The RRA Returns: to Avenge Voldy's Father-in-Law
Disclaimer: I own Merlin, Annie and Mysty share Arthur and Maple owns Lancelot.
I got the better deal, methinks; a whole Dragonlord to myself!
After watching the last episode of series 2 of Merlin *cries and mourns the loss of a good TV show* I decided to write this little one-shot. Everyone has recovered from the Dragon, Camelot is restored to its former glory and Merlin is grieving the loss of his father… and then the RRA show up, with the expressed intention of using Senred's nipples for target practice.
Feel free to Review! (Hint, hint)
…
Merlin was tidying Arthur's room when it happened.
The by-now familiar mechanical noise as the purple box appeared signified the return of the RRA girls, which suggested that they had a mission they wished to complete.
"Merlin!" Voldy squealed, flinging the door of the time machine open and throwing herself into Merlin's arms, nuzzling his shoulder affectionately, "I've missed you!"
"I thought we were going to Senred's kingdom, Voldy?" Maple asked conversationally as she stepped out of the TARDIS. Voldy's response was to cuddle closer to Merlin.
"I don't think she wants to leave," Mysty commented, grinning as she poked her head through the open door.
"Voldy, what are you doing here?" Merlin asked gently, surprised by the sudden affection shown by the girl.
She looked up at him, her eyes flashing dangerously, "We're here to kill Senred and his army of idiots," she replied vehemently, "For killing your father."
"Voldy," Merlin's voice became firm, "You're not going to avenge my father –"
"He's my father-in-law!" Voldy insisted, "And Senred's an evil moron anyway, as are his goons, so they deserve to die!"
Merlin chuckled, "Voldy," he paused, still chuckling, "Let me finish; you're not going to avenge my father… without me."
Voldy beamed and kissed him, "Of course we were going to invite you!" she exclaimed, "Arthur, too, if he wants to come,"
"What's that?"
The RRA turned to find Arthur, bare-chested with a shirt in his hand, standing by the door.
Mysty and Annie squealed and tackled him; the other girls and Merlin laughed as Arthur was knocked to the floor with the force of the pair's enthusiasm.
"We were just going to invite you to Senred's assassination," Voldy replied brightly, "and, of course, the assassination of the idiot who killed Balinor."
Arthur shrugged, "If my father doesn't mind –"
"Of course he won't!" Mysty exclaimed in a perfect imitation of her sister as she and Annie pushed Arthur into the TARDIS, Voldy leading Merlin by the hand after them.
As the pair had never been inside the TARDIS before, they were taken aback by the magical ability to be bigger on the inside.
They were also surprised to hear Hannah Montana playing at an annoyingly loud volume.
Zara was huddled in a corner with her hands over her ears as Lollzie, Mira and Josie danced crazily to the music in the opposite corner.
Voldy sighed and pulled out a sonic lipstick. She activated it and pointed it at the radio that was playing the evil and badly-written music.
It promptly exploded, sending little bits of radio everywhere.
The CD, unfortunately, remained intact.
"VOLDY!" Josie screamed, tackling her "What was that for?"
Voldy freed herself and hid behind Merlin.
"It's torture enough to us," she replied, "imagine what it'd be like for these guys!" her eyes sparkled as an evil plan formulated in her head, "Can I borrow that?"
"What for?"
"I want to make a chip thins that we can implant into Senred's brain that forever plays Hannah Montana songs," Voldy replied, "It'd drive him nuts!"
Mira grinned and handed Voldy the CD.
"That," she said, grinning insanely, "is the best idea I've ever heard."
"I'd rather go with wackiest," a half-Vulcan guy came in from the experiments lab, "Voldy, Killian drank that weird bluey-green potion."
Voldy rolled her eyes, "Why?"
The guy grinned, "I kind of dared him to,"
"Well it's your job to make sure he isn't sick everywhere," Voldy replied, "and to clean up any mess he makes."
The guy pulled a face and wandered off to find his friend.
"Who was that?" Merlin asked.
"One of Voldy's many consorts," Deannie grinned; the TARDIS juddered as it took off, forcing everyone to cling to something for dear life.
…
Senred was in the middle of a very important meeting when the purple box materialised on his table.
"What trickery is this?" he roared, "If you have allowed magic into my castle –"
He was interrupted by a water balloon hitting him in the face; he screamed as its contents burned his eyes.
Maple and Voldy, both clad in bike leathers, came out of the box. Maple giggled as Senred screamed.
Voldy sighed; "Maple, much as I agree that he deserves to have his eyes burnt out by Hydrochloric acid I want him to see our faces when we operate our revenge."
Maple pouted but produced a bottle of pale, blue-ish liquid and tipped it on Senred's head.
He opened his eyes to find Voldy staring him in the face.
"Are we sitting comfortably?" she asked sweetly, ignoring the terror on the King's face, "Good," she stood and turned to the box, leaving Senred staring in shock at her black calf-length leather heels, "We can begin,"
Twenty-something other girls charged out and tied the unfortunate Senred to a chair; the council and knights were too terrified of the girls in leather to help their King. Voldy watched as the rest of the RRA, with the exception of Maple, Deannie, Josie, Paula, Annie and L.C, dragged the screaming King off to his own torture chamber.
"Now," she smiled sweetly at the quivering council, "Who can direct me to the man who killed Balinor?"
…3 hours later…
The unfortunate Soldier was found and put in a torture chair which cut off fingers, toes, ears and family jewels after a certain period of time, during which he was tickled relentlessly by an automatic hand.
Meanwhile, Senred's hair was now the colour of a diseased tomato (a kind of sickly orangey-yellow with green tinges all over the place), his nails were pink, he was wearing a dress and was now locked in a cage with a wildrun and Caleb; one of Voldy's pet demon dogs from hell.
Merlin, Arthur and the RRA were all taking bets to see who would win.
The RRA, of course, knowing the capabilities of Voldy's two pets, had placed their money on Caleb.
All in all, the vengeance was very, very sweet. The RRA spent the rest of the evening throwing popcorn at the cage, where Senred was running from Caleb, who had wasted no time in ripping the Wildrun to shreds and eating it, bones and all, until Mysty and Annie had a full-blown fight over Arthur, who stood there bemused while the RRA threw popcorn and the fighting teens ripped his shirt to pieces.
At the end of the day, Merlin and Arthur were dropped off back at the castle, with goodbye kisses from their respective wives (and would-be wives, who were then chased around the castle for an hour by a livid Mysty, in her goddess form, and Voldy, who was testing out a new upgrade she had been given via a potion and was in her cyber-wolf form) and, once everyone was aboard, the TARDIS flew away, but not before Voldy had let loose another firework which, when it had exploded, exclaimed "Merry Christmas Everybody!" across the sky, with a picture of Santa and his reindeer underneath.
Thus, the RRA had their vengeance and the legend of Santa Claus was born.
…
Happy Christmas everyone! This is the last fic I'm writing before Christmas, so I hope everyone gets what they wanted and… you know… stuff *grins.*
I am hoping I will still get my Merlin fix this year by way of a Merlin Calendar *hopes* but I don't know yet. *Blinks* what? Everyone needs their fix of some TV show or other!
And who else is looking forward to the Doctor Who special? *Smiles* I will mourn the loss of the tenth doctor, because he was awesome, but I'm curious to see what the new guy's like. Good luck following in the footsteps of awesomeness incarnate, 11th Doctor! No, I can never remember his name. If anyone knows, feel free to tell me via review or something (yes that was a hint).
Click the button, you know you want to. Click it.