And They Wonder Why I'm Crazy
An Osmosis Jones Fan Fiction, By Alica Tylon
Disclaimer: I do not own Tom Colonic, Thrax, osmosis etc etc. they belong to Warner brothers. I also do not own Ecta Plasm. She belongs to my fantablulous friend Airelle Vilka and is used with permission. Schitza is mine. MINE I SAY! MIIIIINE! Post movie btw
Dedication (in no particular order): hmm, Laurence Fishburne (I know I know its spelt wrong.) for giving Thrax a dead sexy voice, Vilka for getting me hooked and being such a good sport about letting my char get involved with Thrax. Christi for supporting me in this, E.C.M. for writing the first ff.net osmosis fics so I know where they go, and cross for being…. Um…. Err…herself. And not hurting thrax..
Part 1: The Assignment
A phone rang shrilly in the darkened office. There was a mutter, a groan, and a *clunk* as a figure ambled towards the desk in the darkness. A monochromatic hand reached out and grabbed the receiver.
"Subconscious, Ms. Phrenia speaking" the figure said in obvious annoyance.
"Hello, Ms. Phrenia. This is Mayor Colonic." the other end of the line spoke/ Ms. Phrenia muttered something and then adopted a more pleasant tone.
"Oh, Hello Mr. Colonic! How are you today?" She chirped.
"I'm fine, Ms. Phrenia. But that's not why I called. I need you to retrieve something for Me." the voice on the end coolly replied.
"But don't you have your assistant for this kind of job?" the woman queried.
"First of all, she's ill. Second, I wouldn't trust her with this. I need you to go to the lymph nodes and acquire item #20818123. I want to examine it"
This was typical behavior for the mayor - he had a habit of analyzing items of cultural and historical significance to Frank. Publicly, he stated that these examinations were preformed so that he could get a better idea of how to run frank. Schitza simply thought it was an excuse to look at some very interesting artifacts.
"Ok, fine. It'll be there ASAP" she stated with a tone of mock enthusiasm.
"Great! And if you get it here quick enough, maybe you'll get that raise. The papers are waiting at the front desk. Get going." The caller then hung up after this rather curt reply. Schitza growled in annoyance. She knew she was not getting a raise any time soon. This was because she was a carryover from the Phlemming Administration. The only reason she was not fired was her job. She was Head of the Subconscious Department. And no one ever comes within 10 feet of the Subconscious Department door. Thus, allowing Schitza to keep the job was fine. It prevented someone else from suffering its utter horror.
The job itself was easy. All she had to do was make sure all the projectors were in working shape, the screens intact, and occasionally create a new dream. Quite easy, in actuality. Only once did she have to replace a screen, a few months ago. It had melted. At the time, Schitza had simply marked it up to the extremely high temperatures for that day. She then got up and started to prepare for the trip.
It should be noted at this time that Schitza was not really a normal cell, like Colonic and the others. In fact, she was a disease. Somewhat similar to a virus in nature, she was built like one. She was tall, slender and had a thick coating as opposed to a membrane. This coating was gray in coloration - the exact shade of gray all brain-cells were, to be precise. Her shiny but rather stiff hair was raven black. It was typically up for work purposes, but once she was off the clock she let it down. And even that was rare.
However, Schitza wasn't exactly keen on being as a virus by the public, so she had the ability to change forms and resemble a normal brain-cell. The grey coating became soft and transparent, like a cell's membrane. Her facial features softened, and her eyes went from bright maroon, to a dull black. The disorder also lost a few inches to her height, but it didn't matter. She then set the projectors on autopilot, pulled on her lab coat, and left the Subconscious Department.
Ms. Phrenia walked quickly down one of the many hallways of the brain. Eventually, she took the elevator down and approached the front desk, smirking slightly as other cells backed and ran out of her way. They had heard things, rumors that she was a virus, or that she was utterly insane, or other such nonsense. Schitza Phrenia looked at the receptionist quickly.
"Here you are, Ms. Phrenia. Have a nice day!" said the rose colored receptionist in an extremely cheery manner. Schitza felt utterly ill. She took the papers quickly, and the virus then made her way down to the garage. She smiled as she entered her car. It was a large, clack vehicle in the shape of a modern day hummer. It was far from a new car, But it had served her for four years, and it would continue to for many years to come.
The disease quickly make her way out of the brain before heading down the jugular vein to the lower chest cavity. She then pulled onto a side capillary and eventually parked in front of the lymph node. She looked rather nervous as she shut her door and then proceeded to stroll tensely into the building.
A/n:
not terrible I hope? It's my first osmosis fic, and this is only the first part. Part two is completer and has to be typed. Part 3 is still in the script process. This fic never had a title till I decided to post it - but I think the title will fit. Please leave a review if you have the time. Thank you.