"Leaving, now." Kanda grumbled as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, telling Lavi it was time to leave. Now.
"Just a minute, Yuu-chan!" Lavi called over his shoulder, and then turned back to his girls.
Every mission he does this. Every. Single. One. "Why do I even bother waiting?" Kanda said to himself as he folded his arms across his chest. Why should he wait? Lavi can take care of himself. If he wants to go off and bang some whore why should Kanda care? ….why, exactly. He didn't know why..."Lavi, its cold as hell." He snarled.
"Can't you see I'm talking to these lovely ladies?" Lavi said with a smile to the girls around him. They giggled. "And cold as hell doesn't make any since, Yuu-chan" He added.
Kanda turned away. "' lovely ladies' my ass." He growled. If that was what Lavi thought of as 'lovely', then he had to have the oddest taste in women Kanda had ever seen, all thin and boney….and hardly wearing anything.
Kanda glanced back, looking to see if Lavi would mercilessly leave the women, only to turn his head away sharply as the chilling wind blew under their short skirts.
Kanda averted his eyes and Lavi stared.
He wasn't waiting while Lavi got his brain clouded by the breasts and panties all around him. So he left, his boots making a clicking sound as they hit the stone path. Lavi can just find his own way back to the hotel at night. …or more likely then not, find his way back in the morning.
Kanda couldn't help but notice that most of the girls Lavi picked had dark hair, long dark hair…but what did that matter? He shouldn't care about what Lavi thought beautiful. …and most had pale skin. But that was mere coincidence that Kanda had those traits also. Most of the women had light colored eyes, unlike him, and lots of other things that were not like him at all. …not that he cared in the least.
He walked in the cold with his head held high, because he wasn't thinking about Lavi with those filthy whores. No, he was not. He was thinking… "Shit!" he yelled as he slammed his fist into a side wall of a shoe makers shop. A few passersby jumped and hurried along as best they could without looking too conspicuous, as that might bring the crazy man's eyes to them.
"Why did I have to want him, of all people in this damned world?" Kanda hissed under his breath. As he began walking again. "And why did he have to be so damn straight!?" Kanda's world had been turned upside down. Last thing he knew he hated the redhead's guts then suddenly...something changed. This was all wrong. Yuu Kanda didn't like people. Yuu Kanda didn't like boys. Yuu Kanda didn't like Lavi. …but he did. And he felt he'd go crazy unless he could get the bookman-to-be to look his way. Even if only looking. But there was a hole in his plan, a hole that happened to be his gender. Lavi liked women. And Kanda was most surly not that…even if he might look it.
I want your heart shaped lips,lips
But if he was so….he wasn't going to say androgynous, because that wasn't the right word…nether was effeminate. …if he was so the way he is with his looks, then he's pretty close to looking the part. And all he wants is a look from the redhead, right? All he's missing is the curves, and he only really needed those in the waist…
"Fuck!" he snarled, and again took a swing at a wall, this time it was a bakery. "That's degrading." He warned himself.
…but maybe if he lost some weight, not that he thought of himself as overweight. But if he lost some, maybe he could get his waist to cave in a little, giving him the right shape…what the hell was he thinking?!
Cooler hoola hips
But maybe…he wasn't feeling all that hungry, so maybe he'd skip dinner tonight.
I want to feel your bones on my bones, baby
_________
There was a click, a stream of light for a split second, another click, then the light was gone and everything was quiet, then the creaking of bed springs and a sigh.
"What were you doing?"
Lavi jumped, though Kanda couldn't see it in the dark of their room. "Heh, well, you know, the ladies love me."
Kanda didn't need to see his face to tell there was a huge grin on his face. "You're disgusting." He spat.
"Oh come on!" Lavi said as he rolled onto his belly, propping his head up by his hands so to look at Kanda on the other bed as he talked. "If you had the chance you woulda taken it too!"
Kanda blew air out of his nose much like a horse would if displeased.
"…unless," Lavi's smile grew, "you like guys?" he tried to say it like a very normal question, but the excitement from getting to know a bit of gossip about Kanda showed through.
I want to feel your bones on my bones, baby
"No." Kanda said calmly. It was true, so he didn't have to act. …Lavi was just an exception.
"Now that I think about it, you haven't even shown any interest in women."
"You're sounding like you want me to like men." Kanda growled. … what would he do if Lavi said 'because I do.'?
"Well, you know, if Yuu-chan liked guys I might give you a good time, you know?" Lavi smirked.
Kanda froze and Lavi wasn't sure if he was boiling mad or if he really was gay. Then everything went back to normal with the usual "che" from Kanda and a "go the hell to bed."
Lavi giggled. He loved how Kanda would work swears into his lines whenever he could.
Kanda rolled over to his side and pulled the covers up to his chin then slipped his cold hands out from under them and pressed them to his overheating cheeks. What would have happened if he'd told Lavi to show him? …and was it that obvious?
I wear my heartache on my sleeve
______
"Yuu-chan, don't you want something to eat?" Lavi asked as the lunch trolley rolled nearer to their train compartment. They had finally killed all the Akuma in the town whose name Kanda had already forgotten and were now on their way back to HQ.
"No." Kanda said simply, not opening his eyes from his usual train ride nap.
"But you haven't eaten all day!"
Not just today, ether. "I'm not hungry."
Lavi stared at him, looking him up and down then sighed. "I'll get you some bread for later."
The only answer was "Che." He wasn't going to eat it. He'd just started losing weight and was starting to be able to see the faint outline of ribs on his sides. No way was he going to ruin that.
I love myself too much to see
Though he'd only lost an inch around his waist after three weeks of one meal a day…
It haunts me
Maybe he'd starting eating one every other day, that might help speed things up.
It haunts my every dream
_______
Once they were back at the order, they did the usual for each of them. Lavi went to give Komui the report, as Kanda still fumbled with English letters, while Kanda went to the baths to wash up. Then it would be dinner time, where Kanda would be absent. He'd go out to train. A good work out might help too.
Every boy wants a body to die for
_____
After a good long training session, he went around to the front of the Order, hoping to take a walk before he went to sleep, only to find Lavi, with a girl, again. Didn't he say Bookman didn't allow him to have a lover? …but then again, that wasn't exactly a lover. "I bet he doesn't even know her name." Kanda whispered angrily to no one at all.
He turned to go inside, then looked over his shoulder. Dark hair, light eyes, pale skin and too thin.
And every girl who is thin is his rival
He turned back to the main doors as he set his hands on his waist and pushed in. He was getting there.
I wish I had a body to die for
It shouldn't be more then another two or three months before he's got the body Lavi goes for, Kanda guessed from the speed at which he was dropping inches.
Skinny and sexy, big isn't beautiful
And another two months it was. He gave a kind of smile, more of a smirk, in the mirror as he caught a glimpse of himself as he walked to the baths with a towel tied around his bony hips. He hadn't eaten more than three bowls of rice in the past two months and he had been 'rewarded'.
I'm gonna shed me some skin
He slipped into the baths, after putting his hair up, of course, and let himself relax into the steaming water. He'd got the shape he was going for, now he just needs a way to show Lavi without right-out showing him. …or maybe he could stand to lose little more around the waist before doing that…
Get me real real slim
"Yuu-chaaaan!" well, too late for that, he could get thinning later. This was the perfect chance.
Lavi splashed into the bath next to Kanda who growled at him. "Can I wash your hair? Please?" He said with an eager smile.
"Why'd I want your hands in my hair?" he growled. So long as he got out of the bath a little before Lavi, he'd get to show off without being obvious about it. This was perfect.
"Pretty pretty pleaaaaase?" Lavi whined, grabbing Kanda's shoulders. He froze and looked right at him. This made Kanda freeze too.
"Yuu-chan, have you lost weight? You're kinda bony." His grip tightened slightly on Kanda's shoulders, feeling almost every bone under his fingertips.
I wanna feel my bones on your bones, baby
Kanda wasn't sure if it was a simple statement or if there was a hint of concern in Lavi voice but it didn't matter. He had his chance now, he better take it. "Whatever." He said as he pushed himself out of the Japanese style bath, tying the towel around his hips a little tighter. He was for more excited then he should be to have Lavi looking at him…but he couldn't wait for the red-head's reaction! He heard a small gasp from him and smirked.
"…Yuu," Kanda heard him stand up and get out of the bath behind him. Next thing Kanda knew he was whorled around by callused hands on his thin waist and was facing a boy with a face of half horror.
Kanda was taken aback. This isn't what was supposed to happen. Lavi liked thin girls right?
"What happened?" Lavi whispered as he ran his hands up Kanda's ribs, which he could clearly count. It was like dragging his fingers across a white picket fence. It was sickening. He looked Kanda right in the eye, watching his midnight blue eyes filling with confusion. "Why did you do this to yourself?"
Kanda's breath hitched. What did he mean 'why'? "…does this mean after all the trouble I want through, he doesn't like it now?" Kanda thought, a little angry, a little sad and a little something else he couldn't name.
Lavi grabbed his shoulders again, finding a nice perch for his fingertips in the hollows after Kanda's collar bones. "You need to eat, ok?" he pleaded. He felt sick, really, really sick. "You don't need to be like this. You were gorgeous before, alright?"
"Gorgeous." Kanda whispered the word, almost sounding as if he was asking for reassurance. Lavi nodded. Then Kanda scoffed and pushed Lavi's hands off him.
"If you like a normal sized body then why do you go after those sticks of girls?" he was trying to sound teasing, but he knew the edge of anger in his voice went through. He shouldn't be so upset about this…but he felt like sinking to his knees and crying in anger and just for the sake of crying and begging Lavi to want him and beating himself for wrecking his body for something as trivial as this, and felt like dyeing and screaming and felt far too emotional for himself and couldn't sort through all the feelings in his head and…god he felt dizzy.
I am a teenaged drama queen
Lavi started. Was Kanda…jealous of those girls? "I pick them 'cause their easy, you know." He said very quickly. He wanted to get the answer to his question now. "Why would you want to be like them?"
Kanda tried to growl at him, but his knees were about to buckle under him and he could hardly think and everything was colored black and white and fuzzy and then everything was just black, and warm and quiet.
Less than two minutes later Kanda opened his eyes again.
"Yuu-chan, are you alright?!" Lavi said, shaking him a little.
Kanda growled and told Lavi to stop shaking him, then pulled himself back fully onto his feet. Then realization hit him. first it hit him that he'd just fainted, and he knew something was very wrong now. And second….he'd fallen right into Lavi's arms, right into his bare chest, being held there by his warm arms. He looked up at the redhead, face slightly flushed.
Lavi was too shaken to notice. He still felt sick as he looked at the other and knew he must be going a bit pale. "You need to eat." Lavi said in a shaky voice and darted over to where his pile of clothes were, rummaged in a pants pocket and came back with a small bag of crackers.
Kanda had seated himself on a bench, as he still wasn't sure he could hold his own weight for long…his own weight of hardly one hundred pounds. He snorted. "Do you always have food on you?" he teased.
Lavi wasn't in the mood for teasing, and Kanda caught on as Lavi put the bag of crackers into his bony hands and closed his fingers so he couldn't let go. Lavi was shaky and pale, both things Kanda had never seen the over hyper redhead be.
"Eat, please." Lavi begged.
I throw my guts up for self esteem
Kanda looked at him, and then opened the crackers. He'd gotten Lavi's attention, alright. His attention and worry and care. Kanda broke off a chunk of cracker and put it in his mouth. It felt weird and he wasn't sure he could swallow it. He felt like he might chock if he tried, be he managed.
Lavi knelt down on his knees; somehow it made him feel safer. "Again."
Kanda did it again, and again and again, until he suddenly felt sick. He clapped a hand to his mouth, trying to keep everything down. But…he turned his head to the backside of the bench and chocked, throwing up what little he'd managed to get in him. And suddenly he was scared.
It haunts me
Lavi stood up on shaky legs that made him feel as if he was trying to walk on stilts. He quickly threw off his towel and slipped on a clean pair of pants, not caring if Kanda saw his body even if it was odd in the culture the redhead was raised in. He threw a sweater over Kanda and helped him off his bench.
"I'm gonna take you to the hospital, ok?" Lavi said as he led Kanda slowly over to the door from the baths into the hall.
Kanda nodded. Usual he would have protested. He hated doctors, they were all sadists. But he was scared this time. He'd really wrecked his body now, if he couldn't even eat anymore… his legs gave out suddenly and he nearly fell to the ground, though Lavi caught him and pulled him back up.
It haunts my every dream
Lavi decided there was no way Kanda could walk all the way to the hospital wing on his scrawny legs, so he gently, he was afraid he might hurt Kanda now that his bones were so close to the surface, lifted the other into his arms and carried him out the door. Lavi swallowed hard. It was an easier task carrying then five foot eight Japanese boy then it was carrying the five foot nothing young Chinese lady. "Yuu-chan…you know a lot of people die by doing this…"
Every boy wants a body to die for
If he'd just asked Lavi, in passing of course, if he liked the way he looked. Then this wouldn't have happened. …but he got what he wanted. He got everything he wanted and so much more. First he blamed all this on Lavi…but that wasn't true in the least. Lavi had been the one helping him up and forcing food down his throat. Without Lavi he would have died, most likely. He didn't want to blame this on his self, because he felt it wasn't his fault. He wanted to be what he thought Lavi wanted. Which was to look like the women Lavi looked at, which Kanda found out weren't being looked at for their looks at all.
And every girl who is thin is his rival
____
The door creaked open and Kanda snapped out of his thoughts and snapped his eyes to the door.
Lavi poked his head in with a slightly weary smile. Part of him hated going to see Kanda now, as the sight of his bones under his white skin made him a bit sick but Kanda was getting better, so Lavi would keep coming. "Hey, Yuu-chan!" he sang and stepped all the way into the room. "I brought you some soba!" he said with a smile, producing a bowl from behind his back. "I had to sneak it in here past the nurses but I knew you'd be happy for something you were used to eating. "
Kanda gave as best a smile as he could, which was an upwards twitch of the corners of his mouth. "You always bring me more then I can eat though." But it was best that way. Lavi would always stay till he was finished eating, which made Kanda feel as though he needed to eat as much as he could without puking it back up. And slowly, he was getting better because of that…and the medicines the nurses forced him to eat, but he hated those so much that he liked to think it was just because of Lavi. Just because of Lavi and the want to get back his 'gorgeous' body.
I wish I had a body to die for
____
He'd messed with his mind so much before, to stop himself from eating, that now when he looked in a mirror he wasn't sure if he felt he was still too thin or too big. There didn't seem to be something in the middle anymore.
Skinny and sexy, big isn't beautiful
Lavi sat and watched as Kanda finished a little more than half of his soba before setting down his chop sticks. Lavi smiled as he placed the bowl on Kanda's side table. He could tell just from looking that Kanda had gained at least fifteen pounds. "I bet he'll be able to get back to being on missions soon." He thought as he smiled to himself.
Every boy wants a body to die for
They sat there in silence for a moment before Lavi thought of something to say. "Oh yeah, Yuu-chan," he started with a look of curiosity on his face, "when you said you thought I liked skinny girls…what were you getting at?" Lavi propped his head in his hands as he leaned on the side table.
And every girl who is thin is his rival
Kanda's cheeks flushed slightly. "What do you mean 'what was I getting at?'" he scoffed.
"Well, you lost a lot of weight because you thought that, right?" Lavi said, a little nervously. …what was he going to do if Kanda did like boys, and not just any boy, but him. "…were you trying to get me to look your way?" he said softly.
Kanda turned his head away and crossed his arms. "Che." Was all he got.
Lavi's smile softened. "Well you know, if you wanted my eye on you, it woulda worked a lot better if you'd stayed the way you were and just let your hair down sometimes." He said in a sing-song voice and lazily ran his fingers through Kanda's silky black hair.
"Well I'm trying to get that body back!" he snarled. If he was gonna admit to it he couldn't do it directly…and certainly couldn't be nice about it.
I wish I had a body to die for
Lavi chuckled. "How about once you get your figure back we go on a date?" Lavi raised an eyebrow. "I've never tried men, but there's a first time for everything." he said matter-of-factly.
Kanda growled. "I don't want to be some doll you carry around just because you think its pretty." he said with a glare. "…though that's all I wanted before." He thought. No way in hell was he saying that aloud.
Skinny and sexy, sweet anorexia
"But you didn't say no!" Lavi sang happily, rocking back and forth on his chain.
"If you're going to force me on a date with you once I gain some weight, maybe I'll just stay like this." Kanda threatened.
Lavi jumped and Kanda wished he hadn't said that. "No, Yuu-chan, please, please don't do that." he started begging again, with shaky words. "if you like the way you look now you can stay thin but please just get a little healthier. " he took one of Kanda's still bony hands in his own warm one and held it tight.
Skinny and sexy, big isn't beautiful
Kanda turned his face away again and slipped his hand out of Lavi's hold. He was glad Lavi understood he'd warped not only his body but his mind too, so he could help pick him back up when he started to fall out of line. He had no want to gain all the weight he had before back, but he did want to be healthy enough to be back into work again. …so he'd stop once he got there. "Fine. I'm stopping all this after I can work again."
Lavi sighed. It wasn't exactly what he hoped but it was better than he had expected. He'd learned not to put his hopes too high so he would never be let down. …but now, somehow, after teasingly asking Kanda out, he really, really wanted it, and that was setting his hopes way up in the stars. "…so can I still have that date once you get better?" he asked, trying to make it sound like an afterthought.
"Whatever." Kanda said. he'd wait till he was healthy again to decide if he would really go through with that, but for now…he'd say it was a 'yes', though not out loud.
(hehe, sorry for the typos _;; and i hope you liked it! XD and comments would be niiiiice~)