper, or if the message hadn't gone through. "Jasper," he said, cupping the younger vampire's hand in his. "I can't let you go. Don't you understand that?"

"Why?" He asked honestly confused. It would make his life so much more easy and he knew that Carlisle knew that. "It would be easier for you. More convenient as well…You would be safer," He finished as he looked down at Carlisle's hand that embraced his own.

"It wouldn't be easier," Carlisle whispered. "Not for me, anyways." The older vampire now fully knew what he was admitting. He no linger viewed Jasper as a son, but as something much closer. He wanted to tell Jasper what he was feeling. The emotions that were flowing through his body, but the words wouldn't form. He could only hope that Jasper would notice them himself.

Jasper's attention forked. He stared at Carlisle's face curiously as emotions and feelings began to rise. He had felt them before… He had felt them when he first met Alice though they had faded over the years. But for some reason, sitting in front of the man who had helped him through every hard time he encountered, they flared up stronger than ever. Jasper was curious as to which feelings were his and which belonged to his father.

Carlisle took Jasper's curious look as a sign of recognition. He raised his other hand and pressed it to Jasper's cheek. "I never was good at conveying my emotions vocally," he said, almost regretfully.

As if on queue, the rest of the family entered the house. Alice walked over and sat behind Jasper, petting his hand and holding him to her. He released Carlisle and wrapped his arms around the little pixie-ish vampire as she coddled him. He couldn't stop looking back at his father though. Esme kissed the top of Jasper's head with a smile he knew to be fake.

"It's all right. The problem has been taken care of," She said. Jasper couldn't' take all the hate in the room that practically vibrated off of the family. He buried his face in Alice's chest and closed his eyes trying to focus on something happier.

Carlisle sighed, trying to seem as though everything was fine. He knew to watch his thoughts around Edward, and decided to take this opportunity to go upstairs and change. The pants he hand on were soaked from the shin down from the creek. The doctor was a little disappointed in himself. Why was it he couldn't bring himself to say what he knew was true?

Weeks passed and the family slowly began to not shun the younger of the boys. Jasper went back to his silent, cautious ways. A light knock sounded on Carlisle's office door.

"Dr. Cullen, one of your son's is here to see you," A nurse said from the other side of the door.

Carlisle looked up from his paper work and smiled at the nurse. "Alright, send him in," he said happily. His mood was anything but happy though. The doctor was not angry or upset. He had felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy over the past few weeks.

"Carlisle…." Jasper said in a soft voice as he shut the door. "I don't….feel right," He finished as he finally looked up at his father, his eyes flashing between tawny gold and crimson red. His lips hung open slightly as he stared at his father. He would never admit it, but he was scared.

Carlisle was surprised to see Jasper. He had honestly thought that it was Emmett coming to bother him again. "Jasper," he said. "Sit down here. Tell me what's on your mind." He waved his hand to a comfy chair beside his desk, and Carlisle settled into his swivel chair. He looked deep into Jasper's eyed and noted the crimson edges around the iris. Something had happened again. A twinge of fear ran through Carlisle's mind for a split second. What if he tried to run again? Would he be able to stop him?

Jasper, still slightly out of it, removed his jacket showing the bloody, torn mess that was his shirt and the claw marks that adorned his chest and back. A huge bite mark on his shoulder and a slash down his side, "I….I didn't fight….I promise." Jasper said trying to keep Carlisle from getting mad at him. "I… didn't touch him…" His right arm he couldn't move from a gash that lay open near the bend of his elbow. His left wrist dripped profusely of the crimson liquid.

Carlisle jumped from his seat and straight to Jasper's side. He was horrified. Immediately, Carlisle ripped the remnants of Jasper's shirt off and grabbed his medicine bag and with inhuman speed began cleaning and suturing Jasper's wounds. "Who did this?" he asked, urgently. He was not angry at Jasper, but scared for him.

"I ….I don't know," Jasper said hesitant.

"Dr. Cullen," A nurse called as she knocked on the door unable to see Jasper passed the doctor. "You are wanted in the waiting room."

"I will be there shortly," Carlisle called over his shoulder. After she had shut the door, he finished up his work. "Jasper," he whispered, looking into the young man's eyes. "Tell me who did this to you." His tone was that of concern. He placed a hand on Jasper's cheek to encourage him to tell him what had happened.

"I…I don't know," He repeated. "One moment…I was alone. The next, I heard this ear piercing scream and I was on the ground as you see me now…" He finished as he leaned his head slightly into Carlisle's hand.

Carlisle frowned. There was no lie in what Jasper had told him, but that only troubled him more. Someone was out to get his adoptive son, and it was someone anonymous. The doctor sighed and stood up, putting away his materials. "I want you to stay here with me, until I finish my shift," he told Jasper. "I'll be right back." Carlisle tucked his bag away under the desk and exited the office to address the duty in the waiting room.

Jasper lay back on the examination table and hissed in pain as his back came in contact with the table. He pulled up his pant leg on the right side of his body and looked at the gash all the way down his leg. The horribly stitched wound looked like it was beginning to get infected. Before anyone could see, Jasper pulled the pants leg back down and awaited his father.

Carlisle returned, having taken care of the issue in the waiting room. He looked over Jasper's injured body once again and felt a deep pain in his chest. He hated seeing Jasper hurt. "Sit up," he told him. He wanted to give him a thorough examination to make sure he hadn't missed anything. "Strip down. I'm going to give you a full examination."

"That," He began trying to wrap his arms around his body but unable to do so because of the pain, "That won't be necessary." His mind wandered to his leg. He didn't want Carlisle seeing that wound. He already needed help with the newer ones. The old one would be fine.

"Jasper, I'm not in the mood to deal with stubbornness," Carlisle said sternly. "If you don't strip down now, I will do it for you." He was looking out for Jasper's safety, and would not be deterred from his concerns.

Jasper took off his pants but kept his leg turned away from his father. The last thing Carlisle needed was to see the badly tended leg. He nursed his right arm with his still bleeding left. Staring up at Carlisle, his eyes finally going back to the gold they needed to be.

Carlisle looked Jasper over again and set to work. He disinfected the wounds and sutured the ones that needed it, bandaging every one of them with care. When he had thought he finished, he noticed the wound on Jaspers leg. It looked old, and badly stitched, like he had done it himself, and above else, infected. "Jasper, how long have you had this wound?" Carlisle asked, lifting Jasper's leg gingerly.

Jasper hissed in pain. He quickly moved his leg away from Carlisle's touch. It simply hurt too bad to even have him touch any part of the leg. "A-about a month," He said softly. "It's fine. It closed and is going away," he finished.

"It's infected, and needs to be treated," Carlisle said. He couldn't believe this was happening. Didn't Jasper trust him? He was hurt by the lack of connection. He was supposed to be someone that he could come to with his problems. "Why?" he asked. "Why didn't you come to me when this happened?"

"I don't want…to worry you with my problems," Jasper said as he attempted to put his pants back on. He didn't want to worry his father. And also…he didn't want to be nude in the hospital. The cut ran from the middle of his calve all he way up to the side of his bottom. That, he knew for a fact, he did not want shown in the hospital.

Carlisle grabbed the jeans from Jasper's hands and stared at him. "You worry me when you don't tell me about your problems," he said, honestly. "And now I'm going to have to reopen that wound, so you will just have to endure it. I am not risking amputation." The doctor reached in a drawer that had a pair of surgical pliers in it and took them from it. "And, no, you don't have a say in this," Carlisle preempted.

Jasper sat down like a good boy. He had never seen Carlisle so determined. Even though Jasper was the quiet Cullen and never really spoke or made much noise, when Carlisle snipped that first stitch and slit the gash back open, Jasper let out a heart stopping blood curdling scream. He fisted his hands in the fabric of his boxers—thank god he got to at least keep those on…for now—and writhed in pain on the examination table. Nurses soon lined up at the door to see what was going on.

Carlisle felt guilty for putting Jasper through this pain, but he knew it had to be done. If it had been left alone much longer, he probably would have had to lose his leg. He tried his best to ignore his son's painful screams as he snipped the uneven stitches one by one. He reached the higher part of Jasper's thigh, finally. "I'm going to have to rip your boxers, since you didn't take them off," he said, before taking the seam in his hands and tearing straight up the side. He would lend him his spare clothes for when he stayed overnight sometimes. He continued to snip at the stitches until he had finally reached the last of them.

Jasper growled through clenched teeth as the stitches were completely cut and removed. He felt bare and naked. A nurse came in with a short soft knock. "Dr. Cullen…."She said unsure and somewhat scared for the boy on the doctors table. "Is there anything we can do to help?" She questioned.

"No, thank you," he said to the nurse. He waited for her to leave and opened the drawer again, this time pulling out a scalpel. He placed it at the highest part of the closing gash and applied pressure, slicing into Jasper's flesh. He dragged it along the wound, reopening it.

Jasper screamed and curled into himself in pain. He crushed his eyes shut so hard the moisture in them actually ran down his cheek like a tear. If he had the ability to cry, he would definitely be right then. "Dad! Stop!" He cried out. He couldn't take it. He dug his nails into his thigh on either side of the wound.

Carlisle dropped the scalpel, and it clattered against the cold floor of the small office. He couldn't stand the screams any longer. "I..." he began. "I'm sorry..." He had caused Jasper so much pain by trying to help him. Could he really say that he was cut out to be a parental figure to him if he had made him scream with such agony?

Jasper lay over on the bed, not caring about his torso wounds, as he held onto his leg and cringed with his jaw clenched. He wanted to tell Carlisle not to be sorry. He knew he was just trying to help. He, however, couldn't wrench his jaw slack for even a moment to speak or he would most likely scream again. He just wanted it to be over.

Carlisle suddenly found himself wishing that anesthesia would work on vampires. He grabbed the disinfectant salve and put on a latex glove. This part would be especially hard on Jasper. He put the tube of medicine to Jasper's now open cut and squirted nearly the whole tube in a line on his wound. Carlisle gave Jasper his hand and tried to be as quick as possible as he packed the salve into the laceration.

Jasper screamed behind his clenched jaw and sealed lips as he squeezed hard onto Carlisle's hand. He had managed to clench his jaw so tight that it actually popped. Another knock sounded on the door. "Carlisle?" Came the wind chime-ish voice. It was Alice. She knew Jasper was in there.

Carlisle drew back from Jasper's scarred body and turned to look at Alice, the pain he felt at what was happening lingered in his eyes. Of course Alice would have seen that Jasper would come here. There was no use in being surprised. "Alice," Carlisle greeted. His voice lacked it's usual happy tone, instead it was replaced with a tone of hurt.

"Alice," Jasper ground out through his teeth. "Go home," Even speaking at this point hurt. "Carlisle…please…hurry and finish." He held his unnecessary breath and put his face against the bed, still clutched to Carlisle's hand.

"But I-" Alice began before Jasper hissed a harsh 'GO!'. She nodded and stepped out of the room. "Keep me updated…please," her eyes were pleading to Carlisle.

Carlisle said, "Of course. I'll come and get you in the waiting room." His daughter closed the door, and he turned back around to Jasper. "I'm going to suture it back up," he told him. "I'll be as quick as I can." He slid his hand out of Jasper's and got the needle and surgical thread ready. Carlisle started at the bottom of the wound, pressing the needle into Jasper's flesh.

"AAAAHHH!" Jasper let out as he pushed his face into the table. Soon, as Carlisle began to make his way up on the wound sealing it, Jasper's flesh began to numb itself. He felt Carlisle near his rear end and he let his hopes get up that he was almost done. He dropped his head back, another almost tear running down his cheek, "Please," He begged. "Are we done?"

Carlisle finished the suture and stepped away. "Yes..." he said softly. "We're done." He went to his desk and pulled from the top drawer a change of clothes, and he brought them to Jasper, setting them beside him on the examination table. "For when you feel fit enough to move," he said. Carlisle was feeling guilty again, the Jasper's screams of pain still ringing in his ears.

"I…I will be fine," Jasper said as he attempted to stand and put on Carlisle's extra change of clothes. Once he was on his feet he realized it was a bad idea and immediately crumbled under the pain. He growled as he tried to hide the pain in his leg by squeezing the cut on his side. Needless to say…it didn't work and he just succeeded in hurting himself further. He had, however, managed to get one of his legs in the pants.

Carlisle came to Jasper's side, holding him up right. He helped the younger vampire get his hurt leg through the pants. "I'll go and get a wheel chair for you until the pain settles," he said. Carlisle had Jasper lean on the table for support as he left the room. Shortly, he came back with a wheel chair in tow.