Warnings: Rape, abuse. Although, why would you be reading harmoniashipping otherwise

N could have considered his childhood okay. It wasn't great, but-it wasn't bad. He didn't get to leave his bedroom a lot, but that was okay too. It was never lonely because he had pokemon there to keep him company. Everything had always just been okay.

When he grew older, he was told he would get to go outside, he would get to finally see what the world was like. Any normal person would have been beside themselves with excitement, and N was no exception. Because he was normal. He was just a normal person. It was normal for children to be locked up in their rooms for most of their lives, it was normal for them not to see their parent for a long period of time, it was normal for them, when they did get to see their parent, for them to be hit when they did something wrong. That was called discipline, right? His father really did love him, didn't he? N liked thinking he did. It was better thinking he did. Even when he would keep to himself, when he would stay out of trouble, it was like Ghetsis searched for the tiniest reason to discipline him.

N was too lazy. N's room was dirty. N wasn't taking good care of his pokemon. N was too short. Every reason, every stupid, even bordering on insane, reason, N had heard it. But, that was always his father's excuse, that N was bad. He was a bad little boy, and he deserved to be hit.

Other children were punished when they were bad too. It wasn't like there was anything wrong with it. N could be so selfish sometimes, he couldn't stand himself. What was so bad about it? Sometimes he would cry, huddled into a little corner of his room, hugging onto a Frillish, a Zorua, or a Purrloin. He had friends, he had a big room filled with toys, he was well-fed, and he had a daddy who loved him. Wasn't that enough? It could always be worse. If he cried when he was slapped until his face burned and stung, if he made the tiniest noise when he was kicked, even bitten on occasion, Ghetsis would yell at him. How could he be so fucking selfish? Look at his room, look at his pets, look at everything his daddy had given him. N was selfish for crying when he was being punished.

But, it was because he was bad. And bad little boys deserved to be slapped until their skin was red, they deserved to be bitten until it drew blood, they deserved to be choked until they couldn't breathe and thought they were going to die.

N was allowed out of his room when he turned sixteen. Not that he deserved the tiniest bit of kindness from his father, but he was so, so grateful for it. To be let out, to have the freedom to see and explore the world, what more could he have ever wanted? And that made him so selfish.

He got to pick out his own clothes. He wanted to wear a hat. There was no deep meaning behind the choice, sometimes he just didn't like seeing his cowlicks take over his head. At least with a cap on, he could hide it, he could hide his imperfections and feel a little more normal.

Nothing made him happier than walking around his castle (because he lived here too, therefore he could call it his without being selfish) with his pokemon at his heels. Ghetsis said he wasn't allowed on the outside of the castle until he got older, but to be allowed even outside his room was enough for him. For so long, his world had consisted of nothing but basketballs, Math books, and toy trains. Everything outside of his door felt like a completely different world.

As long as he stayed out of trouble, as long as he didn't give his father a reason to discipline him, N could have considered his life wonderful at the time.

N's life continued that way for a few more years, years of just waking up in the morning, dressing himself in clothes he always got to pick, and spending the rest of his day wandering around the castle. And they were wonderful years, they really were. He couldn't have asked for more, really. But, he found upon waking up on the day of his birthday, the day he turned nineteen, that something felt missing.

When he thought about it, he had explored every crevice in the entire castle, he had met every maid, every servant, every Team Plasma member. He had scoured every room, every opening, every little tiny thing. And when he thought about it, what was the point of doing the same thing over and over everyday? It was natural to want more, to want something new. Even if it was selfish, was N really different than any other person on the planet, just because he wanted something more?

Rising from bed, he dressed himself, never forgetting to put his cap on, before he left his room to search for his father. It didn't take long to find his father in his study, bending over papers and scribbling down something N didn't know, nor care about. Walking closer, he held his breath, going over and over again in his head how exactly he would ask his father if he could go outside for his birthday. Why couldn't it have just been that simple?

"Ghetsis?" If he just dove in, maybe that would be better. Ghetsis always did get annoyed with him when he stuttered or couldn't find the words to say. But, N couldn't help it. Talking with his father had always been the hardest thing in the world to do. When confronted, N would shut down, until he couldn't think or talk.

To N's surprised, Ghetsis answered immediately. "What do you want? I'm busy." And the annoyance wasn't hard at all to pick out from his voice.

N felt himself quake. His father was always so intimidating. And ever since he was little, he had been forced to call him by name. No longer did his father approve of him calling him 'daddy', but N hated this. It was so...he didn't even know. It felt like he wasn't talking to his parent. "C-can I ask you something?" Fuck, he was already stuttering. No, no, that would just annoy him and N couldn't afford to let that happen.

"Spit it out."

That was an order, but N felt his brain shut down where he couldn't think. He bit the blood from his lip, screaming at himself to say something, say something, you fucking idiot. Why couldn't he just talk? And so he stared at the floor, and forced it all out in an unorganized heap, his words fumbling over each other. "I-I was just-I mean-can I please-I" Fuck, he could feel his stomach churn with nerves. He was going to vomit. "Ghetsis, can I please go outside?" There. He got it out. Breathing, it didn't feel like anyone was strangling him anymore, but when Ghetsis turned his attention from his papers to his son, N felt his body grow stiff.

At first he didn't speak, and N felt like he was going to vomit all over the floor. It was weird how silence was torture, how waiting felt more awful than the answer. Then finally, Ghetsis spoke. "You want-to go outside the castle?" Like he hadn't heard him the first time.

By this point, N couldn't have talked even if he wanted to. He nodded. He couldn't pick out Ghetsis's tone through his voice and it worried him. Was he mad at him, or completely okay with it?

Then, "How bad do you want to go outside, N?"

How could N even say? He just-he couldn't put it into words. No matter what explanation ran through his mind, N couldn't speak. He stood there like an idiot, just waiting for his father to rise from his seat and hit him for not answering.

"Are you that bored with what I've already given you?"

Now he was mad, N knew it. God dammit, he couldn't do anything right. He had to soften the blow he knew would come, he had to do something, anything to avoid being hurt. "I-I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry, N. It's just your nature to be selfish."

And it never failed when his father spoke to him that N felt like the shittiest person on the planet. If he was guilting him out of doing this, it was working. N just nodded, already knowing the answer was no. "I'm sorry. You're right. I'm being selfish. I'm sorry."

N wanted to turn and leave, he wanted to rewind time and stop himself from ever doing something so stupid. He should've known Ghetsis would say no, but N was too selfish and wanted to think otherwise. He really was stupid.

Before N could move, Ghetsis spoke again. "You never answered my earlier question. How bad do you want to go outside, N?"

Well, now he didn't anymore. Ghetsis had already made it clear the answer was no, why was he doing this? Was it just to make N feel even more shitty? "I..." He couldn't say.

Then Ghetsis reached out, taking hold of N's hands and running his fingers over his knuckles. N was frozen, not being able to think. "If you want to go out so bad, if life in this castle isn't everything you've wanted, even though I've worked so hard to supply you with everything you need, I think you're completely selfish for asking for more. I didn't raise you to be this way."

Still, he moved his thumb over N's palm until N felt like he would vomit again. "I'm sorry, Ghetsis. I promise, I won't ask again."

"That wouldn't change the fact you still want this, that you would continue to be selfish. What if I locked you back up in your room? Is that what you want?"

"No." He was terrified, shaking, not being able to move even when every little voice in his brain screamed at him something bad was going to happen and he needed to save himself.

"So why the fuck do you want more?"

Tears rose in his eyes, then fell. And he couldn't help it. He was a fucking baby for crying in front of his father, but he couldn't help it. "I-I don't know, Daddy." And fuck.

Ghetsis rose, his grip on N's hand turning harsh as his nails dug into him, causing N to wince. "You know not to call me that, N. Only babies use stupid titles like 'daddy'. Call me Ghetsis."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ghetsis! I'm sorry!" N could hear the hysteria in his own voice, shaking from the pain in his wrist from where his father was digging into him. Why wouldn't he just let go so N could leave and forget this happened?

When Ghetsis moved into his face, N swore his heart stopped beating for a second. "You aren't sorry. You're too selfish to be really sorry, N. I've given you everything you could ever want, yet you spit on it. You only want more. If you want it so bad, if you really want to see the outside world so bad that you would come to me and ask me, knowing how selfish it is, why don't I just give it to you?"

N was scared, he was scared! Ghetsis was too close to him, his entire body was almost up against his, and N couldn't breathe. Before he could answer to say he was sorry, even though it was hopeless, because apologies meant nothing, Ghetsis moved to his face and kissed him.

N didn't think when he moved, he didn't think what would happen when he pushed his father away, when he screamed, "NO!" as loud as he could, but that was a mistake. It was a horrible mistake. Because Ghetsis began pulling at his hair, tearing his hat off and yanking at N's roots until he was doubled over, screaming, trying to pry his father's hands from him. N begged, he screamed, he pushed him away, he did everything his body screamed at him to do. "DADDY, STOP! STOP, STOP, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

Ghetsis grabbed at his hands that were trying to fight him off, twisting N's wrist until it popped and he screamed. "YOU WANT THIS, N!" And he didn't understand! Why was Daddy doing this?! "YOU FUCKING WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE, AND YOU WANT THIS TO!"

It was because he was selfish. And because he was bad, this was discipline.

N's adrenaline ran out after Ghetsis punched him in the stomach, sending him to his knees until his moaned, tears welling up in his eyes again from the pain. Why was he doing this? He couldn't speak, he couldn't say he was sorry.

Ghetsis bent down beside him, moving some of his hair from his face, ignoring the painful moans his son made. "This is only what you deserve, N. If you want something more, there will be repercussions."

N didn't want this. He didn't understand why his daddy was doing this to him, why he wouldn't just tell him a simple no and let N go about his day. "I'm sorry." Tears fell, until his voice was shaking again. "I'm so sorry, Daddy."

Why couldn't N ever learn? No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he felt like he always ended up underneath his father, either figuratively or literally. It seemed like he could never win his affection, nor his love. That's all N really wanted. But that made him selfish, to want love. But, it was just the same thing over and over. When N was bad, he was punished. And he had been very bad today. So bad that his father kissed him, pulled his hair, rendered him a blubbering, crying mess on the floor. It was so bad that his father unbuttoned his shirt, touching him, running his hands over his bare flesh, so bad that he pulled his pants down and touched him until he was sore. But who was N to tell him no? What right did he have, especially when he had been bad? Ghetsis allowed him to cry this time. When he too undressed himself, when they were both naked on the floor, their clothes surrounding them like the aftermath of a storm, N cried when his daddy raped him. It was only punishment, right? There was nothing wrong with discipline, with being taught a lesson.

Because N had been so bad, so very bad. It hurt worse than being hit, than being burned, or bitten, or even choked. When he was pushed down to the floor, forced to stare up at his father's face as he went inside him, back and forth, back and forth, N knew it was because he loved him, and he was only trying to show him just how bad he had been, so N would learn not to do it anymore.

And when he finished, when N lay bruised and bleeding on the floor, still crying, not being able to move, Ghetsis leaned over him, kissing him again. "If you want to go outside so fucking bad, then do it. But just know how selfish you're being and how much you've hurt me."

N didn't move, because it hurt so much. All he could think of was that his father hated him, and he had been a very bad person.

End