Ray of Light
I walked towards my garden on what I would have thought would have been a normal Tuesday morning. I water all of the plants and even decide I want to add a bit of new fertilizer to them. I looked around the garden and realized I left the extra fertilizer in the greenhouse. I walked towards the greenhouse, and all I see is blood oozing from inside. I walk even closer, and I see a young boy with an ice hounds jacket laying next to him, with blood coming out of his wrists and a bloody knife sitting on top of the jacket. "Oh my god.", I manage to get out in between my gags. Tears well in my eyes. I had just found the body of the deceased Campbell Saunders.
It's been a month since I had found Cam, and I have that same nightmare, me reliving the day I found him dead on the ground, after killing himself. Why was I the one who had to find him? I don't deserve to be haunted by a guy who I didn't even know. It's not fair. Why did he do it where people would find him? Was that some sick game he wanted to play? Or was it just the spur of the moment, let it all out type thing? Whatever it was, he was so selfish to just want to die right on school property, where anyone, but it had to be me, could find him. "Hey… you coming to school?", Clare, my new step-sister, once girlfriend said as she peaked her head through the door. "Yeah, just let me get up and get this nasty mental image out of my head. "Still thinking about Cam, huh?", she says to me, fully entering my room. "Yes, because it's just that easy to erase the image of walking in on a dead body just laying there to say goodmorning to you.", I say to her, she then comes closer and sits next to me on my bed. "I'm sorry you had to find him. You didn't deserve to be scarred like this. But… maybe you should just move on… you can't let this eat you alive from the inside out.", Clare says to me. Wow, very supportive. "Yeah, sure, I'll try that.", I say to her nastily, getting up and walking out of my room, and speaking under my breath, "If it was that easy.".
I walk into school that same morning and greet Eli. "Hey, dude.", I say to him. He looks up at me in surprise. "What?", I ask him, I have no clue why he looks so surprised. I mean, do I have a zit on my face, cuz I'm pretty sure I look the same as the other day. "Nothing… you just seem… happy. That's something you haven't been in a while. Why the sudden change?", he asks me. "I'm moving on, like Clare told me to. Why let this just eat me alive. I never knew him and I shouldn't be allowing him to control me and affect me.", I say to him, coldly. "But, Jake, it's good you let it affect you, because blocking off your feelings isn't good. I mean, anyone could have found him and…", Eli says, but I cut him off. "But, I was the one who found him, not you, not Clare, not anyone, it was me. So before you see a dead body, don't tell me whats good and what's not for me.", I snap at him, quickly walking away from him, leaving him alone in the hallway. Everyone is being so pushy and overbearing today, I can't stand it.
It's lunch time, and by then I already had at least 20 people ask me if I was doing ok. I'm fine, can't anyone tell? I'm not crying, I'm not raging, I'm the same old, happy me. I sit next to Mo, and he is just another person that makes the long list of people who have pissed me off today. "Hey, how have you been? Did you have any nightmares last night?", he asks me. "I'm fine, and… no…", I lie to him, he doesn't need to know the half of it. We sit in silence for a few minutes, before I finally speak up. "Hey… would you want to go to a party tonight?", I ask him, he looks at me, shocked, because, oh my god, the guy who saw a dead body wants to go to a party, how bad! "Um, sure… but I would have to tell Marisol, I already had plans with her for tonight.", Mo says to me, taking out his phone to text Marisol. "No… if you already have plans, you don't have to go. I was just asking.", I say to him. "Are you sure, because I don't think Marisol would think it's a big deal.", Mo said to me. "It's fine, and have you met Marisol, it would be a big deal.", I say to him, he looks at me once more and asks the same question, I hate that. "You sure?", Mo asks me, still holding his phone. "I'm sure! Now, put your phone away and have fun with your girlfriend tonight.", I say, with a reassuring smile that was just as fake as Bruce Jenner's face. "Just promise me you won't go back on LSD like you did when you first starting coping with finding Cam.", Mo says to me, sternly. He is not my father, I can do whatever I want. "Whatever. I'll see you later. I don't need someone else acting like they're my parent.", I say, grabbing my lunch and leaving the cafeteria. I hate people so much right now.
It's the next morning, I wake up with a thrashing headache. Ugh, that party was poison, but so great. I drank and drugged the night away, and as I got up out of bed, I stumbled. Obviously I am still coming down from my high. I somehow make it to the bathroom and I lean over the bowl, and I puke up every last thing I ate at that party: chips, pizza, fries, soda, carrots for the healthy son of a bitches, and even chocolate cake. I lean back and smash my head into the wall, not on purpose, but my head is so heavy from last night. I end up managing to get ready for school and out the door without Clare noticing, and when I walk into school, the withdrawal begins. I become slow and my brain turns to mush, but that feeling is just so good.
Every night for the next week I go out partying and drinking and getting high. Clare finally caught on and has been trying to keep and eye on me, but, with her being Miss Prepity Prep Prep, she always gets home from school late, so I just go out and do it then. Clare then finally tells Helen and my dad what I have been doing. I was now sitting before them at my 'intervention.' "Jake… we understand that you have been continuously drinking and taking drugs. We understand that you are coping with finding the body of the young boy who committed suicide. But this is no way to cope.", Helen says to me. Her words, besides 'body of the young boy who committed suicide' fly over my head. "Cam. Campbell Saunders.", I say to her. "Pardon?", she says back. Is she stupid, could she not easily piece this together herself? "The boy who killed himself. His name was Cam.", I say to her, as I stare her down.
The next hour I just sit there and they all express their feelings towards my actions and my 'coping skills.' I don't even speak, I just let them say random things I won't listen to. "JAKE?!", Helen screams at me. "What?", I say to her, obviously annoyed. "Why aren't you listening?", she retorts back at me, in her harsh 'I'm mad at Clare' voice. I all of a sudden feel this rage inside of me, and the anger that I have built up over the past 5 weeks finally comes pouring out of me, just like Cam's blood was pouring out of his wrist. "I'M SICK OF PEOPLE TELLING ME I'M NOT COPING RIGHT OR THAT I HAVE TO COPE A CERTAIN WAY OR FEEL A CERTAIN WAY! THE WAY I FEEL IS THE WAY I FEEL! I NEVER EVEN KNEW THE GUY! WHY SHOULD MY LIFE BE ON HOLD BECAUSE OF SOMETHING ONE KID DECIDED TO DO. I GET THAT HE WAS MESSED UP AND HAD PROBLEMS, BUT HIS PROBLEMS SHOULDN'T BECOME MINE!", I scream at my family, tears are welled in my eyes by that point, and everyone is standing up making their way to me, wrapping me in a tight family, bear hug. "I'm so sorry, Jake.", Clare says as she squeezes me harder. "Let us get you the help you need and want.", Helen says to me. "I love you.", my dad says to me. I hug them all back and close my eyes tightly, as a tear falls down my cheek hitting the floor. This will be the last tear I shed because of Campbell Saunders.