Learning to Live

by The-Cheshire-Neko

Her Wonderworld is turning dark, and she is falling to pieces. Why is Alice even there? Can Alice's friends help her to accept the truth and move on? Or will she be trapped in her own mind? Song fic based on Hello-Evanescence. Please R&R.

Authors Note: Hello everyone! This is my first "Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice" FanFiction and also my first independent FanFiction. I would appreciate it if you would review afterwards and tell me if I should continue this. Also who do you want Alice to be paired with? I'm thinking Julius, Blood or Boris, but I would love some ideas from you, after all I might use your pairing. This is a FanFiction is based on the song "Hello" by Evanescence. And if you don't know Vivaldi uses "We" instead of "I" because she is the Queen and therefore uses the 'Royal We' (or that's what I guess because they use that in the Manga and I don't speak Japanese so I can't play the game), BUT if she says: "we" or "us" with no capital, she is referring to her and someone else, so the Royal We is not used.

Also, I'm completely open to constructive criticism (including spelling corrections), Comment even if you hate it (but be nice about it)? Please?

If anyone knows what the tower is in Country of the Joker would you please tell me? That would be a massive help- until I know I will just refer to it as the Clock Tower. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice, nor the characters, I do not own the song "Hello" or Evanescence. I do own the plot.

ALICE'S P.o.V

************************************************************************** I ran out of there as fast as I could. I had to get away from them, from their lies. I collapsed against a brick wall, panting for air; I had pushed my body too hard as I tried to get far away from their voices- the voices that told me untrue things.

But they're my friends... they would never try to hurt me... the little voice inside of me cried.

Unless…Unless they wanted me to stay that much… The role-players love me; they always beg me not to leave when I mention it.

Onee-san is–was I corrected myself, the only reason to return…

No. They weren't lying; I realized that but couldn't accept it. Not really.

After catching my breath, I felt a prickly feeling behind my eyes, and then huddled up, hugging my knees to my chest as ugly sobs erupted from me, accompanied by shinning tear tracks along my cheeks. I was a wreck.

It went on like that for what seemed like hours, but could have only been minutes.

I lifted my head to examine my surroundings- for in my previous state I had run without direction, it hadn't mattered to me where I ended up, as long as I could be alone-a place of refuge.

It appeared I was in the main town of Wonderworld, outside a school. Onee-san and I never went to school, we had a tutor-and wasn't that a mistake... No! Don't think about Him! Not now, not ever again! It was His fault she thought twice about returning, He was my first love, and He abused that abused… abused me... He was my first; I felt myself blushing and scolded myself, for He was in the wrong not me! I tried to stop blushing but my anger only fuelled the fire in my face. The morning after He moved on to Onee-san, she didn't know it broke my heart, and I couldn't tell her because our relationship was secret. My legs were numb and weak from the running and the shock, but despite their protests I made myself stand, using the wall for support.

A ringing sound violently shook me out of my thoughts- and I whipped by head around to find the source- The school bell. Weakly, I chuckled inwardly at my own jumpiness. Suddenly a hoard of young faceless children came tearing out of the school into the playground; most of them were around Edith's age...Edith. Did she hate me even more for not being there for Onee-san?

I looked around at the children; they were all so happy, so completely oblivious to my pain.

I felt something wet land on the bridge of my nose and gently roll down to the tip where it dripped off. I looked up and sure enough there were rain clouds overhead. Drops of water fell around me; it wasn't even drizzling, just spitting- It was refreshing and calming, but not peaceful. That came to an abrupt end when lightning struck and thunder boomed, leaving an ominous echo resounding in the air. The sky must have been ripped in two, for there was no other way to explain the sudden downpour that soaked me to the bone in a matter of seconds.

I watched as the teacher ushered the small shrieking children inside, a few moments later and the bell rang again.

Playground school bell rings again

Rain clouds come to play again

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

I sunk to my knees, the hem of my dress was sullied in the fresh mud, but I paid it no mind, If Onee-san was gone, who would be there to playfully scold me at the sight of my tarnished dress?

Hello, I am your mind giving you someone to talk to

Hello

I thought I would go mad, I was seeing her face- it wouldn't stop haunting me... Her beautiful face… Maybe if I pretended it wasn't real, that it was a nightmare…I would wake up and she would comfort me…Onee-san would be ok… My eyelids began to become heavy and droop, and I was so cold…I'm losing consciousness…If I stay, I'll get ill... I might die- but it's a dream right? I wasn't scared; in fact I was relieved, even if it wasn't a dream, soon I'd be with Onee-san. "I'm coming Lorina." I whispered to the air as I felt my legs give way and my weak body drop, but knew the fall wouldn't hurt as I was already on my knees. I would have been right but my head hit a sharp rock- soon my blood was mixing with the onslaught of rain and seeping into the earth, tinting the ground red. I'm ready to wake up now… but the opposite happened- I was out cold.

If I smile and don't believe

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream…

THIRD PERSON P.o.V

Back at the Clock Tower, the Role-players were anxious for Alice to return, and each of them handled this in their own way, but all equally as poorly.

Nightmare was slumped in a chair trying to read Alice's mind, which was proving difficult as for one thing, she wasn't here, and that over time she learned to block him out due to her severe frustration at the way he teases her endlessly when a role-player kisses her; Gray was unintentionally making his lizard tattoo fidgety so with his anxiety so, it crawled all over his skin as he paced back and forth across the room; Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee were throwing knives at a target, one stray weapon almost hit Elliot which made him fume and snap at them more so than usual because of his concerns for Alice.

Meanwhile, Blood was drinking black tea, looking very unconcerned with the whole situation, but those close to him-so basically Elliot and Vivaldi- and Nightmare of course, knew that he…cared, deeply for the girl and was dying to search for her and Peter was constantly checking his over-sized pocket watch to see how long it had been since Alice had left and shot metaphorical daggers with his eyes at anyone who disturbed his thoughts; Boris was fiddling with his tail with a worried look and kept staring at the window wondering if he could escape to search for Alice, he didn't pay the Dormouse next to him any attention, though usually he'd already have his knife and fork out to frighten Pierce; Pierce himself however, was wondering what to do, he felt very out of place and not only was he concerned about how long Alice had been, but he was also petrified of the pink cat next to him.

Julius was brooding as he nervously fixed a clock but for once wasn't really paying full attention to his work; Ace was trying to navigate his way round the tower to ease his boredom and stumbled across Alice's room where he just "happened" to look through her underwear drawer-though he couldn't even bring himself to smirk and so put the garments back and head downstairs once again-or attempted to make his way there; Gowland was writing Alice a song for when she returned, he was nearly done and was about to practise when Blood Shot the sheet narrowly missing Gowland and ruining his work, this would prompt a fight between the two normally, but they were on neutral territory so settled for trading insults.

Vivaldi took a break from ordering servants executions to break up the fight with death threats, and the King tried in vain to calm her down. Even the Jokers-or should I say two halves of the joker-were there passing their time with a card game, but it didn't really help them to take their minds (mind?) off of current matters, also, Black was swearing more than usual as he wasn't used to the main realm of Wonderworld, and could only really come out for Role-holder meetings.

Initially every role-holder, with the exception of Vivaldi, Nightmare and to some extent the king, had all planned on giving chase to Alice when she bolted from the tower- but The Red Queen was adamant that they leave her be her grief.

"Filthy men! Your cold clocks feel nothing compared to us woman! You must understand though, Alice is confused, angry, broken and afraid- You going and messing with her heart will make it worse!" Cried the Queen of Hearts.

"Now, now Vivaldi-san, are you insinuating that I would try to take advantage of her state" Smirked Blood Dupre-The Mad Hatter and Vivaldi's secret brother.

"That is Exactly what We are insinuating, Hatter!" She spat venomously.

"I agree with Vivaldi-san, Alice is in no state of mind to be messed with." Commented a surprisingly serious Nightmare.

"We command that none of you leave until We say!" and just as the other role-players were about to interrupt, she added "For Alice's sake." Silence followed.

Two Time cycles had passed since then, and everyone was growing impatient. The Queen of Hearts rose sharply from her seat. "We say you must go find Alice now."

No sooner her majesty said this everyone left-Boris out the window, Nightmare just Disappeared, and everyone else just rushed out the front entrance, except the King, even the Queen planned on going-and only once before had she done work like this since becoming a role-player, and that was to find her favourite plush toy-Miss. RainbowStar the Unicorn.

VIVALDI'S P.o.V

"Oh Alice where are you?" We wondered aloud to Ourself. We were wandering through the woods searching for the foreigner, when suddenly a scent reached Our nose, a scent far too familiar for a Role-player of Wonderworld such as Ourself- Blood. No not Our brother, human blood, normally she wouldn't be concerned but with Alice missing, it was another matter.

Why is Our dear Alice always finding trouble?

ALICE'S P.o.V

I opened my eyes – it was dark. Damn it! Julius always told me to try be back by dark or stay at another territory until the next time cycle- Wonderworld is dangerous at the best of times, but at night? Far from any Role-holder who might protect me? I might as well walk up to the executioner of Heart castle, lay my head on the block and tell him to sharpen his best axe.

I tried to sit up but a sharp pain resonated in my skull. Shit! My head!

I wasn't usually one to swear but it felt like the back of my skull was spontaneously combusting. However I put my body's protests to one side and gradually sat up.

I peered at my surroundings; I was in a field near a building

…building? Oh the school!

But I was covered by some bushes, no one in the building would have been able to see me and come to my aid- just my luck.

The sky was dark, the moon was the only source of light- unless you count the stars, which I didn't, for as pretty as they looked they didn't assist me much- luckily tonight the moon was full, which provided more light than most nights.

As my eyes adjusted I saw a line of trees that was the start of the woods, and over the treetops, not close but not quite in the distance, was the Clock Tower. My head really hurt by then, like someone was twisting a dagger in my brain. Yuck. For the second time that night, I blacked out.

BORIS' P.o.V

Where the hell is Alice? I mentally shouted, as I ran through the forest searching for my foreigner.

Suddenly an idea struck me, and I quickly ran to the tallest tree I could find- a large and very old oak. At any other time I would have jokingly commented on it being nearly older than Gowland- who is, admittedly, not that old.

The branches didn't start until way above my head, and to climb it unassisted would be impossible for anyone else, but I am the Cheshire Cat, emphasis on "Cat".

Within a matter of seconds I was at the top. "Alice… Where are you?" I weakly grumbled, as I scanned the land around me, it was night so cat vision did help.

Hmm…trees, river, more trees, some houses that belonged to faceless, a school, a dot of blue, even more trees-WAIT! BLUE?

Straining even my vision, I tried to identify it... the blue was moving! Trying to get up-Yep it's a person! They couldn't get up… The person collapsed again, but not until I got a better look at them, the blue was a dress and that was my Alice!

I was about to go to her, until something at the edge of the field caught my eye. No several things- no several people! Surrounding her! They have guns! People were ambushing My Alice.

My mind was racing, my clock would tick faster but of course it couldn't, so it ticked louder, making an eerie tick-tock, not like it is normally tick-tocked. I tried to think how to get there faster.

I can only use my door between realms… it's so far- at least 20 minutes of running-she could be dead by then! Hmm… Realms… I looked to the woods next to it; sure enough the Jokers' forest was close to the field. "It's my only chance." I said determinedly.

Black Joker's P.o.V

"JOKER! GET OUT HERE NOW!" Why the fuck was that gay little furball here? In my prison realm! I ran out to the voice, my feet made no noise on the hard, stone floor (it's my realm, I can do whatever the fuck I want!), intent on murdering the flea-bag, when I remembered the current situation we were in regarding a certain foreigner.

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking furball! I'm right here! Has someone found Alice?" Did I call her just Alice? When did I stop calling her "the Bitch"? The Cat whipped his pink head round to face me and decided to ignore the 'furball' comment. "Alice! She's a field outside the school near the edge of your forest!" He cried desperately

"Well why the fuck are you here instead of getting her? Shithead!" Was he retarded or something?

"I can't, you have too, no time to ask questions! She's in trouble a shit load of trouble!"-The flea-bag's swearing…it must be serious.-"She's unconscious and people are about to hurt her, the fastest thing was to was come her since this realm is connected to the Jokers' forest and close to the park, come on let's go!" If it wasn't Alice I would have kicked his balls in for wasting my time.

"Joker! Go to the field behind the main town primary school, at the edge of our forest." I added to the mask on my belt. "Heading there now." Was the reply.

Why does it even matter it's her anyway? Oh yea… I… Like her. Fuck it. He was staring up at me…with kitten eyes? What the fuck! I grabbed his arm.

"Come on! As you said, 'there's no time'." I transported us both to the main realm of Wonderworld, specifically the edge of the Jokers' forest closest to where the fucking furball had described the whereabouts of Alice.

We both ran full power to the field, It was even darker here then the forest in every other territory, the flea-bag was faster with his Pussy-Powers, as I call them-he was running on all fours; in a few minutes we were there, fearing we were too fucking late, only to find two roll holders already there, defending Alice.

Vivaldi's P.o.V

It wasn't often We got Our gun out, which We should do… it is beautiful revolver, it had a black barrel and an ornate mahogany hilt with inlaid silver and bloodstone in the pattern of roses… Beautiful… tonight we can make up for all the times I didn't use you. We knew the blood smelt funny! Not wrong, just strange, because it is Alice's and she has a heart, so the blood is fresher and… better. Foreigners are better in general though, aren't they?

We felt so stupid; We had been near Alice the whole time and never really thought about it being her! We didn't consider anyone ever wanting to hurt her! Thanks to Our stupidity she is in more trouble than before, and now we were defending her with Our life, so was White Joker. How did he know to come here anyway?-Our thoughts were interrupted by an idiot faceless man funny towards Alice with a dagger, quickly disposed of the faceless woman I was in combat with by shooting her between the eyes, and before the body had time to hit the floor I turned on my heel to the man charging toward Alice and shot him in the balls. "That, was for even trying to touch Alice, you son of a bitch."

"Now Vivaldi-san" spoke a velvety voice, behind us, mockingly scolding Us, "It's not ladylike to say such things." He added as we stood back to back, shooting people in all directions, the unconscious form of Alice lying by our feet, "Shut it Joker," we spun together to trade places and then shot oncoming enemies. "this is not the time to patronize Us, and you must use the correct form of address, not my given name!" We concluded.

"Whatever you say Queeny!" The wine-red haired man replied, this earned him a glare. "By the way," We felt his warm breath on our ear, and We could feel the blush spread throughout Our cheeks, "You look ravishing tonight" Was he referring to Our change of clothes?

Oh what does it matter! We were wearing different clothes to Our usual attire due to the fact that we were in the country of the Joker, and therefore We were not Queen. Plus they were more suited for travel…and combat. (A/N: See Clover Outfit)

We spun round to face him, but ended up shooting another faceless over his shoulder, as he did over Our Shoulder, We gave him the once over, he wore his usual attire of black with some red, white and gold and a white mask over one of his eyes. Not bad yourself Joker… NO! WHAT WAS THAT!

Most of the attacking faceless were dead, gold clocks were strewn across the grass, their previous bodies' now disappeared completely, but there was still some left and we are both too tired to face them all…

Why are Our eyelids so…*yawn*…heavy… A We saw pink in the corner of Our eyes- Wait, pink?

Boris' P.o.V

Vivaldi was about to collapse and White was left to fight all of the oncoming attackers. We're almost there… Or not. A cloaked figure stepped out from behind a tree, straight into our path. What the hell?

"Get the fuck out of the way! You shit-brained bastard!" Black-san was not pleased, but neither was I.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" I called out to it. We got no answer, but cloak only covered past the eyes, betraying a smirk of satisfaction. I barely saw Black get out his whip and CRACK!

Where I should have seen a bleeding person clutching a gash, I instead saw it with an outstretched hand, holding the end of the whip-which was impossible, I would have had trouble catching it, and I've got reflexes like…well, a cat.

I turned my head towards the Prison Guard, and he was smirking, a smirk to match the stranger's own, but why?

I got my answer soon enough. The jet black whip seemed to lengthen in the newcomer's grasp, wrapping around there wrist and arm, drawing blood from the exposed flesh and the smirk turned to an expression of pain.

"Well what are you waiting for you fucking pussy?" Black snapped to me, I grinded my teeth in irritation. "Don't call me a pussy!" I shouted at him, but nonetheless I drew my pink hand-gun, and aimed for his head, I pulled the trigger but it didn't hit anything. Nothing was there except for the end of Black's lengthened whip, dripping blood onto the grass. There was no time to ponder this however, as we were running full throttle into the battle.

Once again I reached for my gun, but this time I actually shot someone, well some people.

BANG! I shot a faceless between the eyes, and the body crumpled to the floor.

BANG! This time the bullet hit someone in the stomach, I heard them scream as stomach acid splashed onto their organs, muscles and skin. Alice had given me a new perspective on life, I felt bad about killing them, these people had to be killed, but I didn't want them in agony…so I mercifully shot him in the heart. I turned my attention to Alice and saw a faceless rush towards her.

BANG! I shot him in the lungs, then the head to put him out of his misery. BANG! A bullet had whizzed past my head, close to my ears, and missed my ear by a hairs width. It hit someone right behind me and they crumpled to the floor; I looked straight ahead and there was Vivaldi, revolver in hand and a wink on her face. "I'm still in this!" She yelled at me before killing about ten faceless in about 13 seconds. I couldn't help but smile. When did Vivaldi get so enthusiastic?

A few kills later and we four Role-Holders were the last standing. "What a waste of time fucking time." Black commented.

"Did they really think they could beat us?" White asked.

"They weren't bad fighters though, you must admit." Vivaldi added. I honestly couldn't give a damn right now, I ran to Alice- but when I got there I was horrified.

Blood had stained the grass all around her head, she was unconscious and unusually pale. The coppery smell of blood filled his nose and was accompanied by the taste of blood in the air.

I dropped to my knees and frantically searched for a pulse, which I found, but it was faint. "Hold on Alice. Please hold on for me? Please." I whispered to her. I picked her up bridal-style and buried my face into her neck. A tear crept out of my eye.

Focus Boris! Think! Let's get her to the nearest territory… I thought to myself. If I'm outside the school, the nearest territory is…The Amusement Park!

I took off without hesitation, ignoring the two role holders shouting out behind me, and one pissed off Black Joker, demanding to know where I was taking "his bitch".

Alice's P.o.V

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep….Beep….

What's that? And…Where am I? I spoke aloud to the blackness all around me, but it sounded like I was speaking in my head, yet it echoed far into the distance. It wasn't dark here, but it was black, it was a strange concept.

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep….Beep….

There it is again, I wonder what it could be… It sounded again but it was accompanied by something else…

A voice? A familiar voice… Alice? Is that my name? Yes, I remember, I'm Alice.

"Alice? Alice wake up, wake up please?" I want to, I want to wake up- but I can't.

I scream at the voice, my mouth is open but the words are still inside my head, yet they echo around like before, I think that maybe, only I can hear them.

"Alice you have to wake up, so you can come back to us! We need you… I need you. If you won't come back for me, come back for one of the others! The Mouse? The Hatter? The Hare? The Rabbit? The Cat? The Joker? Amusement Park owner? Clockmaker? Lizard? Tweedles'? Knight? I doubt you want to come back for the Rabbit eh? The voice chuckled half-heartedly…Maybe the Queen? I won't judge." I know that voice! It's Nightmare!

I felt dizzy, but…more stable now. Like when your dreams are starting to end…

What's happening?

The ground had started to shake; the darkness around me began to crack, blinding light protruding through the cracks. The floor continued to crack until a huge chunks fell into the light underneath, it was a strange spectacle, but one I had no time to observe, because a large fissure was starting form under my feet! I leapt out of the way and collided with the cracked blackness beneath me. Alice? You're starting to wake!

It doesn't feel like I'm waking! It feels like I'm about to die!

I was scared.

"Oh you will Alice. But now, you really are waking," said a new, deeper, more velvety voice.

WHAT? THAT'S NOT NIGHTMARE!

The floor cracked again, broke again, and the ground beneath me crumbled underneath me, and I began my free fall into the light.