For Love or Vice
The Profligacy of ninja life
By the Brass Dragon
Chapter 1; Evidence of Degeneracy
Humming lightly, totally content with the rest of the world, Kakashi sat beneath a young gingko tree; eyes glued to the pages before him. The cover, outlandishly garish against the fall scenery, proclaimed his distraction to the world. The very picture of the man itself could be (and to one industrious author was) fabulous advertisement. The by-line would scream: Look! Its lovely, and naughty, and perhaps morally apprehensible…but he's doing it! And in public no less. Whatever is keeping you from indulging in the privacy of your own home?
Truth be told, the sight of the jounin so pleased with said book had significantly upped the fan base.
Naruto scowled, lips pursed and starred down the path at the supine figure that was Kakashi-sensei.
"Naruto?" Sakura queried as she made her way to the boy. "What is it?"
"Kakashi-sensei…" He all but growled.
Sea green eyes scanned the landscape, before latching onto the silvery head. "Yeah?" She drawled. "What about him?"
"That book…" He muttered.
"Yeah?"
"Don't you ever wonder? About those books?"
"Ehh?"
Iruka was tossing pieces of slightly stale bread to a small flock of world weary pigeons. He was leaning comfortably against a rock wall and waiting for his dinner companion; whom he heard long before he saw.
"I'm serious! Maybe they're code or something!"
"No way Naruto! They're smut, and he's a dirty pervert."
"Comm'on Sakura-chan!"
"You are so full of it." She muttered pushing hair off of her face. "Hey sensei." She greeted with a little wave.
"Sakura-chan." He said with a smile. "How did the mission go?"
Naruto snorted. "Turns out Sasuke's allergic to really old dust."
"Naruto!" Sakura scolded.
"What?" I didn't say anything bad. I didn't even call him snot face again."
"You just did." She ground out, little fists balled up in anger.
"Eh…heh heh." To his credit he did look mildly chagrinned. "Oops?"
Iruka's hand threaded through spiky yellow strands, and rumpled affectionately. "Sakura-chan, would you like to join us for dinner? My treat."
She seemed slightly taken aback, but grinned. "Yeah. Thanks sensei."
"Not a problem." He said with genuine pleasure, resting a hand on each of their shoulders and gently steering the in the direction of the restaurant.
"Iruka-sensei? Isn't the ramen…Iruka-sensei?"
Sakura sighed happily and sipped at her tea. The restaurant was quiet, dim and smelled deliciously like ginger and grilling beef. "I've never eaten here before." She commented looking up at Iruka. "Do you come here a lot?"
He smiled, slowly turning his cup on the table. "Every so often. One of my students this term, her family owns the place. She shares her lunch form time to time to remind me that there's more to life than just ramen."
Grinning she shook her head. "Don't let Naruto hear you say that."
Iruka laughed softly nodding and Sakura was suddenly swallowing back a wave of nostalgia. She could remember sharing a few lunches with him at the academy, and giggling with the other girls as he demonstrated proper form and various taijutsu moves. Sighting wistfully she poured them both more tea.
"Eh? The food isn't here yet?" Naruto asked, sliding onto the short bench and pouting. "I can't believe ramen wasn't anywhere on the menu." He muttered, glaring in the kitchens general direction.
Sakura shot Iruka an inquisitive look, brow arched as if to ask; "What'd I tell you?"
The next morning was pleasantly warm, and Kakashi took his time wandering in a roundabout route to the appointed training field. Patting his weapons pouch he grinned blissfully. Today was going to be a good day.
He came to the clearing to find Naruto trying to juggle the dull practice shuriken and Sakura yelling out helpful encouragement. Sasuke was Brooding Morosely Ô beneath a tree, periodically swiping at his nose with a rumpled tissue.
As he crossed his arms and stepped into view Sakura stood looking at him expectantly, Naruto quickly leapt out of range of multiple falling shuriken, and Sasuke glared halfheartedly before sneezing wetly.
Failing to suppress the 'icky' face, he turned to the two with significantly less snot. "Have you been practicing?"
Sakura grinned and nodded while Naruto frowned, crossing his arms petulantly. "Ah. Well." Letting his hand rest on Sakura's head he grinned. "As I expected." The girl was trying very hard not to preen happily, and Kakashi chuckled patting at her pink hair much like he would one of his dogs. "Sakura-chan, your mission today…is to throw things at Naruto." The blond groaned softly and tried very hard not to watch Sakura bounce gleefully.
"You don't have to be so happy about it." He mumbled.
"Whad aboud be?"
Kakashi stilled, blinking, before turning to look down at Sasuke. "What?"
"Die said, whad aboud be?" The congested little snot faucet demanded.
Naruto giggled into his hands as Kakashi scratched the back of his head.
"Oh!" Sakura gasped, turning to dash towards her bag, and routing inside it frantically. She withdrew a dark wrapped package and offered it triumphantly to the stuffy boy.
"Whad id it?" He asked, making no move to take it.
Her smile dimmed a bit, but she pushed it into his hands. "I told Iruka-sensei about our mission yesterday, and he gave me some tea to give to you. He said you'd had it before, he said to tell you that drinking it in a hot bath will clear your congestion faster." She flushed delicately and took a deep breath, waiting for his reaction.
Sasuke's hands clenched around the tea, as if Sakura would try to take it back. Nodding he turned and walked away.
They watched him amble over the trail. "Okay." Kakashi breathed, relieved that he wouldn't have to listen to him sniffle for the next hour or two. "Naruto, gather some rocks and things for Sakura to heave at you." He hopped onto a wide tree limb and fumbled behind his back for his book. "Remember, focus your chakra and push out to deflect. Think of air jets in a hot tub." Wiggling he made himself comfortable, and flipped to a marked page.
When he didn't hear his students moving to begin, he looked down; and found them watching him curiously. "Uh. What?"
"Soo. You're just going to read then?" Naruto drawled questioningly.
"Yes. Is that a problem?" Kakashi demanded, wondering what had gotten into them.
"Of course not." Sakura soothed, waving a hand while Naruto shook his head reassuringly.
A tingling rush called suspicion trilled up the jounin's spine, and he rolled abruptly out of the tree and landed in a crouch; face to face with the traitors disguised as two thirds of his team.
"Of course not." He repeated, thoughtful.
"No, of course not. But you're almost done with that one." Sakura pointed out with a smile.
Kakashi lifted his hand, and noted that yes; the spot his finger held was very close to the end of the back cover. Turning his one eye back to the pair he pointedly raised one brow.
"Yeah." Naruto agreed with a frown. "Is the next one out? Do you have it at home?"
"Yes, I got a bit behind. There were a few missions the last couple of weeks and…" Shaking his head sharply he shut the book and carefully put it away. That done he crossed his arms and stared down at the soon to be discovered doppelgangers. "What the hell is going on?"
Iruka was pushing papers at the mission desk…literally. He slowly and carefully shoved a sheaf of papers in front of Kotetsu, who would slowly and carefully push them back. Frowning he blew a loose clump of hair out of his face; this was going to take decisive action.
Shoving the papers swiftly over he stood and smiled politely, "Oh Kotetsu-san, you're the one taking care of the daimyo's lovely niece today? Have those missives arrived yet?" The 'lovely' woman perked up from her seat in the back of the large room, where she had taken up residence for the past six days.
Kotetsu froze and turned wide frantic eyes up to the teacher. "Irukaaa." He pleaded quietly.
Iruka gave him a sympathetic look, and leaned down to speak quietly. "I've been dealing with a classroom full of snot nosed allergy ridden eight year olds. A few of them which have inexplicable rashes…you are not pawning this off on me."
Tense hands clenched the much abused papers, and the man indulged in a whimper, but bravely suppressed the pout.
Iruka softened a bit and placed a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder. "I'll buy you lunch tomorrow." Kotetsu grumbled a bit but nodded before rising and walking around the desk.
Grinning Iruka rearranged some scrolls, and bit his lip to keep from chuckling. "That was cold sensei."
Freezing guiltily, he sheepishly glanced upwards. "Ah, what's that Genma-san?"
Teeth clinking on the senbon, Genma gestured with his chin. The daimyo's whip thin, narrow faced niece was whispering fiercely and jabbing a long spindly finger at the papering in Kotetsu's hands.
Sighing, Iruka rose. "I should go over there."
"Nah." Genma said grinning. "He's the one who wanted to work the desk. Let him handle it. It'll help."
"Help?" A scarred nose wrinkled curiously. "Help how?"
"You know…" Genma made a swirling all encompassing gesture with one hand. "To grow."
"Grow?" Iruka was beginning to get a sneaking suspicion that Genma had no idea what he was talking about.
"Uh-huh." He nodded, tongue-ing the needle. "You know…emotionally."
Biting his lip, Iruka nodded, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. "Of course. I'd never presume to stand in the way of something as important as emotional growth."
Genma grinned, and hopped up to perch on the table. Iruka frowned but kept quiet. When one hand reached for the assignment roster, the sensei swiftly smacked it away with the backs of his fingers. "Ow." Genma pouted, senbon tilting down in exaggerated hurt.
"Iruka-sensei."
"Asuma-san. How can I help you?"
The man stepped the rest of the way to the desk and leaned heavily. He slid a bundle of wrinkled, mud splattered papers across the surface and Iruka immediately began flipping through, checking for pertinent information. Asuma remained tense, leaning over the desk and watching the academy teacher closely.
When the last page was reached, and the small stamp of approval stamped, he seemed to relax. Iruka sorted through a pile of scrolls until he found the correct one, and made a note of the completed assignment. Writing in his careful precise hand, he didn't look up as he spoke; "Just how much did you pay Shikamaru-kun to write your report for you?"
The larger man jerked in surprise, and Genma was fairly certain he heard a guilty 'eep' escape his mouth. "Enough." He grumbled, scratching his chin in reproach. "Eh. Sorry?" His hand migrated up his jaw as he fought the urge to grovel.
Iruka's wide brown eyes studied him, and his back stiffened as he waited for that disappointed little sigh-and-head-shake-combo. But instead he got a chuckle and a wave of one tanned hand. "You're sorry? Don't be, I'm just happy that this thing is legible. And you're the one who paid. I think you got the raw end of the deal on this one." He grinned conspiratorially, "Shikamaru-kun tends to overestimate the worth of his services."
Asuma sighed heavily and leaned a hip against the desk. "Tell me about it." He groaned.
Genma was sniggering when Kakashi came in. Tuning out Asuma and Iruka's conversation, he watched him look around the room searching for something, and then watched him walk purposefully towards the desk.
"Hey." He said in way of greeting the copy-nin as he approached the table, and was subsequently ignored as the man lightly placed his hands on the desktop and leaned towards Iruka. Genma and Asuma shared an inquisitive look over Kakashi's back.
"Kakashi-sensei?" The chunin asked leaning back slightly.
"You told my team I was to busy to get laid?" He demanded, his one visible eye narrowed slightly.
"Eh?!" Iruka countered eloquently, clearly confused. "What are you talking about?"
Kakashi slumped and heaved a world weary sigh. "Just what did you tell Sakura and Naruto last night that made them so interested in my personal life?"
Iruka's nose wrinkled and he groaned. "I should have known better than to try to explain something like that to Naruto." Dropping his head into his hands to hide his embarrassment, he wondered how best to explain the situation. "Naruto was speculating over the possibility that your books were…something more."
"What? More what?" Kakashi asked.
"Well, like in code or something."
"Code." Genma scoffed, swallowing back the urge to laugh.
"Sakura was proclaiming that you were nothing more than a pervert, and getting forceful about it. And…well…"
Naruto, as per normal, had shoved his food down his throat in truly a fantastic example of ninja swiftness. "No really. Just hear me out!"
Sakura sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, as if to ward of an oncoming headache. "I've heard you out, and I still say you're grasping. He's a filthy pervert!"
Iruka winced at the volume, casting his eye around the nearly vacant restaurant, but kept quiet and looked to Naruto for his retort.
"Nuh-uh. I bet they have tons of jutsus and survival tactics and stuff. But people only ever see the dirty bits. Oo! I bet it's a genjutsu!"
"Naruto! He's just a dirty lecher!"
Crossing his arms, the boy narrowed his eyes and glared. "Yeah, sure. Way to see underneath the underneath there Sakura-chan."
"What?!"
"Now, now." Iruka soothed, gaining their attention. "Stop this. There's a perfectly good reason why your sensei reads those books." He knew he had them now. Sakura wanted desperately to find some redeeming quality in Kakashi, to prove that putting up with the chronically late genius wasn't in vain. Naruto wanted desperately to be right.
"Vice?" Asuma asked tilting his head like a curious puppy.
"Yes." Iruka confirmed. "I told them that ninja, especially ninja as skilled as jounin, had numerous vices."
"You've seen what skilled ninja have to accomplish, what they go through when they leave on missions, right?" Both nodded, sitting side by side on a rickety looking park bench. "You both have your little idiosyncrasies too. These will grow and change as you get older, and you'll find that there are certain things that you like to indulge in. and whether these things are splurging on numerous bowls of ramen, or reading material that is illegal to sell to those under the age of 18, that's your prerogative."
Sakura looked thoughtful. "Soo, Tsunade-sama's gambling is her vice?"
Iruka nodded. "Yes, that is a good example."
"But isn't that bad?" Naruto asked looking confused. "She gets into trouble and dept and stuff."
"Ah, well." Scratching his nose, he sighed. "Vices aren't always the best for you, or the most healthy. But we're ninja, and the more skilled a ninja you are, or the higher rank you become the more your life is put into danger on even a daily basis. Shinobi have a heightened sense of mortality, and may indulge in harmful vices simply because they bring them so much joy. Maybe…maybe they figure that they're not going to live all that long anyway and they would rather do the things that they desire to do."
Sakura tapped her chin idly, "So Kakashi-sensei reads those pervy books because he actually enjoys them?"
Iruka flushed a bit. "Ah. More than likely. You have to remember that Kakashi-sensei is, and always has been a very busy man." Struggling around the point that he wanted to make, he flushed even more deeply. "I have to imagine that he tends to live a bit vicariously through fiction. Maybe finding situations in his books that he would like to actually physically indulge in, but has never had the time."
Two sets of eyes blinked up at him and Iruka mentally groaned.
"Well." Sakura breathed. "I suppose reading is better then the alternative." She shuddered a bit at the thought of Kakashi being outwardly lecherous.
Iruka crossed his arms. "You have to admit, those books portray a certain stereotype. You'd never imagine that someone who lazed around engrossed in them would be so talented."
"Yeah." Naruto agreed grudgingly, still disappointed that the garish covers didn't contain secrets of the trade.
All three jounin blinked down at a flushed Iruka.
"Huh." Genma breathed. "I guess I never really thought about it."
"When you do it's all fairly obvious. Kakashi-sensei has his books, Asuma-sensei his cigarettes, Raido-san his…OCD. Genma-san…well, we all know what Genma-san does." Iruka finished with a slight huff, as Genma leered around his needle. "The Godaime-sama has her gambling and such, Shizune-san keeps after Godaime-sama. Jiraiya-sama has his women and Sandaime-sama had his little voyeuristic tendencies." It was said so matter of fact-ly that everyone nodded in agreement before catching the last bit of information.
"Um. What?" Kakashi asked somewhat uneasily.
"Voyeuristic…" Asuma drawled, looking pale as he fiddled with an unlit cigarette.
Iruka gave them an innocent little nod, and then caught sight of Genma's leer. "Oh. No no no. Not like that. I mean not most of the time. Maybe a bit while he was teaching the sannin, but I mean in a more 'let's check and make sure everyone's safe' kind of way." He assured with much hand waving.
The three exchanged a long look before nodding and making general noises of agreement, hoping to placate the flustered man. "So. What do you do?" Kakashi pondered out loud.
"Eh?" Iruka blustered and pointedly riffling through some nearby scrolls. "I'm not…I mean, that's…"
"Ruka-kun throws things." Kotetsu informed plainly, coming back to sit behind the table looking slightly bedraggled.
"He throws things? Like what kind of things?" Genma demanded, looking back and forth between a pinkening Iruka and a tired looking Kotetsu.
"Whatever." Kotetsu replied shrugging with one shoulder. "He's much like a petulant woman in that sen…" He cut off abruptly when a pen rebounded off the side of his head. "See? Ow."
They starred at the normally socially conscious, and well behaved sensei as he picked up the pen and twirled it between his fingers. He cleared his throat as Kotetsu ran soothing fingers through spiky hair. "If you'll excuse me," he began reaching for the overflowing stack of files, and carefully escaping.
Genma managed to hold his laughter until he'd gotten out the door. Kotetsu smiled, tucking a folder into a file box. "He's got spectacular aim. They won't let him pitch in the academy softball games anymore because his handicap got so high. It must be handy, having all those moving targets to hurl erasers at all day. I guess it would put ones skills to the test."
Kakashi rubbed his masked mouth and Asuma chuckled softly. "You'd better watch it," Kotetsu warned "now that you know about it you're all fair game." Genma seemed to find this hilarious and was doubled over, nearly toppling from his perch on the table's edge.
AN: I've no beta, not that I've requested or looked for one. Any mistakes or typos are my own and are in want of correction. If they bother you, tell me and I'll fix them. Hope you enjoyed it.