A.N.: I've been reading and saying how much I loved a lot of MWPP/L fics (and MWPP fics), but I realized I'd never written one, so I decided to. *sigh* I don't know if it's that good...when I reread it, I began to have serious doubts as to whether this was a good idea, but I decided to post it and see what other people think. It's really important to me that I hear what others think, so please review. Even if all you say is, "I like it," or, "I hate it," at least I'd know what you think. It's not that hard! Thank you in advance!
Disclaimer: Guess what? I'm J.K. Rowling and I decided to write on fanfiction.net even though I could publish my stuff and make a lot of money. Come on people, have some common sense.
Second year James Potter leaned over to Sirius, bored to death as he waited for the Sorting to begin, and the whole school seemed to share the sentiment. People were shifting in their seats anxiously, waiting for the Headmaster, Prof. Dippet, to come and begin the Sorting. "Hey, Sirius," he whispered to his best friend, "I wish they'd hurry up! The Sorting usually happens a lot sooner! Did you hear we're going to get a new second year?"
"Really? What is she, another transfer?" Sirius asked. The previous year, ten transfers had come to the fifth year for a special program. Most of them were total spoiled brats, so Sirius wasn't terribly excited by the prospect.
"No," said James and, leaning over to Sirius, said in a whisper, "that's the interesting part. Mum, being the Minister of Magic and all, told me. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, according to Mum, but she's a girl from America, and she was expelled from the Snidget School of Witchcraft -- it's an all-girl school 'cause all of the magic schools in America are either all girl or all boy. But I guess Hogwarts agreed to take the girl even though she was expelled. It was probably Prof. Dumbledore -- Dippet would never do that kind of thing on his own decision."
"Expelled?" Sirius said. A grin was slowly forming on Sirius' face and James was sure that it was because an expelled girl would probably know some of the best pranks. "Are you serious?"
"No, you're Sirius," James repeated the old joke for what was probably the thousandth time. The two had always found it ironic that practical-joker Sirius had such a..well...serious name. James continued on, "But yes, it is true."
"Wow..." Sirius' voice trailed off, "she'll probably know a lot of jokes."
"Is that all you think about?" James said in mock-exasperation.
"No," Sirius said, "I think about plenty of other things.
"Other things being..." James prompted.
"Food...and brooms...and...hold on, there must be something else...um...I've got it, girls!"
"Okay, so you think about other things. Whatever." Their was a lapse of silence between the two, something very rare, and to fill the chasm, James added, "Too bad Remus couldn't be here to see the new girl get sorted and all."
Sirius looked thoughtful. "His family is awfully sickly, you know? He's always going because a relative is sick, or he's sick, or he has to go to somebody's funeral."
"I know what you mean, " James agreed. "God, I wish they'd hurry up with the Sorting. I've never exactly looked up to Dippet as someone who always did everything exactly on time, but he's never been THIS late before."
As though in answer to James' complaint, someone who James recognized as Dippet's secretary, Ms. Trelawney, came bustling in, looking pale in the face. She ran up to...no, she couldn't be going to him...Prof. Schlechsten, head of Slytherin house.
Prof. Schlechsten was known to hate everyone, his own house included, and only was the head of Slytherin because of the fact that he was the only Slytherin teacher in the whole school. Even his last name -- Schlechsten -- was awful; Remus, a boy remarkably gifted in languages (he spoke English, German, French, Spanish, Latin, Chinese, and Estonian) had pointed out, it meant "worst" in German.He also had been teaching their the longest of all the teachers, for fifty years -- not that this was a good thing.
Ms. Trelawney was talking busily with him, and there was a look, at first of shock and later of glee, spreading over his face. When she finished talking to him and bustled away, he slowly walked up to the front.
Without a greeting, he began. "Students. You may be curious as to why I'm up here instead of Mr. Dippet. That's a very stupid question, and therefore, Gryffindor will lose 100 points, Hufflepuff 200, Ravenclaw 300, and Slytherin 400. In case you were too stupid to even figure out how that worked, I was going in alphabetical order. It is a pity that my house is last and therefore loses the most, but c'est la vie. Don't complain." As several students rose to protest, he quickly said, "Shut up. Or else that's one hundred more points from your house." Everyone quickly shut up. "Now, I'm telling you once, and once only the reason. Listen, for the first time in your life, and you might understand it if today is a lucky day on which your brains have chosen to wake up for once. Professor Dippet is dead."
A collective gasp went through the whole great hall, and the first years who had entered looked shocked that the professor who was supposed to be their headmaster was dead. "I, being the teacher who has been here for the longest time, will be the new headmaster, as protocol would have it, until we find someone else. Which I hope will be never, because I do believe it will be most...interesting...for me to be a headmaster.
"Now, since you are all too stupid to know it, I guess I'll have to tell you that we have a new student who was expelled from her previous school, Snidget School of Witchcraft. She probably won't last any longer at Hogwarts than at Snidget, but I have to take her. Her name is Lily Evans."
There was scattered applause; girls who had been expelled generally weren't terribly popular. However, the applause suddenly increased by millions when the girl came; for how could it not when hundreds of boys suddenly added their highly enthusiastic applause (especially Sirius').
For she was beautiful. Not the typical think, beautiful smooth blond hair beautiful, but the stormy, eighteenth century romance novel beautiful. She was an amazing sight, with windswept hair billowing out behind her, fire raging in her bright green eyes, cheeks red as though she had just came from a big adventure, and a general aura of a storm moving with her wherever she went. After they got over her amazing presence, the whole school noticed, with ill-hid curiosity, the letters enchanted on her robes: "Fuck the World."
"Well, now we see why she probably got expelled from her old school," James commented, still in awe and wonder over the girl.
Apparently, the students weren't the only people who had noticed it; Prof. Schlechsten had too, and said, "Before I commence with your sorting, I'd like to ask you a question." His voice held the usual fire, bitterness, and anger but also a trace of something that hadn't been there before: genuine curiosity.
"Ah, quit with the old 'I'd like to ask you a question' talk and get on with it," Lily said, and the whole school noticed that she spoke, too, with fire, anger, and bitterness. "What are you going to ask me? Wait, let me guess: the question is, 'Why do you have Fuck the World written on your robes?'"
"100 points off your soon - to - be house for talking back to me. But yes, that's the question. Because it is awfully stupid to write something like that on your robe -- even if it is true."
Lily gave him an appraising look. "You think you can make me behave with this load of crap about house points? I could care less about house points. And my...er...enchantment on my robes is not stupid, it's very smart. It shows people who I am and that I'm not to be messed with. And I don't have to keep saying, "Fuck you," to people because I've already made the blanket statement, "Fuck the World." It's a time saver. And don't even try to enchant it off; I'm the only person that can do that. I already put a spell on it so that you couldn't. Believe me, they tried it at my old school."
An odd expression, not quite sympathy but something as close to it as Prof. Schlechsten could muster, came onto Prof. Schlechsten's face. "Girl, that is one of the best ideas I've seen in this load of stupid children. Scratch that. The best. You've got a good attitude about life. Fuck everyone, eh? Great idea. I think I'll give your house three hundred points just for that -- even if you could care less about house points. Now let's get you sorted..."
"Ah, so you've moved from your old school, I see," Lily jumped when she heard the voice. They hadn't had one of these...hats...at Snidget. How was she supposed to know that it was going to start talking to her? She fell off the stool and landed on her but in a sprawl. She heard the whole school's laughter and the hat fell off her head.
Lily was careful not to show embarrassment, or to laugh with them, or to show any emotion other than her normal angry, indifferent one. It was better that way, she knew. Emotions made you way more vulnerable than you already were -- and vulnerability was bad, because humans naturally take advantage of vulnerability the second that they could. Still, inside her mind she decided that she'd have to show them that she wasn't some retard who couldn't even deal with a hat talking to her. She had dealt with far more shit than that.
She replaced the hat on her head, and it resumed speaking. "What house to put you in, now? Aye, it's a hard one..."
Lily rolled her eyes and said -- or rather thought, "Oh shaddup. You and I both know perfectly well I'm a nasty piece of shit -- why else would I have gotten expelled? -- whose going to be put right in Slytherin, supposedly the house for all nasty pieces of shit. It's not like I'm good enough to be Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, or Hufflepuff material."
"Now, I've heard a lot of lies in my career as Sorting Hat, but never any so ridiculous as that. Granted, your no Hufflepuff, I won't lie to you, but you're very smart, even you must admit that, and my goodness, you're brave.
Brave? That was certainly one Lily had never heard. Bratty, Waspish, Dangerous, Not To Come Within Five Hundred Feet Of, Enigmatic, Intelligent, Nasty, Beautiful, and Crazy, a whore who was full of shit (that was her father, of cours), yes, she'd certainly heard all of these, but never BRAVE. Still, she let the hat continue with its monologue without interruption, feeling that interrupting would only make it longer before it shouted its verdict of Slytherin.
"Yes, dear, " the hat continued, and there was a very un-Hat-like sympathy in its voice, "aye, you've had a hard, awful life, but really, you're a fine girl, and a mighty brave one too. You've just had a difficult time in life. Poor dear."
This time Lily showed no hesitation in interrupting. "Hat-a-ma-bob, or whatever you're called --"
"Call me Helga, dear," the hat interceded."
"Fine, Helga, I've got just two things to tell you before I let you put me in Slytherin. First, I hate pity. If there is anything I hate more than pain, its pity, so I do the same thing as I do with pain: I smile at it and say Fuck You. Second, I don't buy any of the "poor girl" crap you're giving me here. You're just like all the others: you give me kind words, false sympathy, and the back of your hand. So fuck off." Lily finished her little monologue with an odd satisfaction. That stupid hat, Helga or whatever, had thought it could win with her by pretending to feel sorry. Just like all the others. Well, now she had proven that it wouldn't.
Lily could almost sense Helga smiling as she said, "Oh, dear, that's what you think now, but wait, because I'm about to show you something. It's not all just words and false sympathy you get from me. For I'm about to give you something that is going to prove that:
"GRYFFINDOR!"
A.N.2: So what did you think? Was it good? Was it awful? What did you think of my Lily? I'm trying to stay away from making her the typical Mary Sue that a lot of people make her -- perhaps I went a bit overboard on that idea, but I personally rather liked the idea, though I'm seriously reconsidering if I like the story itself.
People, I know a lot of you don't review, but really, it's not that hard. If you really think it's so hard because you feel obliged to type a long thing and you don't want to type a long thing, just type it, "I liked it," or, "I didn't like it." At least I'll know what you think.
If you're an author and you review, I'll read any (non R, non NC-17) Harry Potter or Original fic that you've written and give you a review ASAP! And if you like it, do review, because if I don't get enough reviews telling me to go on, I won't. Hope this encourages some of you non-reviewers out there! (In case you couldn't tell, I'm desperate for reviews.)