Blaine frowned as he watched Kurt check his phone for the twentieth time since they sat down to watch the movie – his fingers were thrumming against the arm of the couch, setting up a quick, stressful rhythm, which his leg soon followed.
"I'm sorry, did I do something to upset you, Kurt?" Blaine sighed, flicking the remote and pausing the film.
"What? No, of course not… why would you…?"
"You've been acting kind of pissed since you got here. I mean, I know you wanted to go see that play, but…"
"It's not that, Blaine…" Kurt smiled, but it didn't really reach his eyes.
"What is it then?"
"It's my dad…" he sighed "I'm just worried. He was having some chest pains this morning, so I drove him to the hospital… I was going to call you and cancel today, but he wouldn't let me stay there."
"Oh…"
"I mean, he's not alone, Carole's there, but I still don't feel comfortable about it, you know…"
"Of course…" Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. God, he hated this! Whenever Burt's heart came into the conversation, or Kurt's mom… he just didn't know what to do, or what to say that could make the situation better. He just couldn't stand seeing Kurt like this and not knowing how to make him feel better. He eyed Kurt's hand, still in his as his fingers ran careful patterns on the smooth palm, and took it quickly to his lips before sighing. "Kurt, I gotta be honest here… I have no idea what to say or do when these things come up. I just… I wanna help, and I want to make you feel better, but I just don't know… how."
Kurt eyed Blaine, his smile finally reaching his eyes as he spoke softly "Blaine… You don't have to do anything. Just… be here. Hold my hand… talk to me… just be here."
"Ok…"
"And don't ask me if burying Pavarotti reminds me of my dead mother…" he added with a soft chuckle.
Blaine felt his cheeks burn and hung his head with an embarrassed smile "Sorry…"
Kurt continued to laugh quietly as he scooted closer to Blaine, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his cheek against Blaine's chest, tucking himself tight in Blaine's embrace, which Blaine was quick to tighten "Just be here."
xXxXx
"Alright, thanks Carole, yeah, I'll be there tomorrow morning." Kurt held the phone between his shoulder and his year as packed an extra pair of socks "No, no. Blaine's staying here with the kids. It's just me."
Blaine bit his lip at that, trying to hold back the protest he wanted to voice. Carole had called that morning with the news that Burt was in the hospital and that they were still running tests but it had probably been another heart attack and that he was stable, but it was serious. In five minutes Blaine had turned on the computer and they were checking for flights.
But Alice and Thomas still had a few days left of school, including tests, so Kurt had insisted that Blaine stay behind with the kids, and then, if need be, he'd fly down when school was out.
The month before, when they'd gone for a quick visit on their way up from a weekend in L.A., Kurt had been worried about how tired Burt had looked. He played with the kids, but anyone could see how hard he found it to keep up. He'd called Carole afterwards and asked her if he should move back to Ohio for a while but that very same day they got a call from a very stern Burt saying that he would have none of this "moving back business to take care of the old man!"
But now Blaine could see the regret and self-hatred in Kurt's eyes as he moved frantically around their room packing their biggest suitcase. "I should've just…"
"Kurt…" Blaine sighed reaching out from where he was sitting at their bedroom desk and grabbing his hand "Come here…"
Kurt let himself be steered onto Blaine's lap "You shouldn't've done anything that you didn't do." Blaine said firmly, yet soft "There was nothing you could've done to prevent this, Kurt…"
"I could've been there making him eat right!"
"Which Carole was already doing. Listen, you'll go now, ok? and you'll stay there for as long as necessary, and whenever I can, I'll go meet you guys. But you gotta stop blaming yourself. This is not your fault! It's no one's fault."
"I bet he's been burying himself under stress…"
"I doubt it." Blaine rubbed his hands across Kurt's back "Finn said he'd been resting plenty since his retirement."
"Well!... what was it then, Blaine, huh?" Kurt snapped, fresh tears starting to burn his eyes "What made his heart stop again, Blaine?"
"Honey, it was a-"
"Don't say it was age!" Kurt jumped to his feet stepping as far away from Blaine as possible, stopping only as his back was pressed against the wall, wrapping his arms around his middle "Don't you dare say it was age!"
"But… Kurt, it was…"
"No!" Kurt nearly screamed "No, it's not age! Because if it's age then there's nothing I can do about it, and he'll just… No! It's not age, Blaine… it's not!"
Blaine stared at Kurt all words disappearing from his tongue. There was nothing he could say. There was nothing to say. Nothing that could make Kurt stop crying. Nothing that could make him less scared. Nothing that could make Blaine feel like he was helping.
Blaine swallowed the lump in his own throat and walked up to Kurt wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly. "It's not age…" Kurt mumbled, his face buried in Blaine's neck "It's not…"
"Ok, baby, ok…" Blaine nodded softly.
After a few moments, when Kurt's sobs had subsided Blaine finally pulled away. With a careful hand under his chin he made Kurt look up to meet his eyes, moving his hand to cup his cheek, wiping the tears off that flawless skin. With a soft smile he kissed him and muttered "Come on, finish up your bag, we need to get you to the airport pretty soon.
xXxXx
"Alice, finish your breakfast!" Blaine warned her sternly.
"But I don't wanna!" she whined loudly – her piercing blue eyes fierce and determined.
"But I wanna!" he snapped back. He was not in the mood for this kind of nonsense. He moved around the kitchen in quick, harsh movements, practically throwing dishes into the sink and kicking the fridge door closed. "I'm serious, dammit!" he groaned as he noticed she had barely moved "Eat your breakfast or help me god you will go to school and starve until lunch!"
"Fine!"
"Fi-" Blaine was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He picked it up at once "Kurt?"
"Blaine…?" Kurt's voice was so small, so broken. Blaine felt his throat tighten at once, hurrying to close himself in their bedroom.
"I'm here…"
"He's so small…" Kurt whispered, as if speaking aloud would make it worse "He looks so old! So… fragile… Blaine…. Blaine!" Kurt's voice broke and all that Blaine could hear now were harsh sobs.
"Oh, Kurt…!" he sighed, letting his back slide against the door as he sat on the floor, waiting until Kurt could speak again.
"I'm… I… This is n-not my dad, Blaine. It's… it's not! M-my dad is b-big and stro-ong. Not this… not this o-old m-man who l-ooks… oh my god, Blaine… he looks l-like he's d-d-dying!"
"Was he awake when you got there?"
"Y-yes… I'm n-not sure how I managed t-to keep myself f-from cry-i-ing. I just… C-carole came back, j-just n-now and I e-excused myself to-to use the bathro-oom and the mo-ment I t-turned around I w-was s-sobbing and I f-found an e-empty ro-oom to c-call you."
"What did the doctors say, do you know?" Blaine asked quickly, trying not give his voice enough room to shake or break.
"Pretty m-much the s-same as l-last night." Blaine could almost see Kurt's miserable shrug "he's stable, but th-they s-say he b-barely made it."
"What does that mean, though?"
"It… means… it means that… his h-eart… it's… it's pretty much do-done for."
"Oh… are they… are they giving him a transplant…? Or…?"
"They got him o-on the list, but… he's too old… He'll n-never get a heart at th-this age." And just like that Kurt was sobbing uncontrollably again.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt, I'm so sorry!" Blaine gasped, trying to sniff back his own tears "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry…" He heard the shuffling of plates outside and Alice and Thomas' voices and he couldn't bear even just opening the door and facing them like this "Kurt… Do you want me… do you want us… to fly down?"
"N-NO!" Kurt was practically panting now "Th-they c-can't see him l-like this!"
"Kurt… they're eight, they can handle it better than you think."
"No… I d-don't want them to see this." Kurt sounded like he was trying to gather himself and Blaine could hear water running "And me… I don't want them to see me like this."
"But… honey, I don't want you to be alone… I need to be there for you."
"You are…" Kurt sighed "And I'm not alone, I've got Carole and Finn… I'm fine. I am. Stay there with the kids, Blaine."
xXxXx
Blaine stared ahead in the darkness of their bedroom, the silence completely overwhelming. He had gotten so used to Kurt breathing right next to him that its absence only made everything seem scarier. It's not as if they didn't spend nights apart ever – they did, every once in a while Kurt would have an audition in LA, or Blaine would be on tour promoting his new book, or giving week long lectures as a guest at universities. But this was the first time it was forced, and excruciating. Blaine would give anything to have Kurt back in their bed, where he could wrap himself around him, and keep him warm, because how was Kurt keeping warm alone in his old bed? Who would he cling to if he had the overwhelming urge to just bury his face in someone and cry? Who would kiss him over and over again and tell him he loved him and that he'd be alright eventually? Who would he talk to about his fears and his worries? Who would be there in the morning when he woke up so he wouldn't feel so completely alone and lost?
He wiped his tears away and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, urging them to stop, with a deep sigh. "Dammit…" he muttered, flicking his light on and getting up. He picked up his empty glass and his cell phone and went quietly to the kitchen, filling it with milk and putting it in the microwave. As he waited for the milk he turned the TV on and put it in mute – the last thing he needed was for the kids to wake up, and debated whether he should call Kurt, or send him a text. He watched as Arnold Schwarzenegger ran naked across a parking lot. The microwave beeped quietly and he grabbed the glass, taking it with him to the couch. He sipped his milk quietly as he paid just enough attention that his eyes remained dry, and his throat perfectly able.
After a while he heard his cell vibrating against the kitchen counter. He nearly toppled off his glass in his haste to pick it up.
"Kurt?"
"I need you…"
"What?"
"I need you here, Blaine." There was a long pause before Kurt's voice spoke again "Carole… is at the h-hospital, and I-I'm all alone… and t-this house… it's so empty… j-just… i-it's not h-home witho-out someone." There was long drawn out sigh "I need you."
"Ok…"
"Just… ask Ms. Jensen if Alice can take her test so-some other time, or if m-maybe she could just e-mail her s-something else. Get the kids and come h-hold me, p-please."
"Ok, ok… ok."