Note: Mari is my Jedi. Everyone and everything else belongs to George Lucus.

This is set before the Close Wars. Even before Obi-Wan becomes Master Qui-Gon's padawan. I hope you enjoy.

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If You Only Knew

I looked on in agony as I watched the silent chemistry spark between Obi-Wan and Siri. I felt my heart squeeze in the most painful way. I bit my lip, trying to suppress the tears that blurred my vision.

"Mari," My dueling partner said, trying to call my attention back to him. But I couldn't peel my eyes away. Obi-Wan was usually my partner, but Siri had claimed him before I could. It made me feel sick thinking that I was losing my best friend to the likes of her.

As I watched the poetic dance between them, I understood why Obi-Wan liked her more than me. Their lightsabers struck with so much power it filled the room. Lots of other younglings, and potential padawans were stopping to watch. I, personally, watched Siri in particularly. Her long blond hair flowed like the golden grass on my home planet in the sweet smelling breeze that came off the lake around my house. She moved with such grace and lithe she reminded me of Nexu. Her slim body easily hinted at the raw power she contained. No wonder Obi-Wan liked her. She was perfect for him. She could easily match him.

Whereas I couldn't.

I was nearly the complete opposite of her. I had short dark brown hair. Though I worked just as hard, sometimes harder, than anyone ever had to work, I didn't move with the grace that she did. My little girl fat still clung to my body, refusing to shed. But most of all, Siri was a normal youngling. She was never thrown into the future at random times. She was never called "spacey" or made fun of because she didn't have the curse that I was forced bear.

"Mari! Hello?" My partner yelled. "Why did I have to get stuck with Ms. Out-of-It?"

That grabbed my attention. I snapped back to him. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing. Can we please just practice?"

"No. I heard what you said! You have no idea what I have to go through!"

"You know, all of us are getting kind of sick of this. Even the Jedi Masters are unsure what to do with you."

My jaw snapped together. Overwhelming anger and frustration sent adrenaline pulsing through my veins.

And I gave into it.

My lightsaber was out and striking against his with ferocity that I didn't even know I had. I stopping thinking and let my body do what it knew to do. I pushed him back rapidly until her was pressed against the wall, his lightsaber barely able to keep mind from taking his life. I heard him begging for me to stop. I think there was someone calling for help too. But none of it was registering.

It wasn't until my lightsaber was being torn from my grasp did the blind rage fall away and the rushing in my ears fall away. I stood in the center of the herd, gasping for air. Slowly I looked around, becoming very aware of everyone around me, staring at me, judging me.

Like always.

I glanced at Obi-Wan, Siri unnaturally close at his side. He wasn't judging me. He wasn't even looking at me. He was looking down. I could sense his disappointment. That killed me even more than anything else; even more than the cruel whispers whirling around me.

I looked down at my dueling partner who'd slumped down to the floor, catching his breath. His drained face was covered in sweat. I knew that it shouldn't have but his trembling, terrified figure gave me a great deal of satisfaction.

"I'm –I'm so sorry…I –I didn't mean…to…" But my apology fell on deaf ears.

"What is wrong with you?" He wasn't listening. He didn't care.

I shook my head. Why did this always happen to me?

"Move out of the way!"

I looked in horror as a group of Jedi Masters pushed their way through the younglings.

I panicked.

I turned and ran the other way, using the Force to persuade people out of the way.